"What? What do you want?" I cried. When would this nightmare end?
"Kay may! Kay may!" And she looked at my knife with what I can only describe as longing.
Kill me. Kill me.
She wanted me to put her out of her misery.
"You want me to kill you?" I asked.
"Kay may!" she affirmed.
I raised my knife but hesitated.
"Kay may!"
"Violet, no. Please." John had left his father on a pile of the floor. "Please, don't."
John seemed suddenly like himself, like the friend I'd counted on. I knew it wasn't real, but if there was any part of him left in what he'd become…could I help him?
"I need to get her back on the machine. If I don't, she'll decompose quickly. Please, it will be agonizing for her."
Her mottled skin was sliding around and her stench was becoming unbearable. I lowered the knife. He would likely bring her to life again anyway. What used to be Mrs. Winston cried out and grabbed my wrist tightly, impaling herself on the knife.
Over and over she used my hand to stab her own heart…well, maybe it wasn't her heart. Maybe it was Shelby's heart, or Marisol's, or any of the nameless women he'd stolen. Her grip became looser and she fell to the floor in a heap. I dropped the knife in time to see John fly at me with eyes red with rage.
He dove into me and a shot rang out. He shook my shoulders, as his mother had, and then he crumpled to the floor on top of her, a round bullet hole in his back.
The Colonel held the smoking gun pointed at me.
THE COLONEL'S HAND shook, but he did not lower the gun.
I stepped back without taking my eyes from him.
From the doorway, Gideon called my name. "Violet?"
I wished I could keep him out. I didn't want him to see all the blood and carnage of his family.
"Father?"
The Colonel snapped out of his trance and lowered the gun. I turned slowly. I saw the play of so many emotions cross Gideon's face as he looked at me. "I heard a gunshot." He was oddly transfixed to his spot in the door. "Sprite," his voice broke on my name. "Please tell me you're all right."
I looked down at the blood coating my robe. I took a step towards him, but my legs shook badly, and the world began to tilt. Gideon ran to me, clutching me tightly and holding me from a fall. I could scarcely draw breath, he held me so hard.
I clung to him, twisting his shirt in my hands in an effort to make myself inextricable. "Don't let me go."
"I'm never letting you out of my sight again."
I pulled back enough to see his face. My dark rogue. The safest place I'd ever been. "I love you. I should have told you before. I know you don't want my love, but you have it anyway. I'm not asking for you to change, I swear. You only need know that you have my heart."
I kissed him. I kissed him with all the love I'd thought I could never feel, with all the hope I thought I didn't have.
"Marry me," he said against my lips.
I pulled back. "Marry?"
"I can't think of anything I want more than to be shackled to you for the rest of my life. At least then maybe I'll have a chance of keeping you out of trouble."
"Don't wager on it," I whispered and kissed him again.
Hours later, in my room, Gideon was quietly concentrating while he stripped the bloody gown from me and helped me into the tub.
"You shouldn't be in here. Half the house is awake."
"My brother is a homicidal psychopath who's been shot by my father. I don't think anyone in this house gives two figs if I attend to my fiancé's bath. Are you sure you're all right?"
I sank deeper into the bubbles. "If I don't think about anything I saw, I'm fine." Fiancé. "I won't hold you to it, you know. If you change your mind after the crisis has passed. You needn't marry me."
"Violet-"
"I didn't tell you I loved you to force your hand. I told you because I realized that if my life were to be cut short, I wanted you to know."
He winced. "I don't want to think about a life without you in it." He held my hand and kissed my scraped knuckles. "I know you say you're a governess, but I'm sure you've put some kind of hex on me. You're all the things I never wanted tied up in a sturdy, serviceable, gray bow and I'm prostrate at your feet with longing for them."
I didn't want to interrupt, which was rare when it came to Gideon, but I was enjoying listening to him fillet his heart open to me.
"When I saw you tonight, covered in all that blood, I went mad for a moment. I never want to come that close to losing you again, Vi. But, I should warn you, it's you who'll get the poor end of this bargain. I haven't a clue how to be a husband. I'll muck it up, that much I'm sure of. I don't deserve you."
I reached a sudsy hand to his face. "Everyone deserves love. You're actually the one who taught me that."
"Me?"
"When I came to this house, I believed that I had a station in life that was below other people…people like your family. You showed me a life where people accepted each other. Women are equal to men, rich are equal to poor. You taught me to value myself."
"You're better than anyone I know, Violet."
"Not better. More stubborn, perhaps."
He kissed the top of my head. "I know I hurt you when I pushed you away. I'm sorry. I realized I was getting in over my head with you. I thought it would be easier on my heart to break things off before I ruined us both."
"I had told you I needed no promises."
