own. I didn’t understand what that meant until I was told you were inside of me. I already loved your daddy so fiercely. You were a part of him, and I loved you with the same fierce adoration.
Every choice I made until this day has been one I wanted to make, and I wouldn’t change a thing. I would love the chance to at least hold you, but if that doesn’t happen, know that I held you inside of me for nine months (I hope) and cherished every day.
Sleep tight in the secure arms of your daddy. I know I have. He’ll be good at making you feel safe. When you’re scared, let him remind you that he’s right there, always ready to hold you when you need it.
More than anything, I want to tell you this: You are a fighter. You are strong. You are brave. You can accomplish anything you set your mind to. This world is yours to make the most of, and I believe you will live a life so full of happiness that I will feel it from above.
Never let others bring you down. Their words don’t change who you are. You are in control of who you are. You, my sweet Lila Kate, are your mother’s daughter. We fight for what we want and what we believe in. We don’t listen to others, and we are secure in who we are. Show the world how amazing Lila Kate Carter is, and climb mountains, baby girl. Climb them all.
Love you always,
Mommy
Grant
She was tiny. The most tiny, perfect thing I’d ever seen. They had made me wash up in a shower and put on scrubs before I walked into the small room where they were keeping Lila Kate. She was asleep inside an incubator, and there was a wire taped to her chest. Her little feet were drawn up close to her body. Besides a pair of tiny socks, she had on only a diaper and a little knit hat. Was she cold?
“In a couple of days, you can hold her. Right now, we need to monitor her and make sure she’s as healthy as she appears to be. She came out with a loud battle cry, which is a very good sign,” the nurse beside me said.
“She’s tough. Like her mom,” I replied, and my voice cracked.
They hadn’t let me see Harlow yet. When they told me I could come back and see Lila Kate, I hadn’t been sure I wanted to do that. Not without Harlow. She hadn’t seen her yet. But the idea of Lila Kate lying back here alone without her mother was more than I could handle. Harlow would want me back here with our daughter. I wasn’t going to let her down.
“You probably already know this, but she weighs three pounds ten ounces, which is good. There are some milestones she must reach before she can be released from NICU. Normally, for a baby born two months early, it can take a couple of weeks to reach those.”
I wasn’t ready to take her home. She was so tiny. I was afraid to hold her. She looked breakable. I needed Harlow for this. She’d know what to do. She’d hold her and reassure her and do all those things.
“If you want to sit in the rocking chair over there and watch her, you can. She may wake up soon, and then you can meet your daughter.”
My daughter. I had a daughter. This little life was really a part of me. A part of Harlow. A sudden rush came over me, and I realized I loved this baby. I loved this baby completely. I adored her, and I didn’t even know her. She was ours.
“I want to stay, but the moment I’m allowed to see Harlow, I want someone to come get me. Immediately,” I stressed. She needed to hear my voice. She’d open her eyes when she heard my voice, and she’d know I was waiting for her. She had to. Lila Kate and I couldn’t do this without her. They just needed to let me back there to see her. She was waiting for me. I knew she was.
I sat down in the rocking chair directly across from where Lila Kate had her head turned. When she woke up, I would see her little eyes. I couldn’t tell who she looked like right now. She was so tiny she looked more like a baby doll than anything else.
Harlow had bought her an outfit to wear home from the hospital even before we knew if she was a boy or a girl. She had bought one for each gender, just in case. The little pink gown was packed in the hospital bag she had so lovingly prepared and left sitting on the changing table in the nursery. I was supposed to grab it when she went into labor, but things hadn’t happened the way we’d planned. My only goal at the time was to get Harlow to the hospital. I would have to send Blaire to the house to get what we needed. I wasn’t leaving this place. Not without my girls. Both of them.
Her little eyes fluttered and opened, and soon my daughter was staring straight at me. I stood up slowly, afraid I would startle her, and walked over to the incubator. I had been given gloves, and there were holes in the incubator so that I could reach in and touch her. When I stood over her, she followed my every move. I could almost see the curiosity in her little face.
