But to be fair, it's not like I'm running to them either. In fact, I feel like my pace is slowing, such is my aversion to this meeting.
When I reach the table, my father stands and gives me a hug. He pulls a chair out for me and I lean over and kiss my mother's cheek before I sit down.
"You look very nice, Emily," my mother comments.
It's a compliment and I greedily soak it in. "Thank you. You both look wonderful as well. What are you doing in New York?"
"Just a few fundraisers. We're staying with Reynolds and Libby Fischer," my father supplies.
My father is a very handsome man. His dark hair has gray at the temples and his brown eyes are welcoming to me. It's a stark contrast to my mother's lovely, Nordic features.
A waiter approaches and asks what I'd like to drink. I ask for some iced water, as my mouth has been dry as hell since I left my apartment. I'm sure it has nothing to do with nerves.
"So, how is school going?" my dad inquires.
My eyebrows rise slightly. I'm not sure if he's baiting me or not, but I cautiously answer.
"It's going great. I really love all of my classes." And then I decide I better break the ice. "I really love Economics of Sports. It's so fascinating and I was lucky to be able to get into it this semester."
I hear my mother make a weird sound in her throat and I see her hands are clenched on the table. My father surprises me when he says, "That's wonderful, Em. I'm glad to see you enjoying your studies."
I suppose my mother couldn't stand this farce any longer. She reaches over and lays her hand over my father's. "Now Alex, don't encourage her."
"Well, why not," my father booms. "That class sounds really interesting."
I'm sort of enjoying this. I can tell my father has no clue that he's talking about a class that directly supports my forbidden major of Journalism. For even if he truly doesn't care what I major in, he would never intentionally say something to upset my mother. One of the reasons he's an awesome politician is because of his ability to keep the peace.
"Alex," my mother warns, in temperatures that range from frigid to downright arctic. "We discussed this."
And then my father shocks the hell out of me. "No, Celia. I believe you discussed this. I didn't seem to have much of a say-so." He then turns to me. "I'm proud of you kiddo. You pursue your dreams as best you see fit."
I stare at my father dumbfounded. He has never, ever, gone against my mother. In fairness, he's usually gone most of the time so governance of their children usually fell to her. My mother gasps over his comment and stares at him as if she's planning which form of murder will be less likely to be traced to her.
"Alex," she says and I didn't think her words could get any colder. "A journalism degree is not the absolute best choice for your campaign."
My father takes a sip of his drink and says, "Screw the campaign, Celia. Stop trying to control everything. It's not like she's learning how to be a stripper."
I can't help myself but I actually snort out loud. My mother glares at me, and then glares again at my father. My father shoots a wink over at me and I give him a toothy grin.
"Well fine," my mother huffs. "I'm just trying to do the best possible job that I can to help you achieve your goals."
Leaning over to kiss my mother on her temple, my dad smoothes her ruffled feathers. "And you do a marvelous job, darling. I wouldn't be what I am today without you."
Awww. That's so sweet. I'm delighted to see the tension leave my mother's shoulders and she gives him a fond smile. Maybe this dinner won't be so bad after all.
"Hello, Congressman Burnham...Mrs. Burnham..."
I turn in my chair at the voice that just spoke out from behind me and realize that this dinner was about to get very bad.
"Todd!" my father says in surprise. "What are you doing here?"
Indeed! What the hell is he doing here?
My mother stands up and gives Todd a warm hug. It pisses me off because clearly, I didn't rate one. "I invited Todd to join us tonight. Isn't that nice?"
Todd looks down at me with a sly, smile on his face. I can see he's happy to have trapped me here in his presence. I can see him mentally patting himself on the back.
"Emily. You look beautiful," Todd says as he leans down to give me a kiss on my cheek. I'm beyond furious that he thinks he can get away with this. I push my chair back abruptly to avoid his kiss and stand up. Todd actually has to jump back a foot so the chair doesn't ram into him.
