Luke grinned over the rim of his glass. “Maybe she doesn’t like you.”
“Impossible. All women like me.”
“Yeah, okay, stud. But seriously. What do you think it is?”
“No idea. I think she’s afraid of commitment.”
“Huh.” Luke studied his drink for a few seconds, then met his gaze. “Isn’t that typically the guy’s issue?”
Zach laughed. “I guess.”
“So, are you?”
“Am I what?”
“Afraid of commitment.”
“Oh. No. I mean, yeah, I’ve enjoyed living the single life.”
“But you’d be okay with settling down now. With Josie.”
Zach was pretty sure this was the longest conversation he’d ever had with Luke. Punctuated with several probing questions. “What is this? An interrogation?”
Now Luke laughed. “Maybe. Emma and I like Josie. She’s good people.”
“Yeah, she is. But I’m not the one backing off. Josie is. So let Emma know that.”
Luke picked up a French fry and popped it into his mouth. “Ten four.”
That conversation with Luke left Zach feeling unsettled. So after they finished eating and said their good-byes, Zach decided to drive over to Josie’s house. Her car was in the driveway, which meant she was home. Or at least he hoped she was home. Because he didn’t like this feeling, and maybe he just wanted to see Josie.
So he and Wilson would take a detour, and see what happened.
Chapter 21
* * *
“COME ON, WILSON,” Zach said as he took Wilson out of the car and connected the leash to his harness. “Let’s go say hi to Josie.”
Wilson hopped up the steps and onto Josie’s porch, and Zach rang the doorbell.
Josie answered right away. She had Arthur in her arms, the bunny snuggled up against her chest. “Oh. Hi, Zach. Hey, Wilson. What are you two doing here?”
Her voice was flat, void of emotion. She was wearing black stretchy pants and a T-shirt, and had a blanket wrapped around her shoulders. Her feet were bare, and her eyes were red-rimmed, like she was sick, or maybe she’d been crying.
No matter which, he was concerned. “Hey, are you all right?”
“I’m fine, but I’m not very good company right now.”
“I didn’t expect good company. I just hadn’t talked to you for like a week. I wanted to see you. Are you sick?”
She shook her head. “No. You want to come in?”
“If you’re okay with that.”
She shrugged and turned around. “Up to you.”
She walked away from the door, leaving it open. He shifted his gaze to Wilson, who glanced up at him with a concerned look.
I know, dude, he thought to his dog. Something’s up with Josie. We should go inside and check on her.
He and Wilson walked inside, and Zach closed the front door. Josie was curled up on the couch, Tumbles wandering back and forth behind her on top of the sofa.
“Okay, buddy,” Zach whispered to Wilson. “There’s a cat. Not sure what’s going to happen, but be ready for anything.”
He unhooked Wilson from the leash. Wilson bounded over to Josie and jumped onto the sofa. Zach tensed, waiting for Tumbles to hiss and attack his dog.
Instead, Josie ran her hand over Wilson’s back and murmured softly. Tumbles jumped from the top of the sofa and went over to Wilson to sniff him. Wilson wagged his tail, Tumbles lifted his nose in the air in disdain, then flounced on Josie’s lap and went to sleep.
That was it? Didn’t it figure that the cat would even like his dog instead of him?
He went over and sat next to Josie. The cat’s left eye shifted open to stare at him.
“What’s going on?” he asked Josie.
She leaned her head back against the sofa, cuddling Arthur closer to her chest. “My mom showed up several days ago, out of the blue, unannounced.”
“Okay. Is she here?”
Josie shook her head. “We had a big fight. She thought she could pop in here and ask for money in person, and that I’d hand it over after listening to her sob story about how she’d taken the bus up here from Talihina to Tulsa, then had to use the very last of her money to grab a taxi to my house.”
Zach frowned. “Did you know she was coming?”
