“I fucked up. I thought wrong—”
“Ava!” he barks.
“It isn’t like you promised me anything-”
He cuts me off by swooping down, hauling my body out of the chair and crushing me against him. Then his mouth is on mine. He kisses me hard, brutal even. I gasp into his mouth and let his lips crush mine. He lowers me down after a few seconds and I stare up at him, eyes wide.
“What you saw was me warning Sheila to stay away from me.”
I swallow.
“You were . . . against the wall.”
“She came into my station, demanding attention. I took her outside, she gave me sass so I put my hands on the wall and got in her face. If you paid attention, if you looked hard, you would have seen I was fuckin’ pissed at her.”
Oh.
“I . . .”
Yeah, I’ve got nothing.
“I’m not seein’ her or anyone else. I didn’t fuck you for the fun of it,” he rasps, so close I can feel his breath.
“You didn’t call,” I whisper, pitifully.
“I was workin’.”
Right.
I look away and realize that everyone in the office has stopped what they’re doing and are staring at us. My cheeks burn, and I look back to Lucas. “I’m at work. We shouldn’t be doing this here.”
He turns his head and glances at everyone, then straightens and runs a hand through his hair. I could swear I hear a sigh from somewhere in the room.
“Callin’ you later,” he says, leaning down and brushing his lips across mine. “Answer the phone, baby. I won’t be happy if you don’t.”
Then he turns and strides out.
My knees go wobbly.
That was hot.
~*~*~*~
My fists pound the punching bag over and over as I expel my rage. My day went from bad to worse. After Lucas left my office, Michael, the pompous prick, gave me a written warning. He said that public displays of affection in the office are out of bounds, and if I do it again, I’ll be fired. Fired! Because someone kissed me. It has nothing to do with that and everything to do with his obsession with me. God dammit.
I can’t afford to lose my job. It’s hard enough to get one around here. My boss is acting like a jealous asshole and my—god, I don’t even know what Lucas is to me—is being bossy and demanding. My fist hits the bag again and sweat trickles down my brow. I came here because I wasn’t ready to go home. I needed to let off some steam. I’ve been emotionally shredded for days and this was the only way I could think that would allow me to let off some steam.
“I told you to answer the phone.”
I flinch and stop punching the bag at the angry, raspy voice behind me. I turn slowly to see Lucas in his exercise clothes, his arms crossed, and his eyes on mine.
“I didn’t hear my phone, so technically I didn’t ignore it,” I mumble, turning back to the bag.
“Ava . . .”
“I’m not in the mood, Lucas. My boss gave me a god damned warning because you came in acting all broody and manly and kissed me. Now I’m angry and I need to get that out, so if you’ll leave me to vent, that’d be great.”
He goes silent, then his hand lashes out and curls around mine, spinning me towards him. I slam into his chest with a humph. “Your boss gave you a warning.”
It’s not a question.
“Yeah, he gave me a warning. He was angry that you kissed me in his office. He’s also very jealous because he has a slight obsession with me, and I think I killed all his fantasies that I was a sweet, innocent virgin he could fuck.”
Lucas stiffens. “What?”
“It’s nothing serious, caveman,” I mutter. “I think he has a slight crush on me.”
“Has he done anything?” he demands.
“No . . .”
“You’re lying.”
“Stop it,” I snap, stepping back. “I’m here to get some anger out, not create more by fighting with you.”
“What has he done?”
“Lucas!” I cry.
“Ava,” he warns.
“He looks at my breasts sometimes, drops pens and makes me bend down and pick them up—nothing major.”
His eyes flare, and I realize I shouldn’t have said that. Lucas isn’t the kind of man to take something like that lightly. This is confirmed when he snarls a filthy curse and grabs my hand, tugging me until I move. He pulls me into the locker rooms where he barks at everyone to leave, flashing his badge. They do, then he backs me into a locker and puts his hands up either side of my head.
“He looks at your breasts,” he snarls.
“Lucas . . . he’s a man . . .”
