He just now has signified, that the gentleman is dead, whose living he has bad hope of; and he came pretendedly to tell Mrs Jewkes of it; and so could speak this to her, before me.
She wished him joy. See what the world is? one man’s death is another man’s joy: thus we thrust out one another! My hard case makes me serious.
He found means to slide a letter into my hands, and is gone away: he looked at me with such respect and solemnness at parting, that Mrs Jewkes said, ‘Why, madam, I believe our young parson is half in love with you.’ ‘In love with me, Mrs Jewkes!’ said I; ‘Mr Williams knows better.’ ‘Why,’ said she, (I believe to sound me) ‘I can’t see you can either of you do better; and I have lately been so touched for you, seeing how heavily you apprehend dishonour from my master, that I think it is pity you should not have Mr Williams.’
I knew this must be a fetch of her’s, because, instead of being troubled for me, as she pretended, she watched me closer, and him too: I therefore said, ‘There is not a man living that I desire to marry. To keep myself honest, and to be a comfort and assistance to my poor parents, is the very top of my ambition.’ ‘Well, but,’ said she, ‘I have been thinking very seriously, that Mr Williams would make you a good husband; and as he will owe all his fortune to my master, he will be very glad, to be sure, to be obliged to him for a wife of his chusing: especially such a pretty one, and one so ingenious,133 and genteelly educated.’
This gave me a doubt, whether she knew of my master’s intimation of that sort formerly: I asked her, if she had reason to surmise, that that was in view? ‘No,’ she said; it was only her own thought; but it was very likely, that my master had either that in view, or something better for me. But, if I approved of it, she would propose such a thing to our master directly.
She then gave a detestable hint, that I might take resolutions upon it, of bringing such an affair to effect. I told her, I abhorred her vile insinuation; and as to Mr Williams, I thought him a good civil sort of man; but as, on one side, he was above me; so on the other, I said, of all professions, I should not like a clergyman for my husband. She wondered at that, she said, as I had such a religious turn. ‘Why, Mrs Jewkes,’ said I, ‘my dislike of a clergyman proceeds not from disrespect to the function. Far otherwise.’ ‘Why, indeed, as you say,’ answered she [I did not say so], ‘there are a great many fooleries among lovers, that would not so well become a starched band and cassock. E’fackins, thou hast well considered of the matter.’ And then she neighed, as I may say, if neighing be the laugh of a horse. I think I do hate her. Must not, my dear mother, this woman be a bad woman to the very core? She turns every thing into wickedness. She saw I was very angry, by my colouring at her, I suppose; but I said nothing;134 and finding she could make nothing of me, she changed the discourse.
I will open his letter by-and-by, and give you the contents of it; for she is up and down so much, that I am afraid of her surprising me.
Well, I see that I shall be under no necessity to make advances to Mr Williams, if I were disposed to think of him, as I am sure I am not. This is his letter:
‘I am at a loss to express myself lest I should appear to you to have a selfish view in the service I wish to do you. But I really know but one effectual and honourable way for you to extricate yourself from the dangerous situation you are in. It is that of marriage with some person whom you could make happy in your approbation. As for my own part, an engagement of that kind would be, as things stand, my apparent worldly ruin. But yet, so great is my veneration for you, and so entire my reliance on Providence upon so just an occasion, that I should think myself but too happy, if I might be accepted. I would, in this case, forego all my expectations, and be your conductor to some safe distance. But why do I say, in this case? That I will do, whether you think fit to reward me so eminently or not. And I will, the moment I hear of Mr B.’s setting out, (and I think now I have settled a very good method of intelligence of all his motions) get a horse ready, and myself to conduct you. I refer myself wholly to your goodness and direction, and am, with the highest respect,
Your most faithful humble Servant.
‘Don’t think this a sudden resolution. I always admired your character; and the moment I saw you, wished to serve so much excellence.’
