At breakfast the next morning in this coffee shop at 1:30 in the afternoon. Poh Quee was wearing such a nice sweater and clean pressed faded jeans. His face was washed, Hair combed out. He looked no different. We had large glasses of orange and coffee. He told me all about himself.
How he and Sienna gotten together. How his marriage fell apart when he was demoted from a post office branch manager to a financial consultant.
Apparently, Poh Quee worked in a local government job and have done for about 14 years now. He started when he started when I was 20 and have loved my work since the day he started! He lived for his work!
When he started there he was young and naive. Times were good and things were simple as a post office customer service worker in 1995. It was a homogeneous workforce. As part of the government’s plan to privatise telecommunications services, XingPost was incorporated into in 2003, it was listed in the Singapore Exchange. XingPost Limited was listed on the mainboard of the Singapore Exchange (SGX-ST) on 13 May 2003. In April 2007 Singapore became the first country in Asia to have its postal market fully liberalised.
He had no idea about office politics but oh boy he learnt very quickly when XingPost Limited became corportised. They slowly tried to replace our postal counters with financial products such as minibonds, unit trusts, structured deposits and personal loans and renovation loans, things which would have generated more money and revenue for the shareholders of XingPost Limited.
Sienna and some other Pinoy staff came into Singapore on a work permit. It was more like cheap labour to me. An economic refugee hired by XingPost corporate to depress our locals’ salaries. With Pinoys like her, Poh Quee has been held back from promotions and all sorts just because they didn’t want him. It’s as if his face doesn’t fit in.
“Top-heavy,” Poh Quee explained. “That is the term they used when they assess you in their appraisal. When you are old and drawing high salary, they describe you as top-heavy.”
Slowly, he was relegated to being their XingPost financial consultant to peddle their financial instruments to sell bonds, unit trusts and renovation loans for PHA. They call it a promotion but it is in fact a demotion. Every day, it was a challenge to hit the quota.
Singaporean employers prefer foreigners mainly because of their flexibility to take up jobs that locals avoid, cheaper to hire, work longer hours, were more diligent…. In other words, willing to abused or raped.
He got used to this and occasionally used to let off steam by throwing a hissy fit with the manager who by now is a Pinoy by the name of Bobby. He started divorce proceedings a few months ago, much to the Sienna’s chagrin.
This time however Bobby and Sienna have developed a special relationship. They have the type that they could no bet separated inside work. Basically they could not tell the difference between a working relationship and their personal one. So they started ganging up on people, everyone had their turn. They started doing dodgy things like handing in time sheets with incorrect records and doing basically whatever they wanted in the office.
Poh Quee saw that I had tampered with his iPhone when he saw that I had used the search engine on his iPhone to search for both Suman and Sienna. I had forgotten to clear the cache. Not that he is pissed at me for invasion of privacy. Poh Quee was probably weary and jaded and probably won’t even care if I insulted him directly in his face.
“How’s Sienna? You found her supporting Suman?”
“Busy sucking up to Suman and to whoever Singaporean citizen she can find and marry. Women’s Charter is strong in Singapore. So strong that she will try to use it to her own advantage. And Suman is the politician who has a strong foreigner stand who said foreigners help create jobs and will lose its competitive edge globally if it closes its doors to foreign talent. And whatever Suman spouts, I give him 50% discount…….”
Suddenly, Poh Quee’s eyes lit up. Hit the nail on his head. We had something in common.
“You …. You ok?” Poh Quee asked. “What brings you to Xingpost?”
“I'm here to see a man. To help him.”
“Who is he, may I ask?”
“You. You have a big rat to kill. Vermin to kill. You need help. The Women’s Charter in Singapore is very strong. If you want to divorce Sienna, she will do what she takes to claim half your assets, your house and your money. ”
“Listen. I don’t want you to kill anybody on my behalf. And I don’t even know you. Why the sudden generosity?” Poh Quee was defensive.
“A disgrace. That woman. She’s a tramp.” I uttered.
“She is probably a lot of things, some of them I don’t even know myself. But a tramp…..” he said, trying to stifle his laughter. “How do you get a tramp out of this?”
“A tramp,” I said definitely.
I had tried to make it neat. It was not neat enough.
“I’ll come by day after tomorrow. But if I can’t make it,” I said, “You may not see me again, for a while.”
He asked, “What do you mean?”
Maybe it would have been different if I could have convinced Poh Quee to go away right then and there but when he wouldn’t my life had to go on. I felt it pointing in that one direction that there was no other choice for me.
I left Poh Quee and went directly to the shooting range. I had the Magnum in the trunk of the car in that bag and the other little gun and I kept shooting. I must have shot a hundred times, bam, bam, bam. To that effect just like that. The burning smell in my nostrils. Home again I wrote in this journal:
“Loneliness has followed me all my life. The life of loneliness pursues me wherever I go: in coffee shops, stores, sidewalks. There is no escape. Not to love is to die. All my work hides my essential unemployment.
