IN THE SWIM
"Do you tango?" asked Miss Hopkins, as soon as we were comfortablyseated. I know her name was Hopkins, because I had her down on myprogramme as Popkins, which seemed too good to be true; and, in order togive her a chance of reconsidering it, I had asked her if she was one ofthe Popkinses of Hampshire. It had then turned out that she was reallyone of the Hopkinses of Maida Vale.
"No," I said, "I don't." She was only the fifth person who had asked me,but then she was only my fifth partner.
"Oh, you ought to. You must be up-to-date, you know."
"I'm always a bit late with these things," I explained. "The waltz cameto England in 1812, but I didn't really master it till 1904."
"I'm afraid if you wait as long as that before you master the tango itwill be out."
"That's what I thought. By the time I learnt the tango, the bingo wouldbe in. My idea was to learn the bingo in advance, so as to be ready forit. Think how you'll all envy me in 1917. Think how Society will flockto my Bingo Quick Lunches. I shall be the only man in London who bingoesproperly. Of course, by 1918 you'll all be at it."
"Then we must have one together in 1918," smiled Miss Hopkins.
"In 1918," I pointed out coldly, "I shall be learning the pongo."
My next partner had no name that I could discover, but a fund ofconversation.
"Do you tango?" she asked me as soon as we were comfortably seated.
"No," I said, "I don't. But," I added, "I once learned the minuet."
"Oh, they're not very much alike, are they?"
"Not a bit. However, luckily that doesn't matter, because I've forgottenall the steps now."
She seemed a little puzzled and decided to change the subject.
"Are you going to learn the tango?" she asked.
"I don't think so. It took me four months to learn the minuet."
"But they're quite different, aren't they?"
"Quite," I agreed.
As she seemed to have exhausted herself for the moment, it was obviouslymy business to say something. There was only one thing to say.
"Do _you_ tango?" I asked.
"No," she said, "I don't."
"Are you going to learn?"
"Oh, yes!"
"Ah!" I said; and five minutes later we parted for ever.
The next dance really was a tango, and I saw to my horror that I had aname down for it. With some difficulty I found the owner of it, andprepared to explain to her that unfortunately I couldn't dance thetango, but that for profound conversation about it I was undoubtedly theman. Luckily she explained first.
"I'm afraid I can't do this," she apologised. "I'm so sorry."
"Not at all," I said magnanimously. "We'll sit it out."
We found a comfortable seat.
"Do you tango?" she asked.
I was tired of saying "No."
"Yes," I said.
"Are you sure you wouldn't like to find somebody else to do it with?"
"Quite, thanks. The fact is I do it rather differently from the waythey're doing it here to-night. You see, I actually learnt it in theArgentine."
She was very much interested to hear this.
"Really? Are you out there much? I've got an uncle living there now. Iwonder if----"
"When I say I learnt it in the Argentine," I explained, "I mean that Iwas actually taught it in St. John's Wood, but that my dancing mistresscame from----"
"In St. John's Wood?" she said eagerly. "But how funny! My sister islearning there. I wonder if----"
She was a very difficult person to talk to. Her relations seemed tospread themselves all over the place.
"Perhaps that is hardly doing justice to the situation," I explainedagain. "It would be more accurate to put it like this. When Idecided--by the way, does your family frequent Paris? No? Good. Well,when I decided to learn the tango, the fact that my friends theHopkinses of St. John's Wood, or rather Maida Vale, had already learntit in Paris naturally led me to---- I say, what about an ice? It'sgetting awfully hot in here."
"Oh, I don't think----"
"I'll go and get them," I said hastily; and I went and took a long timegetting them, and, as it turned out that she didn't want hers after all,a longer time eating them. When I was ready for conversation again thenext dance was beginning. With a bow I relinquished her to another.
"Come along," said a bright voice behind me; "this is ours."
"Hallo, Norah, is that you? Come on."
We hurried in, danced in silence, and then found ourselves a comfortableseat. For a moment neither of us spoke....
"Have you learnt the tango yet?" asked Norah.
"Fourteen," I said aloud.
"Help! Does that mean that I'm the fourteenth person who has asked you?"
"The night is yet young, Norah. You are only the eighth. But I wasbetting that you'd ask me before I counted twenty. You lost, and you oweme a pair of ivory-backed hair-brushes and a cigar-cutter."
"Bother! Anyhow, I'm not going to be stopped talking about the tango ifI want to. Did you know I was learning? I can do the scissors."
"Good. We'll do the new Fleet Street movement together, thescissors-and-paste. You go into the ball-room and do the scissors, andI'll--er--stick here and do the paste."
"Can't you really do any of it at all, and aren't you going to learn?"
"I can't do any of it at all, Norah. I am not going to learn, Norah."
"It isn't so very difficult, you know. I'd teach you myself fortuppence."
"Will you stop talking about it for threepence?" I asked, and I took outthree coppers.
"No."
I sighed and put them back again.
. . . . .
It was the last dance of the evening. My hostess, finding me lonely, haddragged me up to somebody, and I and whatever her name was were in thesupper-room drinking our farewell soup. So far we had said nothing toeach other. I waited anxiously for her to begin. Suddenly she began.
"Have you thought about Christmas presents yet?" she asked.
I nearly swooned. With difficulty I remained in an upright position. Shewas the first person who had not begun by asking me if I danced thetango!
"Excuse me," I said. "I'm afraid I didn't--would you tell me your nameagain?"
I felt that it ought to be celebrated in some way. I had some notion ofwriting a sonnet to her.
"Hopkins," she said; "I knew you'd forgotten me."
"Of course I haven't," I said, suddenly remembering her. The sonnetwould never be written now. "We had a dance together before."
"Yes," she said. "Let me see," she added, "I did ask you if you dancedthe tango, didn't I?"
THE MEN WHO SUCCEED