“I wish I had a Polaroid," I said to no one in particular. Chris was slumped in his chair decked out in his pyjama bottoms and a dress shirt with CEO monogrammed on the breast pocket. Something wet was dribbling out of the side of his mouth and he snorted loudly as I stood over him. The sound made me jump but it also confirmed that he was still alive even though the evidence indicated he had probably ingested enough Scotch to sink the Navy.
"Well," Jay said smartly. "Go ahead. Question him. He’s all yours. I’ll question the dog."
"Don’t get smart Jay. I’ll sober him up with coffee."
"If he’s had all that Scotch, I think it’ll take a couple of days to sober him up."
"Maybe, maybe not. That empty on the floor could have been sitting there for a couple of days."
"No. I drankth it tonight," Oakes slurred. I jumped again and looked at him, still slumped in his chair with his eyes closed.
"Chris," I said as I edged closer to him. I put my hand out to touch him but recoiled at the thought. He didn’t respond and I repeated, "Chris." This time I said it louder.
"Go ‘way," he mumbled.
"I won’t go away," I told him. "Until you tell me what happened to Evelyn." Another snort came from his nose and I wasn’t about to allow him to pass out again so I grabbed the fabric of the sleeve of his shirt and pulled on it a couple of times to get his attention.
"Kate, it’s a losing battle," Jay said. "He just keeps passing out. You’ll never get any sense out of him in this condition."
"Hey, I’m used to it. This is just like communicating with him at the office. He mumbles and grunts and snorts all the time." I grabbed the bottle from Chris’ clutches and poured the remains over his head. Scotch soaked into his hair and ran down his face and onto the front of his shirt.
"What the hell are you doing Kate?" Jay demanded.
Satisfied that the bottle was now empty I held on to the neck of the bottle and practiced a few swings with it.
"Emptying the bottle so I can hit him over the head with it," I told him. Jay swiftly took the bottle from my hand and laid it upright on the table beside Chris’ chair.
"Have you lost it?"
"Hey, I was kidding. I poured it on him to see if I could get a reaction. Maybe I need something colder." On the back wall of the room there was a fully stocked bar and I knew from the last time I had to sober him up that the refrigerator had an automatic ice-maker that dispensed cubes out a chute in the front door. I found an ice bucket on the bar counter and filled it with ice cubes from the dispenser and then poured cold water from the tap over the ice cubes and sloshed it around a few times. The wicked grin on my face told Jay exactly what I planned to do with my ice-cold concoction.
I stood over Oakes with the bucket poised and asked Jay, "Do you think he prefers a twist of lemon with his Scotch and water?" With my index finger and thumb, I very gingerly held the collar of his shirt away from his neck to make sure some it went inside his shirt.
The reaction this time from Oakes was more to my liking and he reacted quickly, spluttering and cursing. I stood back and watched for signs of an awakening but when it was too slow coming, I filled the bucket again with ice and water and this time poured it over his head and down the front of his shirt. Oakes’ arms flailed about and with his eyes open, he tried unsuccessfully to get out of his chair but I pushed him back. I yanked on the wooden handle at the side of the La-Z-Boy chair to pop up the footrest and Chris’ feet flew up. It was a comical sight and a sure way to keep him prisoner in his chair.
Oakes was awake now and he looked at Jay and I through half opened eyes.
"Hooru," came out of his mouth and Jay and I looked at each other for interpretation.
"I think he said who are you," I offered. I put my hands on the arm of the chair and leaned into his face and in my best Marine drill sergeant voice, I yelled at him. "Coffee?" His head lolled to the side and rested on his shoulder. "I’ll take that for a yes," I said confidently and headed for the bar. One of the lower cupboards yielded a small jar of Maxwell House Instant and I shook a generous amount in the bottom of a large beer mug. To this I added some lukewarm water from the tap and stirred it up with a pink swizzle stick with a cute flamingo on top.
"Now I need your help," I told Jay. "Just hold his head straight and I’ll do the pouring."
"He could choke, Kathleen. Don’t be ridiculous."
"Fine, I’ll do it myself."
I grabbed Chris’ chin and grimaced as I stuck my thumb in his lower lip and forced his mouth open. The lukewarm instant coffee poured out of his mouth and I wasn’t sure if any was making its mark because I couldn’t see his throat working. So, I pushed on the back of the La-Z-Boy to get it into a more reclined position and poured some more into his mouth. When he swallowed, I slowed down and waited for him to empty his mouth.
