Chapter Thirty
WHAT YOU DON'T KNOW
I dropped the communicator like it had burned my hands. It was real--I was connected to everything, to Vivian. Why didn't I pay more attention when she said what we were? And she said I was dying, or I was going to die, or. . .
I sat and put my head down on the table. This was so, so bad. So unbelievably bad. Not only did crazy paranormal killer know way more than I did and could sneak into my head, she also seemed to think we should be together. And the faeries were involved, of course.
What the bleep was I?
My earliest memories were of the foster system. The police had found me wandering naked and alone in a park when I was three years old. They never found any leads, so I became a ward of the state. What if--What if I didn't have parents to begin with? Where did I come from?
“She's delusional,” I whispered to myself, forehead pressed against the wood of the table. “She's crazy. We're not the same. ”
“Evie?” I sat straight up, shocked and scared. Lend's dad was standing in the entry to the kitchen. “Couldn't sleep?”
“No, no, I couldn't sleep. ” I wondered if I should tell him. But he liked me, trusted me. What would they do if they found out that this thing they were terrified of was my sister? That I might be the exact same thing as her? My eyes filled with tears. Why couldn't I just be normal?
“Yeah, me neither. ” He got a glass of water and sat down at the table across from me.
“I have a question. ” I wondered how I could get answers without giving anything away. If David even had any answers. I had a feeling I knew more than anyone else here now, which wasn't saying much. “Reth knew the words to that poem thing about Vi--about the girl that's doing this. Is it some sort of faerie prophecy?”
“He knew about it? Interesting. ” David looked thoughtful. “Is Reth Seelie or Unseelie?”
“What?” Yet another thing I didn't know. Great.
“There are two types of faeries--two courts. The Seelie and the Unseelie. You didn't learn about that?”
“Never heard a word. ”
He frowned. “They had you working with faeries but didn't talk about the differences? Did they teach you about faerie lore or magic?”
I shrugged. “Not really. Raquel wouldn't answer many of my questions. She always said that stuff didn't matter as long as we knew their names. ”
“But they only worked with Seelie faeries, right?”
I shrugged. “I think they took whatever they could get. ”
He sat back, rubbing his face wearily in the same way Lend did. “Idiots. ”
“No kidding. So what's the difference?”
“Well, many faeries are more independent and not actively involved with the courts, but they're all divided into two basic groups. The Seelie faeries are the good faeries--good being relative, of course. They still manage to do quite a bit of mischief. But the Unseelie are even worse. ”
“Oh, he's totally Unseelie then. You saw him. He was the one who brought Fire Girl into the Center, too. ”
“And he knew about the prophecy. Hmm. I wonder why the fey would be involved. The banshee's insight was obvious since she heralded the deaths. ” I nodded, pretending like I understood what he was talking about until I remembered Lend said they had gotten the info from a banshee.
“There was something else he mentioned. ” I bit my lip. Time to lie. “He said something about being empty. That she was an Empty One?” I watched him for any reaction but he looked stumped.
“I don't know. It doesn't ring a bell. Faeries operate on a different level than we do. Long-?term planning for us is years; they set things in motion centuries ahead. They meddle with human stuff the most, but all the true immortals are disconnected from our time frames. Take Cresseda. ” He smiled sadly. “Try getting a straight answer out of her about anything. She just doesn't have the same sense of immediacy that we do. It's like her mind is on a different plane. Still, we take what we can get. ”
“Yeah. ” Cresseda! Maybe she could answer my questions. I'd have to wait until the morning since I wouldn't be able to find my way in the dark, but it gave me hope that I could figure some of this out.
There was one more thing, though. Vivian's message had come from Raquel's communicator. I didn't know what that meant, how she had gotten it, but it couldn't be good. “Umm,” I said, staring at the table, “I know that you probably don't like her, but Raquel”--my voice caught saying her name--“was always pretty good to me. And I'm worried that she might be. . . Did you find out anything yet?”
David smiled, patting me on the shoulder as he stood. “I was going to tell you in the morning. I know for a fact that Raquel is alive and well. ”
“Really?” I looked up at him, tears of relief in my eyes. As much as she had frustrated and disappointed me, she was the closest I had to family. Knowing she was safe felt like a huge weight had been lifted from my chest. “Could you--” I wanted to send her a message. Something, anything to let her know that I was okay.