“Hello, Lila Kate. It’s me, your daddy. We’ve spoken before but not face-to-face like this,” I told her as I eased a hand inside and touched her small hand with mine.
Tiny fingers wrapped around one of mine and held on as she continued to stare up at me. She needed me. That fact gripped me, and I wasn’t sure if I was terrified or humbled.
“You’re beautiful, just like your mommy. You’ll get to see her soon. We’re just waiting for her to wake up. We need her to wake up. She knows that. I’m gonna go tell her as soon as they’ll let me.”
The thumb of her other hand went straight to her mouth as she continued to gaze up at me. “You like that thumb, don’t you? Your mommy and I watched you do that when you were inside her. We got to see you kick and move around and suck that thumb on a screen. The doctor warned us you’d probably be a thumb sucker.”
She eased her grip on my finger, only to tighten it again. It was amazing how someone so small could hold on so tight.
“You’ll be out of this box soon, and then I can show you the world. We can show you. Your mommy and me. Your mommy has your room decorated for you. She’s spent a lot of time and love preparing it for your arrival. I look forward to the day the three of us walk into it together.”
Lila Kate blinked her eyes and continued to watch me as she sucked away on her thumb. Her little legs stretched out and bounced right back, like they were on a spring. I put my other arm in the other hole and took one of her little socked feet and removed the sock so I could look at her toes. They were short and, like the rest of her, perfectly proportioned. I held her little foot in my hand as she kicked and squirmed. It was smaller than my finger. Only half the length.
Once I was done examining her feet, I put her sock back on. She didn’t appear to be happy about it, because the kicking started up again with full force.
“Mr. Carter, Harlow’s father has arrived. Mr. Finlay said to come get you.”
Kiro was here. Time to face him. I understood his desire to kill me. Harlow was his world. She was a part of Emily, and the love he had for Emily spilled over onto Harlow. I understood that completely. Looking down at my own daughter, all I could see was her mother. In that moment, I learned that my heart was big enough to have two epic loves in my life.
“I’ll be back. I have to go deal with your grandfather. You’ll meet him soon enough. Prepare yourself. He’s a lot to take in,” I told her before pulling my hand out of the incubator, blowing her a kiss, and turning to leave.
I stopped at the door and looked at the nurse. “I’ll be back. I don’t want her left alone. Make sure she’s warm enough.”
The nurse smiled and nodded. “Yes, Mr. Carter. We will take care of her.”
“Thanks,” I replied, and headed to the waiting room.
I took the elevator back down to the waiting room and went to the closest nurses’ station before going back out there and talking to Kiro.
“Is there any new information on Harlow Manning? Her sister was here to give blood for the transfusion she needed. I want an update.”
The nurse nodded and picked up the phone. She spoke to the person on the other line, asked them about Harlow, then hung up and looked at me. “Are you her fiancé, Grant Carter?” the lady asked.
I nodded.
“The blood transfusion was successful. Harlo
w still hasn’t opened her eyes. Her brain waves are positive, though. But until she opens her eyes, we can’t be sure how much she was affected. A doctor will be out to speak with you shortly. They’ve gotten word that her father has arrived.”
“Thanks,” I said, holding on to the good news. I needed positive. I also didn’t care if Kiro being here made them more anxious to answer my questions. If Kiro Manning made them jump, then good. I needed them to fucking jump. I didn’t care how it happened.
The fact Nan had offered to give them the blood Harlow needed was still something I couldn’t process. What did she have to gain by doing that? Nan never gave freely without trying to manipulate people. There had to be a reason she did it. But I honestly didn’t care. She did it, and that was all that mattered.
Kiro
Why couldn’t it have been my motherfucking heart? Why did it have to be my baby girl’s? I had been asking this question since the day they told Emmy and me there was an issue with Harlow’s heart. I would have moved heaven and earth to take that from her. But just like I couldn’t save my Emmy, I couldn’t save our daughter.
