Next an old and very wise man came. “Look at these old books I carry which are filled with ancient knowledge far greater than my own. Wisdom lasts forever. Spend your money on works to bring wisdom and your name will last forever.”
Again, the priest answered, “Often those seeking wisdom find falsehood and foolishness instead. Even if you invest in true wisdom, you will be forgotten. Wisdom may remain but the creator is forgotten.”
“Send him away,” the man said for the priest had convinced him wisdom cannot last.
Finally, a small, unimportant, but happy man came. “Follow me,” he said.
The small man led them to a beach and sat in the wet sand where the waves crashed upon the much sounding shore. With his finger, he wrote, “And this too shall pass away.” As soon as he finished, the waves washed away his work.
The priest said nothing.
“Send him away,” the man said for he knew this was the answer.
Chapter 23: Blind
I was sitting, watching Mary laughing sweetly as she talked with Simon. My soul felt hard, cold, and empty. She loved him, not me. Looking at her dredged up memories of other girls I had loved from afar. I mixed the bitterness of the past with the poison of the present.
“You love her don’t you?” Luish asked from behind me.
“Who, what do you mean?”
“Oh please, it’s so obvious,” Luish said sitting down next to me.
“I’m not in love with her.”
“She isn’t a bad person, but you have overvalued her, my friend. You fill her with your dreams, your hopes, and your soul. You should look at her as she really is, then you would know that she is not the right person for you.”
“How would you know Aurora?”
“I know what it is like to love someone alone. To love someone close to you who doesn’t even know who you are.”
I shifted uncomfortably under her gaze, “So what should I do?”
“Forget about her, find someone else. You can’t force anyone to love you. Staying attached to her will only bring you more pain.”
“I can’t, I’m in love with her. I can’t choose to stop loving her. Love is not rational.”
“You are not in love. You are infatuated. Love is patient, love is kind. It is not self-seeking. Infatuation is an insanity in which you shape a person to be what you want and care nothing for what they really are or what they really want.” She slid towards me and wrapped her arm around mine.
“I am in love. Love always hopes, always perseveres, and never says it will never be. Love is not blind-it simply enables one to see things others fail to see.”
“Fine, you are in love with her, but she is not in love with you. I have talked with her and she loves Simon,” she said pressing herself against me.
“Eventually he will stop loving her and she will forget him. Love eventually ends.”
“Real love stories never have endings,” she sighed placing her head on my shoulder.
“If they are truly in love then I will have to live my life in constant suffering.”
“I see your mind is made up. I will help you if I can, because I don’t want you to experience the same pain that I feel. It will be a miracle if she comes to love you. Therefore, we will have to make a miracle. There’s no problem a good miracle can’t solve.”
“I don’t believe in miracles.”
“Where there is great love, there are always miracles. This must be true. Otherwise I am doomed to perpetually wonder in the dark, to be forever a pale shadow of what I could be-of what, paradoxically, I already am.”
“How will we make a miracle?”
“You must trust me.”
“I don’t trust anyone.”
“You can trust me. Step into the unknown and do not be afraid. There is an answer to your problem.”
Chapter 24: Love-Hate
Mary. Ama me fideliter, Fidem meam noto. Decorde totaliter. Et ex mente tota. Sum presentialiter. Absens in remota. Quid me nutrit me destruit. Odi et amo. Quare id faciam, fortasse requires. Nescio. Sed fieri sentio et excrucior.
(Love me faithfully, See how I am faithful, With all my Heart, and all my Soul, I am with you, even though I am far away. What nourishes me also destroys me. I hate and I love. Perhaps you ask why I do so. I do not know but I feel it to be and I am tortured.)
Chapter 25: Money
Sometimes, Jacob would take questions from the audience. Often the rich asked about money.
“We have heard,” someone from the crowd said, “it is very difficult for a rich person to get into heaven.”
“But always,” another said, “people who are rich or successful, say God has blessed them and that is the reason for their wealth.”
“Do you not allege everyone goes to heaven anyway?” a third said.
“Listen,” Jacob responded, “and I will teach you about money. You have heard the love of money is the root of all evil. The rich wish to twist this truth and say they are not evil because they do not love their money even though they spend every waking hour pursuing it. I say money is a great evil, not just morally, but to your own happiness.”
“I agree,” Simon joked, “give me all of your money and I will suffer for you.”
The crowd laughed.
“We seek happiness,” Jacob said, “but money doesn’t always bring happiness. A person with $10 million dollars is no happier than one with only $9 million. How often have you seen a rich person trapped by his money, unable to choose happiness because he fears losing his wealth or lifestyle?”
“How then, should we live?”
“Be it little or much, be content with what you have.”
“I agree with what you say,” a woman said, “but I always get upset when someone with money says God has blessed them. Shouldn’t we avoid such language and the holier than thou attitude?”
“You make a wonderful point. The vague and tenuous hope God punishes the evil, either here or in Heaven, has become a deadly opiate for the consciousness of millions. You all think God rewards good and punishes evil, but I say to you God punishes the good and rewards the evil. By this, I mean the evil are always successful under the standards of this world, while the good are often destitute. God does not bless us with wealth or fame; He blesses us with happiness and understanding.”
