Not only did she still feel what she’d felt in the commander’s office, it felt ten times worse.
How the fuck am I supposed to share a ship with this dude for weeks?
She refused to cry in front of him and kept the smile plastered to her face.
“Dr. Hypatia, Captain Lucio has spoken with me about your discomfort. I apologize for that. I do not wish to add to it.”
Great, let’s toss guilt onto the pile that he wants to be nice to me. The F’ahrkay’s voice sounded placid, calm, and with little intonation. She wondered if they always sounded like that, or if he was just making an attempt not to freak her out even more.
“It’s okay. It’s not your problem, it’s mine.” She reached for the salad and scooped some onto her plate as another feeling hit her senses. Worry.
Glancing at her three men, she realized they had intently focused on her. “Guys, dinner. Eat. I have a lot of stuff to do.”
As one, her three men relaxed.
Okay. I’ll fake it ’til I make it.
But she still wasn’t examining him.
* * * *
Emi decided the best way to handle it was to get it out of the way as soon as possible so it wasn’t hanging over her head. After dinner, once the galley was cleaned up, she told Ford and Kayehalau to meet her in sick bay. She sensed Aaron’s curiosity over that, but he didn’t question her.
She had come up with the perfect reason, besides Ford’s ready excuse, not to do the exam herself. When the two arrived in sick bay, she had the drug synthesizer opened, with several cases of supplies stacked around it.
“Um, Emi, what are you doing?” Ford asked.
“We picked up more supplies from the base. I need to get them added.” She nodded to her desk, where a medchart handheld sat on the corner. “There’s his file. Just the basics.”
She didn’t turn around all the way to look at Kayehalau when he spoke. “You are not performing the exam, Dr. Hypatia?”
Fighting tension in her neck and shoulders that bordered on painful as she struggled against the foreboding emotional cloud now filling her sick bay, she forced a light tone she didn’t remotely feel. “I need to get these loaded. Perishable, you know, once they’re opened. Ford is completely capable of doing the exam. And he’s been wanting more experience with non-Terran species.”
Now she looked, playing her ace. “That’s not a problem, is it?”
“No, Doctor. That is not a problem.”
If she wasn’t already struggling to hold on to her composure, his eerily placid tone would have freaked her out.
She listened while Ford performed the exam, following the chart she’d left open for him for reference. At first, she didn’t realize Kayehalau had spoken to her.
“Emi,” Ford said, “did you hear him?”
“Sorry?”
“Is that a Corghistall Minax 80 synthesizer?” Kayehalau asked.
Something to talk about that doesn’t freak me out! “Yes. Does everything from analgesics to antipsychotics, narcotics, antibiotics, IV solutions—everything. Limited quantities on the rarer compounds, of course, due to the range it covers, but for a small crew, it’s more than enough.”
“Interesting. I have heard of them, but have yet to serve on a vessel with one. The other vessels all had smaller synthesizers and some premixed drug stocks.”
“Can’t hop over to a drugstore on an explore. We are, in essence, a hospital as well as a research lab.”
“May I have your permission to study it further later? When you are finished, of course. I do not wish to interrupt you. Or I would be most happy to help you if it would be of assistance.”
Guilt, guilt, guilt. Despite not getting used to the dank cloud, Emi tried to hold on to rational thoughts that the guy really was trying to be nice.
“Sure, no problem. The manual is in the general crew computer, medical folder, of course. You can access it at any time. The machine, too. I don’t keep it locked because we’re a small crew. That way the guys don’t need me if they need an aspirin or something.” She cleared her throat. “And, of course, if there’s something you needed, you could get it.”
“Thank you for your consideration, Dr. Hypatia. I shall avail myself of that. They have always fascinated me.”
Ten minutes later, Ford finished up, and Kayehalau departed for his quarters. Emi felt like fainting with relief as the dark cloud disappeared with him. As she blew out a long breath, Ford knelt next to her on the floor. In his eyes, as well as in his soul, she read concern.
