Between nature's chorus, the crackling fire, and Royal’s warm body tangled with mine, I slept better than I had ever slept in my life. If I would have woken up in my other life the following morning, I would have been forever grateful for that memory. Right there, tangled in Royal, I felt like we were it. The center of time and everything else revolved around that. Around Royal and me.
Chapter Fourteen
Royal’s dad’s health seemed to level out. Some days he was coherent and mean, othershe slept for days. He didn’t scare me like he did when I was a little girl though. Not even when he told me to get off his property, or he was going to shoot me and feed me to the buzzards. It was funnier this time, and Royal and I laughed until we were crying. We didn’t spend much time there anyway. His day nurse was a lifesaver, an older lady who insisted Royal and I get away from the house and away from the mean man who would never change.
The drama with Johnny was over in the blink of an eye and although I still hated it, school wasn’t near as bad as it had been. Nobody ever found out about Royal and Johnny's altercation, but it didn’t even matter. He and his followers scattered when they saw us coming. Except for an occasional, “Hey,” Wendy and Jan became a relationship from my past, but not Leigh. She and I continued to get closer, and Royal and I hung out with her and Bobby quite a bit.
The day before Thanksgiving, Royal and I were walking across the field from his house to mine, talking about what to do for the long weekend, a toss-up between an overnight camping trip,or hopping a train. I kind of really wanted to hop the train, but I wasn’t sure about the camping part. “I’m not getting in the same sleeping bag with you.”
Royal laughed and squeezed my hand. “No, you can. I’ve got it all figured out this time.”
“Oh, you do?”
“Yes. We won’t swear on a Bible next time.”
I laughed again and then stopped, holding him back as we neared my driveway. “Who is that? I know that car.”
“New York license plates,” Royal helped.
“My mom. Oh, my God. It’s my mom, Royal.”
“Ahhhhh! My pretty girl. Come here!” My mom called from the porch, running to me with open arms.
She was so young, so pretty, and so full of shit. “Hey, Mom.”
“Can we move this inside?” my mom’s present husband said from the porch with his hands in his dress slacks.
I looked up at Charles, remembering this day. Charles was finally the one who tamed her. Maybe because he was a lawyer and had money, but I wasn’t judging. Maybe a little.
“Oh, come meet Charles. He’s been waiting to meet you.”
“Where have you been? I haven’t talked to you in months,” I said, realizing she’d only called once since I’d been back in the eighties.I’d missed it, and she never called back.
“In New York. I cannot wait to take you shopping Friday. Charles is going to take us into Charleston to a show. A musical. It’s The Christmas Story. You love that movie.”
Walking with my mom, I thought about it and that weekend. I really wasn’t interested in doing that weekend again. “I’ve already made plans.”
My mom turned to Royal, giving him a once over from his untied high tops all the way to the long hair on top his head. “This isn’t Johnny.”
“Noooo, this is Royal. You remember Royal.”
“Oh, yeah. You’re Rick’s boy. What happened to Johnny?” she questioned, dismissing him like he wasn’t even there,pulling me inside.
“Nice to see you again, Ms. Fenton,” Royal mumbled to no one but himself. I heard him, but my mom didn’t even acknowledge he’d spoken.
From the look I gave her, I think her new boyfriendsensed the tension and decided to grab some brownie points. “I’m okay with you bringing your friend as long as your mom’s okay with it.”
“Thanks, but we can’t go that far.”
My mom put her arm around me like we were old friends and led me up the porch steps. “What do you mean you can’t go that far?Sure, you can. I’m going to let you pick out some Christmas presents while I’m here.”
Stepping inside, I glanced over my shoulder to Royal and then to my grams making coffee in the kitchen. I remembered that weekend. Wendy had gone with us. We bought beautiful dresses to wear to the fancy restaurant, and the show was so much fun. I never wore that dress again.
My mom moved into her new boyfriend's arms and explained her plans to my grams. “We’re taking Jessie to her first musical.”