What shall I say, my dear father and mother, to this unexpected declaration? I want now, more than ever, your advice. But, after all, I have no mind to marry: I had rather live with you. But yet, I would marry a man who begs from door to door, and has no home nor being, rather than endanger my honesty. Yet I cannot, me-thinks, young as I am, bear the thoughts of being a wife. After a thousand different thoughts, I wrote as follows:
‘Reverend Sir,
‘I am greatly confounded at the contents of your last. You are much too generous, and I cannot bear you should risque all your future prospects for me. Yet I cannot think of your offer without equal concern and gratitude; since nothing but to avoid a ruin, that would be otherwise unavoidable, could induce me, young as I am, to think of a change of condition; and so, sir, you ought not to accept of such an involuntary compliance, as mine would be, were I, upon the last necessity, to yield to your very generous proposal. I will rely wholly upon your goodness, in assisting my escape; but shall not, on your account principally, think of the honour you propose for me, at present; and never, but at the pleasure of my parents, who, low as they are in circumstances, in such a weighty point, are as much intitled to my duty, as if they were ever so rich. I beg you, therefore, sir, not to think of any thing from me, but everlasting gratitude, which will always bind me to be
Your most obliged Servant.’
THURSDAY, FRIDAY, SATURDAY, the 14th, 15th, and 16th of my Bondage
Mrs Jewkes has received a letter, and is much civiller to me, and Mr Williams too., than she used to be. I wonder I have not one in answer to mine to my master. I suppose he is angry. I am not the more pleased for her civility; for she is very cunning, and as watchful as ever. I laid a trap to get at her instructions, which she carries in the bosom of her stays; but it has not succeeded.
My last letter went safe to Mr Williams, by the old conveyance, so that he is not suspected. He has intimated, that though I have not come so readily as he hoped I would into his scheme, yet his diligence shall not be slackened, and he will leave it to Providence and myself, to dispose of him as he shall be found to deserve. He has signified to me, that he shall soon send a special messenger with the pacquet to you, and I have added to it what has occurred since.
SUNDAY
I am just now quite astonished! I hope all is right! But I have a strange turn to acquaint you with.
Mr Williams and Mrs Jewkes came to me both together; he in ecstasies, she with a strange fluttering sort of air. ‘Well’, said she, ‘Mrs Pamela, I give you joy! I give you joy! Let nobody speak but me!’ Then she sat down, as out of breath, puffing and blowing. ‘Every thing,’ proceeded she, ‘turns as I said it would! Why, there is to be a match between you and Mr Williams! Well, I always thought it. Never was so good a master! Go to, go to, naughty mistrustful Mrs Pamela – Nay, Mrs Williams,’ said the forward creature, ‘I may as good as call you; you ought on your knees to beg my master’s pardon a thousand times for mistrusting him.’
She was going on; and he, poor man! wanted, I saw, to edge in a joyful word; but I said, ‘Don’t torture me thus, I beseech you, Mrs Jewkes. Let me know all! Ah! Mr Williams,’ said I, ‘take care, take care!’ ‘Mistrustful again!’ said she; ‘why, Mr Williams, shew her your letter; and I will shew her mine: they were brought by the same hand.’
I trembled at the thoughts of what this might mean; and said, ‘You have so surprised me, that I cannot stand, nor hear, nor read! Why did you come up in such a manner to attack such weak spirits?’ ‘Shall we, Mrs Jewkes,’ said Mr Williams, ‘leave our letters with Mrs Pamela, to give her time to recover from her surprize?’ ‘Ay,’ said she, ‘with all my heart; here is nothing but flaming honour and good-will!’ And so saying, they l
eft me their letters, and withdrew.
My heart was quite sick with the surprize; so that I could not presently read them, notwithstanding my impatience; but after a-while, recovering, I found the contents thus strange and unexpected:
‘Mr WILLIAMS,
‘The death of Mr Fownes has now given me the opportunity I have long wanted, to make you happy, and that in a double respect: for I shall soon put you in possession of his living, and (if you have the art of making yourself well received) of one of the loveliest wives in England. She has not been used (as she has reason to think) according to her merit; but when she finds herself under the protection of a man of virtue and probity, with a competency to maintain her in the handsome manner to which she has been of late years accustomed, I am persuaded she will forgive those seeming hardships which have paved the way to so happy a lot, as I hope it will be to you both. I have only to account for my conduct, and good intentions with regard to her, which I shall do, when I see you: but as I shall soon set out for London, I believe it will be a month first. Mean while, if you can prevail with Pamela, you need not suspend for that your mutual happiness; only let me have notice of it first, and that she approves of your addresses; since, in so material an article, she ought entirely to be her own mistress; as I assure you, on the other hand, I would have you be absolutely your own master, that nothing may be wanting to complete your mutual felicity. I am, my old school-fellow,
Your Friend.’
