After she passed out, he stayed inside her while he buried his face in her neck. He wouldn’t allow himself to have an orgasm. Not without her. He would just stay there and take in her smell while he waited. It seemed like an eternity before he could safely remove himself without exploding inside her. He got a warm washcloth from the bathroom and gently cleaned her.
He did it before he could stop himself. He did it before he even registered it as a thought or a decision to be made. He had to know. He hadn’t realized it, but he was slowly lowering his face to the place he’d just wiped. He wouldn’t allow his mouth to touch her, but he inhaled the scent of her and instantly got hard again. Fuck. Now what? He wasn’t a pervert. He would never take a woman without her consent.
He hung his head in shame as he realized that this was exactly what he’d just done. But surely this was different, wasn’t it? This was Ginny, and he loved Ginny.
He wanted to go further. He wanted to taste her. He was certain this was something she had never experienced before, and he also knew that it was something Grizz would introduce to her.
But with the greatest willpower he’d ever know, he stopped himself from doing anything. And very, very carefully he put her underwear back on her, pulling the sheet up.
I’ll always be her first, he thought to himself. That was his only comfort and it would have to be enough.
Chapter Fifty-One
2000
“I can’t believe what I’m hearing, Tommy.” Ginny walked to him then. She stood there, looking down at him with her arms crossed in front of her chest. He didn’t know if she was going to cry or yell. He didn’t know which one he dreaded most.
“Gin, I’m sorry.” He looked down at his lap. “I wanted to be with you for as long as I could remember. I actually don’t remember a time when I was not wanting you. From the moment I saw you walking down the block and then setting up your lemonade stand, until today. And I know it was wrong to trick him, but—.”
She was getting flustered. “You’re telling me you actually, you know, you actually—”
She couldn’t finish her sentence. She gestured with her arm to the space between her legs. “You put your mouth there while I was asleep?”
He tried not to smile. “As passionate as you are, Ginny, and you can’t even ask me if I went down on you? No, I didn’t put my mouth there. But I wanted to. Can’t lie about that.”
She punched him as hard as she could right in his face. He recoiled as much from shock as from pain. But it was a good pain. He wanted to hurt, after all she’d been through. Needed to hurt.
“How dare you sit there and tell me I’m passionate without thinking that something like this wouldn’t anger me! That your so-called confession would make things right!” She clenched her fists, her body thrumming with fury. “I guess this is you trying to get something off your chest that made you feel guilty? But you know what, Tommy? It makes me feel used and cheap. How dare you and Grizz play with my life like that! I’m sitting here listening to a story about a decision you and Grizz made as to how I was going to lose my virginity! You could’ve been deciding on whether to order steak or chicken at a restaurant.”
“Ginny, it wasn’t a small decision. Don’t make it sound like that.”
“And it shouldn’t have been your decision! Grizz’s either.” She punched him again, this time drawing blood from his nose. “That’s the punch I should have given Grizz all those years ago, but I was only fifteen and naïve and hadn’t realized the magnitude or seriousness of what had been done to me.”
He recovered from the shock and looked at her.
“I deserved that. I deserve more than that.” He swiped the blood that was slowly coming out of his nose.
He remembered how he’d gotten more than that. After she’d left his room that night and gone to number four, Grizz barged back in his door without knocking. Grunt had been sitting on his bed, his head in his hands. He was overcome with guilt. When Grizz walked in, Grunt stood up and started to say something, but he never got the chance. Grizz punched him in the mouth so hard that he fell back on his bed. He was lucky that his jaw hadn’t been broken and he still had all his teeth.
“That’s for not making sure she was asleep, motherfucker,” Grizz said as he spun around and headed back to number four.
Grunt was surprised when Blue came down a little bit later and told him Grizz had given him permission to take her off the motel grounds. That shocked him, but he guessed Grizz was just feeling bad about her knowing what happened. Grizz had to leave on business and couldn’t take her with him, and he sure didn’t want her sitting in the motel all day thinking about what had been done to her.
