THE MULE DRIVER AND THE GARRULOUS MUTE
Bill had finished panning the concentrates from our last clean-up,and now the silver ball of amalgam sizzled and fried on the shovelover the little chip-fire, while we smoked in the sun before thecabin. Removed from the salivating fumes of the quicksilver, wewatched the yellow tint grow and brighten in the heat.
"There's two diseases which the doctors ain't got any license tomonkey with," began Bill, chewing out blue smoke from his lungs witheach word, "and they're both fevers. After they butt into yoursystem they stick crossways, like a swallered toothpick; there ain'tany patent medicine that can bust their holt."
I settled against the door-jamb and nodded.
"I've had them both, acute and continuous, since I was old enoughto know my own mind and the taste of tobacco; I hold them mainlyresponsible for my present condition." He mournfully viewed hisfever-ridden frame which sprawled a pitiful six-feet-two from theheels of his gum-boots to the grizzled hair beneath his white Stetson.
"The first and most rabid," he continued, "is horse-racing--andt'other is the mining fever, which last is a heap insidiouser in itsaction and more lingering in its effect.
"It wasn't long after that deal in the Territory that I felt thesymptoms coming on agin, and this time they pinted most emphatictoward prospecting, so me and 'Kink' Martin loaded our kit onto theburros and hit West.
"Kink was a terrible good prospector, though all-fired unlucky andpeculiar. Most people called him crazy, 'cause he had fits of goin'for days without a peep.
"Hosstyle and ornery to the whole world; sort of bulging out andexploding with silence, as it were.
"We'd been out in the hills for a week on our first trip before hegot one of them death-watch faces on him, and boycotted the Englishlangwidge. I stood for it three days, trying to jolly a grin on tohim or rattle a word loose, but he just wouldn't jolt.
"One night we packed into camp tired, hungry, and dying for a goodfeed.
"I hustled around and produced a supper fit for old Mr. Eppycure.Knowing that Kink had a weakness for strong coffee that was simply ahinge in him, I pounded up about a quart of coffee beans in thecorner of a blanket and boiled out a South American liquid that wasnothing but the real Arbuckle mud.
"This wasn't no chafing-dish party either, because the wood was wetand the smoke chased me round the fire. Then it blazed up in spurtsand fired the bacon-grease, so that when I grabbed the skillet thehandle sizzled the life all out of my callouses. I kicked the firedown to a nice bed of coals and then the coffee-pot upset and put itout. Ashes got into the bacon, and--Oh! you know how joyful it is tocook on a green fire when you're dead tired and your hoodoo's onvicious.
"When the 'scoffings' were finally ready, I wasn't in what you mightexactly call a mollyfying and tactful mood nor exuding genialness andenthusiasms anyways noticeable."
"I herded the best in camp towards him, watching for a benevolentsymptom, but he just dogged it in silence and never changed a hair.That was the limit, so I inquired sort of ominous and gentle, 'Isthat coffee strong enough for ye, Mr. Martin?'
"He give a little impecunious grunt, implying, 'Oh! it'll do,' andwith that I seen little green specks begin to buck and wing in frontof my eyes; reaching back of me, I grabbed the Winchester and throwedit down on him.
"'Now, you laugh, darn you,' I says, 'in a hurry. Just turn it outgleeful and infractious.'
"He stared into the nozzle of that Krupp for a minute, then swalleredtwice to tune up his reeds, and says, friendly and perlite, butserious and wheezy:
"'Why, what in hell ails you, William?'
"'Laugh, you old dong-beater,' I yells, rising gradually to theoccasion, 'or I'll bust your cupola like a blue-rock.'
"'I've got to have merriment,' I says. 'I pine for warmth and genialsmiles, and you're due to furnish the sunshine. You emit a fewshreds of mirth with expedition or the upper end of your spinal-cordis going to catch cold.'
"Say! his jaws squeaked like a screen door when he loosened, but hebelched up a beauty, sort of stagy and artificial it was, but a greathelp. After that we got to know each other a heap better. Yes, sir;soon after that we got real intimate. He knocked the gun out of myhands, and we began to arbitrate. We plumb ruined that spot for acamping place; rooted it up in furrows, and tramped each other'sstummicks out of shape. We finally reached an amicable settlement byme getting him agin a log where I could brand him with the coffee-pot.
"Right there we drawed up a protoplasm, by the terms of which he wasto laugh anyways twice at meal-times.