I look at my mother. "I told you, Mother, that Todd and I are not dating, nor will we be in the future. I will not be having dinner tonight if he's here."
"Emily," my mother hisses at me. "That is completely rude. Todd is our guest and you will not embarrass our family further."
I close my eyes and try to garner as much strength as I can. Opening them back up, I look to my father first. He's looking at me with worry. Glancing at my mother, she's completely affronted. Todd is merely smirking, convinced that I'm going to bow to my mother's declaration.
I muster as much calm and gentility as I can. "Mother...I told you this summer that things ended badly between me and Todd. I don't understand why you can't accept that and stop pushing us together."
"Don't be silly, Emily. Everyone has problems with their relationships. You just need to sit down and talk things through."
God help me, but I've never wanted to throttle my mother before but I was on the verge now. "No, Mother. Some problems can't be talked through."
My mother completely ignores me. She leans toward my father and says, "Honestly, Alex. Emily can be so dramatic sometimes." She slaps his arm playfully. "I think she gets that from you."
Then my mother actually giggles over that remark.
I, on the other hand, feel like the top of my head is going to blow off. I have no control over my next words. "Mother, would it make you feel any different if I told you that Todd was physically violent toward me? He slammed me into the wall in my bedroom so hard that a painting fell off. How's that for dramatic?"
The patronizing smile slides off her face and my mother's lips press severely together. "That's a very serious accusation."
Deep down, I knew my mother wouldn't believe me. Not necessarily because she thinks I'm dishonest, but because it would ruin all of her plans of matching me with Todd Fulgram and his father's huge war chest. She wants it to be false, therefore, she will do anything in her power to make it false. It still hurts like hell that she doesn't immediately jump up and shove Todd out of the restaurant.
"It's not an accusation, Mother," I say on a heavy sigh, and the full truth of how I feel comes pouring out. "It's a fact. And honestly...I'm a bit heartbroken that my own mother cannot even take my side. You've managed to alienate your son, now you're doing it with your daughter. You need to wake up, Mother, and get your priorities in line. Now, if you will excuse me, I'm going to leave."
I turn around and walk out the door. Tears start pooling and I wipe the back of my hand across my eyes to dash them away. They immediately fill back up again.
Just as I step out onto the sidewalk, I feel someone grab my arm. I wheel around, thinking it's Todd, but it's my father. His eyes are filled with heartache and I know immediately that he believes me.
He holds his arms open and I walk into them, tears now pouring down my face. "I'm sorry, honey. I wish you would have told us."
"Why?" I mumble into his chest. "Mother doesn't believe me."
He kisses me on top of my head and pushes me back just a little so I can look at him. "Your mom tends to get too deeply involved in appearances. It's something she has to work on and it's something I will talk to her about. But don't ever forget, she's your mother first. She'll always be that for you in the end."
His words sound nice but I'm having a hard time accepting them. Just the mere fact she couldn't even hug me but had a warm embrace waiting for Todd told me all I needed to know. That made the tears continue to fall.
My father frames my face wit
h his hands and wipes away the wetness with his thumbs. "We both love you very much, and are proud of you. No matter what we say to you, or anyone else says to you, you go after your dreams. You don't let anyone stand in your way of what you want. Not even your parents. Okay?"
I nod my head and give him a shaky smile.
"How about we go get some dinner somewhere else...just the two of us?" my dad offers.
"That's okay, Dad. I think I'm just going to head home."
He's worried...I can tell by the look on his face. "Are you sure?"
I stand on my tiptoes and kiss him on the cheek. "I'm sure. We'll get together next time."
Then he wraps me in a big, bear hug and whispers in my ear. "I love you, Emily."
"I love you too, Dad."
Stepping back from me, my father rakes his hand through his hair. "I guess I need to go back in and threaten Todd if he ever looks at you again I'm going to kick his ass."
I start giggling. "That's awesome."
But then the repercussions of this whole Todd fiasco come crashing down on me. "But what about his father?"
