"Well," I said testily, "it works better with a real basket and bow. And you're supposed to have a ceremony afterward--the whole tribe gets together to acknowledge you're Napaka and give you gifts and stuff. But we don't have time for that."
"But I want gifts," Sage said.
"Too bad," I said.
"But," Sage said. "It's really alright? Being--well, gay?"
"Why wouldn't it be?" I asked, confused.
Sage kicked his ankle under the table. "I went to public school for a while," he muttered. "They say bad things about Napaka out there."
"How old are you again?" I asked.
"Eleven," Sage said.
Tall for an eleven-year-old. "There's nothing wrong with Napaka," I said. "No matter what anyone tells you."
"You sure?" Sage asked.
"The buffalo and the caribou have Napaka. The barn owl, the seagull, even the skinks whose bones give us our jewelry. Are you gonna tell me a bunch of stupid humans are smarter than nature?"
"Well," Sage said. "No. But I'm not a skink, am I? I'm one of those stupid humans. I have to live with what the other stupid humans think."
"Look," I said. "Long before taipo'o came to Turtle Island we had men marrying men and women marrying women. Chief Ozaawindib married Chief Wenji-Dotagaan. Princess Pine Leaf liked women so much she married four of them. If you're gonna worry about what people think of you, you have to remember that our acceptance is older than their hate. If people out there hate you, then just come back here, and you'll be loved again."
Sage nodded. I didn't think I'd convinced him, but maybe all that mattered was that he had somebody to talk to.
"Hello, the both of you!"
Two somebody's to talk to. Aubrey slid into the seat beside me, tall and weedy and bright as a lightbulb.
"Er," Sage said. "Hi."
"Hello!" Aubrey said again. "Are you guys eating anything? Should I get you some frybread?"
"I'm gonna go now," Sage announced, standing.
I stuffed my test paper into my pocket. I grunted goodbye. Sage threw Aubrey and me one last, wary look before he jogged over to his sisters.
"Dr. Long Way took out Dad's pacemaker," Aubrey told me, excited.
"Isn't that a bad thing?" I asked, worried.
"Not in the least! His heart's working by itself all of a sudden. I don't really understand how, but--isn't that amazing?"
"Aubrey," I said. I wanted to jump up and down.
"It must have been everyone's prayers," Aubrey said. "I'm so lucky, I have all these friends--"
"Why are you lucky?" I asked angrily. "You deserve your friends."
"Well," said Aubrey, ducking his head sheepishly. "Thank you for that."
We talked for a while about school, after which we thumb-wrestled over a plate of potato croquettes. Aubrey won the battle. I sat throwing the croquettes at him in retaliation, but he caught most of them in his mouth. I snatched a plate of pumpkin fritters from the next table, because I wanted to see if he could catch those, too. William Sleeping Fox came over and interrupted us.
"Zeke says you can drive now," Sleeping Fox told me, dazed.
I gave him a dirty look. I put the plate down. "How the hell would Zeke know that?"
"He says you almost ran him over in the parking lot."
"You can drive?" Aubrey asked, interested.
I did something stupid just then: I lied.
"Yeah," I said.
All my life I wanted to be the guy people liked. If wearing glasses and driving a car made people like me, they couldn't be so bad.
"Even Stu can't drive a car," Sleeping Fox said dizzily.
"Yes," said Aubrey, hushed and impressed, "it's the same with my brother, Reuben. He tried to drive once and knocked down a traffic sign."
"Everybody knows Plains People can't drive!" said Zeke himself, dancing over to our table. "It's Custer's Curse!"
"Stop it," Stuart said hoarsely, following him. "They didn't have cars when Custer was alive."
"But, like," Zeke said. "If you can drive, Raf, that means we can go places without our parents!"
"What?" I asked, startled.
Allen Calling Owl drifted over to the table, a powder-white specter. "We could go to the desert and have a séance," he put in.
"That's lame!" Zeke said angrily. "Let's go to a nudie bar!"
"With what ID?" Stuart pointed out.
"You don't have to come!" Zeke said.
"Where are we going, then?" Aubrey asked uncomfortably. "I don't think we should spring this on Rafael..."
"Let's go on a road trip," Sleeping Fox offered unwantedly.
"It's eight o'clock at night!" I said through my teeth.