Again, I glanced to my grams. She held a thin smile and raised her eyebrows. Not speaking a word. Like she knew something was about to go down.
Shaking the déjà vu, I walked over to my mom, took the cigarette from her mouth, and ran it under water. “You can’t smoke in here anymore, Mom. Grams hasn’t smoked in almost three weeks. Not even one.”
“Jessica Darla Fenton. Those things are over a dollar a pack.”
I glanced at Royal, but he wasn’t there anymore. “Wait until they’re six or seven. You can’t smoke in the house, and I can’t go to Charleston. I’ve already made plans. Where’d Royal go?”
My grams nodded to the backside of the house. “Jim brought a load of wood. He’s outback stacking it under the shanty.”
“I’m going to help.”
My mom looked at me with wide eyes and an open mouth. “Jessie...what’s going on here? What do you mean you don’t want to go to Charleston?Of course, you do. I came all the way here to spend the weekend with you. We’ll have Thanksgiving dinner here tomorrow and head out early Friday morning. Come on. It’ll be fun. I might have a few hundred bucks to spend on you,” she sang with a big, fake smile.
“How about you give that to Grams for the electric bill or firewood? It’s winter, and we only have one load. The shanty will hold about five more if you want to take care of that. That’d be great.”
I left my mom standing there with her mouth open, angrier than I’d ever felt at her in my life. Stepping out the back door, I picked up a piece of wood and slammed it on the pile. “Who does she think she is? Why was I ever okay with this?”
“You need a cape.”
Throwing another piece of wood on the pile, I looked at Royal, confused. “What?”
“A cape. You’re SuperMad.”
“And you’re an idiot.”
Royal laughed like the idiot he was, pulling my gloved finger toward him. “Let that shit go.”
“Let it go? This is my mom. This is what she’s done my entire life. Show up three or four times a year, take me somewhere fun, and spend some money on me. That’s my mom.”
“You know what this is a case of?”
“If you say something cheesy I’m going to punch you in the gut.”
“I’m not scared of you,” he teased, kissing my cold nose. “This is a case of you waking up to who you’re not. You have to do that before you can wake up to who you are.”
Staring over his shoulder to the fall foliage all around us, I let that sink in. “As confusing as that sounds, it sort of makes sense.”
“Sure, it does. I’m a smart guy.”
Royal wasn’t a smart guy. Not according to the definition I’d been taught anyway. He was an amazing artist and wise way beyond his age, but that’s what I loved most about him. Royal was his own definition of success, and I knew without a doubt, whatever he did in life would be rewarding. He would never work a job with a time clock just so he could retire with a 401K. He would never conform. Whatever Royal did in life would be gratifying and probably have something to do with helping other people. That’s what Royal was passionate about.
The best part about the holiday was Royal being there. That’s what I was thankful for. While my mom and Charles drank wine, watched football, and filled up a coffee can of cigarette butts, Royal and I helped my grams with dinner. The first pumpkin pie I ever made was with Royal. It wasn’t as pretty as my grams’, and it was sort of runny, but it was delicious. And we did decorate the most amazing cake in the world. My
grandma did the baking,and Royal and I did the artwork. I painted some water on a cake with soft, blue cream cheese, using paintbrushes I hadn’t used since Royal and I last used them as kids, but I quit after that. Royal was the artist, not me. His creation was a true masterpiece.
“There.A Bob Ross on top of a cake,” he said with a proud smile, sliding a thin brush down the trunk of a pine tree.
“It’s so beautiful, Royal. I want to keep it forever,” I exclaimed in total awe. I never wanted to cut it.
“The only way you’re keeping this cake forever is if you jump in and I eat you too.”
I glanced up from his masterpiece, meeting his eyes with a smile, both our minds diving straight to the gutter.
Royal pointed at my chest and mouthed very clear, silent words. “You’re so bad.”
I threw back my head and laughed, wishing I could crawl in his lap and kiss him.