She was stubborn, and she was so fucking brave. That damn hard head of hers had been something I admired. Until she decided she was gonna have a baby. I knew she’d never abort it. Wasn’t in her nature. She had been trying to save the world since she was three years old. She always put others before herself. She preferred the people she loved over her own wants and needs.
It was one of the things that made her so damn beautiful. Just like my Emmy. And she was all I had of my Emmy. The light in Emmy’s eyes had been gone for so long. Every day I visited her, I hoped to see her eyes light up with understanding and that she would come back to me, but that never happened. Not once.
The only way I could see that light was to look at our Harlow. Our little miracle. And now she was lying back there on some goddamn hospital bed with tubes in her, barely hanging on to life.
All I could think about on the flight to Rosemary Beach was how I was going to wrap my hands around Grant Carter’s neck for doing this to her. He hadn’t thought about her safety; he had thought with his fucking dick. And my sweet Harlow loved the man. She wanted his kid. And he let her go through with it.
Now I was in the waiting room with everyone else. Rush tried to talk to me and calm me down. He didn’t want me agitated when Grant came back from seeing the baby that might have just killed my baby. He said Grant was a wreck. That he had been standing there like a man possessed, watching the door for a sign of Harlow. For any word.
He was scared. Good. Motherfucking good! He should be. Maybe death was too good for him. A life like mine was hell on earth. That was what he deserved. Death would be too easy for him.
I glanced back at Dean, who was sitting with Blaire, then saw that the rest of the band had found places to sit. When I’d gotten the call, they had all shown up at the airport with me. They loved my girl, too. She was their family. There was a good chance they’d kill Grant.
“Kiro,” Grant said, and I jerked my head back around to see the man responsible for this. He was wearing a pair of blue scrubs, and there were dark circles under his eyes. The pale color of his face didn’t make me feel any better.
“You killed my baby,” I snarled, unable not to take out my pain on someone.
Grant tensed, and Rush was there between us immediately. He looked fierce and ready to take me on.
“She’s alive. She’s fighting, because that’s what she does. I don’t give a damn who you are, I will have your ass removed from this hospital if you can’t keep it together. I’m sorry you’re hurting. I know you’ve got to be scared as shit. But so is he,” Rush said, pointing at Grant. “He’s fucking terrified. Losing her would destroy him. He’s already breaking apart. So don’t come in here throwing shit around and accusing him of anything. He stood by the woman he loves when she was determined to have this baby. He couldn’t force her to do something she’d never get over.”
Dean came up beside his son and put a hand on Rush’s shoulder as if to make sure I knew I wasn’t going to be able to attack Rush, either. “The boy looks like he’s been through hell. Harlow wouldn’t want this. She would want you to be here for each other. You know that, Kiro,” Dean said in a stern tone.
They were all on the boy’s side. He could have stopped this. My baby had wanted to give him a baby. She loved that baby because it was his. So hell, yes, I blamed him.
“He didn’t protect her. He could have saved us all this with something as simple as a damn condom.”
Grant closed his eyes, and I saw him tremble. Apparently, he knew that, too. He was taking the blame. Good. He needed to know that if we lost her, he was the one who killed her. Him.
“He didn’t know about her heart until the day she left him. She was pregnant before she left. She just didn’t know it,” Rush explained.
I already knew that. I didn’t care. He still should have used a condom. Respect a girl like Harlow, and protect her from your dick. It’s fucking courtesy.
“Where the fuck is Mase? His ass should be here,” I said, angry that the brother she adored wasn’t here, waiting.
“I’m right here, asshole.”
Mase
“You did not just call him an asshole,” Major whispered beside me.
“Watch your mouth,” my mother scolded. Although she knew he was an asshole.
“He is an asshole,” I replied as I glared at the man who had a part in bringing me into this world. I wouldn’t consider him a father. He was Harlow’s father, not mine. And definitely not Nan’s. He hadn’t even claimed her until she was an adult, and only after Blaire’s father shared that info with the world.
