“I don’t know, I don’t think it was the Bible.”
Martin said, “You’re right. It doesn’t sound like the Bible, but it must be a really famous book.”
Burt asked, “Haven’t you ever heard of that expression before?”
Martin said, “Yes, but I still wonder what book it's referring to.”
Burt said, “I don’t think it would be a murder mystery.”
Martin said, “Right, good point.”
Burt started to speak but looked over at Lindsey. Her head was parked between her arms and she was sobbing quietly. Burt patted her on the back, “I’m sorry, I guess I was just jealous. Sometimes it seems like women want to hear bullcrap from assholes rather than sincerity from nice guys. It’s just hard when you are a nice guy. I’m sorry.”
Martin said, “It's too bad that we can’t tell people what happened, I mean, you could go around telling kids not to get drunk or they would sleep with Hitler. It would be the best anti-drinking campaign ever.”
Lindsey made a halfhearted attempt to hit her brother.
Burt thought that worked.
Lindsey asked, “You were jealous?”
Burt said, “Yes.” and then blushed. He looked over at Martin who looked at him like, I can’t believe that worked.
Munich Germany
March 13, 1933
Hitler’s Place
Lindsey knew she was awake, but her eyes didn’t want to open and her head throbbed. She thought she had a weird dream last night, but then she realized it might have been real. She opened her eyes and the light smacked her in the face, she closed her eyes a little so that she could see without all that light ruining the morning and looked over at the man beside her. It was Hitler.
She closed her eyes and groaned, but then realized she just had to get out of there as fast as she could. As her eyes adjusted to the morning, she saw the bedroom door was open, and she could see the door to outside. She reached her hands down and collected her clothes, then slowly sat up and threw the clothes on her as she scooted through the house towards to the door. She assembled the last of her clothes before she tried the door, except for her shoes, since she felt it would be quieter. She tried the door, it wasn’t locked and she swung it opened slowly, it creaked and Hitler babbled behind her. She stopped in her tracks for a minute and then continued through the door. She was outside; she looked up and saw the square of the town and the inn that they had been at the night before. She remembered the room number; everything was going to be OK.
She left out a sigh as she closed the door and stooped down to put her shoes on.
She heard a woman scream, “What is this?”
Lindsey looked up, a woman glared at her; she looked like a woman from an old black and white movie, not a star to be sure, maybe an extra.
The woman shouted, “Adolf Hitler, you come out here this instant.”
Lindsey knew she didn’t want to get caught up in anything, so she started to walk away although she was only wearing one shoe.
The woman reached in her purse and pulled out a gun, “Don’t you go anywhere toots.”
Lindsey dropped the shoe and held her hands up.
Hitler opened the door, “Eva, I am so glad to see you, put that gun away; you are making yourself look foolish.”
Eva said, “You’ve cheated on me for the last time.” She shot Hitler in the chest three times and Lindsey ran for the tavern.
When she reached the tavern people were all talking and pointed out the windows to where Hitler’s body lay, but her heart was beating so loudly she couldn’t hear a thing. She dashed up the stairs, room 22, she thought. She knocked on the door. Martin answered the door. “Horrible news brother, Hitler has been killed.”
Martin said, “How is that horrible news?”
Lindsey said, “Well I guess it’s not bad news after all. I was just there and I was scared. I guess it’s great news.”
Martin said, “The Holocaust never happening, no World War II. I would say this was a great day, but people will never know it.”
Lindsey said, “This is just the type of thing that uncle warned us about.”
Martin said, “Yes, this will affect history, but what could possibly be worse than the Holocaust?”
New York
July 30th, 2015
Bad Restaurant
Burt said. “Oh, let me guess, zombies.”
Martin said, “That was one of the things that were worse, but there were other things, a lot of other things.”
Burt said, “It's hard to imagine that. Like what?”
Lindsey said, “I think you will like the story better if it's a surprise.”
Burt asked, “Dinosaurs, are there dinosaurs?”
Martin said, “Kind of.”
Burt asked, “What do you mean kind of?”
Lindsey said, “They weren’t exactly dinosaurs. It’s better not to get too far ahead, that won’t happen for a while.”