Was ever the like heard! Lie still, my throbbing heart! This is the letter Mrs Jewkes left with me:
‘Mrs JEWKES,
‘You have been very careful and diligent in the task, which, for reasons I shall hereafter explain, I had imposed upon you. Your trouble is now almost at an end; for I have written my intentions to Mr Williams so particularly, that I need say the less here, because he will not scruple, I believe, to let you know the contents of my letter. I have only one thing to mention; it is, that if you find what I have hinted to him will be in the least disagreeable to either, you assure them both, that they are at entire liberty to pursue their own inclinations. I hope you continue your civilities to the mistrustful, uneasy Pamela, who now will begin to think justly of my honour in the discharge of the promise I made to my mother in the girl’s favour.
‘When I have a few lines from her in acknowledgment of her injurious mistrusts of my honour, and to express her gratitude on this occasion, I shall not scruple to write a letter to her, to assure her, and Mr Williams, of my further intentions for their mutual benefit.
Your Friend, &c.’
I had hardly time to transcribe these letters, though writing so much, I write pretty fast, before they came up again, in high spirits; and Mr Williams said, ‘I am glad at my heart, dear Mrs Pamela, that I was before-hand in135 my declarations to you: this generous letter has made me the happiest man on earth; and, Mrs Jewkes, you may be sure, that if I can procure this fair-one’s consent, I shall think myself—’
I interrupted the good man (for considering my master’s treatment of me before at his other house, my being carried off as I was, and kept a prisoner here, I could not but be upon my guard; this woman too, so very artful and wicked) and said, ‘Ah, Mr Williams! take care, take care; don’t let-’ There I stopped, and Mrs Jewkes said, ‘Still mistrustful! I never saw the like in my life! But I see,’ said she, ‘I was not wrong, whilst my old orders lasted, to be wary of you both. I should have had a hard task to prevent you, I find; for, as the saying is, Nought can restrain consent of twain.’136
I wondered not at her taking hold of his joyful indiscretion. I took her letter, and said, ‘Here, Mrs Jewkes, is your letter. I thank you for letting me see it; but I have been so long in a maze, that I can say nothing of this for the present. Time will bring all to light. Here, sir, is yours: may every thing turn to your happiness! I give you joy of my master’s goodness in the living.’ ‘It will not be a living,’ replied he, ‘without you.’ ‘Forbear, sir,’ said I: ‘while I have a father and mother, I am not my own mistress: and I will see myself quite at liberty, before I shall think myself fit to make a choice.’
Mrs Jewkes held up her eyes and hands, and said, ‘Such art, such caution, such cunning, for thy years! Well!’ ‘Why,’ said I, (that he might be more on his guard) ‘though I hope there cannot be deceit in this, I have been so used to be made a fool of by fortune, that I can hardly tell how to govern myself; and am almost an infidel as to mankind. But, I hope, I may be wrong; henceforth, Mrs Jewkes, I will consult you in every thing,’ (that I think proper, said I to myself) for to be sure, though I may forgive her, I can never love her.
She left Mr Williams and me, a few minutes, together; and I said, ‘Consider, sir, consider what you have done.’ ‘’Tis impossible,’ said he, ‘there can be deceit.’ ‘I hope so,’ replied I; ‘but what necessity was there for you to talk of your former declaration? Let this be as it will, that could do no good, especially before this woman. Forgive me, sir; they talk of womens promptness of speech; but, indeed, I see an honest heart is not to be trusted with itself in bad company.’