“Of course not. She’s called me twice to ask for money, and I’ve turned her down both times. So she figured the next-best thing was to show up in person, thinking she could wear me down. When that didn’t work, she got mad and stormed out in the middle of the night.”
“So you don’t know where she is.”
“No. She’s been gone two days.”
He could feel the tension radiating off her, so he knew he had to tread lightly. “Do you want me to go with you to look for her?”
She shook her head, staring down at Tumbles as she petted his fur. “No. For all I know, she was lying about not having money and is already back in Talihina. Or, she could still be in Hope, or maybe in Tulsa, trying to score drugs. She could even be prostituting herself to earn drug money.”
“Christ, Josie.”
Josie shrugged. “It wouldn’t be the first time.”
Zach couldn’t imagine the childhood Josie had, the nightmares she’d experienced. He wanted to drag her into his arms and shield her from any more hurt from the woman who had failed to love and protect her.
But he knew the harsh realities of life. He’d seen it today, in fact, with Paul. He’d seen it a lot in his students. He wouldn’t be able to protect Josie. What he could do, though, was to let her know she wasn’t alone.
He shifted, giving Tumbles a look that told the cat he wasn’t going to fight battles with him today. He pulled Josie against him. Wilson adjusted on her other side, and Tumbles resettled on her lap.
They stayed that way for a while, and Zach listened to the sounds of Tumbles purring. It was a surprisingly relaxing sound. He eventually felt Josie’s body go lax.
He thought she might be asleep, but she shifted around to face him. “I know what you’re thinking,” she said.
“I doubt that.” He’d been thinking he might want to take her to bed, undress her, and maybe give her a massage to relax away her tension.
“You’re thinking I should go try to find my mom.”
Definitely not what he’d been thinking. “Is that what you want to do?”
She shook her head. “I’ve long ago reconciled myself to the truth about my mother, Zach. She’s a drug addict, and she’ll do anything—anything—for a fix. I also learned not to go chasing her down. If I bring her back here, she’ll just run off again.”
“What about rehab?”
“That will only work if it’s her idea, not mine. So far, she hasn’t fallen far enough—at least in her mind—that she thinks she needs it. The only reason she wants to be around me is because I have income, and money is a means for her to buy drugs.”
He couldn’t imagine how frustrating and hurtful that must be for Josie. He lifted her hand and twined his fingers with hers. “I’m sorry.”
“I’m used to it.”
“How do you get used to having a mother with a drug problem, Josie? I guess that’s a stupid question. You don’t.”
“Actually, you do. You just … live with it.”
“And what were the times like when she was off the drugs?”
“Kind of surreal. I’ve known her mostly one way my entire life, so it’s like I don’t really even know the sober part of her.”
“But don’t you want to?”
She whirled around, crossing her legs as she faced him. “Of course I do. I want her to get clean and stay that way. But I can’t make her do it, and I can’t …”
“Hope that she’ll want to do it for you?”
“She can’t want to do it for me, Zach. She has to want to do it for herself.”
“Yeah, but she has to love you enough to know how much she’s hurting you.”
Her eyes w
elled with tears. “You know an awful lot about addiction.”
“My uncle is an alcoholic. It was when I was young, but I overheard a lot of conversations between my parents when they thought I was up in my room asleep.”
“I’m sorry. That had to be hard.”
“Hard on my dad—it was his brother. And hard on my aunt and my cousins. Though of course the Powers family swept it all under the rug. No one could know.”
“Why not?”
“Because that’s just how it was done.”
When she frowned, he said, “The Powers family is oil money. Prestigious and powerful connections in Oklahoma.”
“Oh, that’s right. You were raised in Tulsa.”
“Yeah. Anyway, I remember all the hushed talk and making of plans, and how Uncle Maxwell had to ‘go away to Europe on family business’ for six months, or at least that’s how the family spun it.”
“Huh. Lucky for your family. All our skeletons were always right out in the open, and considering my mom was always wandering up and down the streets screaming our business, there wasn’t a way to hide it anyway.”