“Please clarify. How much wealth is too much? How much should we give away to others?”
“We all have a duty to give and receive. Let not your hand be open to receive and clenched when it is time to give. You will lose money, but you will gain something much more valuable. It is bad to have an empty purse, but an empty heart is a whole lot worse. It is enough if you give as the widow woman gave.”
“I want to help others and I give away money, but I can’t bankrupt myself and my family, especially when I know the money is going to a worthless person or cause. I have to look to my own family’s safety and welfare first.”
“God hasn’t promised us a quiet journey, only a safe arrival. If we let things terrify us, life will not be worth living. Put your trust in God and I promise your family will be safe and happy. Yes, your lifestyle may change, but I doubt your life is perfect now. If it is not, then a change may be beneficial.”
“What do you want me to do, give all of my money to the poor and follow you?”
“Not necessarily. You may give your money to rich or poor, but you should help those in need. I don’t ask you to follow me, just seek your own happiness. There is no need to fear poverty if everyone follows my teachings.”
“That will never happen. I can’t trust everyone else to give away their money to help me.”
“If you do not trust them, why should they trust you?”
Chapter 26: Message
About two weeks into our journey, we stopped at a small church in an area called Pumlumon. The church itself was nothing special. It was a small and dilapidated building that looked as if it had been abandoned long before. Despite this, it gave off a kind of
power that suggested wisdom.
The surrounding area was beautiful. The church stood on top of a small hill surrounded by birch and dogwood trees. The petals of the trees continually broke free and swirled through the air until they fell into the dust, dreaming of eyes and great winds.
“Listen, everyone,” Jacob said, “this is a special place, a place to be with God. Each of us will go inside, one by one, and seek a message from God. Go inside, pray, and keep your mind open to receive God’s message.”
Jacob told us we would enter one by one in the order he chose us. I would be last. Jacob himself would come in after all of the disciples finished.
A miracle must have occurred in the church. Every disciple came out speaking in tongues. I do not understand what they said. Nevertheless, I will write their words here.
Simon went in first. He spent 12 minutes inside and returned with a satisfied look on his face. “Oltre i confine. E le terre assetate. Dici che come fiume. Come fiume...L'amore giungerà,” he said. (Beyond the borders and the thirsty lands You say that as a river, like a river, love shall come.)
Andrew remained inside for only 7 minutes as did his brother James who followed him. They both returned with huge grins on their faces. “Quel est le vin qu'y verse la Déesse? Nous l'ignorons; il enivre et ravit.”(What wine does the Goddess pour? One we don’t know, which exalts and enraptures. )
Stephen was inside for 9 minutes and he returned content. “E as promessas divinas da esperança”(the divine promises of hope).
Joel spent only 3 minutes inside before receiving his message. He was laughing when he returned. “Intelligo me velle.” (I understand that I will understand)
Mary was inside for 10 minutes and when she returned, she looked more beautiful than I have ever seen her. “Aletheuontes de en Agape.”(speaking the truth in love)
Luish needed only 4 minutes, which I thought strange because her prayers were lengthy and complicated. “jinhe.n mai.n Dhuu.NDhataa thaa aasmaano.n me.n zamiino.n me.n vo nikale mere zulmat-e-Khaanaa-e-dil ke makiino.n me.n.” (the one I was searching for on the earth and in heaven appeared residing in the recesses of my own heart.)
Atarah came out with an awed expression 8 minutes after entering. “Dair Nahin, Haram Nahin, Dar Nahin, Aastan Nahin Baithe Hain Reh-Guzar Pe Hum. Gair Hamein Uthaye Kyon?”(neither in the temple nor the mosque Nor on someone’s door or porch. I await on the path where he will tread. Why should others compel me to go?)
John, Matthew, and Philip entered in that order and each spent 6 minutes inside.
John said, “be-semai I-melaIkt Kidusan “(I heard the angels singing).
Matthew said, “Himitsu wo shiri tai.”(I want to know your secret)
Philip said, “Gott hat ein Welt voller kleiner Weltchen erschaffen.”
I was next.
Chapter 27: Silence
I entered the church with a feeling of dread. What did I fear more? God’s silence or His inflexible words?
The church was dark like a grave. Only feeble light came in from the two high windows. The sun had almost set and soon darkness would envelop the church. For now, dusty rays illuminated the way.
I saw a broken organ and several huge bells, but there was no sound. In the midst of such silence, it seemed possible to believe in everything.
Otherwise, the church was empty, not only of religious feeling and truth like most churches, but empty of furniture and possessions. No one had worshipped here in a very long time. I could see the footprints of the others in the dust.
I followed their footprints until they stopped in front of the altar. There the dust indicated that the disciples knelt.
I knelt and began to pray to God. “Lord, I am a sinner and I don’t deserve any answer from you. All I ask is that you listen to me. If my words are worthwhile please send me a sign.”
I heard nothing but silence. I saw nothing but darkness. I felt nothing but sorrow.
“I have never been a good person, but I am trying. I want to turn away from my selfish desires and help others. I hope that by following Jacob I can do this. I thank you for sending him to me.”