But she was bound to be disappointed in me. After everything I'd done--losing the trackers that Vivian used to trick her way into the Center, freeing Lend and running instead of following protocol, not coming back now that I was safe--no, she wouldn't be happy to hear from me. And then they'd look for me, too. It was best to leave it alone.
“Could I what?”
“Never mind. ” I smiled weakly. “I'm just glad she's okay. You're sure?”
“Positive. And now I'm going to try and get some sleep. ”
“Oh, yeah, me, too. ”
Several nervous and mind-?numbingly long hours later dawn finally came. I was exhausted and angry. I should have lain awake in bed last night because I was too giddy over Lend to sleep--not because I was terrified and paranoid thanks to my creepy sister thing and her little dream visits.
Around seven Lend knocked on my door.
“Yeah?”
He peeked in. Gosh, he was adorable.
“Hey--did you want to come to school with me again? It's only a half day. ”
“I don't really feel well. ” I hoped he could see how regretful I was. This was my only chance to see his mom without having to answer questions from Lend or David. I wasn't ready for questions.
“Oh, sure. Slacker. I'll be back before noon. ” He grinned at me and I felt like the worst person in the world.
“Can't wait,” I said, smiling. I listened until I was sure the house was empty, then threw on a jacket. I tucked Tasey into my pocket. Lend and his dad might be satisfied that Cresseda had banished Reth, but I wasn't taking any chances.
The trail seemed shorter this time, probably because I was nervous about what Cresseda would say. Plus, every cracked twig made me jump, certain that Reth--or worse, Vivian--was going to come sauntering out of the trees.
When I reached the edge of the pond, I stopped, flummoxed. I had no idea how to get her to come up. Lend had skipped a rock, but I couldn't do that to save my life. Frowning, I picked up a likely looking candidate and imitated his expert wrist flick. I was rewarded with a very ungraceful splosh. No skipping at all. I tried again; no luck. This was going to be a long morning. After lobbing in another four rocks, I was ready to give up, when the center of the pond started churning.
Cresseda formed in front of me. The frost was nearly gone and she was much closer this time.
“Oh, umm, hi. ”
“Evelyn,” she said in her melodic stream of a voice.
“I was wondering if you could maybe answer some questions for me?”
She looked at me, grave and sad. “As I said, yours is not a path of the waters. Yours is a path of spirit and fire. ”
“Yeah, but do you know what an Empty One is?”
“You are an Empty One. ”
Okay, not so helpful. “Yes, but what is that? What does that mean?”
“That has not been determined. You have yet to choose, and you
are not filled. ”
My voice caught, tears stinging my eyes. “What if I don't want to be filled?”
“We cannot change our nature. ” As if to demonstrate, she smiled sadly and held out her hand to me. I reached out, hesitant, and touched it. My hand went right through.
“I don't want to be anything. ” The tears started in earnest. “I don't want to be like her, like Vivian. I don't want to hurt anyone. Am I going to hurt people?”
“No one can make you do that, child. You are caught between two worlds, much like my own Lend. You will want the fire, you will want to be filled. It is your nature. I hope you do not fall, but she is much stronger than you are. ”
She smiled at me, reaching out as though she would wipe away my tears. “Cling to what is good in your life. Be good to my son. ” Then the water tumbled down, losing its form as she returned to the pond.
I walked back, feeling very cold and alone. She hadn't given me much to go on. I still didn't understand what the Empty Ones were or why I was one. I was depressed, wondering if I shouldn't just go find Vivian right now. She seemed to be the only one who knew what was happening.
But then I thought about what Cresseda had said--Lend and I were the same, stuck between two worlds. And even though she knew what I was, she didn't try to kill me, or tell me to stay away from her son. My step lightened as I dwelt on that. Cresseda didn't think I was dangerous, and I would take what I could get. The rest of the Vivian and faerie crap could play itself out without me. I didn't care.
Okay, I cared a lot and was still worrying obsessively over it, but I wasn't going to get involved. My connection with Vivian didn't matter. I wasn't like her; I didn't care about being empty. The only things I wanted to fill me were happy thoughts of holding Lend's hand.