Karma:
What you put into the world comes back to you. How you live your life determines what kind of life you will have.------ Chinese proverb
Prologue Too soon
It was one of those days when nothing goes the way you plan. Selah hadn’t heard the alarm that morning. So she had been late for school. In the rush she had forgotten to tighten the cover of her soup she had packed for lunch, it had totally ruined her English project that she had stayed up all night to finish. She was definitely distracted all day, not noticing her surroundings and preferring to be alone with her thoughts.
Selah finally reached the end of the miserable ness, or so she thought. It was a slow misty wet drizzle outside, she almost felt as if she was beginning to mildew. Of course it was the perfect ending to the perfect day; she slowly stumbled one foot in front of the other making her way home after school. Selah had been late getting out trying to make up some work for Mrs. Bradshaw in the hopes that it would help her grade with the ruined project.
As she found herself walking alone along the grey streets, she knew she should hurry in case it started to pour but her feet couldn’t seem to move any faster than they were already. It was her thirteenth birthday next week, Sept 2, 1995, the lucky day she first graced this world, her Mom always said to her. But her Mom refused to let her have a boy girl party like all the other girls were having. Why couldn’t her mother understand she had to make her place in junior high, this wasn’t elementary school any longer. There was such a thing as status now, you had to have something going for you or you became invisible. Hopefully she would fit in some category or another. Maybe Sports would be her thing, either way this was her chance to become whoever she wanted to be, she could re-invent herself.
Selah was grateful she had at least put on her hoody that morning; no-one would see the lovely mess her hair was in, she hoped. Her mp3 player was blasting the new Mariana’s Trench song, “Cross My Heart.” So engrossed in her thoughts she didn’t notice the small group of teenage boys, a few hundred feet behind her.
As she crossed the street that adjoined the long road leading to her house, she began lightly humming the song, drifting in her thoughts of the day. Brittany had been such a little princess flaunting her project in front of everyone in class. Some people had such nerve; she would hopefully get loads of acne soon, if only, she had perfect skin not to mention her boobs were coming in really good. Selah’s were miniscule hard lumps of flesh that hurt like the by-Jesus if she even barely touched them. She had started her period the month before, which was pure bliss. Not! Its second appearance had come today, just another thing to add to her list of wonderful surprises. At least this time she had prepared things in her book bag. No need to go to the secretary at school asking for a pad or tampon. She thought God must have been smoking crack when he thought up of that idea, bleeding once a month, Uhk! It wasn’t pleasant, “You’re a woman now”, her mom had said, Oooo lucky me, and she got to look forward to this for the next 40 years! Super-duper mom!
The groups of boys were walking much faster now, whispering to one another and snorting like pigs “Do you know her,” the talk lanky one said to the pimply faced chubby one.
“I’ve seen her around the halls I think,” the one named Edgar said, thinking how he had seen her at South End elementary last year and she had a brother that went to school with his sister.” She’s in Mr. Thompson’s home room.”
“She’s kind of cute don’t ya think? What do you think she looks like naked?” tall and lanky Bobbie John or B.J. for short asked Edgar.
“We should leave her alone,” Edgar said, “I talked to her before she’s real nice. I don’t wanna get in no trouble, ok.”
“Whatever Edgar, you’re just a pussy! Pussy!” They all taunted him. The others were followers of B.J’s whatever he did they stupidly duplicated. Edgar became extremely quiet then. As they got closer and closer to Selah, he wouldn’t tell them her name. Man, these guys were such creeps but he hadn’t found anyone else to hang out with, he had found out the hard way how Junior high wasn’t good if you were a loner. And hey if you can’t beat them, ya might as well join them, right? Edgar thought if he could ever finish school he would leave these losers behind, he knew he was definitely smarter than they were. He silently prayed they wouldn’t hurt her. It didn’t look good though, he knew Selah always took the shortcut through the field that went to her house. If she took that route there was nothing he could do to help her, or was there? No, he couldn’t risk them coming down on him. BJ was a mean shit when he got mad, he treated everyone the way his old man treated him, bad. Maybe because the weather was so wet she’d stick to the main road, so she’d be drier. “Please Selah take the main road,” he whispered under his breath.
The short cut was just a few feet away Selah’s music was a slow soothing song, kinda depressing. It matched her mood perfectly. She was already soaking wet what did it matter if her feet were too, she thought. It was fitting it seemed, she could go more to the left side of the path to miss the big puddles. She was oblivious, to the trouble brewing behind her, as she only thought her day couldn’t possibly get any worse?
She had taken the path; he wanted to cry now, scream out a warning, something, but no he was destined to be a coward in the face of adversity. He had seen what happened the last time they were alone with a girl, at the dance last year, she was messed up pretty good now. He had heard she had even tried to slit her wrist or something. Please Selah turn around then run…run for your life.
The group of boys reached her as she was in the section of the pathway where no-one was visible from either road. “Hey Baby! Yeah wanna have some fun with a real man?” B.J. slithered passed her like the snake he was.
Selah was startled by the sudden interruption. And slowly took her head phones off. “What? Sorry!” She stammered clearly shocked she wasn’t alone anymore. “I couldn’t hear you; I was listening to my music.”
“I said, do ya wanna have fun with a real MAN”…the look in B.J’s eyes was pure evil, he even reeked of something rotten.
Selah took a step back and realized she was surrounded. There was one boy she recognized she thought, he was looking at the ground, as if he was ashamed of something. Edgar that was his name, she remembered.
“You know you wanna, no sense to fight it baby” B.J. cooed, thinking it made him sound sexy.
Selah realized if she didn’t act soon she would have no chance to escape. Especially if they all helped him, to do god only knew what. Selah saw the tall one move to avoid the puddle and saw her only chance, she dropped everything and ran, ran with every ounce of strength she had.