"He told me that he reckoned he was locoed, and always had been sincea youngster, when the Injuns run in on them down at Frisbee, the timeof the big 'killing.' Kink saw his mother and father both murdered,and other things, too, which was impressive, but not agreeable for agrowing child. He had formed a sort of antipathy for Injuns at thattime, which he confessed he hadn't rightly been able to overcome.
"Now, he allus found himself planning how to hand Mr. Lo the doublecross and avoid complications.
"We worked down into South Western Arizony to a spot aboutthirty-five miles back of Fort Walker and struck a prospect. Sort ofa teaser it was, but worth working on. We'd just got nicely startedwhen Kink comes into camp one day after taking a passiar around thebutte for game, and says:
"'The queerest thing happened to me just now, Kid.'
"'Well, scream it at me,' I says, sort of smelling trouble in the air.
"'Oh! It wasn't much,' says he. 'I was just working down the bigcanyon over there after a deer when I seen two feather-dusters comingup the trail. I hid behind a rock, watching 'em go past, and I'mdurned if my gun didn't go off accidental and plumb ruin one of 'em.Then I looks carefuller and seen it wasn't no feather-duster atall--nothing but an Injun.'
"'What about the other one?'
"'That's the strangest part,' says Kink. 'Pretty soon the other oneturns and hits the back-trail like he'd forgot something; then I seenhim drop off his horse, too, sudden and all togetherish. I'm awfulcareless with this here gun,' he says. I hate to see a man laughfrom his tonsils forrard, the way he did. It ain't humorous.
"'See here,' I says, 'I ain't the kind that finds fault with mypardner, nor saying this to be captious and critical of your play;but don't you know them Cochises ain't on the warpath? Them Injunshas been on their reservation for five years, peaceable,domesticated, and eating from the hand. This means trouble."
"'My old man didn't have no war paint on him one day back atFrisbee,' whispers Kink, and his voice sounded puckered up and dried,'and my mother wasn't so darned quarrelsome, either.'
"Then I says, 'Well! them bodies has got to be hid, or we'll have thetribe and the bluebellies from the fort a scouring these hills till ared-bug couldn't hide.'
"'To hell with 'em,' says Kink. 'I've done all I'm going to for 'em.Let the coyotes finish the job.'
"'No, siree,' I replies. 'I don't blame you for having a prejudiceagin savages, but _my_ parents is still robust and husky, and I havean idea that they'd rather see me back on the ranch than glaringthrough the bars for life. I'm going over to bury the meat.'
"Off I went, but when I slid down the gulch, I only found one body.T'other had disappeared. You can guess how much time I lost gettingback to camp.
"'Kink,' I says, 'we're a straddle of the raggedest proposition inthis country. One of your dusters at this moment is jamming hiscayuse through the horizon between here and the post. Pretty soonthings is going to bust loose. 'Bout to-morrer evening we'll beeating hog-bosom on Uncle Sam.'
"'Well! Well!' says Kink, 'ain't that a pity. Next time I'llconquer my natural shyness and hold a post-mortem with a rock.'
"'There won't be no next time, I reckon,' I says, ''cause we can'tmake it over into Mexico without being caught up. They'll nail ussure, seeing as we're the only white men for twenty-five milesaround.'
"'I'd rather put up a good run than a bad stand, anyhow,' says he,'and I allows, furthermore, th
ere's going to be some hard trails tofoller and a tolable disagreeable fight before I pleads 'not guilty'to the Colonel. We'll both duck over into the Santa--'
"'Now, don't tell me what route you're going,' I interrupts,' 'causeI believe I'll stay and bluff it through, rather than sneak for it,though neither proposition don't appeal to me. I may get raised outbefore the draw, but the percentage is just as strong agin your gameas mine.'
"'Boy, if I was backing your system,' says Kink, 'I'd shore copperthis move and play her to lose. You come on with me, and we'll makeit through--mebbe.'
"'No,' I says; 'here I sticks.'
"I made up a pack-strap out of my extry overhalls while he got grubtogether, to start south through one hundred miles of the ruggedestand barrenest country that was ever left unfinished.
"Next noon I was parching some coffee-beans in the frying-pan, when Iheard hoofs down the gully back of me. I never looked up when theycome into the open nor when I heard a feller say 'Halt!'
"'Hello there!' somebody yells. 'You there at the fire.' I kept onshaking the skillet over the camp-fire.
"'What's the matter with him?' somebody said. A man got off andwalked up behind me.
"'See here, brother,' he says, tapping me on the shoulder; 'thisdon't go.'
