My eyes shifted from the view to the back of her head, a feeling I didn’t understand stirring in my gut. With my lips to the back of her hair, I assured her that I heard her. I did, I just wasn’t sure what I thought about the way she lived her life. “Keep talking, T. I’m listening.”
I’m pretty sure that day was one of the best days of my life. It wasn’t normal. I pranced around with Tristan and Tobias like we were a family. A real family where the mom and dad loved each other, and they put the kid first. Tristan made me think about things I’d never given a thought to. She was so smart, and not about things I’d always thought made people smart either. Tristan was smart on a whole other level. Tristan was humanity smart and I had never met anyone like her in my life.
For the first time in my life, I shopped at a thrift store, uncaring of who saw me there, holding Baby-T in my arms while Tristan explained tags to me. She knew the brands and the factories they were made in. All reparable companies with three-month maternity leave. For whatever reason, she felt the need to add that part. It was important, sure, but not as important as Tobias getting boy clothes. If one more person told me how adorable she was, I was going to scream.
We had lunch at a vegetarian bistro place, some sort of veggie wrap with avocado. I wasn’t really given a choice. Tristan ordered for me while I hung out behind her with Baby-T, my nose snarled with displeasure. A glass of water and vegetables. Great, I thought, my mind hoping my mom made something good.
“Wait until you see this bookstore. It’s an old paper mill. Really cool.”
“Great.”
Tristan gave me a look, following it with a sigh. “It makes me sad that you don’t read. How do you learn, explore, laugh, imagine?”
“I just think about you and Baby-T,” I teased.
“At least you have good answers,” she stated, a crooked smile flirting my way. “Nonetheless, this is still hard. Why couldn’t you have come already smart?”
“Watch it, girl.”
“Hey, at least I didn’t call you a sheeple.”
“But you wanted to.”
That made her laugh, but she didn’t deny it. She carried our tray of rabbit food to the table and I followed. “Can I have my baby yet?”
I didn’t realize how hungry I was until I sat down and took about of the wrap thing. “No, you get to hold him all the time. I hate to admit it, but this is kind of delicious. Who would have thought? You don’t eat meat at all?”
“No, I can’t do it.”
“But what about like tacos and cheese burgers? You’re missing out.”
“I eat those things. I’ll make you both sometime.”
“But what about protein. You need protein. Tobias needs protein. Where do you get that?”
“From the same place the animals you eat get theirs. Broccoli, lentils, peanut butter, walnuts, oatmeal, green beans, brown rice, avocados—.”
“Okay, okay, I get it, but what do you have against animals?”
That got me a startled look. Tristan beat her chest, trying to un-trap the food stuck in her throat, water chasing it before she spoke. “Me? I don’t eat them. I have nothing against animals, but I can make you an awesome taco that tastes way better than it does with dead animal meat.”
“I’m just trying to understand why. We’re humans. The top of the food chain. We have K-nines. We’re supposed to eat meat.”
“Actually, that’s wrong, but you don’t read so you wouldn’t know that. You’re still wearing a vail in third grade health class. It’s all a lie. Plants, which produce their own food, are given a rank of number one. Herbivores, which eat only plants, are ranked number two, but continue,” she stated matter of fact like, a chunk of avocado tossed in her mouth and a condescending look directed at me.
“When did you stop eating meat?”
“I’ve never really eaten it. I can’t. It’s almost impossible to get someone who is still asleep to understand it, but I feel them, Ty. I’m not eating a dead animal. I’m just not. My mom used to make me sit at the table for hours, trying to get me to eat a chicken or a cow. I’d do it to. I’d sit there for as long as it took.”
I glanced down to Tobias, squirming in my arms, speaking to him before his mom. “Hello, did you wake up? I don’t doubt that. I can see you sitting there defiantly for hours. But you eat dairy, right?”
“I eat free range eggs, but no milk.”
“I couldn’t live without milk.”
“You could, wait until I show you the video from where it comes from. That might change your mind.”