"We'll tell our parents we're hanging out at Aubrey's house," Sleeping Fox said. "I've seen his place. It's big."
Stuart, Sleeping Fox, and Allen went looking for their parents. I broke into a cold sweat. I jumped when I felt a pair of hands on my shoulders. I calmed down at their familiarity, wide and gentle with long fingers.
What's the matter? Sky asked. He put his face in front of mine, his eyebrows wrinkled up.
I relaxed at the sight of him; although now wasn't a very good time to relax. I laced my fingers with his. "Nothin'," I said.
The guys came charging back to the table. They brought Sarah Two Eagles with them, the most awesome eleven-year-old on the rez. My stomach sank. I didn't mind endangering those other jerks, but I didn't want to kill Sarah.
"Where are we going, man?" Zeke asked, frantic with excitement.
Sky's eyebrows shot up.
"Let's go into the city and buy donuts," Sleeping Fox said.
"I really don't think we should be doing this," Aubrey repeated.
"You're finally cool," Sleeping Fox said.
How hard could driving really be? I mean, yeah, I had that whole scare with the moving truck, but trucks weren't on the road at nighttime, right?
"Sky," I said. I was finally cool. "Y'wanna drive into the city with us?"
Sky grabbed my arm and gave me a stern look. I wilted under his scrutiny. Sky turned around and gestured at Sleeping Fox, who stared blankly in retaliation. Sky's forehead creased. I felt his frustration for my own. I couldn't imagine what it was like to want to communicate with people, but to be unable to.
"I can't believe I'm saying this," Stuart began, "but we'd better hurry if we want to make it home before curfew."
Sky let go of me, which I took for permission. I dragged myself over to Rosa, who sat with Beth and George in front of a small dug frying pit. I told her, without looking at her, that I was spending the next couple of hours at Aubrey's house. Even if we were getting along at the moment I wouldn't have gone to Uncle Gabriel, who tended to see through my lies the same way a doctor sees through his patient's chest. After saying goodbye to Rosa I crept back to my house, snatching the car keys off the hook on the wall. I felt so guilty I crouched on the sitting room floor, grasping my knees. My chest went tight, colored spots spinning in front of my eyes.
"What're you doing?" Mary asked. She and Isaac Takes Flight sat on the sofa, a bowl of fried herring eggs between them.
"Nothin'," I mumbled, standing up. My legs felt like slabs of rubber.
When I went back to the bonfire the only person still waiting for me was Sky. When I asked him where the others had gone he nodded in the direction of the hospital parking lot. He stopped me with his hand on my chest, his gaze expectant.
"Mary's with Isaac," I said dumbly. "I think your dad's safe."
Sky didn't so much as move. I scuffed my hiking boots nervously against the rough soil. I bent my head, but he took my face in his hands until I looked at him. His mouth was pursed wryly.
"So what?" I insisted. "Rosa says I've gotta learn how, anyway."
Sky shook his head slowly. Sky stroked my hair, my temples with his thumbs. I slumped against him, arms loose around his waist, face in the crook of his neck. He felt so good, especially when I wanted to vomit.
Laz
y, he said, jostling my elbow.
"In case we die or something," I said, "you're still the best."
Sky leaned back and showed me a bland look. Sounds fun.
He was holding my hand when we went out to the parking lot. Zeke ran circles around Stuart, who yelled at him, but didn't give chase. Aubrey sipped orange juice from a juicebox. Sarah waved at me, bouncy in her bright blue rain boots. What the hell, kid? It hadn't rained since July.
"Hello, Rafael," Sarah said. "Hello, Skylar. I am very much excited to hit the road with you."
Sky's face was one solid, adoring grin. He leaned over and tousled Sarah's short hair with both hands. Sarah hooted at Sky like an owl. Sky stood back, confused.
"Forgot she does that," I muttered.
"No!" shouted Allen. He put his arms over his head, paranoid.
"It wasn't a real owl!" I yelled.
I unlocked Uncle Gabriel's car. It was an eight-seater, a good thing, or someone would'a had to sit on the roof. The Tyke climbed into the back and bounced up and down on the gray leather. I sat heavily on the driver's seat and swallowed, my nerves in overdrive. Sky perched on the passenger seat next to me, which was the only thing that kept me from puking on the steering wheel.
