The puff of air sputtering from my lips was meant to show the disgust. “How the hell would you know?”
“You’re ridiculous, Ty. I can’t even talk to you.”
“That’s because you always want to talk about stuff that doesn’t concern you.”
“I’m still your mom.”
“When you want to stick your nose where it doesn’t belong. You weren’t worried about being a mom when I—no. You know what? I’m not going to do this again. I’m going away for four days tomorrow with Tristan. You were going to let me go with Avery for the whole summer. There’s no difference.”
“Avery doesn’t have a baby and her dad’s a lawyer! What are you going to do if you knock her up again?”
I didn’t even touch on the egotistical profession of Avery’s dad comment. “Baby-T is only two weeks old. We’re not having sex,” I amusingly told her, knowing damn well that was going to get a rebuttal.
“Two weeks? What the fuck is this girl doing camping in a van with a two week old baby?”
I knew I was stirring the shit just because I could and I knew it would flip her lid. “She’s not camping. She lives there. Well, not there,” I nonchalantly replied, “she lives wherever she wants. How cool is that?”
“Don’t you even think about it, Tobias Thomas Sheffield. I’m serious. You’re going to school. You’re going to be somebody. Go. Go on your stupid trip with this ridiculous girl and get it out of your system. At least text me when you get there, and let me know you’re okay.”
“Okay. Whatever. I will.”
I finished packing the van, filled the water tanks, and checked all the fluids again. Even though my dad assured me the van was solid, it still scared me a little. It hadn’t been driven in so long.
“Come in, T. Over.”
An instant smile took over my worry, reminding me of the four days I would have with her. Alone with no parents. I climbed the ladder and sat on the end of my homemade bed. “I read you. Over.”
“Hey, baby. Did you remember the water?”
The baby part caught me off guard, but not because I didn’t like it. I did. A lot. The giddiness, the happiness, and the excitement in her tone made me extremely blissful; grateful for the time we were about to have. The amazing time. “Yes, and you already interrupted me for that once.”
“Yeah, but you hadn’t done it.”
“But I did now. It’s done. We have enough water to last five days if you’re calculations are right.”
“They are, but it’s not that big of a deal. We can get spring water. I’m just excited, ready to move.”
“Let’s try to get a few hours of sleep, at least five or six.”
“Ugh. Fine. I’ll radio you before I head down. You’re sure your parents are okay with my van being in your barn for a few days?”
“More than sure. They’re not farmers. They’ve never used this barn.”
“You lie sometimes though.”
“What? I don’t lie.”
“You lied about my food boiling over just a couple hours ago.”
With a huge smile, I confessed. Somewhat. “Yeah, but that was to steal Baby-T. He wanted me.”
“Yeah, yeah. Night, T. Over.”
“Goodnight, Mama-T. I’ll see you in a few hours. Over.”
Needless to say, even when I did try to sleep, it was hopeless. Everything that could have come to mind, did come to mind. The water tanks. Did I feel the one below the counter top? The fluids. Did I check the window-washer tank? The air pressure on the tires, the wiper blades, the spare tire, Baby-T’s car seat, did I have the solar secured enough, the latches holding everything in its storage bin, my phone charger for pics in case I wanted to shoot a new video, socks for this hike Tristan was determined to get me on, the ice, the—.
Four hours into my nonexistent sleep, my girl whispered into the radio. “T? You awake? Over?”
“No. Over.”
“Dork. I can’t sleep.”
“Let’s go. Over.”
“Go? As in let’s hit the road? Over.”
“Yes. Get your ass down here.”
“Yes! I love you!”
I got up with a smile and a brand new feeling, happy, excited adrenaline pumping through my veins. Being as quiet as I could, I backed our new van out and watched the headlights on the other side of the field coming my way.
Tristan stopped and rolled her window down and of course we kissed. “We’ll stop and sleep when we get tired. I promise.”
“It’s fine. You seem to take place of my sleep anyway. I don’t need it with you.”
