Familiar words, but he made you believe. Most preachers, no matter how skilled, preach as if they are reading from a script, a script they have memorized by rote but do not really believe. Jacob preached as if he understood and he made you believe.
Jacob’s beliefs were very new and different. I didn’t realize how different at first. He fooled me by teaching about things I already believed. However, these early teachings were just a foundation for his later radical teachings.
He always taught in the poorest sections of town, among the isolated, afraid, and forgotten. By his second day in town, many from the upper classes would brave the slums to hear him. Wealth alone cannot fill an empty soul.
The subject was God’s forgiveness.
“Many of you,” Jacob began, “feel worthless. Our society teaches us to strive always to be the best. If you are not the best, you feel hollow and insignificant. At the same time you feel entitled to everything. We want what we do not deserve and even when we obtain it we are no longer content.”
Many in the crowd nodded.
“God, alone, gives us solace from our feelings of hopelessness. We are all sinners, but God forgives us. His grace is available, not just for a select few or only the righteous, but for all. The love of God is free in all and free for all. It does not depend either on good works or the righteousness of the receiver, not on anything he has done or anything he is.”
Some began to scowl at this.
“Think! God spared not His own son, but delivered Him up for all. How shall He not freely forgive us all things? God has sacrificed a multitude of prophets and children in order to grant us this forgiveness.”
One man spoke up, “Why would God forgive even the greatest sinner?”
“God wants us all to love Him as He loves us. Love does not rebuke the sinner or rejoice in his merited punishment, but grieves for him and seeks to bring him in as the shepherd seeks out lost sheep. Consider it this way. Two men were in debt to a certain creditor. One owed $50,000 and the other owed $50. Neither could pay and the creditor forgave the debt for both. Which of them will love him more?”
“The one who owed more,” the man said.
“Just so,” Jacob said, “our Father will forgive the greatest sinner so that he will love Him more and through that love understand how much He loves him.
Chapter 9: Salvation
“Yesterday,” Jacob said, “I spoke to you of God’s forgiveness. Today I wish to teach you a very difficult lesson: Everyone goes to Heaven.”
“Impossible,” the crowd shouted, “even sinners, even murders, even those who do not follow the Law or accept Our Lord as their savior?”
“Yes, especially sinners, because they need God’s love the most.”
Great wailing and gnashing of teeth arose from the crowd at this statement.
Jacob waited patiently for silence. “Consider this world,” he said. “Our world is a garden, the Lord its gardener, cherishing all, none neglected. Does God punish, on Earth, those who are evil and help only the good? The trees in your orchard say not so, nor the flocks in your pasture. No, God provides for all. God makes the Sun rise on the evil and the good. He sends rain for the just and the unjust. The light of heaven falls whole and white and is not shattered into dyes.”
“But that is on earth; in Heaven, surely things are different.”
“No. If you count God’s blessing, you can never number it, surely God is all-forgiving, all compassionate. The quality of God’s mercy is not strained, it drops as a gentle rain from Heaven.”
“God will forgive all of our sins, even after death?”
“Yes, Christ died once for the sins of all, the righteous and the unrighteous. For God showed us His own love in this: While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Since all have sinned and fall short of the Glory of God, we are all justified by His Grace as a gift.”
“And God’s Grace will come to us no matter how great our sins?”
“Yes. We are all sinners and all need God’s Grace. Therefore, it is a question of degree. God does not say, “Who” but rather “How much?” God’s forgiveness is all encompassing, it is not based on degrees. We cannot understand the scope of God’s forgiveness because our mercy is limited. Man may be merciful to man, but the Lord’s mercy encompasses all flesh.”
“We are all sinners?”
“If even one is a sinner, we are all sinners. You cannot separate the just from the unjust or the good from the wicked for the righteous one is not innocent of the deeds of the wicked. Consider it this way: All human beings travel towards God in a single unbroken line. The good and the just lead this line and the rest of us follow. When one of you falls down, by committing a sin, he falls for those behind him, a caution against the stumbling stone, and he falls for those ahead of him, who though faster and surer of foot removed not the stumbling stone.”
“God will not destroy the unrepentant sinner?”
“No. God is love, and love covers a multitude of sins. God will always forgive us because forgiveness is the final form of love. When one finger is sore, you do not cut it off. When one person has sinned, God does not abandon him.”
“If all attain salvation why should we lead moral lives?”
“Because we want to be happy. He who does wrong is more unhappy than he who suffers wrong. Not from fear, but from a desired happiness and sense of duty you should refrain from your sins.”
“Is there no punishment in Heaven?”
“God pities us, but still requires repentance of us. However, He cannot punish us. We punish ourselves. For, in Heaven, we learn how our sins harmed others during our time in this world. In Heaven, my conscience is sufficient punishment for me. God shows me what sins I have done and my soul feels pain. Through this pain, I discover what true love is. Through the negative, I learn the positive.”