“Yeah, I don’t watch those videos. There was one about how hotdogs are made going around Facebook a few days ago. I like hotdogs. I’m not watching it.”
Tristan scooted her chair out and I knew she was coming after Tobias. I let her slide her hands under his little body, but I wasn’t expecting the kiss. Just as I looked up, her lips met mine, right there in the busy little deli. “Can I have him now?”
“Huh-uh,” I muddled a little dazed with a light nod, releasing my grip from Baby-T. “What was that for?”
“I don’t know. I only meant to take Tobias. Sometimes I can’t help it. I like kissing you.”
Even after taking a bite of my wrap to hide the big, dumb smile, it still stayed prominent on my face. “You can kiss me.”
Tristan ignored my offer, kissing Tobias instead. She took a bite of her wrap and stared at me, chewing the food in her mouth before speaking. “I don’t want you to see how it’s made. Although seeing that should be enough for anyone to stop. You don’t have to stop eating meat, Ty. I’m the last person who you’ll get any judgment from, but you jumped into this. I tried to make you go away. This is me. This is who I am, and I refuse to be dumbed down by anyone. Honestly, I don’t have an issue with anyone eating meat. My issue lies in the cow factory your hamburger comes from. That’s the video I want you to see. Watch a live cow hanging by one leg get its throat slit, watch him try to blink his own blood out of his eyes while he dies. That’s where the problem is and I refuse to be a part of that. Not that I would ever eat a dead animal, but still. You should see it.”
Tristan refused to be a part of a lot of things, but I didn’t really see it that way. “That’s not how it is, Tristan. My Uncle Coop has cows in the back pasture of his house. They have a good life and they roam free. They even have a barn for shelter.”
Although she said it in a joking manner, I could tell that Tristan was feeling a little irritated, but her views weren’t the only ones, and I had a right to speak mine, too. “That’s funny. You sheeple are such believers. You know that cute little cow you’re shown on television that makes your strawberry milk? The one with a family and a nice barn with a white picket fence. It’s a lie and you believe it. I’m just asking for a little bit of humanity here. I mean, when did it become okay to treat another living creature like that? That’s not how it is, Ty. That’s not the truth. Do you know where Uncle Coop’s cows are going when they leave that pasture?”
“No, not really. He used to have a contract with a slaughter house here in Morgantown.”
“Well, then they’re luckier than most. Some of them are transported all the way across the country, crammed inside of trailers and shoved to the back by stun gun. Some of them are frozen to the sides of the cold metal before they get to their destination, pried off with a crow bar. Some of them can’t make a twelve-hundred-mile journey and collapse before they get there, but don’t worry, they can just drag them out with a forklift. Once they’re all unloaded and forced through a chute, they each get a shot in the head with a captive-bolt gun, meant to stun them so they don’t feel the pain when their throats are sliced. How can anyone who knows this be a part of it? That’s the part that hurts my heart. The part that makes me sad for humanity. Nobody cares anymore, Ty. Ugh. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to lash out at you. It’s just, I’m—. Hormones. I’m just going to stick to that.”
I stared at her, unbelieving of her conviction, my mind in an odd pl
ace. “It’s a cow, Tristan.”
Needless to say, those were the wrong words. “Fuck you, Tobias. You’re so stupid. This is so stupid. Why you? What the hell am I supposed to do with this?” she questioned, her eyes looking up to either the ceiling or God. I wasn’t sure which.
My eyes glanced from her, gathering Baby-T’s things and then to the meddling eyes. “Tristan, sit down. I didn’t mean to piss you off.”
“Let’s just go.”
I took in a long deep breath and watched her walk away not getting it. You would have thought the girl was a close relative to the cows or something. It was a freaking cow, bred for the human consumption. What the hell?
By the time I cleaned up our trash and got to the Jeep, Tobias was fastened in his seat and Tristan was glaring out the side window, her hand propped below her chin. “I’m sorry, Tristan. I didn’t mean to piss you off, but your beliefs aren’t the only ones. You say you don’t judge, yet as soon as I step on your toes, you do just that.”