“You all right?”
“I’ll live. Maybe.”
He brushed a strand of hair away from her forehead. “It’s not permanent. Once the assignment’s over, he’s gone.”
“That’s what I keep telling myself.”
* * * *
She’d hoped Kayehalau had merely been making small talk in an attempt to put her at ease, but over the next several days, it seemed like every time she turned around in sick bay, he was there asking her questions about the synthesizer until she couldn’t take it anymore.
Four days in, not only had the darkness she felt around Kayehalau not eased up any, it grew worse. Until one afternoon she’d just settled in at her desk to write up her daily report when he showed up.
Before conscious thought hit her, she found herself on her feet and out the door. She fought her tears all the way back to their quarters, nearly at a dead run by the time she arrived. She let out a startled squeak as she almost ran face-first into Caph, who was on his way out the door.
He grabbed her. “Hey, what’s wrong?”
She shook her head and tried to pull away, but he wouldn’t let her. “Honey, talk to me. What’s wrong?”
Hating herself, she shook her head and choked back tears. Yes, there was something twelve kinds of wrong about Kayehalau, and she couldn’t put into words exactly what it was. But it didn’t mean the professional side of her wasn’t pissed off at herself for not being able to get past it.
He effortlessly scooped her into his arms and carried her over to their bed where he snuggled with her until she could speak. When she finally pulled herself together, she felt like even more of an idiot, not to mention she’d left a huge snot puddle on the front of Caph’s fresh uniform shirt.
He brushed her hair away from her face. “You ready to talk about it now?”
“I can’t help it. I can’t help the way I feel around him. I know I’m a doctor and should be above this, but the trained empath in me says fuck that, he’s bad news.”
She didn’t miss his sad sigh. “It’s okay, babe.” He gently rocked her against him. “I know this is bothering you in more ways than one. We don’t expect you to ignore what you’re feeling. And we know you’re trying your best. It’s all we can ask of you.”
* * * *
Aaron had a talk with Kayehalau about giving Emi some space and not going to the sick bay unless he really needed something. But then it seemed no matter where she was on the ship, she inevitably ran into Kayehalau.
She started hiding in the hydro lab and sick bay when she wasn’t in their quarters. She didn’t want to be anywhere near Kayehalau. Something about him didn’t just rub her the wrong way. It felt as if she was trying to pet a porcupine backward. The black cloud around his aura didn’t get easier to tolerate. If anything, it grew thicker, darker, and harder for her to tune out as the days passed.
She didn’t want to think she was racist—or xenophobic, as the case might be—but she couldn’t help it.
Unless Aaron gave her a direct order to work with the guy, she would stay holed up in her secondary sanctuary of the sick bay, or her primary sanctuary, the hydro lab. But it seemed pretty much every time she headed down to the hydro lab now, she invariably ran into Kayehalau in the corridors and was forced to deal with him.
Bucky sat where she’d placed him on her desk in sick bay and stared at her with sightless eyes. She picked him up with a sigh, for once wistfully wishing she had one of the K
al’moran’s deadly spiderlike tals’tophk to sic on Kayehalau. “If only I could get rid of him that easy, dude.” She stroked the rubber spider before returning it to his place on her desk.
Ford brought her an afternoon snack on day six of the siege, as she was beginning to unkindly think of it. “You want some company, babe?” He set the plate on the desk for her.
She reached out for the cookies and snagged one, her stomach grumbling as she nibbled at it. “I’m sorry I’ve been scarce.”
“Scarce, nothing. You’ve been practically invisible.” The cookie was delicious, moist and sweet and fruity.
“These are good. What are they?”
He shrugged. “Kayehalau made them for us.”
Her stomach rolled and she dropped the cookie back onto the plate before rubbing her hand on the leg of her uniform trousers. “No thanks.”