He smoothed his hand up and down her back. “That couldn’t have been easy.”
“I took some shit for it from some kids at school who thought I was as weird as my mom. Other people were sympathetic, but they tended to be the adults.”
“Kids can be brutal.”
“Yeah, but they didn’t understand, and were likely afraid of the crazy lady wandering the streets at night.”
“Is that her standard MO when she’s high?”
Josie raised her knees to her chest and leaned her chin there. “Yeah. For some reason she’s always had a war going on with the world, and when she’s high, she wants everyone to know what’s on her mind.”
“Come on, let’s go.” He stood.
She frowned. “Where?”
“To find your mom. If she’s high, then maybe she’ll be wandering out where we can find her.”
“Oh, Zach, I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
He kneeled in front of her. “You’re worried about her. You might not want to admit it, but you are. And you aren’t going to rest until you find her.”
“She might not even come with me if we do find her.”
“Maybe not. But won’t you rest better knowing where she is, that she’s okay?” At her look, he added, “Or that she’s as okay as she’s going to be?”
“Yes. You’re right about that. This not knowing is tying me up in knots.”
“Then we’ll go for a drive and see what we can see. Wilson really likes going for rides, don’t you, buddy?”
Wilson stood up on the sofa and wagged his tail.
Josie closed her eyes for a few seconds, then opened them, braced her hands on either side of his face, and brushed her lips across his.
“Thank you. Hold Arthur, and I’ll be right back.”
She disappeared into the bathroom for a few minutes, so he petted Arthur, who made cute little bunny noises. Meanwhile, the Harbinger of Death regarded him suspiciously.
“Hey, Beelzebub. I care about her, too, so just chill.”
The cat inched over toward him and head butted his hand. So Zach ran his hand over Tumbles’s head and back, surprised when he started to purr.
“You’re lulling me into a false sense of security. Then you’re going to bite me, aren’t you?”
But Tumbles continued to purr and rub his head against Zach’s hand.
Weirdest thing.
“How can I continue to call you the Prince of Darkness if you’re going to be nice to me?”
“Making friends?” Josie asked as she came out of the bedroom. She’d put on a gray sweater and her tennis shoes.
“Apparently.”
“Here, let me take Arthur and put him in his crate.” She took the bunny, and Tumbles jumped off his lap. Wilson followed the cat, at least until the cat jumped up on the windowsill. Then Wilson barked, and Tumbles flicked his tail.
Zach attached Wilson’s leash to his harness, and they headed out to his car. He put Wilson in the back, and Josie climbed into the front seat.
“You know, I realized I’ve never seen your mother,” he said. “So it might be hard for me to help you look. Do you have a recent photo?”
“Oh, right,” she said, then pulled out her phone and swiped through her photos. “Here’s one she sent me last month.”
She handed the phone to him. His mom looked young. So young that she could pass for Josie’s sister. She wore her hair longer, in a ponytail. She was smoking in the picture and leaning against a patio table in a backyard. But she was smiling, so that was good. She seemed happy.
Josie definitely had her mom’s eyes, only Josie’s eyes sparkled with life. There was a disconnect in—
He looked up at Josie. “What’s your mom’s name?”
“Irene. Rina is what she goes by.”
“Pretty name.”
“I always thought so.”
As he backed down the driveway, he glanced at Josie. Her expression was blank, but he knew she was hoping they’d find her mom.
So was he. And he didn’t want to let her down.
* * *
JOSIE WAS PRETTY sure that after an hour of driving every street in Hope, she knew her way around better than ever. She knew street names and side streets and shortcuts that she’d never known before.
There was no sign of her mother, at least not in Hope. She’d run off with Josie’s hot-pink rain jacket, and providing she was still wearing it, she’d be easy to spot.