"To hell with him. I don't need him to get elected. Not at the expense of my little girl." He reaches out and strokes my cheek.
"Thanks, Daddy," I whisper and then turn abruptly away to hail a cab before my tears start again.
CHAPTER 16
Emily
The entire cab ride home, I ruminate over what had just transpired. My father has always been loving and supportive of me. It's just he's never around much to give it to me. His words of reassurance were exactly what I needed though, and I'm hoping he can talk my mother into backing off of me a bit.
Best of all, my father has basically sanctioned me to move forward with my Journalism degree. My mother's only argument against it was because it wasn't the "best" degree for his campaign. But that didn't seem to matter to him, so I'm not going to worry about it any further.
As I get out of the cab at my apartment, I reflect on my father's advice. To go after my dreams and the things I want, and to not let anyone stand in my way.
That is damned good advice.
Rather than going up to my apartment, I get in my car and decide to head across the river.
***
I knock on the door to Linc's apartment. I have no idea if Nix is even here, and if he is, I have no idea what I'm going to say to him. But I do think we need to talk about what's going on between us. Clearly, there is an insane mutual attraction and frankly, I need him to give me a better reason why we shouldn't act on it.
My father said to go get what I wanted and I want Nix Caldwell. And I don't feel the slightest bit trashy for it. This is all part of my collective plan to experience life and there is something that I believe I can learn from Nix.
And I'm not just talking about sex, although, if I can get him to capitulate, I'm sure it will be amazing. No, there is something about Nix that is captivating me. He's got more facets than the Hope Diamond and he intrigues the hell out of me. I know he says he's not relationship material, and I'm not even sure I'm looking for a relationship, but Nix has experiences and wisdom that go beyond anyone I've ever met. I want to figure him out. I want to learn from him.
And if we have sex along the way...that would be great too.
The door swings open and Nix is standing there. He's clearly surprised to see me and an array of emotions play across his beautiful face. First, something hot flares in his eyes, then it switches to wariness, then--if I'm not mistaken--there's anger.
Just great. He's pissed off that I showed up.
Instead of telling me to leave, however, he grabs my hand and pulls me into the apartment.
"What's wrong?" he asks. His voice is laced with worry, which catches me off guard.
Can't he just think I might want to come over to seduce him?
"What makes you think something is wrong?" I grumble.
"Because you've clearly been crying," he says gently.
Oh!
Now I'm off my game. I was completely empowered driving over here. I was going to go after what I wanted, just like my father told me to do. Although I'm sure he was not specifically thinking for me to go after a man when he told me that. Still, the principle of his advice is solid.
And now I don't know what to say. So I just stand there like an idiot.
"Emily, why were you crying?"
"Um...it's nothing. Just a little run in with my mother."
Still holding my hand, Nix leads me into the kitchen. He releases it and opens the fridge, pulling out a bottle of white wine. He pulls down a glass from the cabinet and fills it. Handing it to me, he says, "What happened?"
I didn't come over here to spill my family dirt to Nix. I don't want to get sidetracked from my mission. After a small sip of the wine--which is delicious by the way--I look Nix in the eye. "I want to resume discussions with you about us having sex."
"What the fuck, Emily?" Nix literally steps away from me as if I'm diseased. "And that's why you were crying?"
"What? No, that's not why I was crying. I was crying for something else that I don't want to talk about. I want to talk about sex."
Nix is staring at me as if my head is on fire. A combination of horror and odd curiosity. "You want to talk about sex?"
"Yes."
"I don't understand."
I blow out a pent up breath of frustration. "Are you purposely being obtuse?"
Nix doesn't answer but reaches in the fridge and pulls out a beer. He twists the cap off and throws it in the sink. He takes a long swallow and just stares at me. The muscle that sits just along his jawbone is popping.
Finally, he says, "There's nothing to talk about. We are not having sex."
"Now you're just being stubborn," I mutter. "All guys want to have sex."