“He’s Kiro. You can’t call him an asshole,” Major said.
Major hadn’t grown up around that part of my life. His father was my stepdad’s brother. I was kept away from Kiro’s life as much as possible. Major had traveled the world as an army brat and only knew of Kiro Manning the rock god. He didn’t know what a sucky excuse for a father he was.
“Your sister is in there dying, and the brother she fucking worships can’t find it in his cowboy schedule to get his sorry ass over here fast enough. So who’s the asshole?” Kiro spat back at me.
My mother tensed beside me and started off after him, but I grabbed her arm. She and Kiro didn’t get along. He had been a very bad mistake during a rebellious time in her life. I still can’t figure out how she had gone that far off the deep end. But whenever I asked her about it, she would tell me it was Kiro Manning, and she had been a young girl. It was as simple as that. Then she’d remind me that she had me, which made it all worth it.
“I don’t own my own fucking jet. I had to fly commercial. I got here as fast as I could. Look at me. I’m covered in dirt, sweat, and cow shit. I didn’t even stop in the house to change. I ran for the motherfucking airport.”
My mother didn’t even try to correct my language this time.
Kiro looked somewhat appeased. He swung his gaze to Major and frowned. “Who the fuck is he?” he asked. He still hadn’t acknowledged my mother. Asshole.
“Major Colt. My cousin. Major, this is Kiro Manning.” I didn’t add that he was my father. Major knew it, and I didn’t like to remind myself or claim him as such. I put up with him because of Harlow. She was the only Manning I cared to have anything to do with. She was my little sister, and if Grant Carter didn’t look completely fucked up right now, I’d beat the shit out of him. I needed to hit someone, and he was the only one I could think of to blame.
“You don’t have any cousins. Your last name isn’t Colt,” Kiro said in that haughty tone of his that I hated. The rock star didn’t affect me. That persona got to most people. But not his offspring. We knew better.
“Should have been,” my mother snapped, and Kiro shifted his angry glare to her. I wouldn’t let him speak down to her. I’d knock his old ass out if I had to.
“My last name is Colt-Manning. The man who raised me is a
Colt,” I informed him. Kiro knew good and well that I was more a Colt than a Manning. A father was the man who was there for you, not the man who donated his sperm for the cause.
Kiro rolled his eyes and then stretched his neck by moving it from side to side. He was scared, and he was being a jerk in order not to beat the shit out of Grant. I could read him well enough to know why he was showing his worst side.
“I’m going to have a seat,” my mother said, wanting to put distance between herself and Kiro.
I nodded and watched her walk over, take a seat, and pull out her phone to call home.
“It’s a family gathering, I see,” a female voice said, one I had hoped I’d never have to hear again.
I turned toward Nan. Why was she even here? She didn’t care about Harlow. If she wasn’t a damn female, I’d punch her to get some release—and pay her back for all the hurt she’d caused Harlow.
“Didn’t expect you to be here,” I said, not even trying to hide the distaste in my tone.
She shrugged and flipped her long red hair back over her shoulder. “We all share the same daddy,” she said in a saccharine-sweet voice.
“Didn’t fucking mean anything to you before. If you’re here to move in on Grant, you can hang that idea up. In case you haven’t noticed, he’s falling apart. You’re not even on his radar.”
Nan flinched but only barely. I would have missed it had I not been watching her.
“Ease off,” Rush warned. “She stepped in and volunteered to give blood when Harlow needed a transfusion. She doesn’t deserve this from you.”
Nan had given Harlow blood? For fucking real?
“What? Are you shitting me?” I asked, looking from Rush to Kiro, who looked equally shocked.
“Don’t,” Nan told Rush. “I didn’t do it for his acceptance,” she said, then spun around and stalked off.
Rush watched the sister we shared walk off with concern on his face. He had grown up with Nan. They’d been raised by the same selfish, shitty mom. Rush was the only person who loved Nan, and I respected that, but he overlooked a lot from her.