I looked up at Jay who was staring at me in horror. "Maybe I’d be better off just spooning the dry coffee crystals into his mouth," I suggested. "That way the caffeine would work faster."
"You’re nuts."
"Maybe. But I’m not leaving here until I get some answers." I started pouring more liquid caffeine in Chris’ mouth and by the time we reached the bottom of the beer mug Chris was stirring. I perched on the edge of the sofa to wait and eventually my efforts were rewarded when Chris grunted several times and wiped his hand over his face. By this time most of the various liquids that had been poured over him had dried on his face but his shirt remained soaked and stuck to his skin. His pyjama bottoms were in the same condition and the fabric covering of the La-Z-Boy chair gave off an uncomfortable squishing sound when he squirmed in the chair. Chris was probably feeling just like a newborn baby sitting in a soaked diaper.
"Come on Chris, please," I prodded him. Jay had made himself comfortable in a matching loveseat and I looked over at him. "I don’t suppose you could pick him up and shake him for me?" When he gave me a blank look in return I knew I was going to get about as much response from Jay as I was getting from Oakes.
"Did you want to wait in the car while I beat him with a rubber hose?" This at least elicited a slight twitch at the corner of his mouth.
"I know you object to this. If it wasn’t so serious I’d leave him here to choke on his own vomit. But I want some answers." Jay nodded wordlessly and I took this for mild acceptance of my methods.
Chris’ eyes were open now and I saw a glimmer of awareness.
"Waddya want?" he asked me.
"Some answers."
"Get out," he said as he heaved himself into a more upright position. He pointed a shaking finger at me and said, "You I know." My eyes followed his hand as it slowly swung around and he pointed at Jay. "Who’s that?"
"Jay Harmon," Jay told him.
A glimmer of recognition surfaced in Oakes’ face and his mouth formed into a wicked sneer.
"The idiot who got himself fired. Rick’s little bum-boy," Chris said.
Jay’s face reacted but he didn’t respond. I gave him credit for being able to hold his tongue, a trait I had yet to develop.
Now that Chris seemed somewhat sober, it was time to get this over with. "You told me on the phone that you were sorry. It was an accident. Evelyn was an accident. Now tell me what you meant."
"Get out of my house." He fumbled at the side of his chair for the lever and gave it a yank. The chair returned to an upright position and his feet hit the floor. His attempt to stand up was unsuccessful and he fell back into the chair.
"You’re fired," he told me and I laughed.
"Really?" I asked with mock horror. "And just how long do you think the great CEO will hold on to his job? Now that we know you murdered Evelyn?"
Chris squirmed in his chair and averted his eyes.
"Answer me, dammit," I yelled at him.
He quickly looked at me and then Jay. His eyes were wide open now and he resembled a deer caught in the h
eadlights of a car. His hand reached for the phone beside him. "I’m calling the police if you don’t get out of my house."
"Please do," Jay dared him as he stood up. "Kate, come on, you’re not getting anywhere here. Let’s just leave."
I stood up and took Jay by the arm to the other side of the room. "Just a few more minutes. I think I can get through to him. Go upstairs to the kitchen and make some coffee. Please. You might be intimidating him."
"Me? I may have the size but you’ve got the mouth. Maybe you should go make coffee."
"Go." I gave him a light push and he reluctantly walked up the stairs. Baby appeared from behind Chris’ chair and followed Jay. I had completely forgotten about the dog. Chris remained in his chair looking like a deposed king. His expression was pitiful and he was a mess. I glanced at the clock on the VCR and it read one twenty-four. Almost time to call it a night but I wasn’t about to give up. Yet.
"You know that it’s all over," I told him, doing my best Dragnet imitation. Baby started to bark upstairs and I heard footsteps on the stairs. "You’ll never work in this town again. Now tell me what happened. Please."
I was standing over Chris with my back to the stairs and Baby’s persistent yelping was starting to annoy me. "Baby, shut-up," I said.
"I agree," a voice behind me said. "The dog is far too noisy." I spun around to face Philip Winston who was holding a gun in his hand. It looked like the one he had hit me with but this one had a long, tubular extension on the end of the barrel, which I surmised was a silencer. A familiar sight to any Clint Eastwood aficionado.
The dog was yipping and jumping at Philip’s pant leg. He pointed the gun at Baby and pulled the trigger and the dog gave one final yelp before falling on the floor.