"Play Kenny Loggins!" said Zeke in the middle row. Stuart swung their door shut.
"What's Kenny Loggins?" Aubrey asked.
"What is Love!" Zeke shouted.
"That's not Kenny Loggins," Stuart said.
"Fat Joe," Sleeping Fox said.
"I think 'Rotund Joe' would be more politically correct," Aubrey said fairly.
"Road Trips of the Dead..." Allen intoned.
I drew in a breath and didn't release it. I adjusted the mirrors. Sky grabbed my hand, eyeing me seriously. You don't have to drive them anywhere, his face said. You really shouldn't be doing this, it said.
"Let's go, Rafael!" Zeke shouted.
I put the car in reverse. The headlights lit up, stark white spilling on dark pavement. Christ, but the roads were pitch black, reminding me of an oceanic abyss.
"Not now," I muttered, apprehensive.
Too late. My imagination screeched in gear, the unwelcome bastard. The claustrophobic car became a submarine, panels glowing on steel-plated walls. I groaned with resignation when my jeans and jacket melted into dark blue military fatigues.
"Whoooo!" Zeke screamed. He thrust his arms in the air, accidentally slapping Aubrey in the face.
A school of silvery-pink fish drifted past us, phosphorescent weeds dancing after them like skinny glowworms. Sky stared at me for a very long time, like he knew exactly where my head had gone. I couldn't help it. I put my eye against the periscope, perusing murky blue waters.
"You'll want to get on the I-10," Stuart told me.
"Uh," I said.
Stuart sighed wearily. "I'll watch the exits for you," he offered.
I kicked the buoyancy system on the floor. The submarine rose. A shark swam at us, razor-sharp teeth bared. I toggled the rudder and we swerved neatly away. Maybe driving was one of those things you only did well when you stopped thinking about it. Thinking wasn't my strong point; but daydreaming was. I dreamt of buried treasure and smooth ocean doldrums. I dreamt of mermaids with bloody pearls strung around their throats, rusty scales for skin.
"What's everybody's favorite music?" Aubrey asked politely.
"Kidz Bop," Sarah said.
"Blues!" Zeke said.
"None," Stuart said.
"Well, I like bluegrass," Aubrey said.
"That's kind of like blues!" Zeke said.
"Not really," Stuart said.
"Techno," Sleeping Fox said.
"Sky likes jazz," I said.
Sky rubbed the back of his neck. Sky smiled at me. I didn't care how good of a front he put up; I knew it bothered him that he couldn't talk nonsense with the rest of the guys. It bothered me the same. Sometimes it bothered me so much I lay awake at night, willing the seconds to pass faster so I'd wake up an adult already, so I could reconstruct Sky's vocal cords. I was going to be a speech therapist. I was going to give back everything my father had taken from him.
"Here we are, Rafael," Stuart said. "Exit's on your right."
The submarine crested through the surface of the ocean, clear green waves breaking around us. The stormy sky morphed into a city skyline. The submarine was a car again. Stuart pointed the way to a sad-looking eatery, windows glowing, and I parked the car in the chalky lot outside. Zeke cheered when we threw the doors open.
"We are breaking so many rules right now," Aubrey realized, turning green.
Sky hopped out of the car. Sky slapped Aubrey heartily on the shoulder. I locked all the doors when everyone was outside.
"I'm not allowed to have sugar," Allen remembered, one of his eyes pointed inward.
"Why not?" I asked sourly.
Allen stared mysteriously into the distance. "It's a long story..."
We went into the eatery, Zeke skipping like a moron. The floor was shiny and yellow and everything smelled like flour. The girl behind the counter gave the eight of us a very confused look. Sarah waved at her.
"So many rules," Aubrey moaned. "So many rules--"
"I want a chocolate donut," Sleeping Fox told the employee.
"Glazed, please," Sarah said.
"None for me," Stuart said, sounding bored.
"Man, why did you even come?" Zeke demanded.
Aubrey wheezed. "So many--"
Sky swiped a paper bag off the counter and handed it to Aubrey. Aubrey breathed into it. Stuart asked, "Did any of you even bring money?"
"Uh," Zeke said, laughing.
"I always have money in my rain boots," Sarah said, lifting her foot.
"I'll pay you back!" Zeke promised.