Her hand dropped to her lap and her glare turned to me. “I can’t do this. Take me back to my van.”
“No, we are doing this. You brought me here to buy a book. We’re going to buy a book. Where’s the book store?”
“It’s not a book, Ty. It’s a journal. A journal that I stupidly hoped you’d take some interest in, maybe open your mind to something besides what has been shoved down your throat. You’re not going to. You’re not ready and I can’t make you ready. Maybe your next life. Not this one.”
The thought of her calling it all off, of not seeing her or Tobias scared the hell out of me. “I’m sorry, Tristan. I’m in. I’m all in, but you’ve got to have more patience with me than this. I’ll watch the film.”
“It doesn’t even matter, Ty. You’re still not going to comprehend it the way I do. It bothers me to a debilitating point that it’s just okay for a living creature to leave this world like that, and nobody sees anything wrong with it. For what? So you can eat a ninety-nine cent taco full of GMO’s. For real? What the fuck is wrong with that picture? The bottom line is, I purposely associate myself with a certain group of people. Your kind does this to me, and believe me, I don’t get upset. All I can do is my best. I do what I can to get people to open their own eyes, do a little bit of research on the things you let into your life, and for God’s sake, show a little bit of compassion. That’s it. Is that asking too much? People don’t have this effect on me. Only you. You’re driving me crazy because I want you to be like me so bad. We could be so powerful together, but maybe I’m a little overzealous. Maybe I’m just supposed to plant the seed with you like I’ve been doing my entire life and let you go.”
“No, we’re twin-flames. You said so.”
“I do feel like that, but you don’t even know what that means. How can we be so connected yet so far away? My heart actually aches for you when you’re not with me, yet I can’t stand you. What the hell am I supposed to do here, you know?”
My gaze shifted from her to the traffic light. “Don’t give up on me, T. I am open to any and everything you can throw at me, but some things might not change. I’m very partial to my ribeye steaks and that’s probably not going to change. We don’t have to agree on everything, Tristan. All couples disagree and argue. It’s life.”
“It’s not life, Tobias. I don’t do that. I’ve never let anger into my life, and I sure as hell don’t hand over control of my feelings. If you could just wake up it would be so much easier. That’s what’s making this so hard for me. I’m okay in my own little world, spreading humanity wherever I can, but you’re so frustrating. It’s different with you. Baby steps that you’re entitled to are like needles sticking in my eyeballs. I want to shove you into a brick wall. Gah,” she exclaimed, her hands squeezing into two tight fists.
Although I wasn’t one hundred percent sure I’d taken her words right, I was pretty sure that she wasn’t kicking me to the curb. “I’m wide open, Tristan, yours for the taking. I promise to keep my big mouth shut and hear you out from this point forward.”
“If you want to fly, Ty, you have to give up everything that weighs you down. Everything.”
It may have been a death wish, and I’d probably regret it, but I submitted. “Okay, tell me what to throw out.”
“I know it sounds farfetched and silly, Ty, but it’s not. It’s real and it’s not like I’m trying to push my beliefs on anyone. Love, that’s it. I’m trying to get people to put their distractions away and spread love, not shares and likes. You think your only option is their way or no way, and it’s not. You don’t even know what’s behind the swoosh on your shoe. That’s sad to me, Ty.”
I wasn’t sure there was a more caring human being on earth. Tristan wasn’t lying. She did feel things most people didn’t feel, she saw things most people were blind to, and she loved every living thing on earth. Hard. As ridiculous as it sounded, her total melt down over a cow, I tried to ease her trepidation. Her being in my life meant more to me than this crazy, whimsical ride she was on. “I’m sorry, Tristan. Can we just blame it on your hormones and move on?”
That brought her smile back. Thank God. She leaned over and kissed my cheek, her demeanor relaxing. “Yes, but let’s not blame it on me this time. I’d rather say you were an inconsiderate asshole.”