Now, her body still tight with rage, Ginny turned her back on him. She walked to the railing and looked out over the massive yard. Once hers, now Carter’s.
“I thought I saw tears in your eyes that night. Did I imagine it?” she asked him without turning around. She was still angry and her breathing was heavy.
“No, Gin. You didn’t imagine it. I couldn’t stand that I would have to wait for you after that night.” He paused and then added, “Can I ask you something?”
She turned to look at him. “What?” Her voice was cold, distant.
“Why did you tell Leslie about the night you lost your virginity? Why bring that up?”
She shook her head. “It was stupid. She kept wanting to talk about how horrible Grizz was. She didn’t believe me when I insisted he’d never forced himself on me. That I was the one who’d initiated the first time with him. She couldn’t believe it. I thought I was making him look good by telling her he didn’t want to hurt me, so he wanted you to handle it. When she was appalled that you, the man I was now married to, were supposed to rape me with an old police baton, I jumped to your defense. I told her I’d asked you to do it personally. Looking back now, I should’ve just left it alone. Let her think what she wanted about Grizz. It wouldn’t have mattered now, anyway. I still can’t believe he died knowing.”
She cocked her head. “What would you have done if I didn’t ask you to do it?”
“I wouldn’t have done it. I wouldn’t have touched you. I swear it. I would’ve rather told Grizz I changed my mind and didn’t feel right about it. I would’ve rather done that than come anywhere near you with that stick.”
She looked down at the deck they were standing on, slowly nodding her head as she took it all in. She didn’t seem as upset as Tommy thought she would be. The punches were a surprise. He didn’t think she had it in her. He’d never even seen her step on a bug. But still, he was a bit relieved.
She asked some more questions about the part Blue played in the deception. Tommy told her how Blue and Grizz worked on his memory from the beginning. How they did everything they could to convince him he was Blue’s brother. He actually believed it for a while. It wasn’t until he got older that he suspected maybe Grizz was his brother. But, as he’d told her before, he never suspected that Grizz was his father. And that was the absolute truth.
“Did you ask him anything else about her? About your mother? How they met? Did he love her?” She asked Tommy that last question without meeting his eyes. She could never admit that the thought of Grizz loving another woman, even so long ago, somehow didn’t sit right with her.
“I wanted to know some things, but truthfully, Ginny, I really wanted to just put it behind me. I still do. He was in prison facing death in a few days and she was long dead. And at his hands. I was married to you, which is all I’d ever wanted. To be with you.” He shrugged. “Why? Why dredge up an ugly past? I could live without knowing the answers. You were always my goal and I had finally reached it. It was then and still is about being with you, Ginny. That’s all it’s ever been about.”
She bit her lip. “When did you find out about his real childhood? He told me a different story when I got pregnant that first time. Actually, it was the night I heard him talking with Candy.”
“Could you blame him for not telling you
the truth? Believe it or not, he told me right after you were raped by that son-of-a-bitch, Darryl. We had been taking turns sitting with you while you were sedated. He had been drinking. I can honestly say I had never seen Grizz drunk before that night. Ever.”
“Neither had I. I thought he might’ve been a little tipsy the night I caught him with Willow, but that was it. I know he had an occasional beer and he never did drugs that I knew of.”
“Your attack really messed with him. He just started telling me some things. The same stuff I told you about Sunday. I thought my childhood was bad. I honestly think Grizz’s was worse. Not that he’d endured worse beatings or anything. But his helplessness at not being able to defend his sister. That seems to me like it would’ve made it harder.”
“It was a horrible story.” She shivered. “I can’t imagine the Grizz I knew being a child and having that stuff happen to him. Did he ever tell you where he was raised? Did all of this happen here? In South Florida? I think he mentioned West Palm Beach once. And did he ever tell you his sister’s name?”
She had a sneaking suspicion that she already knew her name, but she wanted to know if Tommy could confirm it.
“No, he never told me where he was born or raised, and he never told me her name. That’s the truth.” It was the truth. Grizz had told him the story, but never told him where it had happened or personal details about his childhood. The only name he’d ever heard was Ida.
