It doesn't matter that my chest wants to burst open trying to take in extra air or that my legs hurt with the distance I've traveled. I'm in the jungle now. If a landmine gets me then so be it. At least I'm trying to escape.
But I'm pretty sure there are no explosives where I am. Unbeknownst to them, I've seen the Elders and the Masters in this part of the jungle. They'd be hunting with their rifles and slapping each other on the back whenever an animal was shot.
I stop only because my legs are about to give out, and I sit on a giant rock. My breathing is labored and hurts my lungs. Perspiration beads flow down my face and make my clothing sticky. When I get some control over my heavy breathing, I look around me. It's actually a very beautiful place with tall leafy trees and deep green vines hanging from them.
I feel a surge of gratitude go through me that this isn't a dense jungle with the thickness of shrubbery and plant life impossible to get through. Where would I have gotten a machete for such an escape? Instead, this place is much tamer than many savage jungles my mama and I had seen on T.V. But still, dangerous plants and animals lurk around. I can't let my guard down even for a second.
A strange mixture of emotions glide through me. On the one hand, I'm in so much peril in unknown territory. When the Elders realize I'm gone there may be no salvation for me. On the other hand, I feel free. How can I describe the feeling of not having someone constantly standing over me and telling me what to think?
Freedom.
Wow!
I stand up again knowing that it's dangerous for me to stay in one place for long. I should be afraid of moving forward and hitting a landmine, but I'm certain there'll be some kind of a marker to where the explosives begin. Those cowardly Elders would make certain that their own skin is protected. Of that I'm positive.
I'm not sure what I'll do when I get to those markers, but I keep going anyway. I can't stop now. Going back would mean getting caught. I've been away for too long. It's getting dark, and I'm sure they've figured out that I'm missing.
I try not to dwell on this too much, on the fact that my life is ticking swiftly away. Because there is no way they'd ever let an escapee live, I tell myself that these few moments of freedom have been worth it.
Plus there's the added bonus of not having to marry the stinky Mister!
I see a clearing at a short distance from me. Trees have been chopped down, but I can see little else. Night is falling fast. I decide to go carefully to it while listening for any sounds.
Why would the Elders clear a part of the jungle?
I'd better tread slowly.
But when I get there, I stand with my mouth gaping open. It's astonishing. I didn't expect to find what I found.
It's a cemetery!
We were never allowed to ask where the bodies of the dead were placed. I guess I had stopped thinking about it a long time ago and accepted that they disposed of the bodies as they wished.
I walk through rows and rows of graves that only say R.I.P. and first names. The darkness of the night casts shadows and the light wind sways the branches of the few trees left there. It's a spooky sight, but I'm not afraid. My fear fully lies with the ones who built the gravesite and who will bury me here once they catch me and murder me. There are so many graves! I tell myself. This awful place is full of victims--the ones I'm no longer allowed to speak of. The Elders had killed so many people. Tears bubble down my face, blistering water filled with equal parts sadness and fury..
What kind of monsters have I had to live with for so long?
I read the names off the tombstones. Jake, Lindy, Lana--the list goes on and on.
Sanaa had had a smile that could light up a room. Blair loved singing when she did her chores. Isidro used to be the fastest at tying his shoelaces. Kiyoko made the best pot roast.
I'm in such a state remembering my friends that my eyes blur with so many tears bursting out and my lungs have trouble taking in air as I continue moving forward.
Beatrix.
It's Beatrix's grave! She had already been buried. Like a crazed person I hug her simple, white tombstone. "I'm sorry I couldn't stop them from killing you," I say between sobs. "I was there but did nothing. I'm a coward. I'm so sorry, my friend."
I force myself to leave her and keep moving. If I don't step away now, the Elders might find me and disrespect her grave. With overwhelming emotion pounding in my eyes and throat I don't see where I'm going. When the ground from under me disappears, I am so startled that I don't react at my falling. I hit the ground making a loud thumping sound as my feet slam into the dirt. My legs give out and I fall forward, causing excruciating pain. The wind is knocked out of me when I hit the bottom.
"Ow!" I yell out when I get sufficient air in my lungs but then I tell myself to shut up.
I immediately flex every part of my body and realize with relief that nothing is broken. I'm throbbing and hurting but I'm in good shape.
Where am I? I ask myself, looking around. I'm in a long, rectangular hole with high walls of dirt all around me. Realization slowly creeps into me.
I'm in a grave.
It may even be my own grave by the time the night is over.
Creepy. Weird. Scary.
I tell myself to stop panicking and concentrate on finding a way out. I try jump towards the side of the grave, but I can't jump up high enough. I try to climb out, but I end up falling down again and a fresh batch of pain attacks me.
What am I going to do?
Desperation starts to claw at me. Furious desperation! To let out some frustration with myself for not having paid more attention to the path in front of me, I pound the side of the wall with full force.
"Ouch!" I let out and feel foolish when all I had succeeded in doing was almost breaking my hand as whole chunks of dirt fell on me.
"Are you okay?" a voice above me asks.
I look up to find that I can barely make out the owner of the voice. When my eyes finally discern the person, I can't believe who it is.