*****
The next morning, as promised, Emi’s mom took Charlotte to Staley for a quick campus tour.
Emi decided not to go along. She was not going to spend her last day of summer vacation at school of all places.
As it turned out, the weather was perfect, which meant one thing: surfing. Dad said they could hit up Ala Mo for an hour or so. There was a south swell, which meant there would be a big crowd down there.
As dad parked the car in the lot and they headed down to the beach, he joked about how it was nice to take a break from Charlotte.
“She’s a wild card, isn’t she?” he said. “Crashing a car on her first week here. She’s exactly like her mother. Capital T trouble.”
Emi was surprised dad was so to-the-point. He usually tried to be diplomatic.
“So why did you agree to let her stay with us?” Emi asked, but quickly added, “Not that I’m complaining or anything. I mean, I think she’s an okay person.”
“It was really your mom’s decision to let Charlotte come,” dad said. “Your mom’s been trying to get back in her sister’s good graces for decades.”
“I don’t see why mom cares so much,” Emi said. “If Aunt Annie wants to mess up her life, it’s not mom’s fault. It’s totally unfair that mom sends Annie money and letters and gifts all the time, and Aunt Annie never even calls to say thank you.”
Dad punched Emi lightly on the shoulder. “Typical only child,” he joked. “Only does a favor when she knows she’ll get something out of it.”
He was always teasing Emi for being a spoiled kid who never learned how to share or be generous. He, on the other hand, was the youngest of six brothers and sisters.
Emi absent-mindedly rubbed at a dollop of sunscreen on her arm. “I’m just saying mom shouldn’t feel like she owes her sister anything. All that stuff from when they were kids, it’s …what’s that expression? Water under the bridge?”
Dad shook his head. “It’s not under the bridge yet. There’s still a lot of bad blood between your mom and Aunt Annie.” He paused, weighing his words. “Mom wasn’t always a good older sister. She let Annie get away with a lot of bad things. Bad boyfriends. Bad choices. I think your mom always regretted not protecting her little sister better.” They had reached the beach and dad put down the surfboards and kicked off his flip-flops. “Helping Charlotte is mom’s way of making up for all that.”
Emi was stubborn. “It wasn’t mom’s kuleana. She was Aunt Annie’s sister, not her mother.”
“Yeah, but you know your mom,” dad said. “She holds everyone to a high standard. Especially herself.”
Emi sighed in agreement. She certainly did know mom, and sometimes she felt like she took after her way too much. They were both stubborn perfectionists.
Emi shielded her eyes from the sun and scanned the water. There were a good number of other surfers and beach-goers, but it wasn’t as crowded as she thought it would be.
Then dad said the dreaded words: “Hey, isn’t that Kainoa? Oh. And, it looks like, uh, da kine.”
“Da kine” was a pidgin word dad used whenever he couldn’t remember one of Emi’s friends’ names. And this time, Emi could tell by the worried dip in her father’s voice who “da kine” was.
Sure enough, there was Natalie. Kainoa was putting sunscreen on her back.
“Wow, what are the odds we run into them here?” Dad asked, trying to keep his tone light.
“Yeah, especially since she doesn’t even surf,” Emi noted, her voice a few degrees colder than her father’s.
“What were you saying earlier?” dad said. “Water under the bridge and all that?”
“Dad…” Emi said in a warning voice, to show she was not appreciating how casually he was treating her feelings.
“Come on, let’s go surf. Forget them.”
“I can’t forget them when he’s rubbing his hands sensuously all over her body,” Emi said in irritation. “Ew. I want to stop looking, but I can’t.”
“He’s just helping her to put on suntan lotion,” dad said, but he was also frowning dubiously at the young couple.
“But why here? There are hundreds of miles of beach on this island, and he chooses here? Is he trying to get on my nerves?”
“I think I’ll stay out of this one.” Dad started carrying his board down to the water. “Aren’t you coming, Emi?”
“Yes,” she said darkly, taking up her board.
They both set off from the jetty. As she paddled out, she did her best to take deep breaths, but she couldn’t calm her thoughts. Even surfing, which usually helped clear her mind, did little to ease her worries.
About twenty minutes later, she saw Kainoa also out in the water, on his short board. He was a few yards away, positioning himself for the next wave. She watched as he showed off. He was never content to cruise along the face of the wave; he had to snap and air reverse like a flashy hot shot.
Watching him made her so angry, the next thing she knew, she was dropping in on his next wave while he jockeyed for position. Even as she blocked his ride, she hoped her dad wouldn’t see her. If he knew she was breaking the number one rule in surfing etiquette, he would be livid. It was not only disrespectful, it was potentially life-threatening to butt in on someone’s wave when they weren’t expecting it. But she was seeing red and she didn’t care whether she barreled him down or not.
