“Yes,” I exclaimed in a loud, convincing tone. “No,” I instantly countered, not sounding so confident, wanting more of something I didn’t understand.
“Sit,” Roxy politely ordered in a nonchalant tone, her hand directing me toward the empty chair.
I took a long, deep breath and walked toward her, sitting down only because I couldn’t talk myself into getting the hell out of there like I should have. Like I wanted to. Sort of.
Roxy placed her hands over mine again and did that weird breathing thing. First, she studied the palms of my hands, and then she took in a long deep breath. “Yes, of course.”
“Of course, what?” I questioned.
“It’s the twin flame union. The wand only finds people who are ready to find their twins. Why didn’t I think of that before?”
“Think of what? I don’t get it.”
“I’ll bet it’s him. The boy you’re remembering. Hang on. I’m tuning into something. Ahhh, yes, yes. I see.”
“See what?” I questioned, unsure of whether she was talking to me.
“The wand has made a connection from you to the time portal and your twin flame.”
“What the hell is a time portal?”
“That’s all I’m getting. Let me do some research on the wand. I know exactly who to call. I can tell you one thing though. This is absolutely someone from your past. Someone you’re connected to. Someone you love unconditionally.”
Then it couldn’t have been Royal. I was never in love with him. We didn’t even know what that was. That narrowed it down to about fifteen other boys. I think I hit boy crazy stage around the age of eleven, and I was in love with all of them. But which one? My first real boyfriend was Joey Moore. There were a few more after Joey, and all of them were serious relationships at the time, but Johnny Dixon was probably my most serious relationship. Even though we had gone to school together since our elementary schools collided into the same junior high, we never really talked until high school.
Johnny wasn’t just the star of the varsity basketball team. He was also the girls’ basketball coach’s son. Me being the best player on the girls’ team made us the cutest Wild Cat couple at Honaker High. I didn’t even know where he ended up. Still back home, I presumed. “That makes no sense. I mean, I’m married, I have a life, a family, a career, a home.”
Roxy faked a yawn and called me out on what she called bullshit. “Blah, blah, blah. Wake me up when you’re finished telling me all the reasons you can’t live the life you came here to live. You’re too stuck to even see how stuck you are.”
I slumped in my seat, feeling exasperated with her. She didn’t get it, and there was no way for me to make her get it. “You don’t get it. What do you expect me to do? This is my life. It’s not like I can just go back and do it again.”
“What are you holding on to?”
“Nothing. I just mean,this is what I’ve worked my entire life for.”
“What?”
“What, what? What do you mean what?”
“You’ve worked your entire life away for what? A house, a pool, a career, a boat? Looks to me like you’re done. Now what?”
I refrained from asking her what she meant again only because I was starting to sound like a broken record. She didn’t know me, and I didn’t really appreciate being judged. “We don’t have a boat,” I smartly replied, even though we’d just sold it two summers ago. “That’s what I’m asking you. Now what?”
Roxy smiled at me like she was extremely happy with my response. “Now you’re talking. Keep asking that question. Keep searching. It’s searching you too.”
“My twin?” I questioned with dread in my tone, knowing damn well that was exactly what we were back to. I didn’t want to find some magical twin. I had a home, a husband, kids, a life, and it didn’t make a lick of sense. It wasn’t like I could go back to high school and change it. What was the point in all this?
Roxy nodded. “You know you’re different. You’ve known it for a very long time, but you’re too afraid of not being like everyone else to explore it. The door is open, child. Walk through it.”
“And how do you propose I do that? I don’t even see a door.”
“Take the wand. Pay attention to the signs.”
“Why can’t you ever just tell me stuff straight up?”
“They didn’t give it to me straight up, princess.”
“Princess? Are you making fun of me?”
Roxy stood and walked behind the counter to a display of necklaces and then to the shelf for a book. First, she placed the pendant over my head and the book in my hands. “This is a very powerful piece. It will help guide you. Take this journal and start recording your thoughts but only the ones you feel are relevant. If you’re asking yourself whether it’s a sign or not, it probably is. Write it down. Don’t take it so seriously. Have fun with it. That’ll be fifty-two dollars.”