It is indeed strange. A Government should look out for its own citizens. But this one consistently looks out for the foreign national. If we did not make this complaint loudly in the social media about how we cannot secure a single job in Singapore , our own country, this Government will pretend not to know and continue to sing the praises of the Foreign Talent.
I have this ‘victim’ mentality too. I blame others for my unhappiness and the areas of my life that were way below average. It’s just the easy way out. It’s far too easy to say…”My life sucks because my parents, my boss, my friends and my boss driver make all my decisions for me and they are no good.”.
This is a man who can’t take it anymore.
I am not a fool. I will no longer fool myself. I will no longer let myself fall apart, become a joke and an object of ridicule. I cannot continue this hollow empty fight. I must sleep. What hope is there for me?
I drove most of the night watching the world go by. Everybody matched up in pairs, me without. God for a friend to have a friend in my life. I wandered from store to store in the morning to make acquaintance of the shopkeepers. Wandered about all over. On my feet. To be noticed. Smiled at. Exchange a pleasant word or two. Went to the bank. Just wandering along on my feet. I went to the bank, as I say.
Folded them up in a letter, put them in an envelope, addressed it to Poh Quee.
“Dear Poh Quee, this money should be enough to last you a few months. It’s money from the buyer’s deposit. Do not delay. By the time you read this, I will be dead. I am willing to sacrifice for you. Get a hair from Sienna, have her sequenced for HPV. That’s all I can tell you.“
I wrote another letter about my plan to get Sienna infected and reminded to collect a skin or saliva sample from Sienna once the deed is done. I went and wrote down the name of a medical doctor who supposedly does routine personal genomics screening of diseases and cancer. It provides genetic testing services through healthcare providers and health and wellness organizations, with prices starting at $299. This company provides testing for over 1,200 common and rare diseases and traits, including heart disease, cancer, autoimmune diseases.
All my life, I
have been alone…. I am the one who walks alone, is likely to find himself in places no one has ever been. It satisfied me to give money to the downtrodden Singapore men. I liked to have that power.
The first time Sienna wanted to have sex with me, nothing would have pleased me more than to be able to give her my all. I could imagine all Singapore men’s happiness when they realize what I did for them was revenge and survival for ourselves.
It wasn’t just vengeance for all Singapore men, it was relief, the relief of being able to eliminate one more foreign fucker from Singapore. I would have liked to have endless ammunition to be able to give to all those who had nothing, as once I had nothing.
Most of all, I liked to be able to give opportunities to Singapore men which I would very rarely gave it to women. They could get married and get a divorce and half the assets goes to them later on under Singapore’s draconian Women’s Charter Act. Without money or a job, Singapore men were forced to suffer hunger and humiliation while their women spent their money shopping and cosmetics.
I am sure that most people who work in private sector won't be able to say confidently that they will still keep their jobs once they hit above 40 years of age.
It seems that once an organisation hires foreigners, salaries do tend to get depressed but bosses' wallets are fattened up. Rich get richer, poor get poorer.
I believe that in the future, more and more older Singaporean PMETs working in the private sectors will be losing their jobs to Phillippinoes. This will result in many social issues such as marital breakdown due to financial woes, depression due to job insecurity/loss, and a reduction in quality of life for average Singaporeans due to the many readily available cheaper and younger Indians, Chinese, Phillippinoes who depress Singaporeans' salaries.
To sum up, most foreigners choose to stay here for utilitarian reasons, unlike the reasons why native-born Singaporeans live on this island.
A few days in, I saw a video of a jobless man being dragged out of the park by a police officer without any evident justification and despite my misgivings about staging a protest, I felt for those who were at least doing something. The Facebook comments populated the day the photo was uploaded. I saw the YouTube video of a police officer pepper-spraying 2 young women on the sidewalk which outraged me. “Look, we are twenty years old. We are never going to have a real job. Who would dare to tell them to take it easy? Earnestness was the new counterculture. It became clear that our protest movement was striking a deeper chord in society.
I cleaned the apartment. Put everything neat and orderly. Shaved, changed my clothes.
I posted one Facebook comment using my account, “We come to you at a time when corporations which place profit over people, self-interest over justice, and oppression over equality, run our governments. We shall assemble here, as it is our right, to let these facts be known.” In my posting was a link to a YouTube video depicting the assassination of former President JFK "We should re-enact a version of this tomorrow at PHA Auditorium!".
I created a bogus Facebook account and uploaded Sienna’s face on it and with a few other pictures taken with Poh Quee from the iPhone.
I posted a photo on my wall and posted on the Facebook page of popular football forum KallangRoar.com.
The photo is a snippet of a Straits Times article from 2011 highlighting the large Filipino turnout at the Singapore-Philippines friendly at Jalan Besar Stadium, but with a red X marked over it.
