Chapter Ten
Several weeks passed in which I did considerable, extensive research. I read The Lost Book of Enki and The 12th Planet by Zecharia Sitchin, but I wasn’t sticking to one resource. I also read a Babylonian version of The Epic of Gilgamesh. I read Chariots of the Gods by Erich Van Däniken. Then I even read some of the works of D. M. Murdock aka Archaya S. I had to stop. Eyestrain was getting the better of me.
Paul and Nancy had been absolutely awesome in their support of me while I was exploring and learning as much as I could. They had me over for dinner a couple of times. In return, I had them over for pizza on several occasions, as I didn’t have many dishes or cookware. Paper plates were just great for Pizza though.
If I had questions that I couldn’t find in the books, they did their best to answer them for me. I was more than appreciative of their help and was truly grateful to have them for my friends.
I wondered about Erick, though. I had not seen him in a long time; not jogging, not feeding the squirrels in the park, nothing. Had he moved? Honestly, I kind of missed him. I truly believed that there was something very special about him.
Had I imagined seeing him disappear that night? The more I thought about it, I was certain that he had just stepped into the shadows or something. He was human. Had to be. Why I had thought him otherwise kind of baffled me now. I figured it must have been all the stress I was under. Regardless, I hoped that I would see him again. I really did miss him.
For personal reasons, I ordered the paperback version of The Lost Book of Enki, of which I now considered my Bible. For I now considered it more accurate and more truthful than anything the Bible had to offer. After all, it was taken directly from Sumerian texts, the oldest known civilization of man. Though there are some who question its authenticity, there are other civilizations that point to this Aryan race of beings; one of the main ones being Egypt.
To top it all off, I had watched a few episodes of Ancient Aliens in the past when Greg or my dad wasn’t around. I knew they would have put me through the mill had they known I even considered watching it. However, I found some Ancient Alien DVDs at the library. One of which was about Satan. I borrowed a DVD player from Mrs. Peters and took it home. When I finished watching that, I needed no more convincing. The whole theme of the show was that Satan or whatever one might want to call him seemed to have been maligned all through the years, that maybe he wasn’t such a bad guy after all. The obloquy that Satan had suffered all these eons was simply mindboggling.
There was so much more too. I hadn’t even touched on many lengthy works by Robert Graves and James Frazer.
That did it!
How could one not pay attention to all these learned men and women? How could one avoid the works of these scholars? The proof was there. All one had to do was open their eyes!
I needed no more convincing.
I know that others might draw different conclusions to all that I had read. However, from my perspective, I could not draw any other conclusion; Enki was the true creator of man!
I didn’t want to waste any more time. I was determined to dedicate and start my new life as a Satanist. Or, more accurately, an Enkiite!
I had found all the supplies I needed online and they had been delivered to me several days before. It had been nice of Paul to offer letting me use theirs, but I wanted my own. I felt it was more personal that way. I was ready.
I had assumed that Paul and Nancy would want to be with me when I dedicated, and ran down to their apartment that Friday evening to tell them I was ready, but I was surprised when Paul told me that it was a really personal thing, that I would be better off doing in it alone, in private.
Nancy agreed. But Paul did say they would come if I really wanted them too. Nancy agreed with a nod.
“If you say it’s better to do it alone, then I will do it alone.” I replied, more nervous now.
“It’s nothing to be afraid of,” Paul said with assurance. “You’re not going to disappear into some black hole somewhere.”
“And you’re not going to burst into flames,” Nancy promised.
“You will definitely notice things,” Paul added. “Like I told you before, it’s not the same with everyone. Everyone is different. And it might not be immediately, but then again, it might be. Just expect the unexpected.”
“Okay,” I replied with a hesitant shrug.
Seeing my uneasiness, Nancy assured me that it was going to be okay.
Then Paul added, “What I told you before – the only thing to fear is fear itself! Don’t be afraid. There is nothing to fear!”
I breathed out heavily. “Okay. Thanks, both of you!”
They hugged me and wished me luck, and I turned and ran back to my apartment where I had everything already set up.
I closed and locked my door and went over to a little end table that I had purchased at the nearest thrift store and set it in the far corner of my little living room. I had painted it black, and had a dark blue, felt cloth laid over it, as Paul had told me that blue was one of Satan’s colors. I had a red candle and a black candle. And, of course, my bowl to burn my dedication paper was silver and my chalice was silver. I also had grape juice in my chalice to drink during my dedication.
I had a needle sterilized and ready to prick my left forefinger, and an alcohol wipe ready to wipe my finger once I was done letting blood for the dedication.
I had taken a clean piece of copy paper and cut it into quarters. On one of the quarters I wrote my dedication to Satan, forsaking all and any previous allegiances. I performed a little invocation that Paul instructed to me, and I drank from my chalice and set it aside, and then I pricked my finger. Nothing. I pricked it several more times, because blood did not flow that easily.
I was beginning to think I wasn’t going to get any blood out when I finally took a deep breath and stuck my finger really hard with the needle. It worked! Blood oozed out. I stuck the end of my pen in the blood and then wrote my name the best I could. It wasn’t all in blood, but it was covered with blood. Nancy and Paul had both assured me that it would be okay, as it was very hard to get enough blood to sign ones entire signature, that as long as there was some, it was all that mattered.
I then took my lighter and lit it, sticking the flame under one of the bottom corners of the paper and held it over the silver bowl with tongs to keep from burning myself. And I was immediately grateful that Nancy had told me to do this when I saw the paper engulfed in flames so quickly. I dropped it into the silver bowl. In mere seconds it was smoldering ashes.
Done!
I dropped down to my knees, as Nancy and Paul had instructed me to do, and observed a quiet moment in respect for Father Satan. I was shaking from head to foot though. I couldn’t help it. I had done what I wanted to do, what I felt was the right thing to do, but I couldn’t help all the years of brainwashing.
I was terrified!
I kept telling myself that I would be okay. Nothing was going to happen to me. Paul and Nancy had done it and they were fine. “The only thing you have to fear, Brenda,” I said to myself, rising to my feet, “is fear itself!”
I poured water in the bowl. It was night now. So no one would see. I went straight outside to the other side of the canopy where my car was parked and poured the water, along with the ashes, onto the ground under the first shrub. Paul had told me not to pour it down the sink, out of respect. I then promptly went back inside and rinsed out the bowl in the kitchen sink and placed it under the sink, as well as my chalice, after cleaning it, and the rest of my supplies.
I scanned my surroundings. Everything looked the same. I felt the same. Sort of. I was still shaking and still kind of scared. But I kept repeating what I had been told. “Nothing to fear but fear itself.” And I went to bed.
To my surprise, I fell instantly to sleep and slept really sound. I didn’t even have any dreams that I could recall when I woke up the next morning.
Certainly no demons had come in the night to steal
me away. Something that I had kind of feared in the back of my mind in spite of all that I had read and been told by my new friends – that demons were really very warm and loving beings, that they were very helpful and kind. However, it would be better if I referred to them as gods, as that was what they truly were. I had to keep reminding myself of all that I had recently learned. It wasn’t easy, not after all the years and years of constant brainwashing.
I knew it was going to take some time.
I dressed, ate a quick breakfast of Cheerio’s, had a cup of coffee and went to work. It was just like any other day. So what had I been so afraid of?
Still, throughout the day, I kind of halfway expected something to happen. But nothing did.