"I jumped clean over the fire, dropped the pan, and let out a deafand dumb holler, 'Ee! Ah!'
"The men began to laugh; it seemed to rile the little leftenant.
"'Cut this out,' says he. 'You can talk as well as I can, and you'rea going to tell us about this Injun killin'. Don't try any fakebusiness, or I'll roast your little heels over that fire like yams.'
"I just acted the dummy, wiggled my fingers, and handed him thejoyful gaze, heliographing with my teeth as though I was glad to seevisitors. However, I wondered if that runt would really give mychilblains a treat. He looked like a West Pointer, and I didn't knowbut he'd try to haze me.
"Well! they 'klow-towed' around there for an hour looking for clues,but I'd hid all the signs of Kink, so finally they strapped me onto ahorse and we hit back for the fort.
"The little man tried all kinds of tricks to make me loosen on theway down, but I just acted wounded innocence and 'Ee'd' and 'Ah'd' athim till he let me alone.
"When we rode up to the post he says to the Colonel:
"'We've got the only man there is in the mountains back there, sir,but he's playing dumb. I don't know what his game is.'
"'Dumb, eh?' says the old man, looking me over pretty keen. 'Well! Iguess we'll find his voice if he's got one.'
"He took me inside, and speaking of examinations, probably I didn'tget one. He kept looking at me like he wanted to place me, but Igive him the 'Ee! Ah!' till everybody began to laugh. They tried mewith a pencil and paper, but I balked, laid my ears back, andbuck-jumped. That made the old man sore, and he says: 'Lock him up!Lock him up; I'll make him talk if I have to skin him.' So I wasdragged to the 'skookum-house,' where I spent the night figuring outmy finish.
"I could feel it coming just as plain, and I begun to see that when Idid open up and prattle after Kink was safe, nobody wouldn't believemy little story. I had sized the Colonel up as a dead stringy oldproposition, too. He was one of these big-chopped fellers with amouth set more'n half way up from his chin and little thin lips likethe edge of a knife blade, and just as full of blood--face, big andrustic-finished.
"I says to myself, 'Bud, it looks like you wouldn't be forced toprospect for a living any more this season. If that old sport turnshimself loose you're going to get 'life' three times and a holdover.'
"Next morning they tried every way to make me talk. Once in a whilethe old man looked at me puzzled and searching, but I didn't know himfrom a sweat-pad, and just paid strict attention to being dumb.
"It was mighty hard, too. I got so nervous my mouth simply ached tolet out a cayoodle. The words kept trying to crawl through mysesophagus, and when I backed 'em up, they slid down and stood aroundin groups, hanging onto the straps, gradually filling me with witfulgems of thought.
"The Colonel talked to me serious and quiet, like I had good ears,and says, 'My man, you can understand every word I say, I'm sure, andwhat your object is in maintaining this ridiculous silence, I don'tknow. You're accused of a crime, and it looks serious for you."
"Then he gazes at me queer and intent, and says, 'If you only knewhow bad you are making your case you'd make a clean breast of it.Come now, let's get at the truth.'
"Them thought jewels and wads of repartee was piling up in me fast,like tailings from a ground-sluice, till I could feel myself gettingbloated and pussy with langwidge, but I thought, 'No! to-morrow Kink'll be safe, and then I'll throw a jolt into this man's camp that'llgo down in history. They'll think some Chinaman's been thawing out abox of giant powder when I let out my roar.'
"I goes to the guard-house again, with a soldier at my back.Everything would have been all right if we hadn't run into a muleteam.
"They had been freighting from the railroad, and as we left thebarracks we ran afoul of four outfits, three span to the wagon, withthe loads piled on till the teams was all lather and the wheelscomplainin' to the gods, trying to pass the corner of the barrackswhere there was a narrow opening between the buildings.
"Now a good mule-driver is the littlest, orneriest speck in the humanline that's known to the microscope, but when you get a poor one,he'd spoil one of them cholera germs you read about just by contact.The leader of this bunch was worse than the worst; strong onwhip-arm, but surprising weak on judgment. He tried to make theturn, run plump into the corner of the building, stopped, backed,swung, and proceeded to get into grief.
"The mules being hot and nervous, he sent them all to the loco patchinstanter. They began to plunge and turn and back and snarl. Beforeyou could say 'Craps! you lose,' them shave-tails was giving thegrandest exhibition of animal idiocy in the Territory, barring theteamster. He follered their trail to the madhouse, yanking themouths out of them, cruel and vicious.