“High on love?” she teased with a crooked smirk, her eyes making fun of me as she pulled into the barn.
“High on Tristan,” I countered, already headed to fetch Baby-T. I swear he was the cutest newborn on the planet. He was asleep in his seat when I unfastened him, his tiny little fingers covering one eye.
“Your license plate numbers add up to eleven. Did you know that?”
“No. Thanks for creeping me out already though.”
Tristan kissed me with a smile the size of Texas, “You’re welcome. I missed you.”
“I’m sure I missed you more.”
“Doubt it. Let’s go.”
I took care of making sure Baby-T was secure in the seat right behind me, moving his long fingers from his eye. Kissing is soft little knuckles, I tugged on his shoulder straps and snuggled his pink blanket around his neck. God I loved that kid.
Tristan and I were on the road by three in the morning, heading south to our four-day destination. I couldn’t have been more ecstatic had my life depended on it. My hippy girl was sitting right beside me wearing some sort of long flowing, yellow skirt, a white tank top, and no shoes. Not that being barefoot was abnormal for her. Tristan never wore shoes; it made her feel closer to Mother Earth…Whatever. I liked her bare feet, and I liked the baby sound asleep in his own seat, right behind us.
I wasn’t tired at all, and six hours was gone in no time at all, too fast actually. Tristan and I talked from the moment we left the barn, our bodies touching somewhere the whole time, if only by a finger. We played a silly game going through the alphabet, naming super heroes with every letter, laughing way more than two sober people should have. We quit after, Take-It-All-Tristan.
“I’m done. You suck at this game.”
“What? I was talking about taking all the bad guys out. What’d you think I was talking about?” I teased, my fingers wrapping around her wrist.
“You lie. Do you want to go to eleven-eleven with me?”
“Um, sure. What’s that?”
“Another rally. This one isn’t until November though.”
“Okay. Do you do a lot of these rallies?”
“I try to.”
I should have thought before I spoke, but my words got ahead of my brain. “Is it a weekend? I’ll be in school by then.”
Tristan sucked in both her lips, her happy eyes moving from me to the dark road ahead. “Oh yeah.”
Silence filled the car for a few miles, giving me time to validate her feelings. It made me think about my two-year relationship with Avery. The word validate and feelings would have never been in the same sentence. I sort of liked it when she got pissed off and pouted for a few days. This thing with T was way different than that. I did care about her feelings. I cared so much, and I could feel the tension. “I didn’t mean it like that, Tristan. I didn’t forget about marrying you. I’d do it tomorrow if I could, but I still have to think about school. One of us needs to be able to take care of us.”
“You need to go to school to take care of your family? I don’t understand. I mean I do; it just sucks.”
“What do you mean and don’t call me a sheeple.”
Tristan shrugged one shoulder and let out a deep sigh, her arms crossing over her chest. “Then I’m not going to say anything at all.”
“Give me your hand, you big baby.”
“Ohhhh, I love this song. Turn it up.”
>
“It’ll wake T-Man.”
“He’s awake. We need to stop and feed him anyway and I have to pee,” she said right before her head started bobbing to Credence Clearwater Revival, a song every generation knew and loved. Tristan may have been singing the words to Midnight Special, but she sure as hell wasn’t doing it justice. Actually, she sucked, and I loved it. It didn’t matter if she sounded like a sick duck, she gave it her all, eyes closed, head dancing with the beat, and fingers snapping, all matching the sway in her body. This girl was crazy and I was crazy in love with her.
I couldn’t have stopped smiling had my life depended on it and I was more than okay with her changing the subject with a howling song. “You have the voice of an angel.”
“Yeah, with her wing caught in a trap. Let’s get off at the next exit.”
“You said it, not me.”
We stopped at an overlook somewhere on seventy-seven. The early morning sun had just started to peek, a bright light cascading over the foggy trees and rocks. “Wow, this is breathtaking.”