"No, you won't, but that's okay," Sarah said.
Ten minutes later we went into the parking lot, each of us with a donut except for Stuart, the stick in the mud, and Sky, who didn't like sweets. Sky drank an iced coffee instead. City kids. I gazed around at the cityscape, hypnotized by lights. Blue and green-yellow windows peered back at me from blocky office buildings. The stoplights blinked mad and red, the cars hissing like peyote rattles when they drove down the street.
Sky grinned at me. He elbowed me, raising his eyebrows.
"Don't give me that," I grumbled, stubbornly hunching my shoulders. "Cities aren't natural, no matter how cool they look."
Sky tickled my stomach.
"No! Stop," I said, but laughed like an idiot. I almost dropped my donut. It had cream inside it, too.
Are cities really so bad? Sky asked, looking around at the buildings.
"They're covering nature," I grunted. "So yeah. They're bad."
Sky gave me a dry look.
"Stop it," I said. "Where do you think pollution comes from? It ain't coming from the rez. All those corporate buildings feed off of power plants. All those power plants release carbon emissions. That's what destroys ozone and poisons the air. Come on, Sky. You can't be an Indian if you aren't obsessed with saving the planet. We're practically born with picket signs in our hands."
Sky knocked his shoulder into mine. I'm not sure how; the guy was short. I felt his peace, and his concession, which fed my hopes that we'd attend an anti-fracking protest together someday. Maybe we'd make out afterward.
"What's your favorite movie?" Zeke asked Aubrey.
Aubrey fumbled with his eyeglasses. "I'm not sure that I've seen a movie before," he said carefully.
"How can you not be sure?" Zeke complained. "Man! I like March of the Wooden Soldiers. Laurel and Hardy are cool!"
"Zeke," I said. "I wanna talk to you for a second."
Sky looked curiously at me. So did Zeke. I told Sky I'd be a moment. Zeke bounded my way, swinging his arms. I led him over to a big black trash can.
"You're not gonna put me in there," Zeke said, laughing nervously. "Are you?"
I wanted to tell him about that day in the desert, years ago. Me, Dad, Naomi, and the
shovels. I didn't know how to broach the subject.
"Man," Zeke said. He must have noticed the expression on my face. He dug his heels against the ground, hair swinging around his head. "Can't we just forget about...you know, all that stuff from the past?"
I hesitated. "You really want to?"
"Look," Zeke said. "You're friends with Sky-lark, and he's still alive. So I'm pretty sure you're not your dad."
To hear that from someone who didn't even like me was cathartic. "I'm not."
"Yeah, I know," Zeke said. "All that stuff...it doesn't matter anymore, okay? I get enough of it from my old man. I don't have to get it from you, too."
"Your dad giving you shit?" I asked.
"No," Zeke said quickly.
I gave him a dubious look.
Zeke sighed. "I still miss Naomi, I guess," he said, messing up his hair. "It's weird. When she was alive we did nothing except fight. Now that she's gone I miss the yelling."
"I'm sorry," I said quietly.
"I told you to forget about it," Zeke said.
"But you haven't forgotten about it," I pointed out.
"Well, yeah," Zeke said. "How do you forget about something like that?"
He realized his folly a moment later. "Shut up, man."
We caught sight of Stuart dousing his hand in vodka and setting it on fire with a cigarette lighter. Zeke looked like he didn't know whether to laugh or scream.
"That's the kind of guy who takes a gun to school," Zeke remarked.
"And shaves his head and commits ritual suicide," I added.
Sleeping Fox slinked over to us. "I want another donut," he announced.
"You haven't got the money," I said harshly.
"You can have Rafael's!" Zeke said.
"Fuck you," I said.
The novelty of leaving the rez wore off. We got in Uncle Gabriel's car and I locked the doors. I warned the guys that if they got sugar on the seats I'd hunt 'em down and make 'em pay. Sarah saluted me in the rear-view mirror. The walls of the car flaked away, the seat underneath me transforming into the tell-tale cherrywood of a pony drag. Yoked horses pulled us across the Great Plains. Stupid taipo'o and their stupid inventions. I swear we got on just fine before they came up with all this unnecessary technology.
Try this, Sky said, thrusting his coffee under my nose.
"Get that outta my face," I said.