“Come on, babe. How long are you going to be like this?”
“Until he’s off our freaking ship. I’m telling you, Ford, there’s something wrong about him.”
She heard his unmistakable sigh. “Babe—”
“No, I’m not overreacting.”
“You’re more sensitive than me and Aar and Caph. Is it possible it’s just your empath senses wigging out because he’s an alien? And we’re jumping right now. You always feel on edge during a jump. Plus, you haven’t had any real-life experiences with F’ahrkays. Maybe your mind keeps thinking back to the sim session, or to what happened on Kal’moran.”
She frowned despite grudgingly knowing he could be right. “You don’t think I hadn’t thought about it like that already?”
“I’m not saying you have to be bosom buddies with the guy, but he’s only here to do his job. You’re a professional. Try cutting him a little slack.”
Her stomach grumbled again. She’d done an about-face and missed lunch when she’d heard Kayehalau talking in the galley with Caph earlier.
She tentatively reached out for the cookie she’d nibbled on and took another bite. “They are good cookies,” she said.
“He knows you’re nervous around him. We explained the bare-bones basics about what we went through in the sim and on Kal’moran, and that it could be coloring your attitude. Also, about how your empath sensitivity sometimes makes situations uncomfortable for you. He understands. He’s really a nice guy.”
She slowly chewed the cookie as she glared at him. “You on his payroll now or what?”
“No, I just want you happy. Every time you’re out of this room or our quarters it’s like you’re looking over your shoulder. He’s trying to be nice to you.”
“Yeah, well, tell him to lay off. I’d prefer he not hunt me down every time I try to go to the hydro lab. It wigs me out that I’m always bumping into him. Aaron said he’d give the dude orders to stay away from me.”
“I’ll ask Aaron to have another talk with him. I’m sure he’s not doing it on purpose.” He put on the sad puppy dog eyes. “Please, babe?”
“All right, fine. I’ll try harder.” She suppressed an involuntary shiver, but she reached out for another cookie after finishing the first one. “See? Tell him I said they’re yummalicious.”
“Sarcasm doesn’t become you, babe.”
“Yeah, well, count it as me attempting to be nice.” She took another bite. “It’s all you’re going to get for now.”
Chapter Eight
By the end of Kayehalau’s second week on board the Bight, Emi found herself indulging in fantasies of sending him out an air lock, or forgetting him on a planet’s surface.
She also didn’t like that even though he was chipped, she couldn’t effortlessly track his movements throughout the ship like she could her men. She had to use one of the ship’s scanners to find him. Even when they emerged from the jump to take up orbit around the planet where Kayehalau would test his equipment, the ominous feeling didn’t abate.
Answers that question. It meant it was Kayehalau and not the jump drive.
As the days passed, Emi grew more resentful of not being able to be herself in what she considered her home. She also hated that in the nearly three weeks since Kayehalau joined their crew, she’d apparently lost her sense of equilibrium on board. She felt scattered, on edge. There were even some nights she lay in bed and it felt as if the darkness hovered in the corridor on the other side of their door.
As if it were stalking her.
As if he were stalking her.
It doesn’t make sense. The scientist tried to maintain her calm. The empath, however, wanted to run, screaming, for safety.
She tried to put all that aside in the name of science and following orders. That didn’t end the war between her two selves, which seemed determined to destroy each other at the sake of her own sanity.
One day, Kayehalau had spent the entire day down in the cargo area working on his equipment and doing tests. Emi had enough of a respite from trying to shield herself from the nasty feelings she got round him that she almost felt playful.
At dinnertime, Aaron and Ford were in the galley cooking while Caph stood watch on the bridge. Emi wandered into the galley and wrapped her arms around Aaron’s waist from behind.
He looked over his shoulder at her and noted her smile. “You look like you’re feeling good.”
“I wouldn’t say good. Better. At least for today.” She stood on tiptoe and nibbled on the back of his neck.