Tristan looked up from the bench where she was feeding T, a warm smile and that look in her eyes. The one full of love. For me. “Wait until you see where we’re going. You can touch the clouds. I hope we get there before anyone takes my spot.”
“Do you have a spot everywhere you go?”
“Mostly,” she admitted, standing to join me, her body sliding between me and the fence. “There’s a place in Denver Colorado that my mom and dad stayed at during college. A one-room cabin with a wood burner; powered by a wind turbine. He took a picture of the mountains every morning at seven a.m. for an entire year. Every single photo was different. It’s hanging on the wall there. They left it for everyone to enjoy. I’ve seen it. It’s spectacular.”
I’m not sure why she shared that story with me, but I was glad she did, and I think I got it. If she was trying to tell me that life was always changing even in the mountains, she didn’t need t. I could see it, more now than ever.
Being in love was the best thing in the entire world. Every little thing she did, amazed me. The way she looked back at Baby-T, happily squeaking from his seat, the way her fingers felt entwined with mine, the way she smelled like coconut mixed with lavender. All natural of course. She made it a point to tell me that when we packed up her van. Her friend who had been hurt in the falling building made it for her. Soap gentle enough for Baby-T’s skin.
Taking directions from Tristan, I followed the dirt road up one hell of a mountainside, winding further and further up by sharp turns. “Jesus, T. We are going in the clouds.”
‘We’re not really going to be able to touch the clouds, Tobias.”
“You lied?” I teased, my eyes dramatizing the shock.
“No, you’re just extremely gullible. Want me to sing you another song?”
“As much as I love the sound of nails on a chalkboard, I’ll pass.”
“I’m not that bad.”
The more time I spent with her, the more I loved her way of life. I didn’t have to lie to her about anything. She may not listen to me, but at least she didn’t get all defensive and pissed off when you said the wrong thing and if she did, it was over in the blink of an eye. Tristan only needed a few moments to realize the way she was feeling, and she always corrected it. There was only one way to be in her eyes, happy. She called it lots of things, but they all meant the same thing. I’d been around her enough to know what she meant by now. Unbalanced, out of sync, on the wrong channel, out of tune, out of order; things like that usually came right before an apology. An apology that I never deserved. But she didn’t care. She’d rather be wrong than mad. Being mad messed with her synchronicity and made her feel off balance. She didn’t like that feeling.
“You’re so bad, Tristan.”
“I don’t care, I’ll probably still do it. To the top of my lungs. I can play the drums, too. Did you know that?”
I smiled and tightened my fingers around hers. “I’m scared.”
“Turn right here.”
“It’s a field.”
“Yeah, this is where everyone is meeting. Go back to that point, clear against the woods there.”
“You know this thing doesn’t have four wheel drive, right?”
“It’s flat once you get up this slope. Want me to drive?”
“Ha, ha. No thanks. I’ve got it, Miss Independent.”
“Hey, I’m getting better. I let you do way more for me than I would let anyone else.”
“Hmmm, that’s because you had a baby and you needed a cute water boy.”
She may not have been able to sing, but she didn’t need to. Her unexpected giggle was music enough. “Whatever. Look at this view, T. There’s only a few people here, and nobody took our spot. Straight back. There’s a waterfall like thirty feet into that patch of woods. The Appalachian Trail runs right below it. I always meet interesting people, stopping there to fill their water supply, but it’s a little late in the year for them now. We might meet a couple day hikers.”
I looked around the wide-open spaces, a freshly mowed field with shade trees meticulously placed throughout. “You want in the shade? What about the solar?”
“We’ll pull it forward during the day while were out and about. We won’t need much power. I’m sure we won’t be spending much time in the van. There’s too much going on.”
“Like what?”
“I’m not even going to tell you, T. I want you to experience it like I did the first time. Hopefully in awe. You’re about to meet a shit ton of awake people.”
“I’m scared.”
Again, that laugh calmed every nerve in my body. I didn’t care who I met as long as she was there. “I promise it won’t hurt. If you pull this way, we’ll be level and have the view out the side doors. Oh my, God, T. I’m so excited.”