"When I went crazy thinking you might have disappeared I knew I loved you. When I made love to you that night, I knew it and I wanted so badly to tell you. But the light of day reminded me that you deserved so much more than I was capable of giving." He huffed. "I thought you'd be better off with John. I'm so sorry that I pushed you away."
He rested his forehead on mine, and I closed my eyes, letting go of the pain best I could. There was light rapping at my bedroom door.
Gideon stood. "I'll see to it."
I blushed in the hot water, wondering what they would think of Master Gideon answering my door. And then I decided not to care. I was starting a new life now. There were no actual laws forbidding me a man in my chambers. I was tired of living by everyone's moral code but my own.
Gideon came back, holding a clean wrap. "I'm afraid we need to cut your bath short. We've been summoned by the Colonel."
The bath water felt suddenly cold. So much for my bravado.
Though it was not yet dawn, I dressed in my serviceable brown dress to meet the Colonel in his chambers. The frock felt a little more like armor than my nightclothes, and I doubted I would be returning to sleep any time soon.
On the way to the Colonel's wing, I made Gideon stop at the nursery to check on Phillip.
He'd slept through the entire debacle, even as the Constable and his men were still carrying on in the laboratory above us. I tucked the blanket around him snuggly, pleased that he could remain innocent a bit longer, but dreading the conversation we'd have to have tomorrow.
If I were still allowed to be his governess tomorrow.
Gideon held my hand through the halls, daring anyone who came upon us to say a word. As a champion, I couldn't have asked for a more stalwart one. It would be harder to face the rest of the world's censure than it would be the staff that relied on his family for their livelihood, however. A man of his station simply did not marry the governess, regardless of how many men may have tarried with one.
And then there was the Colonel.
We took a deep breath and entered his dark room.
The massive furniture was as imposing as the Colonel himself. It positively screamed that it was as immovable and resolute as its owner. The high ceilings and gargantuan pieces made a person feel small, insignificant. My breath hiccupped in my throat, and Gideon caught my hand and led me to his father.
The physician was still attending him, but the Colonel waved him out. "I'm fine."
"You had a heart attack, sir. You're not fine. You mus
t rest, and I'd like to make an appointment to replace one of your artificial valves." The doctor looked to us. "I don't know why I bother, but if you can keep him calm, please do. Excitement isn't good for him."
"How is John?" Gideon asked, and I shuddered.
"The sanitarium is in charge of his care now," the doctor answered. "If they are able to remove the bullet, he'll likely make a full recovery. Unless of course the tincture he's been self-dosing has lasting side effects."
"Surely they won't release him," I cried, forgetting that his family may very well want him back.
Gideon's strong arm pulled me close. "He'll never get near you again, Violet."
The doctor shook his head. "I was referring to his physical rehabilitation, Miss Merriweather. It's doubtful that his mind is repairable."
The doctor made his farewells, and the Colonel waved us closer to his bedside. Though imposing, he wasn't nearly so bad when he was lying down and I was standing upright. Still he glowered at us and my heart picked up a swift chase in my ribcage.
"Father, you should be resting. We can talk tomorrow," Gideon said in his best imitation of respect.
"It's already tomorrow," the Colonel answered gruffly. "After they replace the faulty Atrioventiculator in my heart, I'm leaving Thornfield." He took on a faraway look that I was unaccustomed to seeing on the man. "There is a scouting mission for other suitable planets, and I've been asked to join. I'd thought to turn down the offer, but New Geneva cannot continue to grow without a plan for a sustainable future. We can't have another Earth, but more than that, I can't stay in this house another day. I'm leaving Thornfield to you, Gideon."
"Me?" Gideon asked incredulously. "What am I to do with an estate?"
"Learn to run it, I imagine," the Colonel replied. "You'll either run it to the ground or you'll learn some responsibility."
"And either way, you don't care, isn't that right?" Gideon remarked wryly.
"Gideon," I admonished.
"Pshaw, Miss Merriweather, let him speak his mind. He's been dying to for some time."
"I want nothing to do with this house."
"Then it can rot."
The men glowered at each other, no closer to repairing their relationship in the aftermath of the tragedy upstairs. Ever the pragmatic one, I thought of all the servants that would be displaced if the house was closed up. And though Gideon may not want it, there was Phillip to consider. It was his birthright also.
Phillip.
"What of Phillip, sir?" I asked.
"You'll have to ask the new master of the house. Phillip comes with Thornfield."
As if the boy were a vase or…or…a turnip. "And does the governess also come with Thornfield, sir? What of Oliver? And any other human beings on the premises?"