“What’s so funny? Ohhh, my God. You guys did this?”
Smiling at my gram’s surprise, I shifted my eyes back to Royal’s and told the truth. “Royal did it all. He’s the one with the gift.”
While my grams stood over our shoulders taking in the most amazing cake in the world, Royal paused, holding my gaze, and then spoke words that taught us both a thing or two. “Everyone has a gift, but most people just hold it. You have to open it to use it.”
My grams patted him on the back and got back to stirring her gravy. “That’s talent, Royal, but not everyone is given that gift.”
“That’s learned. And a lie.”
I frowned at Royal, trying to tell him not to go there, but he ignored the warning.
“One of my favorite things to do is call out other people’s talent. Like your cooking. You can’t put that much love into something and not call it a gift. I’ve always loved how you hum Amazing Grace when you’re cooking. Sometimes your gift is giving it to others when they don’t have the means to get it for themselves, and he thanks you.”
My grams blankly stared at Royal, and I swear I saw a weight being lifted from her shoulders. Like she’d just let go of something holding her back. Maybe guilt for not stepping in years ago when she knew he was being abused. I’m not sure, but it was something noticeable. Royal didn’t blame her. Royal was grateful for her love of cooking. “He’s very welcome.”
All in all, it turned out to be a good day. My mother cared more about her new husband than me, but it was okay. I was grateful for the time I got with my grams and Royal, and it couldn’t have ended any better. Once my mom and Charles left for their hotel, the three of us watched Santa Clause on cable in front of the fireplace.
Royal and I lay on a thick afghan on the floor, but a bowl of popcorn kept us from getting too close, and my grams watched the movie from her recliner. During the commercials, we begged her to let me take a train ride with Royal,Leigh, and Bobbythe next day. Only they weren’t going and it really wasn’t a passenger train. By the end of the movie, we succeeded, and my excitement started. Young Jessie was a rebel.
As soon as the movie was over, my Grams left us alone with a threat. “Don’t stay up all night, and no funny business. Do I need to get my Bible?”
“No, Grams. We don’t need your Bible. Goodnight.”
“Night, kids.”
Royal and I quietly laythere, watching a Dukes of Hazard rerun, listening to my grams get ready for bed in the bathroom, thenfinally closing her bedroom door. As soon as the coast was clear, Royal and I were tangled together,our lips instantly connected.
Running his hand up my shirt, Royal’s fingers trailed up my side. “I didn’t think I was ever going to get to touch you again. That was the longest two hours of my life.”
“You kissed me when she made popcorn, when she went to the bathroom, and when she answered the phone.”
Royal kissed me again, his thumb brushing across the thin material on my bra, his hips thrusting into mine. “But I couldn’t do this.”
I felt like I was floating when Royal moved his lips to my jaw and down my neck, and then I felt like I was falling. His arms tightened around me and our bodies knotted togetherwildly. One of my hands moved up his back and one to the long hair on top his head. Tightening my fist in his hair, I tried to pull him away and remind myself to breathe, my body reacting all on it’s own. “Gah! Go home, Royal.”
Royal’s weight dropped to mine, his lips stopped sucking on my neck, and his thumb stopped brushing across my chest. “Well, this sucks.”
I pulled my fingers through his hair and slid from beneath him. “Why don’t we just do it? It’s obvious we both want to.”
Royal rolled to his back, unable to hide the fact he wanted to as much as I did. “It’ll happen when it’s time to happen. I’ll see you in the morning. Dress warm.”
It took another thirty minutes to get him to actually leave, but kissing on our feet was safer than him being on top of me. Especially in front of a crackling fire. We certainly didn’t need help with the mood.
I stared out the window to the star filled sky and the bright moon for a long time after Royal left, thinking and not thinking at the same time. Feeling, I guess. I felt sad and happy all at the same time, but I wasn’t sure why. Maybe my mom. My grandma’s door opening was what pulled me from my trance.