“He makes you pick up pens so he can check out your ass . . .”
“Lucas . . .”
“He fuckin’ makes you feel uncomfortable.”
I stop talking. There isn’t any point in arguing with him.
“Well?” he murmurs, dropping his voice.
“He makes me uncomfortable,” I confirm. “But we’re not talking about this right now. You need to let me go so I can—”
“He ever touched you?”
“Lucas!” I snap.
“Has he?”
“No,” I screech. “God, will you let me go?”
“No.”
“Lucas!”
I shove at his chest and he takes hold of my hands, jerking me towards him so fast my mouth slams against his. A painful sting radiates through my lip before I forget the pain and let him kiss me. I kiss him back, pouring my fury into him. I reach up, grabbing his hair, tugging it until he winces. Our kiss is brutal, angry even, and he pushes me harder against the locker.
“Take it out on me,” he rasps, stepping back. “You want to release your anger? Go ahead.”
I take him up on his offer, taking his shirt and jerking it up and over his head. My heart is pounding. I have no idea what I’m doing, but I am sure of one thing. I need to touch him. To feel him. To breathe him in. So I wing it. I do what feels right to my body.
I rake my fingers down his bare abs, causing him to shudder, then I hesitantly slip my hand into his shorts. He hisses, and I gasp as I curl my finger around his cock. It’s hard and throbbing already.
“I don’t . . .” I look into his eyes. “I don’t know what I’m doing.”
“Keep doin’ what you’re doin’ right now,” he grinds out through clenched teeth. “It’s fucking good, baby.”
I stroke my hand up and down, squeezing softly. He growls and takes hold of my shorts, undoing the string before shoving his hand into my panties. There he finds me wet. I can’t help it. I whimper as his finger glides through my sex, and he raises his hand out, licking his fingers. “You’re wet.”
My eyes flare with lust, and I stroke his dick harder, causing his balls to tuck up tightly against his body.
“I need to fuck you. Got no condom,” he growls, bringing his hand down and sliding his finger inside my pussy.
“I’m on the pill,” I whisper. “I’m clean.”
His eyes flash. “You trust me?”
“Is there a reason I shouldn’t?”
His eyes hold mine. “No. I’m clean.”
“Then what are you waiting for?”
His face grows dark, and he rasps out, “You still sore?”
I’m a little sore, but I’m not about to turn him away. “I’ll live.”
“Goin’ to eat you first. I need to taste you.”
I shiver, and my cheeks heat as he lowers himself, forcing my hand off his cock. He takes my shorts as he moves down my body and for a long moment, he just stares at my pussy. “Sweet,” he says, so low I can barely hear it. Then he reaches down, takes my ankle and puts it on his shoulder.
My cheeks burn, and I squirm nervously. I feel so exposed. So vulnerable. “You look sweet as hell when your cheeks go pink. Are you nervous, honey?”
I swallow and nod.
“Wondering what I’m thinking about while your leg is on my shoulder, pussy in
my face?”
My smile wobbles with nerves.
“What I think,” he says, leaning close and inhaling, “is that you smell so fuckin’ good, my dick is going to explode.”
I shiver.
“What I think,” he purrs, sliding his tongue up my pussy and making me gasp, “is that your pussy is so damned sweet I want to keep my mouth in it all day.”
I moan as he sucks my clit into his mouth, hard.
“What I think . . .” he moans, “is that I want so badly to stick my cock inside you, it’s killing me to wait.”
“Then stop waiting,” I whimper as he sucks my clit deep, flicking the tip with his tongue.
“I’ll stop when you come in my mouth.”
“Well on my way,” I breathe, arching into him, thrusting my hips so my pussy presses farther into his mouth.
“You’re a closet bad girl, aren’t you, honey?” He grins up at me, thrusting his fingers inside.
“Please,” I whimper.
“You want my tongue? Fuck my face.”
I open my mouth, then close it and just stare down at him.
“You want to come?”
I nod, desperately.