"Now, one mule can cause a heap of tribulation, and six mules canbreak a man's heart, but there wasn't no excuse for that driver tostand up on his hind legs, close his eyes, and throw thirty foot oflash into that plunging buckin', white-eyed mess. When he did it,all the little words inside of me began to foam and fizzle likesedlitz; out they came, biting, in mouthfuls, and streams, andsquirts, backwards, sideways, and through my nose.
"'Here! you infernal half-spiled, dog-robbing walloper,' I says; 'youdon't know enough to drive puddle ducks to a pond. You quit heavingthat quirt or I'll harm you past healing.'
"He turned his head and grit out something through his teeth thatstimulated my circulation. I skipped over the wheels and put my leftonto his neck, fingering the keys on his blow-pipe like a flute.Then I give him a toss and gathered up the lines. Say! it was likethe smell of grease-paint to an actor man for me to feel the ribbonsagain, and them mules knew they had a chairman who savvied 'em too,and had mule talk pat, from soda to hock.
"I just intimated things over them with that whip, and talked to themlike they was my own flesh and blood. I starts at the worst wordsthe English langwidge and the range had produced, to date, and gotsteadily and rapidly worse as long as I talked.
"Arizony may be slow in the matter of standing collars and rag-time,but she leads the world in profanity. Without being swelled onmyself, I'll say, too, that I once had more'n a local reputation inthat line, having originated some quaint and feeling conceits whichhas won modest attention, and this day I was certainly trained to theminute.
"I addressed them brutes fast and earnest for five minutes steady,and never crossed my trail or repeated a thought.
"It must have been sacred and beautiful. Anyhow, it was strongenough to soak into their pores so that they strung out straight as achalk-line. Then I lifted them into the collars, and we rumbled pastthe building, swung in front of the commissary door, cramped andstopped. With the wheelers on their haunches, I backed up to thedoor square as a die.<
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"I wiped the sweat out of my eyes and looked up into the grinningface of about fifty swatties, realizing I was a mute--and a prisoner.
"I heard a voice say, 'Bring me that man.' There stood the Coloneloozing out wrath at every pore.
"I parted from that wagon hesitating and reluctant, but two soldiersto each leg will bust any man's grip, I lost some clothes, too, afterwe hit the ground, but I needed the exercise.
"The old man was alone in his office when they dragged me in, and hesent my guards out.
"'So you found your voice, did you?' he says.
"'Yes, sir," I answers. 'It came back unexpected, regular miracle.'
"'He drummed on the table for a long time, and then says, sort ofimmaterial and irreverent, 'You're a pretty good mule puncher, eh?'
"'It ain't for me to say I'm the best in the Territory,' I says; 'butI'm curious to meet the feller that claims the title.'
"He continues, 'It reminds me of an exhibition I saw once, back inNew Mexico, long time ago, at the little Flatwater Canyon.'
"'Maybe you've heard tell of the fight there when the Apaches wereup? Yes? Well, I happened to be in that scrimmage.'
"'I was detailed with ten men to convoy a wagon train through to FortLewis. We had no trouble till we came to the end of that canyon,just where she breaks out onto the flats. There we got it. Theywere hidden up on the ridges; we lost two men and one wagon before wecould get out onto the prairie.
"'I got touched up in the neck, first clatter, and was bleedingpretty badly; still I hung to my horse, and we stood 'em off till theteams made it out of the gulch; but just as we came out my horse felland threw me--broke his leg. I yelled to the boys:
"'"Go on! For God's sake go on!" Any delay there meant loss of thewhole outfit. Besides, the boys had more than they could manage,Injuns on three sides.
"'We had a young Texan driving the last wagon. When I went down heswung those six mules of his and came back up that trail into thegut, where the bullets snapped like grasshoppers.
"'It was the prettiest bit of driving I ever saw, not to mentionnerve. He whirled the outfit between me and the bluff on two wheels,yelling, "Climb on! Climb on! We ain't going to stay long!" I wasjust able to make it onto the seat. In the turn they dropped one ofhis wheelers. He ran out on the tongue and cut the brute loose. Wewent rattling down the gulch behind five mules. All the time therecame out of that man's lungs the fiercest stream of profanity my earsever burned under. I was pretty sick for a few weeks, so I never gota chance to thank that teamster. He certainly knew the mind of anarmy mule, though. His name was--let me see--Wiggins--yes, Wiggins.
"'Oh, no it wasn't,' I breaks in, foolish; 'it was Joyce.'
"Then I stopped and felt like a kid, for the Colonel comes up andshuts the circulation out of both my hands.