My captivated attention dropped like a rock. “Wha-what? It was only forty last time.”
“Yes, but on top of all the information I gave you, I sold you a necklace, and the journal is on me.”
I couldn’t even wrap my head around that one, and I didn’t even try. Information? She didn’t give me anything, and I didn’t ask for the necklace or the blank book. “Whatever. Your business practices are extremely tacky and very unprofessional.”
“Would you rather I wear a fancy suit and heels like you? Let your hair down, Jessie. All you gotta be is you.”
“I don’t even know what that means.”
“Yes, you do. This is a journey without a beginning or an end. This journey is eternal, always has been, always will be. Don’t hold back because you feel responsible for someone else.”
Slapping my card in her hand so I didn’t have to starve, I told her she didn’t make any sense. “I don’t know what that means either.”
“Yes, you do. Sometimes you have to go back to let go.”
“And how am I supposed to do that?”
Roxy shrugged, swiping my card. She was a scam artist. That’s what she was, and I’d just fallen for it. Again.
“I know, I know. Watch for the signs.”
While I shoved my card back in my wallet, grumbling, Roxy walked to the back and returned with the wand. “Here you go.”
“What? I don’t want that.”
“Seriously? We’re back to this? What are you afraid of?”
Backing away from the beautiful wand, I searched for the answer. “I’m not afraid. I’m just not going to take a magical wand that would probably cost me an arm and a leg.”
“Or your heart. What if it costs you your heart? This wand could be leading you to something magnificent. To true love.”
“Ha, I’m good in the love department. Been there, done that. I wouldn’t start over with another man if my life depended on it.”
“Have you always been this tenacious?”
“Me? I’m the least tenacious person in the world. You don’t know anything about me.”
“Okay, okay. There’s no need for a pissing match. You go back to your mediocre life, and I’ll do some research on the wand. Come back in a couple days. Hopefully, by then you’ll realize there’s more to life than what you think you have.”
“I’m just going to pretend you’re not still judging me and leave it at that. See ya around.”
“Jessie.”
“What?” I snapped, turning as I opened the door. The bright light poured in from the door, hitting the glass wand and sending millions of tiny sparkles around the room.
Roxy glanced around the room at all the twinkling stars and back to me with a smile. “Everything is happening just the way it’s supposed to. Trust the process.”
Mesmerized by the show the wand was putting on, I chuckled because that’s all I had. I nodded and got the hell out of there.
“Good God, Jessica,” I audibly said, once again scolding myself for all the stressful foolishness I was causing myself. All for nothing. For nonsense.
>
“My name’s Tina,” a girl with an Adam’s apple and a deep voice replied with a confused expression.
“Not you. Sorry. I was talking to myself.”
Maybe I was bored. I needed a break. I was just stressed with the end of the month deadlines. Yes, that was it. At that very moment, I decided that was exactly what I needed. A nice, long vacation on a beach. To keep from thinking about anything else, I dialed Eric to make the plans.
“Hello.”
“Hey. You want to go to the beach?”
“Um. When?”
“Next weekend.”
“Funny you should mention that. No, we’re not going to the beach, but Lewis just asked us to come up to the lake house this weekend and hang out with him and Pat. That’s as close to the beach as we’re going. I’ll catch you some fish. That good enough?”
No. That wasn’t good enough. I didn’t want to go the lake with Pat and Lewis. I lived by a lake already, but not only that, I didn’t want to be around Pat. A mutual friend, Angie, had just told me the day before that Pat was talking shit about me at the gym the other day. Something she knew nothing about. What really happened was nosiness, which caused her to become upset because I didn’t tell her why I was at the doctor when she asked. She told Angie I looked horrible and I had been crying. It was a bold-faced lie. I went for a free annual checkup I got with my health insurance, and it was none of her business. “Oh, wait. Never mind. Next weekend is the reunion. I’m going to West Virginia.”