Tommy wanted to go to her then, take her in his arms, but he was afraid of how she’d react. He wished that for a second he could read her mind. It had to be on information overload. After a few minutes of silence, he blurted out, “Ginny, I didn’t know who I was in this world. Someone’s brother, someone’s son, a criminal, a student, someone evil, or someone kind. But when you came into my life, I knew who I wanted to be.”
She started to get tears in her eyes and gulped back a response. She wouldn’t allow her emotions to rule this conversation. She didn’t want to remember that she liked waking up in his arms this morning. She looked away, and he could tell that she was thinking.
“Another thing, Tommy. Something else has never really added up or made sense to me. You used to spend a lot of time with me. Alone time. Wasn’t Cindy ever jealous or anything? I mean, I’m still surprised Grizz even allowed it. That Grizz insisted I marry you. It seemed to go against everything Grizz ever did concerning me. Do you know why?” She frowned then and looked at him. She tilted her head to one side. “Tommy?”
He took a big breath. “Yeah, about that.”
Chapter Fifty-Two
1978
Grunt had a very difficult time coming to terms with Kit’s rape. He had a lot of guilt about moving out to live with Cindy. Would he have been able to prevent her attack if he hadn’t moved out? It ate him up inside.
He’d actually moved in with Cindy as part of a bigger plan to be near Kit. He knew the only way Grizz would let him be near Kit was if he didn’t think Grunt was a threat. The plan came to him quite by accident. He was still in college and studying architecture. A very prestigious firm had approached him to work part time. They had heard about him from one of his teachers. He hadn’t graduated yet, but he was eager to work with them, knowing he could get some good experience designing homes. He wouldn’t be able to put a certified seal on them, but one of the senior architects could review the work and make it official.
“Cindy, this is the nice young man I wanted you to meet,” the woman had been saying as she walked into Grunt’s office without knocking. It wasn’t his office exactly, but a small one he had use of when he was working at the architecture firm, Monaco, Lay & Associates. The woman, Mrs. Jenkins, was a wealthy socialite who was having her house on the beach leveled and had hired the firm to do the work. She wanted to start from scratch with her own ideas, or so she said.
Mrs. Jenkins had noticed Grunt on a Saturday morning when she was there to meet with one of the other architects. She zeroed in on him immediately, insisting that he design her house. They tried to explain that he was still a student and pretty much interning with them, but she was adamant. Now, looking at the young woman being dragged along by her mother, he knew why.
“Michael, I want you to meet my daughter, Cindy.” Grunt looked up from his desk and saw a cute, baby-faced girl walk in behind her mother. It was obvious that she was embarrassed. Her face was beet red. He took his glasses off and laid them on the desk. He stood up and extended a hand.
“Nice to meet you Cindy. I’m Michael. Michael Freeman.” Grunt had continued to use the alias he had established after moving to the motel so many years ago, and the name rolled off his tongue easily.
“Michael, I want Cindy to be included as much as possible in the decisions for the house. It’s going to be hers, anyway, so she might as well get what she wants.”
“Mom, I love my penthouse. I don’t want a beach house,” Cindy huffed, barely concealing an eye-roll.
“Doesn’t matter. One day, you’ll thank me.”
That was how it started. Mrs. Jenkins made use of every opportunity to throw Grunt and Cindy together. She was playing matchmaker, and why she set her sights on a wannabe architect and not one of her socialite friend’s sons was a mystery to Grunt. But set her sights she had.
It was about three weeks after their introduction. Mrs. Jenkins insisted that Grunt go to Cindy’s penthouse to have a meeting with her.
Cindy answered the door shaking her head. “I’m sorry, Michael. I know she’s been pushing these meetings these last few weeks. I’m so embarrassed.”
Grunt smiled. Cindy was a nice girl. Sweet, cute, and extremely likeable. He didn’t mind spending time with her. He wasn’t attracted to her, though. There was only one woman he was drawn to, and it was killing him that he had barely any time to spend with Kit. Between school and work, he rarely had free time, and if there was any, it wasn’t alone time.