She was so excited, giddy, and full of life, but I still couldn’t quite figure out why. There were two campers, a cargo van, a small truck pulling a trailer, and that was it, but there was plenty of room for more.
I pulled the van below a magnificent maple tree with huge leaves, thick branches and plenty of shade. It was magnificent because Tristan said it was. She even got out and hugged it, disclosing how much she missed it, and how happy she was to see it. I took Baby-T out of his seat, watching her while my head shook back and forth. Crazy girl.
Even I had to admit the view was outstanding, the best I’d ever seen. You could see for miles and miles, and although we may not have been able to touch the clouds, they were so close. Big white puffy clouds and a bright blue sky caused a little bit of my own excitement. I was stuck there with her and this amazing little person for four days. Life couldn’t have been better.
“Let’s go for a walk. I want to say hi to a few friends, and then we’ll take a nap with T-Man. I’m not sure how many will show up today. Most of them will come rolling in tomorrow afternoon.”
Of course I went along with whatever she wanted to do. I was tired though, and a little nap sounded awesome, especially with her beside me. Every time I thought about sleeping beside her, I got excited all over again, and the sad part was, I wouldn’t even be touching her.
We walked hand in hand to a small cargo van to an older lady. I looked around for a companion, but there wasn’t one. It was only her and her tiny home on wheels.
“Nana May! How are you? I’m so glad you could come.”
“Tristan! Of course I made it. I wouldn’t miss it for the world. Let me see this baby now. I’ve been thinking about it the whole drive here. I knew you had her.”
I was the one to correct her, not Tristan. “He, he’s a boy. Tristan just insists on putting these girl clothes on him.”
The lady took him right out of my arms and kissed his little cheeks. “Oh my, God Tristan. He’s so perfect. I’ve got something for him, but it’s pink,” she said as she sat with Baby-T. “You told me you were having a girl.”
“Yeah, I thought I was, too, but he is pretty perfect. I don??
?t mind if it’s pink. How was your trip?” Tristan asked through a huge smile. No not a smile. She beamed. It was always more than a smile when she looked at him. It was in her eyes, the same way she looked at me.
“Well, I planned on getting here this afternoon, but it rained all day so I decided to hit the road. I drove straight through. Got here around two this morning. What’s his name?”
“Tobias.”
“Oh, I love it. What’s it mean?”
“The goodness of God,” Tristan replied in a poetic tone, taking me by surprise. I didn’t even know what it meant.
“I love it so much, Tristan. It fits him to a tee. And this must be the lucky dad?”
I extended my hand, stepping into that role like a proud peacock before Tristan could tell her the truth. “I’m Tobias, too. Nice to meet you.”
I glanced to Tristan, exchanging something between us. It was strange in a euphoric kind of way, amusement and pure, raw love passed between us. It seemed to happen often, and sometimes, I even looked around to if anyone else felt the earth move. Something only her and I seemed to feel.
“I love that you named him after his papa. Now don’t be an asshole. You hear me?” she demanded, her eyes hooded from her eyebrows and right on me.
The doubt and fear that should have been there, just wasn’t. It didn’t matter that I still had a year left of school or that I wasn’t even considered a legal adult. This was a once in a lifetime chance, a ride I knew I’d never get again. Tristan and I had something so heart wrenching special it hurt and I wasn’t taking one bit of it for granted. I looked back to ninja granny, happy that she had her back. “Yes, ma’am. That’s one promise I’ll never break.”
And I wouldn’t.
“You two go say hi to the other neighbors. Me and Mr. T here are going to have a serious talk about a bunny and a ferry. Aren’t we sweetheart? Yes, Nana May is going to tell you a story.”
My content, happy mood turned into alarm in about a half a second. What the hell did she mean? She wasn’t keeping him.
“Come on, Ty. I have someone I want you to meet.”
I instantly frowned at her, whispering under my breath as she pulled me by two fingers. “Tristan, wait. We can’t just leave him there.”