She dropped in twice before Kainoa yelled at her and pointed angrily to the shore. So he wanted to talk? Fine. She could talk.
She paddled after him towards shore. Kainoa reached land first.
“What the hell was that about?” he shouted at her as she found her footing and whipped the water from her hair. “You trying to get me killed or what?”
Natalie was sitting on the beach just out of earshot. She was wearing a tiny bikini that showcased her long, slender ballet muscles to good effect. Emi felt suddenly awkward and fat in her tight-fitting rash guard.
If Natalie noticed their return, she didn’t act like it. She had her phone out and was not looking up.
“If you did that to anyone else, you’d be getting your ass kicked right now,” he said.
“I know it.”
Kainoa took a deep breath, his chest rising with anger. Then he let it go, exhaling loudly.
Emi looked pointedly at Natalie. “What, she doesn’t want to say hello?”
Kainoa looked over his shoulder.
“Leave her out of it,” he said. But he was losing steam, and now seemed unsure whether he was on the offensive or the defensive.
Emi lifted her chin indignantly.
“Look, I really wish I’d handled things better this summer,” Kainoa said. “But what you did just now? Not cool.”
“You wish you handled things better?” Emi repeated incredulously. “Kainoa, I don’t want to be handled. I want to be treated with respect, not thrown out like trash with no explanation or apology.”
“You weren’t showing a whole lot of respect just now yourself,” he shot back. “You know what? I don’t want to do this. I’m just gonna let it go.”
“No,” she said. “I want to talk about what’s going on between us. And why Natalie went from being my friend to…this. Completely ignoring me.”
“She’s just feeling awkward and sorry it worked out bad.”
Emi snorted and gestured at Natalie, who was still absorbed into her phone. “Yeah, she looks really sorry. That’s the picture of a girl stricken by heartbreak over her long-lost friend.”
“She does,” Kainoa said. “You know that Natalie can be shy.”
“This isn’t about her shyness,” Emi said through her teeth. “This is about her being a stuck up coward who doesn’t have the nerve to apologize to her best friend.”
Emi noticed Kainoa’s jaw pulse, the way it always did when he was stressed out.
“This isn’t Natalie’s fault,” he said, taking a step closer to Emi and lowering his voice. “I should have told you about her and me sooner.
I never wanted you to find out that way. I didn’t know how else…”
“I just want to know one thing,” Emi said, impressed that she could keep her voice so steady. “Did you think I wasn’t good enough for you? Is that why you ditched me? Because I’m not a good enough dancer?”
Kainoa reached out and grabbed her hand. She snatched it back. “Answer the question.”
“That’s not what this is about, Emi.”
“What does it have to do with, then? Because you treated me like scum this summer and I think I deserve an explanation.”
He was getting more and more flustered. “We drifted apart,” he said. The words sounded stiff and rehearsed. And his jaw kept pulsing. He was totally stressing out.
Something occurred to Emi. “Hold on. Is this because I wouldn’t put out for you?” she asked suspiciously.
Kainoa actually blushed crimson red. “Of course not.”
“Are you and Natalie…” Emi raised her eyebrows suggestively.
“That’s private.” He was sounding much less confident now and way more confused.
Emi took a step backwards. “I can’t believe this is about sex. I thought you understood that I wasn’t ready yet. You said you were okay with that.”
“This isn’t about sex,” he insisted. “You and I…we just…we weren’t right for each other.”
“Would I have been ‘more right’ for you if I’d been ready for sex?”
“Emi…”
“Fine,” she said, putting her hands up defensively. “Maybe you’re right. If this breakup happened because you’re some typical adolescent horndog who can’t keep it in his pants, then we are so not right for each other.”
Kainoa was shaking his head, but he wasn’t exactly denying the allegations either. Emi almost felt triumphant as she stomped back through the sand to her surfboard. She had the upper hand again. She had the moral high ground.
After they returned home, Emi showered away the sand and sea brine. As she rinsed the shampoo from her hair, she reflected on what had happened at the beach that afternoon.
She felt surprisingly lighthearted about the conversation. Sure, it was still upsetting that Kainoa had dumped her for Natalie, but at least it wasn’t because he thought she wasn’t good enough for him. His decision was based on something stupid and superficial like sex. Which actually made Natalie seem kind of easy. Emi felt virtuous for her comparative self-control.
