I turned my attention back to Grant, whose complete focus was on the currently blank screen.
“You OK?” I asked. He dropped his gaze to mine.
“Yeah, I’m good. Are you?” he asked, suddenly realizing he hadn’t checked on me in the past few minutes while we were waiting. He was more than overprotective. Since my belly had started to show, he had gotten a little crazy with the hovering thing.
The doctor moved the device over my stomach and nodded his head toward the screen. “Here we go,” he said as an image of our baby began to appear.
Grant’s hand gripped mine tighter as the screen very clearly showed two little feet stuck up in the air.
I couldn’t form words as the doctor chuckled. “Well, that was easy to spot. She’s making it very easy.”
She.
That one word was more powerful than I could have imagined.
She.
I sniffled and blinked rapidly, trying hard to clear my vision so I could see her.
“Look there, she’s found her fingers, and she likes them. You may have a thumb sucker,” the doctor said as he showed us our little girl sucking three fingers into her mouth.
I was unable to keep the part-laughter, part-sob from escaping.
“And it looks like she has all her fingers and toes. Her heartbeat still sounds really strong,” the doctor assured us. I hadn’t even noticed the sound—I was so taken in by just watching her—but it was there in its perfect, pumping little rhythm.
“Did you feel that?” the doctor asked me.
I didn’t want to look away from the screen. “What?” I asked.
“A strong fluttering feeling . . . there. Did you feel it?”
I had felt it. I had been feeling it for the past couple of weeks. I had thought it was bad gas.
“Yes,” I said, watching as she kicked seconds after I felt the fluttering feeling.
“The 3-D isn’t real time. It’s delayed. So you’re seeing her kick a few seconds after she does it,” the doctor explained.
“When can I feel it?” Grant asked, speaking up for the first time. I tore my eyes from our daughter to see him watching the screen in complete fascination.
“Give it a couple weeks, and you’ll feel it,” the doctor assured Grant.
For the next fifteen minutes, we sat there watching our little girl wiggle and go from sucking her fingers to her thumb. She also liked to stick her foot up to touch her head. She was perfect.
And I had thought I couldn’t love her more. How very wrong I was.
Grant passed the turn-off for home, and I glanced over at him. We had sat in awed silence for most of the drive. Every once in a while, one of us would ask if the other had seen her do something, and then we would fall silent again. I couldn’t wait to write to her about this moment, because this time, I knew she was a she.
“I have something I want to show you,” he said when he caught me staring at him.
“Um, OK,” I replied, not sure what it could be that required him to drive to the outer town limits of Rosemary Beach. Maybe we were going to the club. I really hoped not. I just wanted to go home and think about our little girl.
Grant didn’t turn toward the club but instead pulled into a gated community that I had always noticed from afar but had never been inside. The houses were all beautiful coastal places that I assumed were mostly owned by out-of-towners who came for vacation or rented them out.
Grant touched a card to the black box, and the gate slowly opened. I wondered if he was building something here, although it didn’t look like any new developments were happening, nor did Grant normally deal in single-residence houses.
We rounded a circle on the road paved with split brick, which I thought was really cool. Then he pulled into a driveway in front of a blue house that looked like it belonged on the front cover of Coastal Living magazine.
Were we visiting someone?
“What do you think?” he asked. The nervousness from earlier in the day was back in his voice.
What did I think? “About the house?” I asked.
He nodded.
I didn’t have to look at it again to know I thought it was an ideal house for a family . . . but wait. Surely not. I fought back excitement at the idea that Grant was considering buying this house for us, and I reminded myself that we were perfectly happy in his condo. We didn’t need a house, even if it was as absolutely perfect as this one.
“I think it’s a beautiful place,” I said carefully. I didn’t want him to think I’d gotten my hopes up. It would upset him if he thought I wasn’t happy where we were, and I didn’t want him to be any more stressed.
“You do?” he asked, still studying my every expression.
I nodded.
He opened his truck door and got out. “Let’s go inside,” he said, before closing his door and walking around to help me as I stepped down on my side.
We were going inside? Did that mean he wanted me to see the inside, or were there people in there? I wanted to get excited, but I was afraid to. I wasn’t sure why we were here.
Grant produced a key and opened the door. It swung wide, and he motioned for me to step inside. I walked in slowly. The first thing I noticed was that it was completely empty. The second thing I noticed was that it was breathtaking. The vaulted ceilings and attention to detail were fantastic.
“Come with me,” he said, taking my hand as we headed directly for the stairs. Upstairs, we walked through a large open space that could be a sitting area or even a game room. Then Grant opened one of the doors, and we walked into a large bedroom with pale pink walls and a chandelier. From the windows, you could see the Gulf across the street and the backyard, which was not only a nice big space but also fenced in.
I turned around to see Grant running a hand through his hair nervously and watching me.
“It’s a great room. But I don’t understand,” I said, needing some clarification, even though my excitement was quickly growing.