“Then fuck my face. Rotate your hips. Show me how you want it.”
He grabs my hips and pulls me back down onto his mouth. He licks me, but I have to rotate to get his tongue to go where I want it. I do as he asks. I fuck his face. My hips swirl and rotate, grinding against his mouth, pushing his tongue further. I come with a cry, my knees going weak. Lucas pulls his face from my depths and stands, pulling his cock free from his shorts.
He lifts one of my legs, putting it around his waist, and then he’s sliding his cock inside me, slowly, torturously. One of his hands clutches my ass and the other curls around my back and with perfect rhythm, he fucks me. He starts slow, easing me onto him, letting my body adjust to the bittersweet pain that radiates up my spine. It quickly turns to pleasure and he increases the pace, and he’s fucking me hard against the lockers, my body slamming into them.
“Oh. My. God,” I scream.
“Fuck,” he barks. “Fuck me.”
“Lucas,” I whimper.
I feel a tight coiling deep in my belly, something unusual and foreign, something I’ve never experienced before in all my life. It builds higher and higher with every thrust from Lucas, and before I know what’s happening, an explosion radiates through my body, starting in my womb and travelling outwards until I’m quivering in his arms, my head thrown back, moans trailing from my throat. I vaguely hear him growl my name and then he too is finding his own release, clutching me, our bodies joined in a way so personal it can’t be explained.
“Oh my,” I say in a shaky voice when my body stops trembling. “Whatever that was, I want it again.”
“Me too,” he says gruffly, putting me down and reaching for a pile of clean towels sitting on a bench close by. He gently places the towel he takes off a near by seat between my legs. “I’ve had women come on me before, but never like that. Fuckin’ intense.”
Jealousy burns in my chest at that comment, but I don’t let it show. Instead, I look down at his hand, gently cleaning between my legs, and my heart swells.
“Lucas?” I ask.
“Mmmm.”
“What is this . . . that we’re doing here?”
He looks up at me, his eyes gentle yet intense. “I don’t know, honey, but whatever it is . . . I don’t want to stop.”
Thank god.
Neither do I.
CHAPTER 29
THEN – LUCAS
It’s been more than a year since I started looking for Jennifer. More than a full fucking year, and I still have no idea where my she is. My life has gone from it being all I breathed for, to me slowly realizing there’s a solid chance I’ll never find her again. I’ve delved into Jackson’s club, followed all the drug leads, but either he’s fuckin’ smart or he’s not involved. I don’t know which. I don’t know if I believe him, but I do know that either way, nothing is giving me answers.
My wife is out there somewhere, and I have no idea if she’s alive or dead.
I don’t think I’ll ever rest until I find out, but I’ve exhausted all my options—there seems to be no way around it. She either doesn’t want to be found or she’s delved into the deepest, darkest part of the world, and I’m not sure I’m ready to go to there. I’ve already lost everything; I don’t think I can break anymore. Losing Shylie was enough, losing Jenn was enough, but to lose myself, too . . . I can’t risk that.
It’s been nearly two years since I lost my little girl, and it doesn’t get easier. Instead, I’ve learned to live with the pain that lingers in my chest each day. It’s become my life; it’s become normal. No longer do I remember what happiness feels like, nor do I remember what my life was like before Shy. Even the joy I felt with her seems to be a distant memory sometimes. Most days, I can’t even remember how to smile.
“Yo, Lucas!”
I look up from my desk to see my colleague Jeremy standing at the door leaning against it. He’s only new to the force, but he’s fitting in well and is a fuckin’ good detective. He’s spent a lot of time helping me look for Jenn, who I had to report officially as a missing person to be able to investigate further. That did nothing to help. I can’t find her and the harder I dig, the emptier I become.
I wonder if I’ll ever be able to sleep freely again if I don’t find out what happened to her?
I don’t think I will.
“What’s up?” I ask, pushing back and standing.
“Got some info you might like.”
“On what?”
“Jennifer.”
I flinch and glance at him. “Better be good, Jer. You know I’m not dealing.”