"'I wasn't sure of you, Bill,' he says, 'till I saw you preside overthose mules out there and heard your speech--then I recognized thegift.' He laughed like a boy, still making free with my hands. 'I'mdarn glad to see you, Bill Joyce. Now then,' he says, 'tell me allabout this killing up in the hills,' and I done so.
"After I finished he never said anything for a long time, justdrummed the desk again and looked thoughtful.
"'It's too bad you didn't speak out, Bill, when you first came in.Now, you've showed everybody that you can talk--just a little,anyhow,' and he smiles, 'and they all think you're the man caused thetrouble. I don't see but that you've got to stand trial. I wish Icould help you, Bill.'
"'But see here, Colonel,' I says; 'I couldn't squeal on Kink. We're_pardners_. I just _had_ to give him a chance to cut. I played dumb'cause I knew if I talked at all, being simple and guileless, you allwould twist me up and have the whole thing in a jiffy. That man giveme the last drop of water in his canteen on the Mojave, and him withhis own tongue swelled clean out of his mouth, too. When we wassnowed in, up in the Bitter Roots, with me snow-blind and starving,he crawled from Sheeps-Horn clean to Miller's--snow twelve foot deep,too, and nary a snow-shoe in miles, but he brought the outfit in towhere I was lyin' 'bout gone in. He lost some fingers and more toeswallering through them mountain drifts that day, but he never laiddown till he brought the boys back.
"'Colonel! we've slept on the same blanket, we've et the same grub,we've made and lost together, and I had to give him a show, that'sall. I'm into this here trouble now. Tell me how I'm going to getout. What would you do?'
"He turns to the open window and says: 'Partners are partners!That's my horse out there at that post. If I were you I'd run likehell.'
"That was the willingest horse I ever rode, and I hated to sell him,but he was tolable used up when I got across the line."
THE COLONEL AND THE HORSE-THIEF
Those marks on my arm? Oh! I got 'em playin' horse-thief. Yes,playin'. I wasn't a real one, you know--Well, I s'pose it was sortof a queer game. Came near bein' my last too, and if Black Hawkhadn't been the best horse in Texas the old Colonel would've killedme sure. He chased me six miles as it was--me with one arm full ofhis buckshot and anxious to explain, and him strainin' to get inrange again and not wishin' any further particulars.
That was way back in the sixties, when I was as wild a lad as everstraddled a pony.
You see five of us had gone over into the Crow Nation to race horseswith the Indians, and it was on the way back that the old man and thebullet holes figger in the story.
At the beginnin' it was Jim Barrett's plan, and it had jest enoughrisk and devilment in it to suit a harum-scarum young feller like me;so we got five of the boys who had good horses, lumped together allof our money, and rode out to invade the reservation.
You know how an Indian loves to run horses? Well, the Crows had agood deal of money then, and our scheme was to go over there, get upa big race, back our horses with all we had, and take down the wealth.
Takin' chances? Don't you believe it. That's where the beauty ofJim's plan commenced to sort of shine through.
You see, as soon as the money was up and the horses started, everyIndian would be watchin' the race and yellin' at the nags, then, inthe confusion, our boys was to grab the whole pot, Indian's money andours too, and we'd make our get away across the river back into Texas.
We figured that we could get a few minutes start of 'em, and, withthe horses we had under us, there wasn't much danger of their gettin'in range before we crossed back to where they couldn't follow us.
Well, sir! I never see anything work out like that scheme did. ThemCrows was dead anxious to run their ponies and seemed skeered that wewouldn't let 'em get all their money up.
As we was eatin' supper the night before the race, Donnelly says:"Boys, I'm sore that we didn't have more coin. If we'd worked 'emright they'd 'a' give us odds. We could 'a' got five to threeanyhow, and maybe more."
"They shore have got a heap of confidence in them skates of their'n,"says Kink Martin. "I never see anybody so anxious to play a race inmy life. If it wasn't all planned out the way it is, I'd like tostick and see which hoss is the best. I'd back Black Hawk agin anyhunk of meat in the Territory, with the Kid here in the saddle."
They'd ribbed it up for me to ride Martin's mare, Black Hawk, while alittle feller named Hollis rode his own horse.
Donnelly's part was to stay in the saddle and keep the other horsesclose to Barrett and Martin. They was to stick next to the money,and one of 'em do the bearin' off of the booty while the other madethe protection play.
