a graceful. Still, I would like to have their skin, their too dark, but some are beautiful when they are young, then they don't know the rules to have an umbrella under the sun or can't afford to purchase expensive whitening products, so when their in their forties, they don't look as feminine as they should, it's a beauty that fades away very quickly.
Do I believe in Boudhism ? No. I believe in the present, exciting and full of hope for my future. My life will be better and better, and then in a long time, I'll disappear. It doesn't scare me. It's like when you drink a lot and you don't remember when you wake up of what happened. It's like vanishing. Look, honestly to look at the monks with their iphones is a little disturbing, aren't they suppose not to have any belongings. I've heard some of them have big car and huge flats.
I wonder if the fifteenth Dalai Lama will be from China or from outside. I asked how many years lived each of them, as their holy men. Guess what, some of them didn't live more than nine or eleven years. So if there's something special about them, illness and diseases make their life as short as the common human being.
When I come to Lhasa, I eat at Dunya. It's a place owned by Dutch people, and I can eat pizzas, spaghettis, or Indian food with lassie. I hate Tibetan food, especially yak meat, it's disgusting. Momos, you need to choose them in a place where they're not greasy. What do I do when I'm in Lhasa ? I look at movies on my ipad, that I downloaded in Shanghai. Last night I watched a story of a woman that lost her husband, and he still sends to her some letters to say I love you, and make her have a new life. I liked it, I even cried.
I mean it, this city is dirty. It's not only the smell in the streets. My hôtel for instance is a headache. They never change my soap or my towels, I have to shout at the house cleaner in order to make it happen. The other day I found a dirty stains on the towels, and also a dead insect in the bathroom. The water comes when she wants to, and I hate to be there to be honest, as even the wifi is just acceptable, I feel disconnected. I've got the feeling Shan could have another story with another cute girl, and I would never know. And during the night I'm awaken,there's the tiny dog of the door keeper barking untill midnight, then the noise of the grid the close, and again in the morning at six, again the tiny dog upset to be there again. And during the day, you hear the music and a radio with a strong male voice speaking Tibetan. That's a nightmare, believe me.
The other day on the Mandala terrace, I was with another guide that I like, he's funny. I've heared two old Canadian men with grey beards talking to each others. The first one was saying that most of the Tibetan who fled outside Tibet left in the nineties, I just thought I was not even born. Then he asserted that it's very difficult for Tibetan to have a passport, and they can just travel in China, but not outside China. I realize I don't know any Tibetan. They don't speak Chinese nor English, so, I can just read their smile, but they don't smile at Chinese, especially Chinese guide. They think we speak to loudly and groups are a mess for the safety of the Potala. Now, guess what, we can only stay one hour in the Palace, like they're scare that the groups hurt the three meters wall…This two men were drinking a bottle of red wine. I wonder if they're married, divorced, widow or what. Surely teachers as they knew a lot of things, even I don't know after my training.
The fourteenth Dalai Lama was only supported by Neru in India when we invaded Tibet in the late fifties. I know that. I even know that the radio offered by Neru in the Summer Palace was a wonderful present to the Dalai Lama, as loving with an engineer mind, to make it in small pieces, and then to make it work again. Although you must know that Tibet is part of China's culture and empire.
One day, I'll be rich, I wonder if I'll get married with Shan. I dream of doing a selfie in front of the Potala, he in a black tie and white shirt, me in a beautiful white silk dress. I saw a couple the other day, they were having fun, taking plenty of pictures.
My phone is ringing, it's my prefered friend. I'll answer later, I love her. She's adorable, long hair, a fringe, little "tresses" with colorful fabrics, cute branded clothes, and nice little shoes. She's bright too. Here people look like nothing : waterproof material to go in the mountains for Germans, traditional uniforms for the pilgrims,… No look, no style. Especially the guides. But I'm different, I'll be succesfull.
I met a model the other day with a photographer, they were taking pictures of her in front of the colorful fabrics near the Jogkang palace.