Burt said, “OK, if you won’t give me a real answer, then continue with your story.”
Munich Germany
March 13, 1933
Painter’s House
It had taken Martin and Lindsey no time at all to find out where the painter lived. They stood on the door of the quaint cottage which held in its gaze a majestic view of the mountains surrounding Munich. The duo looked at the buildings and snow dipped peaks for a moment before Martin knocked on the door.
A voice from inside called, “Adolph, leave me alone, I don’t have your money.”
Martin said, “Hey look we’re not that Adolph guy.”
The voice continued, “So are you one of those Nazi fellows?”
Martin said, “No, we’re just here to look at one of your paintings.”
The voice said, “You said we, who is all out there?”
Martin said, “Me and my sister.”
Lindsey said, “Hi.”
They could hear the sounds of bolts unlocking and the door swung open, the painter stood there, his eyes, nay, his whole face was sagging and ragged. He wore a beret, but it had seen better days, his white smock was covered in drops of paint. “You’ll have to excuse me, that Hitler will be the end of me.”
Lindsey said, “Not anymore, he got shot today, I am pretty sure he’s dead.”
The painter’s face lighted up but then fell. “That should be great news, but I think his girlfriend will harass me just the same, and she is twice as crazy as he is.”
Lindsey said, “Is that Eva?”
The painter looked puzzled, “Why Yes.”
Lindsey said, “She was the one who shot him, she’s probably in jail.”
The painter sighed and then smiled. “That is good news. And now you want to buy a painting. I don’t see how this day could get any better.”
Martin took a slip of paper out of his pocket, “The painting we are interested in is called ‘The Wofenstein.’”
The painter looked at the paper and said, “Here it is,” and took a painting off of the wall behind him. He studied them carefully as they looked at it. “How much money do you have on you?”
Martin said, “I don’t see how that is any of your business.”
The painter said, “But you know, I can tell you want this painting very much. All you have on you is what the painting will cost.”
Lindsey said, “We can leave right away Martin, I know it's an exotic vacation, but we had better not linger anyway.”
Martin opened his wallet and shoved the money into the painter’s hands.
The painter said, “Thank you. I don’t mean to be rude about it, but I have been short of money for a long time. People always say they love my paintings, but they just don’t seem to love paying for them, eh. Unless there is anything else, I hate to be rude and not invite you in, but I do have important business I have to attend to.”He bowed his head, “God bless you.”
Martin and Lindsey stared at the painting and said, “Thank you.” at the same time, then both of them had the same thou
ght at the same time, this painting is ugly.
They started to walk down the road back to the city when they heard a howl from inside of the cottage, it echoed through the mountains.
Martin said, “I think he must have a pet wolf in there.”
Lindsey said, “From the sound of the thing, I’m glad he didn’t introduce us.”
Munich Germany
March 13th, 1933
University
Heinz was standing at the entrance to the main laboratory when he noticed a huge figure in black coming towards him. He thought of it as an it rather than as a man because, well just because. Heinz said, “Hello there sir, can I help you?”
The man stood a bit straighter and said, “I am Zog. Zog here to keep crazy Jews in line.”
Heinz cocked his head, “Oh. Well, you’re not exactly what I thought. I am Heinz,” and he extended his hand out.
Zog grabbed his hand and yanked it painfully up and down for a few moments. “Hello, I am very glad to meet you.”
Heinz lied, “Me too. I was hoping for someone who could hold the scientists within the bounds of normal scientific procedure.”
Zog said, “Me can do that.”
Heinz asked, “You can?”
Zog said, “Sure, but what means ‘normal scientific procedures.”
Heinz said, “Well, it might take me quite a while to explain.”
Zog said, “That is OK, I am a very fast learner, I learned the whole alphabet last year. Except for letter Q, Q is crazy. Oh, and what means bounds.”
Professor Haber poked his head out of the laboratory, “Oh hi Heinz, who's your friend?”
Heinz started to say, “This is…”
Zog said, “Me Zog, I am here to put a stop to the …”
Heinz shouted, “OK Zog, this is one of the Jewish professors that work here.”
Haber stuck his hand out in a friendly gesture.
Zog made a fist and