Personally I have nothing against my old husband once I was married to him. But you can understand how traumatic it could be for a girl of 18 sleeping with a person whom she used to address as uncle before her marriage. I felt it was a big let down on the part my parents. I became a mother of two sons before my 21st birth day as my husband was in a hurry to have children as his retirement was looming large before him. As we grew older, his libido was waning and my libido was peaking. The mismatch was becoming more and more visible. He started suspecting me. He stopped allowing me to meet any male other than my close relatives. He stopped allowing me to go to my mother’s place, suspecting I might develop relation with someone more energetic and young compared to him. But believe me, I had no intention to cheat him.
Almost after twenty years when I met you on that super mall I saw a ray of hope to rekindle my untold love story. I thanked God for that meeting. It is your eloquence that prevailed over my ever suspecting husband. He, for the first time in 20 years of our marriage, did not suspect someone who was younger than him and known to me before our marriage. Then what happened you know very well; I do not want to repeat those things once again.
After you left me forever, I was completely devastated internally; but overtly I was composed and calm. Then I met Anoopda in a get-together of our college friends. I need a man for my physical requirements and Anoopda is notorious for his hunting ability. We complimented each other nicely for our physical needs. For the first two years, everything was under the wrap but one evening we were caught by the old man. We fought tooth and nail for a month or so. The old man could not tolerate my infidelity and he died of heart attack. I felt sorry for him.
After his death, I faced tremendous financial constraints as we did not have any savings for education of our sons. The family pension was also not much. Anoopda was a great help in those days. He helped me financially to send my sons for higher studies to Chennai. They were aware how and from where money was arranged for their college expenditure. But once they completed their courses, they ignored me like a used torch cell which damages the torch if those are kept inside the torch once they are exhausted. The younger son, one day accused me as a prostitute. I lost all interest to live longer. Anoopda had always been kind to me, he sent me to Apollo for my treatment, but I want to die as soon as possible.
Before my death I just want to bare my heart to you. Now I have no reservation to tell you that from my teen till today, you were the master of my heart. I wanted all the time to surrender my body to the master of my heart. But God has never allowed that. First He gave a old fellow as my husband and then I had to submit my body to Anoopda for my physical and financial needs. When my son accused me as a prostitute, I realized he was right. At that time I thought to contact you, but I did not want to disturb you. Now I am going away from you forever praying to God in the next life you become my husband to whom I can surrender my body and soul. Good bye darling, I love you.
Yours and yours only, most unfortunate, Parineeta
Chapter VI: Life Goes On
Whether you like or not, life goes on with or without company of someone you love. After death of Parineeta my life had not changed much, as she was never been a part of my life. Her appearance to my life was like a comet which appeared in my life for few months and disappeared. Again after a long cycle she appeared for a moment and again disappeared.
I did not know when she was alive that she was in love with me for more than three decades. I was unaware of the fact that she surrendered her heart to me when she was in college till I received her first and final letter. I thought her attraction towards me was only a physical one due to his husband’s physical incapability to satisfy her needs. I always thanked God for his divine interference in pulling out me from a possible disaster. When I heard about her death from my ever green friend Anoop, I thought she needed me for just fulfilment of her physical needs and as soon as she got Anoop as my substitute, she forgot me. After reading her letter, I felt bad for judging her in bad light. In fact, I put myself in the same category of her ungrateful sons.
Sometimes, when her memory disturbs me, I try to analyze her tragic life on purely academic interest. Who are to be blamed for her tragic and un-contended life? In my opinion, her parents, particularly her father was the main culprit in spoiling her life by arranging her marriage at a tender age to a person who was double her age. The second culprit was her husband, how he could propose for a girl who was half of his age? But, I find timid nature of Parineeta was also to be blamed for her sorrow up to some extent. If she was in love with me for more than three decades, why she did not tell me? At least she could have informed me before her marriage. At least I had the guts to tell her parents not to spoil her life. Though I was never in love with her, probably had there any option to marry her, I would not have sufficient reasons to reject her proposal. I have no problem in admitting that her giggles and her beauty spots on her cheeks always attracted me. My attraction for those was not diminished even when we met after a gap of twenty odd years. Who knows, had she shown some courage, she would have been my wife till today! But all these are now, ifs and if nots.
My life is going on as usual with some occasional memory of those enticing talks with her and her departing moist eyes when I saw her for the last time sixteen years ago.
Anoop is now busy with two other ladies forgetting about Parineeta completely. One day, when I asked about Parineeta, he told, ‘ I am not like you who gives importance to heart over body. I keep relation with a lady so long I am attracted to her body. In the case of Parineeta, she is nonexistent for me now! I had relation with her, you did not have. Then why you are remembering her. Forget about her. Everyday thousands of ladies like Parineeta die. Who cares!’ I was disgusted to hear those words; but I did not react because I know how Anoop looks at a lady.
Her two ungrateful sons are also busy with their girlfriends forgetting sacrifice of their mother who sold her body and soul for their better future.
Life goes on as usual for all, in absence of Parineeta!!!!!!
The author is a Government servant and a man of vivid experiences derived from his official postings across the country, travels across India and numerous visits outside India. He is presently placed at New Delhi. This book is on tragic life of a lady, Parineeta.
His earlier publications are:
1.Random Thoughts through a Coloured Prism
2. Dilemma of a Young Mind
3. Funny Statistics and Serious Statisticians
4. Melody of Fragrance
5. Akhadya
6. Few Cities through the Lens of Hiranya Borah
7. Guilt: Gift of Winter Spring
8. Beautiful Ghost
9. Great Fighters: Grace of God
10. All Blurred
11. Putting kids to sleep
12.How to become unpopular
13. Soulmates
14. My grumpy Face
15. Love and Worries
16. Discussion of own Birth: A Taboo
17. Interview
18. Indecent Love Affairs
19. My Fair Lady
20.Waiting time
21. Two Stories
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