“You’re still on that? I’m not going to a costume party and dressing up. Forget it. And you’re not going alone.”
Oh yes, I was too… “I wasn’t going to. Kate’s going with me. You go fishing with Lewis. I’ll be fine.”
“Why can’t you let this go, Jess? I don’t understand you right now.”
“What? Because I want to go see some old friends? That’s wrong?”
“I didn’t say it was wrong. Just not you. You have never even mentioned this place, you don’t talk about any of these people you talk about now. Like this little kid you haven’t seen since you were seven. That’s forty years, Jessica, and you have never mentioned him.”
It wasn’t forty years because there was a short period where Royal came back. Even if we didn’t talk that year, he was still a senior too. I didn’t feel the need to relay that information to Eric though. “I want to go, Eric. I feel like I need to.”
Not bothering to hide his frustration, Eric sighed in my ear. “I don’t understand it, but okay. If you really feel like you need to go, go, but only if Kate is going with you.”
“Thank you. She is, and I don’t understand it myself. Maybe it’s a midlife crisis.”
“Can’t you just buy a Porsche?”
I chuckled, feeling better and nervous at the same time. “Can I have an affair?”
“Only if it’s with another girl, and I get to watch.”
I found no humor in that whatsoever and wondered if that werea sign too. I couldn’t even joke back with him because it felt fake. That’s how shallow I thought it was. “I’ve got to go. Are you going to be late again?”
“Not too late. I might stop and get tires though. I still haven’t done that. Did you talk to Taylor?”
“Yes, she said she’d take care of it. I’ll see you later.”
“Alright, bye.”
“Bye.”
“What the hell did you just do?”
“Me?”
“No, sorry. I was talking to myself.”
The young, hip guy beside me nodded and smiled like he understood. “You can’t ask yourself that question without stepping in some shit, now can you?”
I snorted, tossed my hands up into the air, and walked away from the stranger. “Gah!”
Now all I had to do was beg Kate to go with me and find a gown for my witch costume. Which is exactly what I did right after lunch.
Chapter Three
“Please, please, please,” I begged. Literally. I begged. On my hands and knees right beside her desk.
“Jess, I can’t. I’ve already made plans with JJ. He’s playing in Savannah next weekend.”
As soon as I dropped to the floor in defeat, I regretted it. All those yearsof basketballhad taken a toll on my knees, and getting off my butt from the floor could often be comical. “You suck.”
“Ugh. I’m getting a new friend.”
“Oh, great. She can sit home and knit, and you can sit home and read.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Seriously? I’ve asked you to do so many things it isn’t even funny.”
Changing my tone to match the shock, I reminded her of what she always invited me to do. “You only invite me to do things that are going to make me come home drunk and throw up the next day. Or…weddings. The next time you need a wedding buddy, or you want me to go to some baby shower for some stupid baby, I’m not going.”
“Not even my wedding?” she joked. Only she wasn’t joking.
Not even thinking about my weak knees, I jumped right up. Although JJ and Kate had been dating for more than three years and it shouldn’t have come as a shock, it did, and I was so happy for her. And then, just like that, the good news was replaced witha thought. Gasping, I relayed my newfound plan to Kate, forgetting all about the shiny ring. “You’re going out of town? Savannah? That’s perfect. Eric will never know. I can go alone. It’s perfect.”
Kate pulled her diamond from my hand and frowned at me. “Congratulations, I’m so happy for you.Of course, I’ll be in your wedding.”
It wasn’t that I wasn’t happy for her. I was, but I was also trying to calm my rapidlybeating heart. This was a sign. Even if I didn’t understand why, I knew I was supposed to be at this reunion. “I’m sorry. Of course, I’m happy for you. Except for the wedding part. You should be one of those couples who take their small wedding party on a trip. The Keys or Jamaica.”