I heard nothing but silence. I saw nothing but darkness. I felt nothing but sorrow.
“I know that I have been angry at you before, blamed you for my pain, and questioned your will. I’m sorry, I know you are not responsible for that. I am trying to be a better person. I am trying to help others now. Jacob wants me to find the definition of the good. Can you please give it to me?”
I heard nothing but silence. I saw nothing but darkness. I felt nothing but sorrow.
“Please Lord! Please! Just tell me something, anything.”
I heard nothing but silence. I saw nothing but darkness. I felt nothing but sorrow.
“Fine, forget it.”
I stood up and left. As I opened the door, Jacob entered. I noticed some words written on the door “שלום הילד שלי.”(hello/goodbye my son) I could have taken those words as a sign but I couldn’t read them.
Chapter 28: Adversary
I left the church more unsure of my path than ever. All the disciples were gone. A man now stood before the church with his back to me, staring out across the countryside. The sun was dying, drenching him with its bloody rays. All else was darkness, but he shone like the morning star in the midst of a cloud.
He did not move until the red light of the sun disappeared, leaving us in twilight darkness. Finally, he turned to me. I wish I could tell you something, some distinguishing mark, some way for you to recognize him, to know him, so that you could flee from him. But nothing about his appearance stood out, he was unremarkable in every way.
He smiled at me and I was afraid. Not because I feared him, but because his smile showed he recognized some kinship with me. I feared myself because I thought I was dangerous.
“When I consider how my light is spent,” he said, “I wonder how many days I have wasted. How many hours in needless pain and worry? How many minutes on worthless tasks? That is why I like the sunset. It reminds me to hurry.”
I didn’t know what the hell he was talking about. “Hello my name is…”
“I know who you are even if you do not know yourself. Please allow me to introduce myself. You may not remember but we have met before,” he shook my hand, “My name is Belial.” He paused, and then pointed in the direction of the church. “Why are you here?”
“I, we, are on a journey and we came here looking for something.”
“Ma t’vakesh,”(what are you seeking?) he said, “What are you seeking?”
“The truth.”
He laughed. “Quid est veritas?”(what is truth) It is strange to hear you speak of the truth. After all these years you do not yet know what it is?”
“No.”
“Do you want to know even though the truth can hurt you?”
“Yes.”
“There is no truth. Better yet, everything is the truth. Imagine anything and anyone can make it true. No truth remains that has not been falsified by another truth. The opposite of a fact is falsehood, but the opposite of one profound truth may very well be another profound truth. All things are subject to interpretation; whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth. All the truth in the world adds up to one big lie.”
“I do not believe you.”
“Fine, be a fool, accept whatever truth you desire. I promise you I can prove it true and false.” He walked to the church and sat down on an old wooden bench. “Do you even know why you seek the truth?”
“To find the good.”
“Excellent, I also know the definition of the good. What is good? All that heightens the feeling of power, the will to power, power itself in man. Only those with power are satisfied. Why else would all strive for it?”
“You are wrong.”
”Am I?”
Chapter 29: Hell
“Have you not yet realized who I am? How I know these things? I am the one you
mistakenly call ‘ha Satan.’”
“You seem more like a madman to me.”
He laughed, “What is madness but nobility of soul at odds with circumstance. Think me a madman if you wish, but listen.”
I moved away from him quickly, but slowly enough that he would not know I was trying to escape. Always, always keeping my eyes on him. You do not turn your back on the devil. “Why are you here? Aren’t all devils supposed to be in hell?”
He did not move, but I felt him chasing me, “Why this is hell, for I am damned and am now in Hell.”
The necessary conclusion that I was in hell, had always been in hell, he left unspoken.
He advanced on me. Where could I run, where could I hide that he could not find me? “Why are you so afraid of Hell,” he said, “do you think heaven is such a glorious thing? I admit that Heaven is beautiful, but it is not a pretty thing when you look into it too much.”
“I think I would rather be in heaven,” I said.
“And how do you plan on getting there? By following the ramblings of a dead carpenter? I knew him, just as I have known all the others. He was not the son of God. Like all teachers, he was a failure who tricked some poor uneducated fools into following him. Like all men, he sought power and glory. You should call him ‘Halal.’ Even if he was not a liar, Christ cannot save your soul, for he is just. The just never bend their backs to save lowly sinners like you and me. Christ cares for none but the powerful.”
“You lie, you were born to lie, there is no truth in you. I am not yet condemned. Faith in Christ, or at least in God, can save me. Don’t tell me God doesn’t exist, since you, if you are a devil, prove his existence.”
“God does not exist. You think that evil requires good? I do not argue that I am good, but those who rule in heaven, the other angels, are as evil as I am. Their evil is just of a different nature. I am the bringer of light. I have wisdom by reason of my brightness. They have no wisdom and they seek to drag you into the darkness. I lead men towards power and glory. They desire worship and sacrifice. I order you to seek power, so that you may rule over others. They order you to become a beggar, so that they can rule over you. What do they offer in return? Nothing. Those who served them in life will serve them in death as well.”