It was funny, I sent the picture to Shan. I sent also the video with young monks clappings their hands when they debate and one of them says something philosophical. They look like playing, wrapped in their red outfit. Clap Clap ! Small or big, ice or water, let's think ! They look like having fun and not to be studying here for fiftteen years of their life. Anyway, I like the energy they embody. How do you look at thirty five ? You must feel and look so old to begin a normal life. I wonder why they do that. The meaning of life. Compassion. Helping other people or at least not to harm them. The meaning of life, you ask me ? Love. I love Shan. I'm so happy we have now our own rent studio. Sometimes I'm disgusted by my groups, the guy splitting in the street and doing noise with their nose, my father was liked that. He died when I was younger, I don't remember having seeing him at the end. He was autocratic and a bad sick man, as angry after anyone and anything. I avoided him when I left home. I like my groups on the road that climbs at five thousands meters. They're afraid of the road, so when we stop, they're like children, taking pictures of them on a yak, taking some of them near the big fat dogs, taking so many pictures of the lake that I ask myself if someone looks at them after the trip. The other day we were stuck on that road during one hour. It was lunch break for the people improving it. I hated that yellow bus that took our place, the smarter the faster. That same day, I was pursued by a very old and tiny tibetan lady. I came to the toilets that were awful between us, if she was asking money for taking care of them, I wonder what she did.
I was disgusted by her touching me, as I had no money, she took the hand of my pull-over untill we arrived both of us to the bus. Fortunately the driver had money and I got rid of her. I hate people growing old, it won't happen to me, I don't how but I'm pretty sure of that.
Disgust. That's strange, the two old Canadian, that I thought were educated and open minded asserted in their discussions to be disgusted by people splitting in the street, but also people making noise with their mouth while eating. My mother does noise with her mouth. Shan eats with an open mouth. I do love him and I don't think at all that it's disgusting.
Last time I was disgusted ? I hate secretions. I love Shan but I don't like when I have his sperm on me, I have to rush to the bathrooms. I never mentioned that to anyone, that would be embarrassing. I love him, he's got a beautiful body and a sex that is longer and bigger than the other boyfriends I had, I always say to him that he's the winner, and he likes that.
in Lhasa, in the morning, military people demonstrate with their weapons. It looks odd in a pilgrims city.
I wonder why they are so many of them in the city, like a terrorist attack or a rebellion could happen. I've heard the Canadian old men mentioning they saw people from the Swat, they had the feeling to go to the temple as they would take a plane, with plenty of controls and X rays. On the other roof, in front of the Mandala restaurant and the terrace, there are three young guys looking at the square. They look like spys or secret agents.
I'm watching you. If someone read me, I would be in prison. I'm pretty sure of that, like the blogger that wrote about corruption, and suddenly was accused to have gaming parties in her flat, and took ten years in prison.
What the fuck would say Shan. Don't interfere with politics.
No politics, no religion, then I can do what I want to, and become rich. One day, I tell you, I'll have my own travel agency, and plenty of young guides that I will pay fairly, but motivating them to be a future me, first and foremost.
I'm saving money for the moment, to do a huge trip in France, Paris and Nice, French Riviera, and Switzerland for the m
ountains, and if still money London because a friend of me came here and said a lot of clothes to purchase.
Look at this child, he's so cute ! I always think the mother will let them down with this fabric to hold him.
I won't have children. It's too costly. And you loose your freedom, you can't be spontaneous. Shan never mentioned wanting a baby. That's good news for me. Also it's disgusting, I saw a documentary with a dog giving birth, it's very dirty, speaking of secretions and blood, I couldn't even look at it untill the end.
I'll be successfull, beloved and in love. That's a good life. Believe me.
I would love Chinese noodles for the diner tonight. I will take a Budweiser, I'm fed up with Lhasa beer. I miss home.
Lhasa, Tibet
The non expected baby
First voice , Luciana
I live in New York. It's been six years now. I'm the Chief marketing officer of a worlwide cosmetic brand. I love make up. The other thing I love is shoes.
I love to go out for dancing or just going to a new restaurant, they change a lot in my district.
I'm a mother. That's new to me, and I have to get accustomed to it. I'm not a fan of babies, even if it's mine. I've got