“You still up?”
“Yeah, but I’m going to bed. You okay?”
“Yes, just getting a drink. You okay?”
“Me? Yes, I’m fine.”
“You know she loves you, don’t you?”
“Yeah, yeah, I know.”
“Losing your dad changed her, Jessie. I think she was afraid of loving you too much.”
I smiled at my grams and tilted my head. “That’s silly, Grams.”
“Maybe, but you don’t watch someone you love die in your arms without it affecting you. I think she just didn’t want to get tooclose.”
“My dad died from an explosion in the military.”
“Your dad died because he got involved in drugs and he owed somebody a lot of money. He was shot in the head while out with your mom. That’s the truth your mama keeps hidden from you.”
“Grams? Is that true?”
“Yes, your dad was never in the military. He was a worthless piece of shit, but your mom loved him. She loved him like the love I see in you and Royal.”
“Royal’s not a piece of shit.”
“No, he’s not. He’s a good boy, but I’m still going to advise you to marry someone with less baggage. That boy’s been through a lot.”
“You don’t know him.”
“That’s what your mom used to say about your dad.”
“Why does she think she can just show up and buy my love? You’ve done without a lot of things because of me, Grams.”
“I’ve never given up anything for you that you wouldn’t give up for me. What would I have done all these years without you here anyway? I’m right where I’m suppose to be, and so are you.”
Closing the distance between us, I hugged her tight, wondering if that werea sign. It sure sounded like something Roxy would say. “I love you so much, Gram.”
Grams patted me on the back, hugging me as much as she could. She never was the affectionate type, but she didn’t have to be. She hummed Amazing Grace while she prepared the love she filled my belly with. My grams tried to teach me right from wrong, and she raised me the best she knew how. And for that, I would be forever grateful.
There are so many special moments with Royal, I could write an entire book. We not only hopped a train, we got the best seat in the house. Royal was at my house at seven in the morning the next day. First, we hiked to the tracks, and then we walked them for at least two hours, waiting for a train that may or may not come by, but it didn’t matter. Royal and I had never had a problem finding something to do or anything to talk about.
We were balancing ourselves on the tracks, not even thinking about a train, when we heard the horn. I was beginning to think there was something to this synchronicity thing. I swear
it was setup for us. At first, we just stood back and watched, knowing it was going way too fast to even try to hop on, and then for no reason at all, the train slowed.
“Look, Jessie,” Royal said, pointing to a train with the whole side painted in graffiti.
“Adventure begins when you hop a train. I think that’s our train. Come on.”
Royal and I easily hoppedthe best train in the world. It was easy to climb in and besides the walls being covered in poetic graffiti, it was empty.
“We’re on a freaking train,” Royal yelled, pulling me into a big hug.
All I could do was laugh some sort of goofy, nervous giggle, and try to calm the adrenaline pumping quickly through my veins. “Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Royal. Oh, my God. We just did that.”
“Guess we can take that one out of the deck.”
“Fifty-one-pickup,” I teased.
“Fifty. The bear,” he reminded me.
“You know it would take a life time to get through all those cards, don’t you?”
“I got a lifetime.You?”
I sadly smiled, hoping I did. I wouldn’t rush right into college, a marriage, or a career. I would do every single thing on those cards before I even thought about replaying that life. “I hope so.”
Royal and I had the most magical time in the world. The first hour was spent just dangling our feet out the door, taking in the majestic scenery, every single inch a different picture. One minute, we would be in a dense, dark forest, and the next, overlooking a grand view of miles and miles of mountains. The setting never got old.
“I never want to get off, Royal.”
“Me either. Look, an eagle.”
Our entire day consisted of something breathtaking, waterfalls, the tunnels, the river, another bear, a field of wild ponies, and all the little critters. Next, we read the writing someone left on the walls, or I did, anyway. Royal leaned against the side, staring out to the beauty, telling me who originally said the quote.
“Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.”