Zach had even called Luke McCormack and Will Griffin, since they were a city cop and highway patrol officer, respectively. He’d texted the pic of Josie’s mom to them—unofficially since Josie didn’t want to declare her mother a missing person. But they both said that they were out on patrol and they’d look for her.
“Did she take any money when she left?” Zach asked.
Josie shook her head. “Not that I’m aware of. Not any of my money, anyway. Once she showed up, I put my purse in my bedroom closet, knowing money would be what she’d be after. And I don’t keep a lot of cash on me, anyway.”
“And you checked to make sure? Plus your bank and credit cards. I hate to ask you that.”
“Don’t apologize. She took off with my wallet once when I was a teen, after I’d gotten my first job. She took my paycheck. I learned my lesson after that. So after she ran off this time, my purse and my bank balance were the first things I checked. Nothing was missing.”
He resisted thinking bad thoughts about Josie’s mom. But dammit, she’d really hurt Josie. “Okay. So as far as you know, she doesn’t have any cash.”
She shrugged. “Yes. That was the argument, that she ran out of money and didn’t have any cash to get back to Talihina. I offered to either drive her back home or purchase a bus ticket for her and take her to the bus station.”
“And?”
“She declined both offers, because she had come here for cash, and she didn’t plan on leaving until she guilted me into giving her money.”
He glanced at her. “Does that typically work?”
“Her getting cash from me? No. But it doesn’t stop her from trying. She’s out of money and desperate. So she forgets that I always say no. She always thinks she’s smarter than me and that this time her sob stories will work.”
“That has to be hard on you.”
She looked out the window. “I’m used to it.”
“Josie.”
She shifted to look at him. “Yes?”
“You don’t have to be brave all the time.”
“What? I’m not brave.”
“Yeah, you are. You blow this all off as something you’ve gone through since you were a kid. To me that’s a nightmare. You should be upset or angry. Or frustrated. It’s okay to show me how you feel.”
She inhaled a deep breath, then let it out. “Honestly, Zach, I’m just exhausted. I’ve been through this with my mom for as l
ong as I can remember. She’s been a drug addict for as long as I remember.”
She thought back to so many years ago, when she’d gotten tired of being alone in the house, hungry and scared.
“One time, I was seven, and she’d been gone for two days. I got tired of being scared, so I put on my shoes and my coat, and I went out one night and searched for her.”
He shook his head. “Fuck. You were a little girl.”
“Yeah, well, by that time I was the adult and she was the child. I found her behind the Quick Mart, stoned and out of her mind. I walked her home and put her to bed. I also found twenty dollars in her pocket, so the next morning I went to the market and got some food. She was mad about that, too.”
“Why?”
“Because I used her drug money to buy food.”
“Oh, for—”
“I know. After that, whenever she was passed out, I’d sneak a little money from her wallet and hide it where she couldn’t find it. That way when she disappeared on me again, I wouldn’t go hungry.”
“You do realize that DHS could have taken you into foster care.”
“I was more afraid of foster care than I was of her disappearing on me. I did the foster care thing the couple of times my mom went to rehab. I could handle her and her binges. I could even handle a couple of days and nights of being alone whenever she’d disappear. But being taken away and dumped on strangers? Now, that was scary. I didn’t like it and never wanted to do it again.”
She could still remember strange house smells and stacked-up beds and all those kids she didn’t know. Some were okay, but a lot of the kids were mean, and some of them had issues way worse than her mom. She’d had a lot of sleepless nights. Her mother was a known entity. Foster care was scary and unknown. She had always much preferred to stick with the devil she knew.
“I can’t imagine. I’m sorry you had to do that.”
“So was I.”
“What about grandparents? Her parents?”
She snorted out a laugh. “They were über-religious and wanted nothing to do with my mother and her drug habit or her illegitimate daughter. I might have seen them … twice, maybe? No, they didn’t want me. Or her.”
Zach frowned. “Assholes.”
“Pretty much.”