We hoped in the excitement to get off without harmin' any of UncleSam's pets, but all three of the boys had been with the Rangers and Iknew if it came to a show down, they wouldn't hesitate to "pot" oneor two in gittin' away.
We rode out from camp the next mornin' to where we'd staked out amile track on the prairie and it seemed as if the whole Crow Nationwas there, and nary a white but us five.
They'd entered two pretty good-lookin' horses and had their jockeysstripped down to breech-clouts, while Hollis and me wore our wh
oleoutfits on our backs, as we didn't exactly figger on dressin' afterthe race, leastways, not on that side of the river.
Just before we lined up, Jim says: "Now you ---- all ride like ----,and when you git to the far turn we'll let the guns loose andstampede the crowd. Then jest leave the track and make a break ferthe river, everybody fer himself. We'll all meet at them cottonwoodson the other side, so we can stand 'em off if they try to swim acrossafter us."
That would have been a sure enough hot race if we had run it out, forwe all four got as pretty a start as I ever see and went down theline all together with a-bangin' of hoofs and Indian yells ringin' inour ears.
I had begun to work Black Hawk out of the bunch to get a clear startacross the prairie at the turn, when I heard the guns begin snappin'like pop-corn.
"They've started already," yelled Hollis, and we turned the rearin'horses toward the river, three miles away, leavin' them two savagestearin' down the track like mad.
I glanced back as I turned, but, instead of seein' the boys in themidst of a decent retreat, the crowd was swarmin' after 'em like anest of angry hornets, while Donnelly, with his reins between histeeth, was blazin' away at three reds who were right at Barrett'sheels as he ran for his horse. Martin was lashin' his jumpin' cayuseaway from the mob which sputtered and spit angry shots after him.Bucks were runnin' here and there and hastily mountin' theirponies--while an angry roar came to me, punctuated by the poppin' ofthe guns.
Hollis and I reached the river and swam it half a mile ahead of theothers and their yellin' bunch of trailers, so we were able toprotect 'em in their crossin'.
I could see from their actions that Bennett and Martin was both hurtand I judged the deal hadn't panned out exactly accordin' tospecifications.
The Crows didn't attempt to cross in the teeth of our fire, however,being satisfied with what they'd done, and the horses safely broughtour three comrades drippin' up the bank to where we lay takin'pot-shots at every bunch of feathers that approached the oppositebank.
We got Barrett's arm into a sling, and, as Martin's hurt wasn'tserious, we lost no time in gettin' away.
"They simply beat us to it," complained Barrett, as we rode south."You all had jest started when young Long Hair grabs the sack andducks through the crowd, and the whole bunch turns loose on us atonce. We wasn't expectin' anything so early in the game, and theywinged me the first clatter. I thought sure it was oft with me whenI got this bullet in the shoulder, but I used the gun in my left handand broke for the nearest pony."
"They got me, too, before I saw what was up," added Martin; "but Itore out of there like a jack-rabbit. It was all done so cussedquick that the first thing I knew I'd straddled my horse and wasmakin' tracks. Who'd a thought them durned Indians was dishonestenough fer a trick like that?"
Then Donnelly spoke up and says: "Boys, as fur as the coin goes,we're out an' injured; we jest made a 'Mexican stand-off'--lost ourmoney, but saved our lives--and mighty lucky at that, fromappearances. What I want to know now is, how we're all goin' to gethome, clean across the State of Texas, without a dollar in theoutfit, and no assets but our guns and the nags."
That was a sure tough proposition, and we had left it teetotally outof calculations. We'd bet every bean on that race, not seein' how wecould lose. In them days there wasn't a railroad in that section,ranches were scatterin', and people weren't givin' pink teas to everystranger that rode up--especially when they were as hard-lookin' aswe were.
"We've got to eat, and so's the horses," says Hollis, "but no rancheris goin' to welcome with open arms as disreputable an outfit as weare. Two men shot up, and the rest of us without beddin', grub,money, or explanations. Them's what we need--explanations. I don'texactly see how we're goin' to explain our fix to the honesthay-diggers, either. Everybody'll think some sheriff is after us,and two to one they'll put some officer on our trail, and we'll havemore trouble. I believe I've had all I want for awhile."
"I'll tell you how we'll work it," I says. "One of us'll be thesheriff of Guadalupe County, back home, with three deputies, bringin'back a prisoner that we've chased across the State. We'll ride up toa ranch an' demand lodgin' for ourselves and prisoner in the name ofthe State of Texas and say that we'll pay with vouchers on the countyin the morning."
