CHAPTER 3
Taken from www.wrestlinghotline.com
Greetings slugs.
Today is Tuesday, April 18th, and this is your Tuesday Morning Hangover, the weekly scorecard of the Monday Night Battles.
Last weekend, I was called upon to go into the crawl space underneath my grandparents’ house and look for Friskers, their missing cat. I didn’t find Friskers, but I did find an old Schlitz can that had been opened with a can opener. You know, the pointy-nosed, cut-into-the-metal can openers where you’d make a big triangle hole on one end to drink from and a little triangle hole on the other to let air in. Insane. How old is that can?
Then I started thinking about the progression of beer cans over time, and realized that we’ve been through several stages of beer-can-opening systems in my lifetime alone. Right now, we’re in the wide-mouthed-can poptop stage, which recently replaced the regular poptop stage. But the poptop isn’t that old. As recently as the 80s, there was the peel-away tab. Remember the peel-away tab? You’d pop the lid and get that burst of carbonation, then you’d actually peel off the tab and have to throw it away. In the eighties, there were used peel-away tabs from beer cans everywhere! In the gutters, on the streets, in your yard. Where did all those tabs go? Kind of makes me think it’s perfectly okay to litter. After all, the peel-away tabs from the 80s are completely gone!!
Old beer cans and missing peel-away tabs are what keep yours truly moving forward in the dark doldrums of wrestling’s downtimes (like the 1990s). Fortunately, things are looking up.
We begin with an overnight ratings report:
GWA Burn pulled an overall 4.3, with a 3.9 in the first hour, a 4.4 in the second hour, and a 4.5 in the overrun. These numbers are roughly comparable to last week’s, meaning the television ratings slide for Burn might be over, or at least abating. This is especially significant considering the big buildup for this week’s Riot.
Speaking of which, Revolution Riot got an overall 4.2, with a 3.8 in the first hour, a 4.3 in the second, and a 4.5 in the overrun. Once again, comparable to last week, and the second week in a row that the shows are statistically tied at 4.2 - 4.3, which roughly translates into 4.3 million homes tuning in to each show.
The News:
Rumors are running more and more rampant about Zeke Thunder’s imminent return. Last week in an interview with Chandler Dresby of wrestlingdailytribune.com, Zeke said he is anxious for an offer from either major promotion, and implied that he may be willing to accept less money than he’s been asking for. Zeke would be a welcome addition to either roster at this extraordinarily competitive time, and could quickly fit into the main event scene on either side. With the May sweeps upon us, I expect him to show up on television sooner rather than later.
In other news, the Family Television Group has intensified their all-out assault on GWA Burn, which is now listed at Number One on their list of the top 10 most family-offensive shows on television. From a press release dated April 21st titled “Wrestling Show Tops FTG 10 Worst”:
Wrestling program GWA Burn tops the Family Television Group’s updated list of the 10 most family-offensive shows on television. The wrestling program, now in it’s twelfth year on Imagine Network Television, had an average of 138 instances of family-offensive content in a two-hour show as measured by FTG’s Offensive Index. Clocking in more than one offense per minute, GWA Burn was by far the worst offender on prime time television.
“Families need to be aware that GWA Burn is not appropriate for children or teenagers,” says Sonia Katzenberg, FTG Chairwoman. “The show is littered with acts of graphic violence, inappropriate sexual content, foul language, and degradation of women. We have named the program Public Enemy Number One, and will initiate a boycott of their sponsors unless they clean up their act immediately.”
The press release goes on to call Burn an “American Embarrassment” and says that Burn’s sponsors are “shameless money-grubbers” for choosing to support the show.
Interestingly, Revolution Riot is never mentioned in the press release, and doesn’t even make the FTG Top 10. This shouldn’t be a complete surprise, since GWA Burn has garnered higher ratings for years, and is quite a bit raunchier than Riot. Still, I don’t know how I would take this if I were Max Zeffer. On the one hand, Revolution seems to have escaped the wrath of the goody-goody censors, at least for now. On the other hand, FTG’s apparent ignorance of Riot’s existence is kind of an embarrassing snub, suggesting that the mainstream still thinks the GWA is the only game in town.