The corners of his mouth twitch and it's nice to know he finds me so amusing. I clearly need to change tactics because I was hoping he would find me alluring and sexy.
What to do?
I know. I'll try some logic first, and if that doesn't work, maybe I'll just strip naked and see what happens.
"Let me ask you something, Nix."
"What's that?" I can tell he finds this line of questioning from me to be quite entertaining.
"Do you find me attractive?" I don't intend for it to happen necessarily but my voice is throaty...full of promise.
He stares at me hard, the jaw muscle popping faster. "Yes."
I'm thrilled just by that simple admission and it fuels me on.
"Have you thought about us having sex? You know...down and dirty style?" I throw that last bit in there to amp up the heat factor on my logical argument.
He swallows hard and his eyes turn a darker shade of moss. His voice is harsh when he says, "Yes."
"And do you imagine me...doing things to you?"
I'm not sure where that question came from. My plan to lay out a logical path of reasoning seems to have evaporated as I realize my questions are nothing more than an intense seduction so I can get what I want.
Sometimes I don't even realize the depths of depravity I will sink to.
I notice that Nix is gripping his beer bottle so hard that his knuckles are white.
"I imagine you doing a lot of things to me, Emily." Nix's voice is low and guttural and it causes me to shiver. "What's your point in all of this?"
Hmmm...so he wants me to bring this to a logical conclusion after all? Well, you asked for it, Nix Caldwell.
I set my wineglass down on the counter and walk to him. I reach out and take his beer bottle from his hand. It slides easily from his fingers and I set it down next to my wine.
Stepping in close to him, he's looking down at me with such carnality, my knees almost buckle. We aren't touching anywhere but the physical heat swirling between our bodies is palpable, like the waves of hot air that roll off a blazing fire.
"My point is that I want the same things you do. We're not as different as you think we are."
Nix mov
es suddenly, bringing his hand up to the back of my head and grabs a fistful of hair. I gasp in shock and a thrill of hope runs through me. He slowly pulls my head back so my neck is exposed fully and I can't help but wonder if he's looking for my submission.
"What do you want from me?" His voice is hesitant, maybe a bit distrustful.
"Whatever you're willing to share with me, I'll take it. And I won't ever push you for anything more."
He studies me. His gaze flicks choppily between my eyes, trying to see if there is a lie somewhere. He looks briefly toward my lips, as if considering whether it's safe to kiss me, then he comes back to my eyes again.
Finally, he says, "I don't want to hurt you."
"You won't," I hastily assure him. "You can't. Not if I don't expect anything from you. I'm clear on that Nix, I promise."
He's on the edge, teetering. He needs just a tiny push. I step in closer to him, and press my body into his. His breath comes out in a mass exodus as he closes his eyes and grits his teeth. The man's self-control is amazing and I'm starting to feel like this may be an insurmountable mission on my part.
But before I can consider it any longer, Nix opens his eyes and pins me with a look that is resolute.
"Fuck it," he says, right before he slams his mouth down on mine.
I'm caught off guard. I was trying to gear myself up to either back away gracefully or amp up my seduction, so I am not ready for this onslaught. Regardless, my heart leaps in response to the knowledge he's made a decision and he's acting on it.
Nix loosens the grip on my hair, but it's only to spread his hand wide so he can hold my head in place. He takes his other arm and wraps it around my waist, pulling me tight into his body. I gasp when I feel his thickness press into my belly.
His kiss is brutal and I don't know if he's trying to scare me off or if he's just unleashing a firestorm of passion, but a small sound of pleasure bubbles low in my throat over his possession of me. And it is a possession in every sense of the word.
I notice that my hands are pinned between us and I work them out of the tight space so that I can wrap them around his neck. I scrape my nails along his scalp, feeling the slippery coolness of his hair in between my fingers.
Just as I'm getting accommodated to his body pressed to mine and to the way his tongue is sliding along my own, he drops both hands from me. I have no time to bemoan a protest because they immediately drop to my hips and grab fistfuls of my dress.