He was going to reply; but, though her task is said to be ALMOST (I took notice of that word) at an end, she came up to us again; and said, ‘Well, I had a good mind to shew you the way to church to-morrow.’
I was glad of this, because, though in my present doubtful situation I should not have chosen it, yet I would have encouraged her proposal, to be able to judge, by her being in earnest or otherwise, whether one might depend upon the rest. But Mr Williams again indiscreetly helped her to an excuse, by saying, that it was now best to defer it one Sunday, and till matters were riper; and she readily took hold of it, and confirmed his opinion.
After all, I hope the best; but if this should turn out to be a plot, nothing I fear but a miracle can save me. But sure the heart of man is not capable of such black deceit. Besides, Mr Williams has it under my master’s own hand, and he dare not but be in earnest; and then again, his education, and parents example, have neither of them taught him such very black contrivances. So I will hope for the best!
Mr Williams, Mrs Jewkes, and I, have been all three walking together in the garden; and she pulled out her key to the back-door, and opening it, we walked a little way in the pasture. Mr Williams pointed at the sun-flower, as we passed it, but I was forced to be very reserved to him; for the good man has no guard, no caution at all. In the pasture, at a distance, we looked at the bull that hurt the cook-maid, who is got pretty well again. An ugly, surly, grim creature. Mrs Jewkes said, that was not the first mischief he had done. You know, my dear mother, that I was always from childhood afraid of a bull; and you used to tell me, that as cows for their meekness and usefulness were to be likened to good women; so bulls, when fierce and untameable, were to be compared to wicked men: and thence you gave me such cautions and instructions, to avoid such libertine men, as have had a place in my memory ever since.137
Mr Williams, Mrs Jewkes, and I, have just supped together; and I cannot yet think but all must be right. Only I am resolved not to marry, nor to give any encouragement to Mr Williams, beyond the civility due to so good a man: at least till I am with you, and have the approbation of you both. So young a girl! I think I should be very forward were I to shew any inclination to be so soon a wife. My reverence for the character is too great to make me hope, that I could, for one while, acquit myself tolerably in the station of a good clergyman’s wife; and if I were ever to be so preferred, I hope, by God’s grace, not to disgrace the character.138
Mr Williams said, before Mrs Jewkes, he would send a messenger with a letter to my father and mother. How indiscreet! But I desire you will give no answer, till I have the happiness of seeing you; which now I hope for soon.
He will, in my pacquet, send you a most tedious parcel of stuff, of my oppressions, my distresses, my fears. I will send this with it (for Mrs Jewkes gives me leave to write to my father, which looks well); and I am glad I can conclude, after all my sufferings, with my hopes, to
be soon with you, which I know will give you comfort. And so, begging the continuance of your prayers and blessings, I subscribe myself
Your ever dutiful Daughter.
I have so much time upon my hands, that I must write on to employ myself. The Sunday evening, where I left off, Mrs Jewkes asked me, if I chose to lie by myself? I said, Yes, with all my heart, if she pleased. ‘Well,’ said she, ‘after to-night you shall.’
I asked her for more paper; and she gave me a little phial of ink, eight sheets of paper, which she said was all her store, (for now she would get me to write for her to our master, if she had occasion) and six pens, with a piece of sealing-wax. This also looks mighty well!
She pressed me very much, when she came to-bed, to give encouragement to Mr Williams, and said many things in his behalf; and blamed my shyness to him. I told her, I was resolved to give no encouragement, till I had talked to my father and mother. She said, she fancied I thought of somebody else, or I could never be so insensible. I assured her, as I could do very safely, that there was not a man on earth I wished to have; and as to Mr Williams, he might do better by far; and I had proposed so. much happiness in living with my poor father and mother, that I could not think of any scheme of life with pleasure, till I had tried that.
I asked her just now for my money; and she said it was above, in her strong box, but that I shall have it to-morrow. All these things continue to look well.
Mr Williams would go home this night, though late, because he would dispatch a messenger to you with a letter he had proposed from himself, and with my pacquet. But again I say, pray don’t encourage him; for he is much too heady and precipitate as to this matter, in my way of thinking; though to be sure, he is a very good man, and I am much obliged to him.