“It’s okay, Cindy. I know what she’s up to. I just don’t understand why she picked me,” he said as he followed Cindy into the oversized condo, looking around at the tasteful and expensive furnishings. It smelled like a combination of vanilla and lemons. He could hear the tinkling of wind chimes and “Sweet Talkin’ Woman” by Electric Light Orchestra playing over an obviously state-of-the art sound system.
Cindy turned to look at him and laughed. “Don’t take this as an insult. But basically, she’s exhausted every other resource. I have turned down every guy that she has thrown in my face. She just won’t stop. I guess she’s not getting the hint. The beach house is supposed to be the dangling carrot.”
He had followed her onto an expansive balcony. “She’s not getting what hint?” he asked as he looked at the breathtaking view of Fort Lauderdale beach.
“That you aren’t my type, either,” she answered with a big sigh.
“And what is your type exactly, Cindy?” He was curious.
“For starters, you’d have to have bigger boobs.”
Cindy invited Grunt to sit, then proceeded to pour her heart out to him. He guessed she’d had it bottled up for so long that it just came tumbling out. She didn’t know how to tell her parents. It was the seventies. People weren’t as open to homosexuality. She figured that if she excelled at school and showed up at the right social events, her parents would leave her alone. But her mother was relentless. Grunt listened as Cindy told him her story. She even confessed that she’d had the same girlfriend, Carla, since high school.
“My parents think we’re best friends. Which we are,” she quickly added.
Grunt glanced around the condo. “So does she live here with you? Is she your roommate?”
“No. My parents never approved of Carla, even as just a best friend. Said she came from the wrong side of the tracks. They are pretentious snobs. There’s nothing wrong with Carla or her family.”
They had been sitting at a table on the balcony drinking the lemonade that Cindy had offered. She looked at her glass. “I have another place. It’s in Miami. My
parents don’t know about it. I spend as much time there as I can, but between school and this stupid house my mom wants me involved with—” She trailed off. She looked up at Grunt with worried eyes. “I’m afraid I’m going to lose her. I just don’t have any time for her.”
Grunt leaned back in his chair and looked at Cindy. He thought for a second and made his decision. Yes, he would do this.
“Cindy,” he began, “maybe we can help each other out.”
That’s how the charade began. He started by designing the beach house on his own, telling Mrs. Jenkins the entire time that they were all Cindy’s ideas. The persistent mother was thrilled. She was even more excited when they decided less than six weeks later that they would make it official. Grunt would be moving into the condo. Cindy was ecstatic. All that was required of her was for her to show up with Grunt on her arm at an occasional event. Her parents left her alone. She continued with her education and lived with Carla full-time, only stopping by the condo to get her mail and to make sure she said hello to the doormen and an occasional neighbor.
Of course, Grunt never told Cindy any details about his real life. As far as she was concerned, he was Michael Freeman. He wanted to be an architect, and he needed someone to think he had a girlfriend. She was only too happy to comply and never pried. As time went by and she was introduced to Kit and Grizz, it all became obvious to her. He told her a little bit more after she met some people that referred to him as Grunt. He explained more about the gang life and said he was sorry for involving her, even if it was peripherally.
She didn’t care and told him not to worry about it. Her parents were so happy that she had a live-in boyfriend that they never bothered to do a background check on him or anything. When they asked about his family, he told them what he believed was the truth then. His father had drowned and his mother abandoned him. His sister and her husband, who had been taking care of him, had died tragically. He was raised in foster care and was smart enough to go to college. They never asked who paid for it or if he was receiving scholarships. They never seemed concerned that he was from the wrong side of the tracks. He guessed they were so self-absorbed and relieved to have found someone their daughter liked that they left them alone and went back to their lives. After Cindy was settled with her new beau, Michael Freeman, her parents started traveling extensively and rarely visited Fort Lauderdale. Mrs. Jenkins never even laid eyes on the beach home she’d had Grunt design.