Chapter 10: Obsession
I have fallen hopelessly in love with Mary. I try to suppress my feelings because I am almost sure she will never love me, but it is impossible not to love her. She seems so sweet, beautiful, and perfect.
I suffer. There are sufferings in the world other than the suffering of love, but no torture is as great as the agony and rapture of unrequited love.
I have loved other women in my life before, though no one has ever loved me. I know well the pain of loving someone from afar. Nevertheless, I hope, by some miracle, that Mary will notice me. I cannot stop this insanity, this hopeless hope. I am helpless, condemned to death by the disease of misery. The miserable have no medicine except hope.
Every day I watch her without her knowing. Everyday she grows more beautiful in my eyes. Everyday she makes me fall in love with her all over again.
I watch her secretly but my heart aches for her to notice me. O Heart! O Heart! If she would but turn her head, you’d know the folly of being comforted.
I conceal my feelings even though I think she knows. She is with Simon. However, I do not think that they are in love.
You think I am jealous. I am not jealous. Jealousy contains more of self-love than of true love. I do not love my worthless self. I know I do not deserve her love.
I am not jealous, I am unfairly tortured. She will never love me, but I cannot stop loving her.
Mary, you are so beautiful and I am a fool for loving you. God, You make your beautiful creatures to be abhorred. You made her beautiful Lord, too beautiful. Your beautiful creation is destroying me.
Chapter 11: Attack
Some of the places we visited on our journey accepted us with open arms. Many did not. Often people would run us out of town at the first opportunity. Local church leaders and their followers were usually behind such attacks.
The attacks were always the same. I will tell you about the first time I experienced an attack. From the first, you will understand the others.
They came in the night, long after the crowd had departed. Jacob was giving us further instruction concerning his teachings. They ran up the hill, shouti
ng, screaming, and carrying signs. They had no torches, but they were a mob nonetheless.
We ran. They chased screaming. Simon, John, and the brothers wanted to fight, but Jacob called them away and they obeyed.
We ran. They caught us. They began to hit us with their signs. I embraced Luish, trying to protect her with my body as Jesus and Love broke over my back.
We ran. I saw Mary fall and I tried to reach her, but the mob blocked my path. Simon knocked over her pursuers and carried her to the bus.
We ran. We reached the bus and they smashed their clubs against the windows screaming, always screaming. We drove away and they let us go
Chapter 12: Integrity
“Those monsters,” Simon yelled, “we can’t let them get away with this. Look at what they did.”
He pointed to Mary and Luish. Both had large gashes across their foreheads. All of us bore wounds.
“My son,” Jacob said, “when you come to serve the Lord, you must prepare yourself for trials.”
“Why?” Luish said through purple lips. A hollow word, not a question.
Nevertheless, Jacob answered, “Those people hope for the truth, but hope and fear are inseparable. They are too afraid to change. They do not realize true danger arises from permanence. We revealed a new truth, a frightening truth because they could not fit it into what they knew to be the truth. Thus, they became angry and afraid.”
“Isn’t there anything we can do?” Simon said.
“All we need is a little patience and a little faith.”
“My faith says we kill them, we punish them for what they did. All religions have a concept of holy war,” John said.
“You want to replace faith with a doctrine. We must have faith. Faith is something you die for, a doctrine is something you kill for. Do you want to kill for me or die for me? In that choice, there is all of the difference in the world.”
No one answered. I don’t think he expected an answer.
“You have learned an important lesson tonight. Do not meet troubles half-way. A man holding a basket of eggs does not dance on stones and the grass must bend when the wind blows across it. Humble yourself the more, the greater you are, and you will find favor with God.”
“But we lost,” Atarah said.
“Those unbelievers may have conquered us tonight, but evil is never truly strong for it is born of fear. Fear is strong and hard while true courage is weak and soft. However, the softest things in the world eventually overcome the hardest things in the world. The beginning of the path to strength lies in the admission of vulnerability. Tonight, we yielded to maintain our integrity. They witnessed our faith and someday even out of those, our greatest enemies, a great number of believers will arise.”
Chapter 13: Faith
Often, Jacob would teach with stories. He would impart knowledge through riddles. We referred to these teachings as parables, but we never really understood. He refused to explain them to us. He always began them the same way. He would say, “Consider this story,” and everyone would listen for they knew these were the true teachings.
“Consider this story.”
Many years ago, there was a valley between two gigantic mountains. A very old man named Yugong lived in the valley between the mountains. He was a kind man and this came through in his work. He was troubled by the mountains because they blocked the road and forced the inhabitants to go around on a lengthy journey whenever they left the valley.
Yugong decided to flatten the mountains so that there would be a direct route in and out of the valley. One of his sons and one of his grandsons agreed to help him. They dug up dirt at the base of the mountain. They had no baskets or containers to carry the dirt. Therefore, they each took only a small handful of the mountain.
“We do not want to block up another area,” Yugong said, “so we must dump these mountains into the sea.” The son and grandson agreed, for they were good men as well. Sadly, the sea was thousands of miles away.