“Ooh, I think someone’s feeling frisky, he says hopefully,” Ford teased.
“Yeah, actually, I am.” She ground her hips against Aaron’s ass. She hadn’t felt like making love with them in over two weeks, usually curling around a pillow and simply watching despite them gently trying to get her interest.
Ford finished chopping potatoes and dumped them in a pot of boiling water to cook. Then he wiped his hands and grabbed her, pulling her to him and running his hands up under her shirt. “Well, what do you know about that?”
He kicked a chair out from under the table and sat in it, pulling her onto his lap, facing him. He pushed her shirt up and pulled it off over her head. He let it fall to the floor and cupped her breasts through her bra. “Hello, buddies. I’ve missed you.”
She giggled and threw her arms around his neck. He freed both her breasts and bent his lips first to one, then the other, sucking on her nipples and drawing them into tight peaks.
Aaron put the casserole he’d been assembling into the oven and walked over to stand behind them and join them. She looked up at him as he pressed in behind her and gathered her hair in one hand.
“Hi, Cap.”
Aaron smiled down at her. “Now you’ve gone and got me all horny. You realize that, right?”
“I hope so.” A sudden darkness flitted across her mind, but she shoved it away. She didn’t want to think about Kayehalau right then. “Getting you horny was kind of my plan.”
“Mmm, I love a woman with a plan,” Ford mumbled around one of her breasts.
“Don’t talk with your mouth full, Ford,” Aaron chastised. He tipped her head back so she could feel his hard erection through his trousers. “You feel like taking care of that, too?”
“Of course I do.”
Aaron prompted her to stand, disappointing the hell out of Ford.
This was something else she’d missed, their playfulness with her and with each other.
I haven’t been good company lately.
For that she did feel guilty. Determined to try to make it up to them a little, she started doing a sexy striptease for them, working on her bra, removing it, and dropping it in Ford’s lap. Then she kicked off her shoes and started unfastening her uniform trousers, sliding them down over her hips until they lay in a puddle on the floor, and she was left standing there in her panties and socks.
Another wave of darkness, thicker than the last, tried to push in. She pushed back just as hard and hooked a thumb into the waistband of her panties. She turned her back to her men and was about to pull her panties all the way down when an overwhelming da
rkness pressed in. She looked over her shoulder and spotted Kayehalau walking toward the other doorway.
With a terrified shriek, and before her men could question her, she bolted out of the galley and to their quarters, where she locked herself in, Ford and Aaron calling after her.
* * * *
Confused at first, Aaron fought back a wave of irritation and anger when Ford scooped up her clothes and followed Emi back to their quarters. He waited until Ford was out of earshot to turn on Kayehalau.
“No offense, but you have really bad timing.”
The F’ahrkay stood there, his expression never changing from calm serenity. “I beg your pardon, Aaron?”
Aaron blew out an aggravated breath. “Nothing. Never mind. What did you want?”
“I came up to see if I could be of assistance preparing the evening meal.”
He started to say something when Ford returned, looking sad. He caught Aaron’s eye and shook his head.
Fuck.
“Look, we appreciate you wanting to help, but it’s not necessary.”
“Did I hear Dr. Hypatia in here earlier?”
“Yes, you did. It’s nothing personal, but she’s a trained empath. Whether it’s something she’s picking up from the equipment, or because she’s not used to dealing with a F’ahrkay, or whatever it is, she is extremely uncomfortable around you.”
“I apologize for that. That is not my intention.”
Now Aaron felt like shit. Caught between a temp crewman and his wife, he was responsible for both their safety and well-being, but his loyalty lay with Emi. “I know that. But like I told you before, this isn’t something that she can just get used to and it’ll get better for her. It seems to get worse as time goes on.”
“So she was in here?”
“Yeah,” Ford grumbled as he checked the potatoes. “And we were about to get some from her for the first time in—”
“Ford!” Aaron snapped.