My hand covered hers with a light squeeze and my mind eased. “I’ll take it.”
“Okay, and I’ll try my best not to kill you until we figure this thing out. I don’t have a belief system, Ty. I have a me system. I don’t walk in other people’s shoes because they have a cool orange swoosh. I’m not going to follow anything without doing my own research and you shouldn’t either. And with that, I’ll get off my soap box. What time is it?”
“Twelve-eleven of course.”
Tristan’s head snapped in shock, like I’d just told her I ran over a cow or something. “Why did you say that?”
“Um, you asked me what time it was?”
“No, not that part. You said of course. Why did you say that, Tobias?”
Instantly feeling silly, I shrugged it off. “I don’t know. Tell me about this book we’re going after.”
“I want to know. Was it the eleven? Are you seeing eleven-eleven, Ty? Please tell me you are.”
A weird, eerie feeling chilled my spine, and as much as I didn’t want to ask, I did. “What if I am?”
“Oh my, God. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you,” she called out, gratitude being called out to the roof of the car.
“You’re freaking me out here, Tristan. How do you know that?”
“How long have you been seeing it?”
“It’s mostly the single eleven. I see it everywhere.”
Tristan relaxed her body, slumping in her seat, her hand covering her eyes. “You have no idea how happy this makes me. You’re done being led, Ty. The Universe is showing you now. You’re all in. All you have to do is open the door.”
“Tristan, I get you’re trying to help me be something here, but honestly, this freaks me out a little. Can we let this one go for now, too? Please,” I added for special effects, my sanity hanging by a thread.
“You don’t have to be afraid of it, Ty. You’re not the only one. There is an unstoppable awakening of humanity going on right now and it’s not a few. It’s a lot, and whether you’re ready or not, you’re being guided. Your life didn’t fall apart on purpose, Ty. You’re here because you were ready to meet me. Because you’re ready to use your own wings and stop following behind like a little duck.”
I didn’t respond, not with words. This was a little out of my comfort zone and I wanted a minute to process it, my reality a little distorted.
Even though I wanted to ask her more, find out everything she knew about my strange phenomenon, I relented. It was silly.
Chapter Nine
“We travel, some of us forever, to seek other places, other lives, other souls.
~Anais Nin
Although it felt good to be in the city again, I was more t
han ready to get the hell out. Lingering college students crowded the two-story building, trying to sell last year’s books before heading home.
“Here, pick your poison,” Tristan announced, stopping at a whole row of fancy notebooks, her hand waving down the aisle.
With my hand on Baby’ T’s back, and is cheek snuggled to mine, I nodded toward a yellow notebook, leather, I think. “I don’t care. That one.”
Tristan took Tobias from my arms, giving me a look that I knew all too well, and a protest. Of course. “You want a leather journal made from a dead animal? That’s the one you want to hold in your hands and write in every night. Uh-uh. Other side. They’re all recycled.”
“Stop taking him from me every chance you get.”
“Shut up, what’s your favorite color?”
God I loved her, and that giggle. “It used to be red, but I seem to be gravitating more toward blue lately,” I confessed, my eyes shifting down the top two shelves marked with a tag insuring their greenness. “What?” I questioned, seeing the suspicious smile from Tristan.
She snuggled her tiny baby, explaining her take on my favorite color. “Nothing, that’s good. My favorite color is blue, too. Blue says a lot about you. You’re calm and able to find peace and tranquility where most people can’t.”
I picked up a textured book, dark blue with a springy strap to keep it closed and a pencil holder on the side, my fingers sliding down the front. “Oh yeah? And what if it would have stayed red? What’s that say about me?”
Tristan stepped closer, stood on the tips of her toes, and whispered to my lips. “That you’re bold, you like to be the center of attention, you like to leave an impression, and—.”
“What?” I questioned when she hesitated, stopping her words on my lips.
“You’re sexually charged.”
“Oh, I’m still sexually charged,” I admitted, my hand going around her back, pulling her body to mine.
“I’ll be gone before I get a chance to find out.”