"No, sir! not fer me," says Martin. "I'm not goin' in fer forgery.It's all right to practice a little mild deception on our redbrothers, as we figgered on doing, but I'm not goin' to try toflimflam the State of Texas. Our troubles 'd only be startin' if webegan that game."
"Your plan's all right, Kid," says Bennett to me. "You be theterrible desperado that I'm bringin' home after a bloody fight, whereyou wounded Martin and me, and 'most escaped. You'll have ev'ryrancher's wife givin' you flowers and weepin' over your youth andkissin' you good-bye. In the mornin', when we're ready to go and I'mabout to fix up the vouchers for our host, you break away and ridelike the devil. We'll all tear off a few shots and foller in ahurry, leavin' the farmer hopin' that the villain is recaptured andthe girls tearfully prayin' that the gallunt and misguided youthescapes."
It seemed to be about our only resort, as the country was full of badmen, and we were liable to get turned down cold if we didn't havesome story, so we decided to try it on.
We rode up to a ranch 'bout dark, that night, me between the others,with my hands tied behind me, and Jim called the owner out.
"I want a night's lodgin' fer my deputies and our prisoner," he says."I'm the sheriff of Guadalupe County, and I'll fix up the bill in themornin'."
"Come in! Come in!" the feller says, callin' a man for the horses."Glad to accommodate you. Who's your prisoner?"
"That's Texas Charlie that robbed the Bank of Euclid single-handed,"answers Jim. "He give us a long run clean across the State, but wegot him jest as he was settin' over into the Indian Territory.Fought like a tiger."
It worked fine. The feller, whose name was Morgan, give us a goodlayout for the night and a bully breakfast next morning.
That desperado game was simply great. The other fellers attended tothe horses, and I jest sat around lookin' vicious, and had my grubbrought to me, while the women acted sorrowful and fed me pie andwatermelon pickles.
When we was ready to leave next morning, Jim says: "Now, Mr. Morgan,I'll fix up them vouchers with you," and givin' me the wink, I letout a yell, and jabbin' the spurs into Black Hawk, we cleared thefence and was off like a puff of dust, with the rest of 'em shootin'and screamin' after me like mad.
Say! It was lovely--and when the boys overtook me, out of sight ofthe house, Morgan would have been astonished to see the sheriff, hisposse, and the terrible desperado doubled up in their saddleslaughin' fit to bust.
Well, sir! we never had a hitch in the proceedings for five days, andI was gettin' to feel a sort of pride in my record as a bank-robber,forger, horse-thief, and murderer, accordin' to the way Bennettpresented it. He certainly was the boss liar of the range.
He had a story framed up that painted me as the bloodiest young toughthe Lone Star had ever produced, and it never failed to get me allthe attention there was in the house.
One night we came to the best lookin' place we'd seen, and, in answerto Jim's summons, out walked an old man, followed by two of theprettiest girls I ever saw, who joined their father in invitin' us in.
"Glad to be of assistance to you, Mr. Sheriff," he said. "My name isPurdy, sir! Colonel Purdy, as you may have heard. In the MexicanWar, special mention three times for distinguished conduct. Theseare my daughters, sir! Annabel and Marie." As we went in, hecontinued: "You say you had a hard time gettin' your prisoner? Helooks young for a criminal. What's he wanted for?"
Somehow, when I saw those girls blushin' and bowin' behind theirfather, I didn't care to have my crimes made out any blacker'nnecessary and I tried to give Jim the high-sign to let me offeasy--just make it forgery or arson--but he was lookin' at theladies, and evidently believin' in the strength of a good impression,he said: "Well, yes! He's young
but they never was a old man withhalf his crimes. He's wanted for a good many things in differentplaces, but I went after him for horse-stealin' and murder. Killed arancher and his little daughter, then set fire to the house and ranoff a bunch o' stock."
"Oh! Oh! How dreadful!" shuddered the girls, backin' off withhorrified glances at me.
I tried to get near Jim to step on his foot, but the old man wasglarin' at me somethin' awful.
"Come to observe him closely, he has a depraved face," says he. "Helooks the thorough criminal in every feature, dead to every decentimpulse, I s'pose."
I could have showed him a live impulse that would have surprised himabout then.
In those days I was considered a pretty handsome feller too, and Iknew I had Jim beat before the draw on looks, but he continues makin'matters worse.
"Yes, and he's desperate too. One of the worst I ever see. We hadan awful fight with him up here on the line of the Territory. Heshot Martin and me before we got him. Ye see, I wanted to take himalive, and so I took chances on gettin' hurt.