They carried their burden all the way to the sea and returned home. This took almost an entire year.
When they returned a rich man laughed at them, “Yugong, you are almost ninety nine. How will you ever move two mountains?”
“I cannot move the mountains now,” Yugong said, “but my son and grandson are helping me. After I die, they will continue and their sons and grandsons will continue my work. They will continue, and the mountains will not grow in size. Eventually the mountains will be gone. Nothing worth doing can be achieved in a lifetime. Why should I worry that I will die before the task is complete?
Chapter 14: Prayer
One night, while camped out somewhere in Middle America, warming ourselves by a campfire, the disciples began to argue over how to pray.
“Methodists are the only people that know how to pray correctly,” Matthew said, “we have prayers that are personal but still reflect a healthy fear of God.”
“Yeah right,” Philip said, “Baptists use prayer to communicate directly with God.”
“I do not understand you Christians,” Stephen said, “why do you fear formal prayers.”
“Formal prayers take away spontaneity and true love of God,” Simon said, “They are recited without real understanding. Besides, all Christian religions have formal prayers.”
“You make good points; people of all religions have prayers that may be empty. However, there is much use in formal prayers. They bring together the ummah or community of believers.”
“Plus,” Luish said, “rituals can help you find a oneness with God.”
“Please don’t compare my prayers with your ridiculous chanting.”
“Sorry,” Luish snapped, “but I know my prayers have much more meaning than yours do.”
All the disciples began to argue shouting at each other. I am ashamed to admit that I joined the rest in shouting that my religion was the best.
Jacob came in carrying firewood and we stopped as soon as we saw him.
“Why are you arguing?” he said.
“We want to know how to pray,” Simon said, “teach us how to pray.”
“Your parents did not teach you your prayers?” Jacob joked.
“We know prayers,” I said, “but we have repeated them so many times they have lost all meaning for us.”
“I see,” Jacob said as he placed the logs onto the fire. When he was finished he said, “Gather around and I will teach you how to pray.”
“First, you can pray anywhere. There is not a single place in all the corners of the world where God is absent. He will always hear you. Nor must you say anything specific for God knows what we want before we ask.”
“And will God answer our prayers?” Mary asked.
“God always answers our prayers. Either He changes the circumstances, or He supplies sufficient power to overcome them. Pray to God, cast your burden on the Lord and He will sustain you. God gives burdens but also shoulders. If you say yes, God will say yes.”
“How will we know God has answered our prayers,” John asked, “Will He speak to us?”
“He will answer somehow. No prayer goes unanswered-just, sometimes, you don’t like the answer. Sometimes the answer comes in words, sometimes in a sign or in a feeling. Sometimes the answer is peaceful silence.”
“I have never felt such things,” Philip said.
“I have,” Luish said.
“Good,” Jacob said patting her on the shoulder, “you must teach the others how to receive the answer. But there is one more thing you must do when you pray.”
We waited for Jacob to speak but he remained silent. Finally, James asked, “Well what is it?”
“I am afraid I must answer with a question. If people were being persecuted in your city what would you say to God?”
“Thank you for saving me from persecution.”
“Thank you for keeping me from being a persecutor.”
“Dear God please save me from your followers.”
“Why are you persecuting people he
re Lord?”
“Wrong, “Jacob said. “Christ, or any other real religious leader, would ask to be among the persecuted and when He became one of the persecuted He would thank God.”
“What are you saying?”
“That when you pray you must thank God not only for your happiness, but also for your pain. For pain is one of God’s greatest gifts to us. Therefore, everyday reflect on the events of the day, both good and bad, and say, ‘Thank you Lord for the great joy I experienced today.”
Chapter 15: Quest
Later that same evening Jacob led me away from the group, “I need to speak with you,” he said.
“Okay.”
“I know you are troubled. You feel as though you are a worthless person whom God does not love. I want you to know that we are all here for a purpose. We are not powerless specks of dust drifting around in the wind, blown by random destiny. We are each of us like beautiful snowflakes-unique, and born for a specific reason and purpose. Therefore, God loves each of us as if there were only one of us. Do you believe God loves you and has chosen a purpose for you?”
“Yes.”
“Good, now I want to tell you what your purpose is. I want you to find something for me. Do you remember what I asked you when we first met?”
“You asked me what I was seeking.”
“Yes, we all are seekers but do we know what it is we seek?”
“No.”
“We all seek, as you told me that day, happiness. Yet how do we become happy?”
“I have no idea.”
“We become happy by choosing good over evil. However, this is a difficult task, for often those things that seem good are actually evil. Often we seek things that make us unhappy.”
“What do you want me to do?”
“I want you to find the truth. I want you to discover the definition of what is good. I want you to discover how to distinguish the truly good from the truly evil. God, our savior, desires all to be saved and to come to the knowledge of this truth.”
“It is impossible to find a single all-encompassing definition of good.”