It was all I could do to keep up with her. My mind made plans while my lips smiled, and my eyes lit up. Some of it was for Kate, but most of it came from the thought of me going there alone. I’d never really adventured out by myself before. Besides the trip Taylor and I had taken to Virginia Tech for a college visit, a cruise I’d taken with my mom and step-dad, and a weekend getaway with the girls in the office once, I’d never really done anything like this. Eric would be so mad if he found out. Not because he was controlling or anything. It wasn’t like that. He just worried about me.
I thought about the costume I would wear, the exact replica of the one I’d wornin 1988. Not just any witch costume either.It was so beautiful. A long flowing gown with a long graceful train, midnight blue silk, and straight blonde hair. My grams made the witches hat to match the gown, but it drooped too much and looked more like a toboggan than a witch’s hat. Where could I find a gown like that, I wondered. Even back in the eighties they weren’t cheap. I couldn’t slip a few hundred-dollar costume past Eric without getting busted. Especially since he’d always taken care of the bills. He’d know as soon as he went to pay the credit card bill, and it was a senseless purchase. Even I couldn’t justify it.
“You’re not even listening.”
“Yes, I am. Of course you can get married in my backyard. We still have stuff from when Trevor and Liz got married. Now, are you going to cover for me or not?”
“I don’t want to get in the middle of anything, Jess.”
“You’re not. I promise. Besides, he’ll never know. You’re going to Savannah, and he’s going to a friend’s lake house up north. I swear. It’s fine. You’ll probably never even have to talk about it.”
“What if I do? You know how bad I suck at being put on the spot.”
“We working here today?” Jason questioned with a stern tone, dropping a file on Kate’s desk.
I tried my best to get back to work, but it was hard. Choosing two little yellow butterflies, I photo shopped them into the layout with a little girl wearing summer pajamas, thinking about my dress. Yellow b
utterflies, twin butterflies, I repeated in my head, feeling like there was a message there, something I was supposed to pay attention to. Deeming myself crazy again, I focused on where to place a little pillow that matched the pj’s. And then I remembered…
It was the summer right after kindergarten. I overheard Mr. Whitaker talking about a horse ghost up on Spring Ridge that Sunday morning. Floating into another day dream, I could see myself in a little sundress, blonde pigtails with red ribbons, white bobby-socks, and black patent leather shoes. Normally I would have been down in the yard playing with all the other kids, but as soon as I heard a real live place existed where you could see a horse ghost, I was engrossed. That was just over Mr. Patterson’s corn field. We could cross the tracks there and hit the dirt road from that side of the woods.
“I ain’t gonna go lookin’ for no ghost horse, Jessie. They ain’t no such a thing.”
“Yes, huh, Royal. I heard Mr. Whitaker tellin’ my grams. He said that one time back when the cowboys and the Indianslived here,they was a bunch of dead horses cause the Indians ambushed the cowboys, and they throwed all the dead horses over the cliff. That’s why they have horse ghosts. And he said it at church. Ain’t nobody gonna lie on the church porch.”
“Spring Ridge Road is a long, long way. And besides, I have to stay clean cause my Aunt Judy is coming over. I have to play with my girl cousins, and I don’t even like dumb girls.”
“I’m a girl.”
“But not like those girls. You’re a fun girl.”
I smiled and twirled in a circle on the tips of my toes, using my five-year-old charm to convince him. “That’s why you should go with me. It won’t take that long anyway.”
“You always say that. Yes, it will.”
Of course, Royal went along with me, not that I gave him a choice, but he was exactly right about the time. We were gone all afternoon and hadn’t even noticed. First, we got lost because we ran from a copperhead, then we got preoccupied by a Good Year Blimp flying over our heads, then we got hungry, so we picked a few berries for a snack, and then we found the giant rock cliff. We never did see a ghost horse, but we saw what they left behind. Royal and I sat right on the edge with our legs dangling below. Neither one of us thought about falling to our deaths. We never even considered it. We were on top of the world as high as the clouds, and we were savoring it. That’s all. We were just there.There was nowhere else to be, no time we had to be there, and nothing more important than finding the astonishing view the horse spirits had left for us to see. It truly was something magical, and time didn’t exist.