“It’s good. Talked to some of the leads, dug a little deeper. One of them snitched and said that there’s a girl named Jennifer dating the head honcho of a drug ring.”
My body freezes.
“Said he doesn’t know if it’s her, but she came to the main man about a year ago, askin’ for drugs. He took her in, they got together, and the rest is history.”
“There are a million Jennifer’s in the world, Jer. Could be anyone.”
“Fits the description perfectly.”
“Why would someone spill now? We’ve been digging and digging for a year trying to get information. All we get is dead ends.”
“This guy wants to get out; he’s part of a drug ring. I offered him a safe place if he told me what he knows.”
I narrow my eyes. “Seems suspicious to me. No one gets out of those places; surely he knows that.”
“Could be a set-up, for what reason I don’t know. Maybe they got word you’re lookin’ for her.”
“Maybe,” I mutter. “Are we lookin’ into it?”
“Yeah. Got a few names. It’s a better lead than we’ve had in months.”
I nod, turning and staring out the window.
I don’t know if I want the answer to the question burning in my brain.
Do I want to find Jennifer, if that’s the life she’s been living?
~*~*~*~
I jog down the pavement, sweat trickling down my forehead. I needed to wear off some energy, because fuck knows it’s been a hectic few weeks. We’ve followed some of the leads provided by a man I’m still one hundred percent suspicious on, and we seem to be getting closer to an answer. I’m convinced whoever sent him in is trying to get me close, probably because I’m sniffing about and they don’t like it.
I’ve had to be extra careful. I can’t afford to lose my life for a woman who clearly stopped giving a shit about me a year ago.
I round a corner, and a light rain begins to fall, not enough to soak my clothes. I pick up the pace, jogging until I’m pouring with sweat and my heart is pounding, making me forget the events of the last few weeks. A broken sniffle catches me off guard and I come to a stop, glancing around in the darkness.
That’s when I see her. She’s only small
, curled up on the pavement, trying to get to her feet.
Dark hair trails down around her face, so I can’t see much, but she’s crying, her fingernails digging into the concrete. I pick back up into a jog, getting closer and closer by the second. When I’m towering over her, I take her in. She’s only young, maybe in her early twenties, possibly her teens. She’s a tiny little thing with mobs of dark hair that’s damp and trailing over her face. I don’t want to startle her, but by the looks of things, she needs some help.
“Hey,” I say carefully.
She flinches and lifts her head, blinking a few times. She’s absolutely stunning, even through the blood and mess. A pixie-like girl, tiny and sweet, with the biggest blue eyes I’ve ever seen. A nearby car shines a light on her face, and I see dark blotches all over her body and clothes. I reach down, swiping my finger over one and rub them together. She’s bleeding. As I suspected.
“You’re bleeding.”
She doesn’t say anything; she just looks up at me with those pitiful eyes and stares.
“What’s your name?” I say, my voice gentle.
“A-a-a-ava,” she whispers.
Poor kid.
“Ava, are you hurt?”
Her eyes flash, and pain skitters across her features. She’s hurt all right.
“Y-y-yes.”
“All right,” I say, squatting down and gently reaching for her to take her into my arms. The station is nearby, and this girl needs some help. “My name is Detective Lucas Black. I’m goin’ to get you off this street—yeah?”
She nods.
I lift her into my arms.
Little do I know she’s going to change my entire life.
CHAPTER 30
NOW – AVA
“Take her, please. I’m too young to die.”
I gasp and shoot up in bed. It takes me a moment to realize where I am, and I quickly take the blanket, jerking it to my bare chest. I’m at home. Lucas is with me, because he’s been at my place for the past two nights, fucking me in ways I didn’t know I could be fucked. He got called out tonight, and as soon as he left the bed, the nightmares returned as they always do.
“You dream like that all the time?”
I jerk and try to stare into the darkness, but I can’t see where Lucas is sitting. He’s out of sight but he’s in the room, his husky voice bringing me some comfort.