Dressing quickly and wrapping her hair in a towel, Emi grabbed her cellphone and flopped back onto her bed, causing several stuffed animals to tumble to the floor. She needed to talk to someone about Kainoa. She couldn’t keep all these feelings to herself.
Scrolling through her phone’s address book, she deliberated over which person to call. Obviously, none of her school friends would be appropriate. They were all too close to Kainoa and it would be awkward.
Emi decided Alysha from dance class was probably the best choice. Natalie had always said Alysha was ditzy and annoying, but Emi considered her the nicest girl in their class. Maybe not the brightest bulb, but definitely a sympathetic listener.
Alysha answered after two rings. She sounded distracted. Emi could hear Alysha’s little brothers screaming and fighting in the background. It was very loud.
“We all miss you in class,” Alysha shouted over the ruckus. “I can’t believe Madame was so mean to you!”
“Yeah, well, Madame wasn’t the only reason I left,” Emi said.
“What did you say? Oh, you mean because of Natalie and Kainoa?”
“It’s been so awful. I keep trying to avoid them, but they’re everywhere. You’ll never guess where I saw them today.”
“Where?” Alysha asked. Then there was a loud bang over the phone and she screamed, “ALEX. I TOLD YOU TO STOP TOUCHING MY STUFF.” A door slammed. Some rummaging sounds followed, and then Alysha said, “Sorry about that. My idiot brothers. What were you saying?”
Emi told her about the latest conversation with Kainoa. “It’s such a cliché, right? That he broke up with me because I wouldn’t have sex with him?” Emi concluded. “I’ve known the guy for years. I thought he was way more mature than that.”
There was a long silence on the other end. At first Emi thought Alysha had gotten distracted by her brothers again, but then Alysha said, “Are you sure?”
“About what?”
“Did Kainoa actually say that he broke up with you because you wouldn’t…you know….”
Emi tried to remember. “No, but it was heavily implied. Hold on. Do you know something?”
Alysha was a terrible liar. “Not really,” she said in a quivery voice.
“You know something, don’t you?” Emi asked, all her sensors on red alert. “Come on. Spill it.”
Alysha paused again. “Promise you won’t be mad,” she said finally. “You have to promise.”
Emi sat up straighter in bed, suddenly alarmed. Alysha was sounding strange. “Okay, fine, I promise. What is it?”
“Uh, well, Kainoa was talking to Sam before class yesterday, and I sort of overheard them talking.”
“In the dressing room?” Emi asked, trying to visualize the ballet studio. The male and female dressing rooms were adjacent to one another, and it was easy to overhear voices.
“Yeah. Mackenzie was there too,” Alysha said. “Sam was asking Kainoa about why he broke up with you, and all that stuff, right? And Kainoa said that he was getting kind of frustrated that you wouldn’t…you know.”
“Have sex?” Emi said impatiently. “Yeah, I know. That’s what I was just telling you.”
“Right. And then...and then…” Alysha faltered.
“What?” Emi said. “Come on. You can’t stop now.”
“Uh, Kainoa said that you weren’t really worth waiting for.”
It took Emi a moment to register what Alsyha had said. By the time her brain caught up, Alysha was already carrying on in a very fast voice.
“He said that Natalie was – and I’m quoting, okay? Like, I don’t necessarily think this is true or whatever – but Kainoa said that Natalie was not only hotter, but she was also a better dancer, and more confident, and more chill and, like, all around better.”
Emi was stunned “He said that?”
“Yeah. I mean, it was a much longer conversation, but that was the gist,” Alysha said. “Oh wait. Also, Kainoa was asking Sam for advice about what to tell you. Kainoa said he didn’t want to hurt your feelings with the truth. So Sam told him to say you guys were drifting apart. Or something lame like that.”
Emi remembered Kainoa using that exact phrase today, “drifting apart.” And she remembered the way his eyes had darted quickly away as if he were lying.
So it really had been a lie. He’d been trying to spare her the truth: that he’d dumped her for someone better.
“Anything else?” Emi asked, because she couldn’t help herself. She had to know everything.
“Well, Sam sort of congratulated Kainoa on trading up.”
“Trading up?”
“That’s what he said. ‘Trading up.’”
Emi was silent.
“Are you okay?” Alysha asked.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Thanks Alysha.”
She clicked off her cellphone and rolled onto her stomach, burying her face in her pillow. The word ‘traded up’ kept reverberating in her head.
Emi had never understood what it meant when people said that men “objectified” women. But now she got it. She felt like an object. Like an old car that was being replaced for a newer, fancier model. Tossed away. Thrown out. Dumped.
Chapter 5