He glanced down at my stomach, then back up at me. “Would you want this to be her room?”
Her room.
Meaning we would live here.
The waterworks were threatening to take over, and I blinked back tears and sucked in a breath to keep from sobbing on him.
“Is it for sale?” I asked, realizing that I hadn’t seen a for-sale sign in the yard.
“No,” he replied, and my heart sank. “Not anymore.” He held up the keys he’d used to get in. “It’s already ours.”
It took me all of two seconds to fling myself into his arms before I burst into tears.
Grant
We didn’t go back to the apartment that night. I called Rush to help me move the bed over, and we stayed the night in our new house. Harlow was too giddy to leave, and I was too damn happy watching her. I had been afraid she would be overwhelmed or maybe not like it.
But I had worried for nothing.
I felt like the king of the fucking world.
The next week, I had movers come to the condo and help us pack up, because I didn’t want Harlow bending and lifting anything. We slowly moved our things in and got settled into our new home. And that was what it was. I had a home now. A real one. For the first time in my life, I had a real home. A real family. My family.
The weekly doctor visits kept me hopeful, and the fear slowly started to fade. Harlow believed, without a doubt, that she would make it through this, and she was already thinking about the swing set we would pick out for Lila Kate.
We had spent an entire week sitting up searching for baby names on the Internet before we agreed on one. Even if I hadn’t liked the name Lila Kate at the time, I would have learned to love it after hearing Harlow say it when she spoke to her now-round stomach. It still wasn’t very big, but you could definitely tell she was pregnant.
I had expected her to worry over looking fat or to be self-conscious, but she never did, and she never was. She would stand in front of the mirror and look at herself, then smile up at
me like this was the best thing in the world. She was going to be a wonderful mother.
Then, one day, while I was putting together the baby’s crib in the master bedroom, I heard Harlow shout from the bathroom, “Grant! Hurry!” A million horrible thoughts ran through my mind, so I was expecting the worst when I found a smiling Harlow soaking in a bubble bath. I took a deep breath and told myself to calm the fuck down. I couldn’t believe something bad was about to happen every time she called for me.
“She’s moving,” Harlow whispered, as if talking might cause her to stop. “Come feel.”
I had been waiting for this. Harlow had felt her daily, but so far, I hadn’t been there at the right time. I knelt down beside the tub, and she took my hand and placed it on her stomach.
“Here, press down just a bit so she’ll push back,” she said softly.
I did as I was told, and sure enough, a gentle little kick was my response. The grin that broke across my face was so damn big it hurt my cheeks. I had a little fighter in there. She was strong like her momma.
“Isn’t that amazing?” Harlow asked as I held my hand against her stomach and felt Lila Kate moving around. I had obviously annoyed her, so now she was pretty active.
“She’s spunky,” I said, and Harlow threw back her head and laughed. Lila Kate kicked again and pushed against me. It was like she wanted to join us. Maybe she heard Harlow laughing and wanted out so she could be a part of this moment.
“Talk to her,” Harlow said.
I had seen Harlow talking to her stomach a lot lately. But I wasn’t sure I could do that. I had seen the ultrasound, and I could feel her. She was real to me, but talking to her seemed difficult. I was putting myself out there to love yet another person I could lose.
“I don’t know what to say,” I told her, hoping that she would drop it.
“Just tell her hello and that you love her. It doesn’t have to be profound. She recognizes your voice now. I’m sure of it. She’ll know you’re talking to her.”
Harlow had a lot of faith in this tiny little baby inside her. I agreed that she reacted to Harlow’s laughter, but I wasn’t sure she actually recognized my voice. It was probably no more than a muffled sound to her right now.
“Please, say something,” Harlow pleaded, and I knew I wasn’t going to get out of this. She wanted me to talk to our daughter, and I couldn’t tell her no.
I cleared my throat and bent closer to Harlow’s stomach. “How you doing in there?” I asked, then glanced up to see a very amused Harlow. “I imagine you’re ready to get out and stretch. Gotta be cramped in that little space you got.” Harlow was still watching me expectantly.
She wanted me to tell our baby I loved her. Saying that aloud would make it real. It would make the fact that I was once again vulnerable to another person real. How could I keep her safe, too? What if I had to do it alone? Closing my eyes, I pushed that thought away. I wouldn’t think about it. I refused to.
“I love you, Lila Kate. I can’t wait to hold you and watch you sleep in your mother’s arms. If you’re lucky, you’ll look just like her.” There, I’d said it. Exactly what I was thinking. Exactly how I felt. I had laid myself bare.
“I hope she looks like you,” Harlow said, cupping my face in her hands. “You’re the pretty one.”
I lowered my mouth to hers and whispered just before I captured her sweet lips, “No one will ever be more beautiful than you.”
Harlow lifted her sudsy, wet arm and wrapped it around my neck and deepened the kiss while I soaked in the silky warmth of her touch. She could make everything better with a kiss. Fear and worry vanished when she was close to me.