He was so tall though and he easily overpowered her. When he grabbed Selah he threw her into the tall grass on the side of the pathway, Selah knew she stood no chance. She bucked and kicked like a wild bull. He was incredibly strong and by this time the other boys were there, as they grabbed Selah’s arms and legs and held them fast. She felt the tears streaming down her face, fear had turned her muscles to jelly, and it was as if time had stopped and stood still. Selah’s mind began to shut down, frozen. She couldn’t stop this, what would they do to her, how far would they go? The more Selah froze the more she released all her power, her strength diminishing, she couldn’t change the outcome, and she just wasn’t strong enough. There were too many of them.
It was like she saw it happening to someone else, this wasn’t reality, this wasn’t real, and Selah felt herself float above her motionless body as she watched them, detached from everything. They were pulling her pants down to her ankles and touching her everywhere. There were tears streaming down her face, her makeup smudged down her cheeks. The tall one grabbed a hold of her panties with such force it lifted her bottom off the ground a good foot. The sound was gut wrenching as the thin fabric gave way. The excitement in B.J’s eyes was sickening. The girl was motionless, empty. Selah’s eyes had a glazed look of death in them. One of the other boys noticed and said “I think there’s something wrong
with her BJ she’s not moving at all, look at her eyes. I think you should stop.”
Edgar found a small measure of courage and squeaked out “Yeah BJ, I think she’s in shock or something.”
“Shut up, shut your pansy mouth and do what I told ya!” He shouted, the lust in his voice coating each word heavily. He quivered in anger, “Spread her legs apart for me.”
Selah just laid there motionless not squirming, it was killing his buzz. “Move you dirty hoe! You know you want this! Tell me how much you like it,” he screamed at her He hadn’t noticed the blood as he shoved as much of his hand between her legs as he could.
Selah couldn’t witness the debauchery anymore and went higher, up… up where there was no pain, or anyone tormenting her physical core. It was dark and ominous and then all at once the light opened like a flower’s petals. The heaviness weighting on her disappeared, leaving her spent and rather listless.
She was in a strange room; it took a minute for her eyes to adjust. She thought she was dreaming or in shock. While looking around the room and notice she wasn’t alone. There was a figure with their back to her; their hair was shoulder length and jet black. Her every sense instantly warned her to run… another stranger meant trouble.
They must have heard her as she stumbled and grabbed the wall to steady her quivering legs. It was a male, this one older than the others, maybe around 16, he was playing a guitar.
Daniel heard a strange sound, and was startled. He was so accustomed to being here alone with his thoughts and guitar. He turned and saw her, she was beautiful just as he remembered, and it had been so long. But why was she here, how had she found him? It wasn’t supposed to be this way, they were to meet in the real world not here, something just wasn’t right. When he turned to face Selah, her feelings of fear dissipated like vapor, she instantly knew she was safe, but why?
Daniel slowly put his guitar down, and stood. He was filled with such joy a seeing Selah again; she was so young though, she would only be 12, he calculated quickly. Her birthday was soon he remembered. He knew everything about her, and she wouldn’t know him…but he had agreed to that.
Selah’s breath caught in her throat, her heart began to beat like a thoroughbred horse`s running its final lap. She saw he was tall but not thin, with a slim athletic build, the kind that every guy wished they had. His face was round in shape and small; he had soft sensual lips, and the longest eyelashes she had ever seen. His nose was a bit larger than normal but it fit his face like a glove, and his eyes were steel gray, as dark as storm clouds full up with rain, she could see they were filled with an amazing wonderment in them, as if he were seeing the world for the first time.
“You’re not supposed to be here yet… you have to go back. It’s not the right time yet.” Daniel whispered, his heart breaking knowing he had to let her go again…
Confusion clouded Selah’s thought, what does he mean, yet? She didn’t understand, she felt a strange power overwhelming her, a pull of some sort. Like a moth to a flame, she so desperately wanted him to hold her and tell her all would be fine now. But who was he? What did he mean to her?
All of a sudden she felt nauseated as if someone was shaking her fiercely; she heard a voice frantically saying her name over and over… She slammed back into her physical body, as she realized Edgar was shaking her, as her head snapped to and fro like a rag dolls.
“Please wake up Selah! Please be alright.” Edgar was panicking now.
Selah opened her eyes and saw Edgar with his hands firmly gripped to her arms about to shake her again. “Let me go you creep!” she cried.
“They’re gone Selah when B.J. saw you were bleeding they took off. I’m so sorry, I should have helped you…I’m just so sorry,” Edgar said as tears rolled down his face
Edgar looked worse than she felt, Selah realized, they hadn’t hurt her too much, her virginity was intact. She mentally thanked god for inventing menstruation, it had saved her that day. Edgar had managed to cover her with his coat; he was full of mud, as was she. They hadn’t done too much damage, she would recover. “It’s ok Edgar… I know it wasn’t your fault. It’s ok, calm down…” She knew he wasn’t to blame, she really didn’t think he was like that. “Can you turn around while I fix myself up,” Selah knew it was too late to be modest but couldn’t help saving the little bit of dignity that remained.
“Of course,” Edgar stood and turned his back to her, grateful that this slip of a girl had forgiven him for his lack of courage. “I’ll walk you home every day if you want,
Selah. It’s the least I could do for you, you know with what just happened and all,” he rambled on.
Selah stood after his back was turned and salvaged what remained of her clothes. Her panties were ruined…she shoved them in her pocket anyway not wanting to leave any evidence of the crime here to remind her again. She supposed she was in shock or something. The boy she had saw…she just couldn’t erase his face…and what he had said, who was he…better yet who was she? She wondered.