He narrowed his bushy brows. "Based on appearances, I assumed the governess would remain stodgily by the side of my second son. I'll leave it to you both to decide how to best deal with Phillip. Send him to a school, keep him here." He waved his hand to bat the pesky ideas away. "I haven't the gumption to bother caring any more. I did my best, these years, though I know you judge me harshly for it. She was never faithful, I'm not even sure John is truly mine, but I know for a fact Gideon and Phillip are not. I took responsibility for them, gave them my name and kept my wife untarnished. But I know I'm a cold man. Phillip will be better off without my influence. It seems I'm not the best father."
I wasn't expecting the admission. I suppose owning up to one's shortcomings was honorable, however, it seemed to me the better man would not just admit to them, but also try to change.
"I'm marrying Violet," Gideon said, the low, even challenge in his voice palpable.
"I can hardly stop you," the Colonel said.
"Would you want to?" I asked. "Is it such a blemish on your good name for Gideon to follow his heart?"
"Miss Merriweather, my good name is blemished beyond repair. I don't really care what you do. I have no use for any of you."
Though Gideon had long since realized that Colonel Winston had no love for him, hearing it aloud crushed him. I could see it in his eyes. A part of me wondered if he'd revert to his usual pattern of dealing with the disappointment. I hoped that earning my heart would be enough for him to realize his own worth. Gideon was a grown man, though, and it was Phillip I would concern myself with.
I started to say something to that effect when Gideon interrupted me. "We'll bid you good morning and see ourselves out."
He grasped my elbow, and if it hadn't been so important to show a united front, I would have balked. Instead I let him lead me out.
In the hall, servants passed us with trunks to pack up the Colonel. He certainly wasn't wasting any time. Gideon shushed me again as I started to speak.
"Stop doing that," I ground out. "I'll not be quieted. Not any longer. I'm quite tired of not being heard."
"Indulge me this once, sprite, and I'll endeavor to listen attentively from here on out for the rest of our days."
When he put it so nicely…
"We're keeping Thornfield."
"Well of course we're keeping Thornfield, Gideon. We can't very well let it rot."
"Let me finish, please."
I rolled my eyes. "Very well. But Phillip will be up soon, and we need to come up with a way to explain this night to the lad. "We're keeping him as well." If I had to run away with the boy, he wouldn't be sent away to a cold, impersonal boarding school.
"I never entertained anything else."
"I'd like to move the academy here."
"Mrs. Witherspoon's Academy for Young Ladies of a Suitable Nature?"
The nonplussed expression on his face made me giggle, despite the horrid night's passing.
"That's the one, though perhaps we could shorten the name."
"I don't understand."
"Well, it's a bit cumbersome, don't you think?"
"Gideon!"
He smiled. "I want the world to be filled with women like you, Violet. I'd like you to lead an army of females into a brand new day."
"Gideon."
"I want to banish your ghosts," he added. "All the things that oppressed you, made you feel less than worthy, I want to blow them to smithereens."
"And what of your ghosts, Gideon?"
"You'll make short work of them, sprite. We'll fill this house full of children. Well fed, happy children. And you'll somehow make a family man of me. I won't have time to dwell on what lurks in the shadows when what's in the light is so much more appealing."
We stopped outside the nursery, knowing we'd have to go in shortly. "I hope you don't plan on being too good, Gideon. I rather fancy being married to a rogue."
"Violet, there's something else…"
My skin pricked at the foreboding in his words. "What is it Gideon?"
"It's the Juniper Society."
I felt my brows reach for the top of my head. "What about the Juniper Society?"
"It's quite humorous, actually…" The dubious expression on my face must have caused him to change his mind about that particular tactic. "Perhaps it's not quite as humorous as that."
"You're a member, aren't you?"
He gently rubbed the crease above my nose. "I'm one of the founding members, sprite. Though it was all Min's idea."
"I don't know why I hadn't guessed it. You're a perfect match for a band of gin-soaked marauders. I suppose you'll want to have your midnight meetings in the parlor now."
Once again, I found myself backed against a wall at Gideon's hand. "The only meetings I intend to hold at midnight will be in a four-post bed upstairs with my wife. However, gin-soaked afternoons once a week in the parlor might be nice."
"I doubt Minerva will attend anything during the light of day, but if what you're saying is that you want to legitimize the Junipers, I won't stand in your way."
"There's my girl," he said, right before his lips descended upon mine.
Gwen Hayes lives in the Pacific Northwest with her real life hero, their children, an
d the pets that own them. She writes stories for teen and adult readers about love, angst, and saving the world.
Gwen's first novel, Falling Under, was released in March of 2011 by NAL/Penguin and followed up by the sequel, Dreaming Awake, in January of 2012.
She is represented by Jessica Sinsheimer of the Sarah Jane Freymann Literary Agency.
For more information about Gwen, please visit her website.
Table of Contents
Copyright
Dedication
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
About the Author
Gwen Hayes, Ours Is Just a Little Sorrow
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