“Get in with me,” she said, and started tugging on my shirt. I didn’t argue. I removed my shirt, then got rid of my jeans and boxers, before climbing in behind her. She turned around to straddle me, her ever-larger breasts covered in bubbles. This was quite possibly the best bath product ever invented. At least, for the male species. I filled my hands with her tits just as she sank down onto my hard length. When she had me completely buried inside her, she arched her back, causing those fantastic play toys to jiggle and sway.
“You’re in control, sweet girl. Take it how you want it,” I told her while enjoying the beautiful view.
She leaned back and put her hands on my legs. I couldn’t have asked for a better position. Then she took it a step further and began to bounce slowly up and down on me. I wanted my hands full of her boobs, but then they’d stop that hypnotic movement, so I grabbed her waist instead and helped her ride me.
“I could watch these titties all damn day,” I said as she moaned and slammed down on me harder.
Unable to withstand it any longer, I reached out and squeezed them, feeling the pebbled hardness of her nipples against my palms. She cried out my name, and it made me even crazier.
“Ride it, sweet girl. Show me what makes you feel good. That hot little pussy is my fucking nirvana. You know you’ve got me so wrapped up in you I can’t see anything or anyone else. Just you. Just you.”
“Oh, God, I’m gonna come. Keep talking naughty,” she panted as she reached up and covered my hands with hers.
“Soaking-wet pussy is swollen and horny all the damn time. I want to slip my fingers in those tiny panties and play with it every time I look at you. Taste you and smell you. You smell so incredibly sweet.” My dirty talk sent her over the edge.
She grabbed my shoulders and began calling out to God and me all at the same time. “That’s it, come on my cock,” I encouraged her as she trembled and shuddered. “My sweet pussy.”
“Oh, God! Stop! I can’t take it. I’m so close again,” she moaned, leaning into me. Then she clamped down on me, and I lost my restraint.
Grabbing her hair, I yelled out her name and followed her into ecstasy.
My sweet Lila Kate,
Your nursery is almost ready. It’s fit for a princess, but then, you are a princess. You’re our princess. There has never been another baby girl who is as loved as you are. I’m secretly hoping you look just like your daddy. But no matter who you look like, you will be beautiful.
We can’t wait to show you the things we’ve bought for you. We bought you your first Christmas ornament today. It’s white with pink polka dots and your initials monogrammed on the front. When I saw it in all of its sweet little girlie cuteness, I wanted to make sure you had it to hang on the tree every year. That way, if I’m watching from the clouds, you can remember that I picked it out for you. Daddy had the idea to get your initials painted on it. But then, he’s a smart man.
I hope that we hang it on the tree together each year. I’ll bake cookies, and you can decorate them with icing and sprinkles. Then we’ll string the popcorn and make a mess with glitter and glue as we decorate our own ornaments. It will be the most loved tree in Rosemary Beach. We’ll invite Nate over to help us. I’m sure he’ll enjoy making a mess as much as you will.
I’ve been stocking your library with all of my favorite picture books. I’ve written a note in each one from me to you, and I’ve added the dates that I bought the books, in case I’m not there to share them with you. Your daddy will read them to you. He can tell you about all the places I took him to in search of the perfect books for you.
The weeks are ticking by, and before I know it, I’ll see your face. If we have a lifetime or only a few moments together, you will be the most important thing that ever happens to me in this life.
Love you always,
Mommy
Harlow
We were attending a fund-raiser ball at the club tonight to raise money for the local fire department. Rosemary Beach wasn’t a big town, and the nearest big city was a forty-five-minute drive away, so the volunteer fire department was very cherished and necessary.
Woods had decided to host the ball, though the truth was, many residents had plenty of money to give to the fire department outright—and many did. That’s how it had gotten its start. But they liked to attend big galas so they cou
ld dress up and spend the evening with important people like Rush’s dad. Dean Finlay, the drummer for Slacker Demon and my father’s best friend, was on the board of directors for the Kerrington Country Club. He wasn’t your typical board member, but then, neither were Grant and Rush, and they were also board members. When Woods had inherited the club from his father after he died, he fired all of the other board members and chose his own. He and his father had never seen eye-to-eye on anything.
Senator Barnes would also be in attendance. I wasn’t sure of everyone who had made the invitation list, but I had heard his name from Woods recently. I hadn’t been spending much time at the club now that Nan was back in town. I was enjoying our house and preparing for Lila Kate. Dealing with the social dynamics of the Kerrington Club was something I wanted to keep my distance from right now. I spent time with Blaire at her house or mine; same with Della.
But tonight Grant had to fulfill his duties as a board member and needed to be there. Finding a dress that fit me was another story. My stomach was really showing now. I was thirty-one weeks along, and both Lila Kate and I were doing well. She was moving more and more lately; she’d started pushing her little foot so hard I could see my stomach