"Thank ye, Miss; my arm does ache considerable; of course, if you'djest as soon dress it--Oh, no! I'm no braver'n anybody else, Iguess. Nice of ye to say so, anyhow," and he went grinnin' out intothe kitchen with the girls to fix up his arm.
The old man insisted on havin' my feet bound together and me fastenedto a chair, and said: "Yes, yes, I know you can watch him, but you'rein my house now, and I feel a share of the responsibility upon me.I've had experience with desperate characters and I'm goin' to besure that this young reprobate don't escape his just punishment. Areyou sure you don't need more help gettin' him home? I'll go with youif--"
"Thank ye," interrupted Hollis. "We've chased the scoundrel fourhundred miles, and I reckon, now we've got him, we can keep him."
At supper, Jim with his arm in a new sling, sat between the two girlswho cooed over him and took turns feedin' him till it made me sick.
The old man had a nigger move my chair up to the foot of the tableand bring me a plate of coarse grub after they all finished eatin'.
He had tied my ankles to the lower rung of the chair himself, andwhen I says to the nigger, "Those cords have plum stopped mycirculation, just ease 'em up a little," he went straight up.
"Don't you touch them knots, Sam!" he roared. "I know how to securea man, and don't you try any of your games in my house, either, youyoung fiend. I'd never forgive myself if you escaped."
I ate everything I could reach, which wasn't much, and when I askedfor the butter he glared at me and said: "Butter's too good forhorse-thieves; eat what's before you."
Every time I'd catch the eye of one of the girls and kind of grin andlook enticing, she'd shiver and tell Jim that the marks of mydepravity stood out on my face like warts on a toad.
Jim and the boys would all grin like idiots and invent a new crimefor me. On the square, if I'd worked nights from the age of three Icouldn't have done half they blamed me for.
They put it to the old man so strong that when he turned in hechained me to Sam, the cross-eyed nigger that stood behind me atsupper, and made us sleep on the floor.
I told Sam that I cut a man's throat once because he snored, and thatnigger never closed an eye all night. I was tryin' to get even withsomebody.
After breakfast, when it came time to leave, Donnelly untied my feetand led me out into the yard, where the girls were hangin' around theColonel and Jim, who was preparin' to settle up.
As we rode up the evening before, I had noticed that we turned infrom the road through a lane, and that the fence was too high tojump, so, when I threw my leg over Black Hawk, I hit Donnelly a swatin the neck, and, as he did a stage-fall, I swept through the gateand down the lane.
The old man cut the halter off one of his Mexican war-whoops, andbroke through the house on the run, appearin' at the front door withhis shot-gun just as I checked up to make the turn onto the main road.
As I swung around, doubled over the horse's neck, he let drive withhis old blunderbuss, and I caught two buckshot in my right arm whereyou see them marks.
I had sense enough to hang on and ride for my life, because I knewthe old fire-eater would reckon it a pleasure to put an end to such awretch as me, if he got half a chance.
I heard him howl, "Come on boys! We'll get him yet," and, over myshoulder, I saw him jump one of his loose horses standin' in the yardand come tearin' down the lane, ahead of the befuddled sheriff andposse, his white hair streamin' and the shot-gun wavin' aloft, asthough chargin' an army of greasers at the head of his regiment.
From the way he drew away from the boys, I wouldn't have placed anymoney that he was wrong either.
I've always wondered how the old man ever got through that war withonly three recommendations to the government.
He certainly kept good horses too, for in five minutes we'd left theposse behind, and I saw him madly urgin' his horse into range,reloadin' as he came.
As I threw the quirt into the mare with my good arm, I allowed I'dhad about all the horse-stealin' I wanted for a while.
The old devil finally saw he was losin' ground in spite of his bestefforts, and let me have both barrels. I heard the shot patter onthe hard road behind me, and hoped he'd quit and go home, but I'mblamed if he didn't chase me five miles further before turnin' back,in hopes I'd cast a shoe or something would happen to me.
I believe I was on the only horse in Texas that could have outrun theColonel and his that mornin'.
About noon I stopped at a blacksmith's shop, half dead with pain, andhad my arm dressed and a big jolt of whiskey.
As the posse rode up to me, sittin' in the sun by the lathered flanksof my horse and nursin' my arm, Jim yells out: "Here he is! Surroundhim, boys! You're our prisoner!"
"No! I'm blamed if I am," I says. "You'll have to get anotherdesperado. After this, I'm the sheriff!"