Posing as Sienna, I commented “whatever some rotten locals here have to say, we Pinoys are here to stay.
and most are working under Us that's why some are bitter cos they are working under Foreigners' while they are in their own Country. Don't blame us for this, if that's the case then 'mabybe' rotten locals 'up there commenting' are not good enough. But don't lose heart, you can improve overtime and maybe start with your manners. Peace.”
I logged on to my own personal account and commented.
"Look at this proud Pinoy FT working in Seagate calling us locals 'rotten'. She refers to Singaporeans as 'rotten locals', calls us 'bitter', and says most of us are 'working under us (Pinoys)'."
I said a silent prayer and hoped for viral to spread the hatred.
Went out in the street again.
“Stop,” she said.
I had almost made it. I had been taking side streets to get to Toa Payoh, carefully walking around Toa Payoh Garden Park, so I wouldn’t run into them. Not yet. Them. The Secret Service. I thought I had found a good street, far away from anyone with a tattoo and dyed hair, anyone with that annoyingly determined and noble expression, but this girl stepped in front of him.
“Don’t do it,” she said.
I stared at her. It was Tara, Adrian Lu’s mother.
I was afraid she’d yell at me, but her voice was actually rather quiet.
“Why?” I asked.
“Don’t do it” she repeated. “Adrian showed me your Facebook message to him.”
What the hell did this mean? Fair? I had worked hard to get to this Hewlett Packard job, I spent my entire youth by helping Hewlett Packard — making money. And it was good. It was good because he could call his mother in Bukit Ho Swee and tell her, “My bonus is going to be a million dollars this year,” and he could hear her gasp over the phone.
“Why not?” I said.
“We should protest and go on strike” she said. “At the most”
“I suffered,” I said. “Other people should, too.”
She gasped and stepped back. Wrong answer. What was I supposed to say?
“Give yourself a chance,” she said. “Give yourself a chance that you need not resort to this. Come on.”
I laughed.
“No one gave anything to me,” I said.
I thought hard. Sienna once told me that her parents loved her when they were around, but she was greedy; she could not explain the greed, but it had resided within her forever, before she had ever held a dollar bill in her hand.
“I guess,” he said. “Every man for himself.”
I was starting to feel that strange dryness in my mouth when I started thinking of these questions. It was time to go meet my destiny before it was too late. I began to step, slowly around her. She lifted her hand. I struck her around the nap of her neck and knocked her out.
The storekeepers were all grinning failure in front of their cramped little displays: Everybody was selling out, everybody looked sad: Business was slow. Life was something you shrugged at. Something you put up with. The books you might have read. The kids you might have loved. All the money you would have made if your mother had been kinder to you. The fun you could have had with a friend. From under their soft gray mustaches they produced little yellow plums of phlegm and recipes for happiness. They kidded me with gossip the high cost of living and the uncertain leather. Suman was speaking in Toa Payoh. No more time. I thought long live death. It is all any of us believes in anyway. Thought long live death. Thought nobody can help anybody Suman can’t help. He can’t be helped. Storekeepers couldn’t they couldn’t be helped they couldn’t. Words to that effect. You don’t take the kid who steals coins from your newsstand and make him your cashier. Hitler is a bum tiddle ym, tum, tum. To that effect. A little diddy from my childhood acres of truth to that. To that effect.
So then I refixed the metal gliders for the Colt .25 on my forearm and split the little kangaroo and the kookaburra too. Lickety split splat just like that after fitting the .38 into my holster. Checking out the Magnum in the back of my belt. Still had on that Army jacket. Couldn’t stop sweating.
To bestow my blessings of death on this man I loved. Admired. The President candidate, Suman Shammugan and this great nation Singapore which taught me how to kill. To finally open that door to so much hate in myself, so much anger, and be inside, loving myself there, was different than Melio with his grocery store. A matter of poise. I wasn’t thinking do or don’t. First time in my life, Unreal. To be in motion going somewhere at last in tim
e. History, as a cut-out almost two dimensional.
It is usually after we have suffered ourselves, one way or another, for one reason or another that we become the wiser for it.
Toa Payoh looked like yellow teeth sticking up from the bite of the river. Rushing past the Squibb Buildings and The Watchtower I was pushed, shoved, blared at, then honked. Stalled and stuttering, in the heat, down the ramp, and onto the long stunted boulevard Kim Seng Road.
No love in my life except death.
I thought Sienna would be terrified. Disappointed in me, too. That for once, this was a manly feeling.
I thought she did not, could not, love him as a man, the President, but as her idol. Some God….. Didn’t see Sienna anywhere, though, and felt so sad but sadder still for Poh Quee. Not to know me as I really was. Ever. Thought Suman would surely recognize me and love me as his assassin. I had some respect for him or why else kill? We would share this out-of-the-way passion. No more corruption. I would make sure. The garbage gets collected because he is a friend to man.