I thought I’d try my luck with Jay. See if he’d forgiven me.
"Yeah," he answered on the first ring.
"What telephone manners," I said. "How’re you doing?"
"I’m fine thank you. And you?" he said like a five year old.
"Bored. Sad. Restless. I cleaned the apartment, ate dinner, tried to read for a while. Have you forgiven me yet?" I asked.
"For what?"
"Don’t be a smart-ass Jay." I changed the subject. "What time did you get out of the office?"
"About seven. I headed for the hills when the yelling reached a fever pitch."
"Yeah? Who was yelling?"
"I don’t know. It sounded like Oakes and Cox. I was working on that stock option report, trying to get it finished. I had a couple of questions for Rick but never got past his door. When I went to go in I could hear yelling in his office so I hightailed it out of there. They sounded busy."
"I’m surprised. I saw Oakes with his coat on when I left. What were they yelling about?"
"I didn’t stop to listen Kate."
"Come on Jay. Didn’t you put your ear up to the door?"
"Unlike you Kate, I believe in letting some people have their privacy. Besides, it was none of my business."
Ouch. "So Rick never got his report."
"Yes he did. I sent it to him on e-mail. Not that he’ll read it but my ass is covered. There’re still outstanding problems. I worked backwards and ended up using the stock option numbers you gave me from the last board meeting. There’s no sense to why those numbers on the system were changed and I couldn’t find any back-up for them. I’m sure it’ll get sorted out when I talk to Rick about it. Why did Didrickson keep the originals of the two lists?"
"I’m not sure. And, he was anxious to see Oakes at the end of the day. Must have been something important for Harold to want to see Oakes. Maybe it was about the lists."
"Oh yeah, really Kate," Jay said sarcastically. "Didrickson is going to bother Oakes with a clerical error."
"Well, Mr. Smarty Pants, maybe Harold thought someone had been diddling with the numbers. Maybe he thought you had a fairy godmother too."
"Are you starting up again?" Jay’s voice went up half an octave.
"Sorry. Really. Forget it. Listen, I talked to Danny. They haven’t released Evelyn’s body yet. He said they want to do an autopsy to determine the cause of death."
"It wasn’t a reaction to nuts?" Jay asked.
"They’re not sure." The sadness started to overwhelm me again. I slumped against the wall. "I gotta go Jay."
"Kate? You all right?" Jay asked quietly.
"Yeah, sure. I’ll call you tomorrow." I could hear Jay calling my name as I hung up the phone but I ignored him and hung up anyway. I slid down the wall to a sitting position on the floor and hugged my knees and was suddenly so tired I couldn’t move. The adrenaline had finally vacated the body. I had been up since five that morning.
The phone rang and I didn’t answer. If I could just get up the energy to stand up and go to bed, I thought. I didn’t even have enough fuel in me to crawl. The phone stopped ringing after five rings. My throat tightened up and I started to cry. Twice in two days. My crying was quiet at first and slowly changed to gasping sobs. I rolled on my side and hugged myself. I could feel the carpet beneath my cheek getting wet.
I stopped crying when the phone started to ring again. It seemed like I had been crying for a century but it must have been about two minutes. I ignored the phone and closed my eyes and fell asleep and dreamed that Jay was holding me. He was telling me it was okay, that he forgave me. He was stroking my hair and his arms felt good around me.
I opened my eyes and I was looking into Jay’s. He was sitting on the floor in my hallway, holding me on his lap. His arms were around me and it felt good. My heart was in my throat the moment I realized I wasn’t dreaming.
"Jesus Christ. You scared me Jay."
"Shut up Kate."
"How long have you been here?" I asked.
"Just a few minutes. I didn’t mean to scare you."
I pushed his arms away and struggled to my feet. Jesus, I felt warm. Jay certainly throws off body heat, I thought. He got to his feet and leaned over and touched his nose to mine. "I was worried about you."
He was going to make me start crying again. "Do you want some coffee?" I asked, quickly changing the subject. I was great at changing the subject. "I’ll make decaf," I pronounced as I hurried into the kitchen. I fussed about making coffee, feeling like a fourteen year old school girl. Calm yourself Kathleen. The man is like a brother. You’ve known him since you were six. I turned around to look at Jay who was leaning against the doorframe with this hands in the pockets of his jeans. He wasn’t hard to look at. Jay was thirteen inches taller than me and had dark hair that hugged his head. His eyes were dark brown, almost black. His face was square and the most prominent feature was his nose. Not overly large, but noticeable because the slight bend in it where it looked like it had been broken and not properly re-set.
"If I remember correctly, I gave you a key to my apartment to check the fish when I was on vacation," I reminded him.
"I was worried about you. So sue me."
"Go and sit. I’ll bring the coffee as soon as it’s ready," I said. He shrugged his shoulders and turned around into the living room.
No doubt about it, I thought. The man was sweet. Very sweet. And you, Kathleen, are very vulnerable. You’re feeling sad because of Evelyn’s death, I lectured myself. Jay’s a friend. A good friend. Good friends give you a shoulder to cry on. They even hold you to make you feel better. I was good at this. I was very convincing.
I held the two coffee cups in one hand and scooped up a couple of coasters from my desk before placing the cups on the coffee table. Holding two hot cups in one hand is no mean feat, but one of my many hidden talents I learned over the years serving coffee to executives.
Jay was sitting in the corner of the sofa with his long legs up on the coffee table. I sat at the other end of the couch and lit a cigarette. The silence was overwhelming.
"So. Another busy Friday night for you too?" I joked.
Jay put his feet on the floor and leaned over to take a sip of his coffee. He carefully put the cup on the coaster and looked over at me. He ran his hand through his hair a couple of times before he answered.
"Kathleen, do you have to joke about everything?" I noticed his use of my proper name. Things were getting serious.
"Jay, I save my humour for those close to me."
"You make a joke out of everything," he started.
I interrupted him before it became a lecture. "Listen Jay, if you’re going to chew me out again for what I said in the office, about you having a fairy godmother, I already apologized."
Jay sighed. "Kate, this has nothing to do with that. What I’m getting at is that you can’t have a serious conversation without turning it into a joke. Why is that?"
I thought about it and couldn’t come up with an answer so I shrugged my shoulders. This was very reminiscent of getting a lecture from my mother.
This time Jay changed the subject. "I know you’re sad about Ev. Do you want to talk about it?"
"Jay, did you take counselling classes at Western? I heard they have a new one called ‘Death and the Helpless Friend’. No I don’t want to talk about it. What’s there to talk about? One of my best friends has died. Needlessly. Can you explain why?" I didn’t give him time to answer. It was a rhetorical question and I was on a roll. "Why did she die? She wasn’t old. She was healthy. She’s gone and left her three kids and a grandchild. What’s the sense of it all?" I looked at Jay. "She left me." My throat was tight and I couldn’t swallow. There. I said it. Evelyn left me.
God, how does Danny feel, I thought. I don’t want anyone to leave me again. I want my mommy. I’m 34 years old and I want my momm
y. I reached over for my coffee cup and Jay grabbed my hand. He pulled me over to him and wrapped me in his arms.
"And people say you’re tough," he said softly. I had a million smart retorts to that one but I didn’t bother.