As of yet, there has been no official response from the GWA, but we shouldn’t expect Duke to take this lying down. As we speak, Duke and his minions are likely preparing for a massive legal battle, the likes of which we haven’t seen in wrestling since the drug scandals a decade ago.
As far as I’m concerned, the FTG can go to hell and deserves the legal jihad Duke and his thugs are sure to unleash. More on this story in future reports, I’m sure. For now....
The High Points:
GWA Burn - Those of you who missed last night’s show are probably reading this because of the deafening buzz created by GWA’s newest face. Joey Mayhem, formerly Maniac Joey Hamilton from the Southeast Wrestling League, made his television debut last night, in the main event no less. Although the match itself was a squash, the events after the match were the most surprising I’ve seen all year.
Just a quick recap: Burn opened last night with Duke offering Jumbo a main event slot against an opponent of his choosing. Then, after a mostly forgettable show, Jumbo came to the center of the ring and announced he would face anyone brave enough to come out and challenge him. When Joey Mayhem came out, the crowd was silent, most of them having never seen him before. And when Jumbo squashed Joey for ten minutes, the crowd got pissed off.
But after Jumbo left Joey Mayhem (and four referees) in a heap in the middle of the ring, Joey jumped to his feet, sprinted after Jumbo, and beat the shit out of him. It was totally surprising and sweet as all hell for those of us who think Jumbo is about as interesting as maple syrup on a pizza. The crowd dug it, the announcers put him over, and we have ourselves a new star.
About damn time, too. When was the last time the GWA tried to create a new main-eventer? Right now, the only person in the GWA main event scene who debuted with the company in the past three years is Goliath, and even he’s getting passe. Duke’s uncharacteristic decision to push a newcomer is just what the company needs and couldn’t have come at a better time. Revolution has been putting on killer shows for months now, while GWA has continually dragged out the same old faces doing the same old shit.
So, here’s to Joey Mayhem. May he bring some much needed change to the GWA upper card.
I shouldn’t let this discussion pass without mentioning “the wink.” Last night everyone was talking about the wink and what it meant. For those who missed it, right after Jumbo flattened Joey Mayhem with a chairshot, Joey winked at Jumbo before falling to the floor. Everyone has their theory about the wink. Was it was planned? Will it be part of his character? Was it an inside joke? Was it unscripted? Was it Joey’s way of accusing Jumbo of being soft? Who knows?
My personal hope is that the wink was planned and has some deep and interesting significance that we’ll find out about later. Hey, a fan can dream.
On the other side....
Revolution Riot - Lots of high points here, as usual.
1. Flash Martin vs. Edgar Hoover. Flash’s solid, steady push continues, as he goes over clean against the wily veteran. The Flash Martin push thus far has been nothing short of a clinic in good booking.
2. Crystal Waters promo. Finally, something interesting happening in women’s wrestling. Memo to Duke: This is what we want to see. The Crystal Waters / Marian feud has been based on good wrestling and good backstory. If you have good wrestling surrounded by a good story, people will tune in to watch a women’s division, even if the women aren’t watermelon-chested toothpicks. While
the GWA is doing its bad Skinamax impersonation, the women on Revolution are actually WRESTLING. Funny, actual wrestling on a wrestling show is going over in the women’s division, go figure.
3. Lucifer vs. Jerry Senika - No. 1 Contender’s Match. Well, it lived up to the hype. The wrestling gets four out of five stars in my book. Lucifer’s long march to the top of the world takes another step forward, after he beats the living legend in a grueling 20-minute epic.
I can’t wait for next week’s title match.
Speaking of which, onto...
The Big Picture:
Despite the GWA’s best effort to put on an interesting finish to this week’s show, the talk of the upcoming week will be Revolution Riot.
Lucifer vs. Red Jackson for the World Title is the biggest match I can remember being given away on free TV, and it’s now just a week away. This match will be the culmination of Lucifer’s seven-month-long push from obscurity to superstar. I’ve got to give props to Max, Gene, and Larry for their patience in slowly building up Lucifer, in what has to be one of the most magnificent rises to the top in wrestling history. What a brilliant way to bring this push to its culmination. Wrestling’s biggest young superstar against its greatest active legend for the title. That’s what everyone will be watching.
I, like always, will tape both shows and give you the definitive review of what goes down. Until next time, this is Steve Garcia. Peace.