CHAPTER XLVIII.
Mons. Jourdain. Etes-vous fou de l'aller quereller' lui qui entend latierce et la quarte, et qui sait tuer un homme par raison demonstrative?
Le Maitre a Danser. Je me moque de sa raison demonstrative, et de satierce et de sa quarte.--Moliere.
"Hollo, my good friend; how are you?--d--d glad to see you in England,"vociferated a loud, clear, good-humoured voice, one cold morning, as Iwas shivering down Brook-street, into Bond-street. I turned, and beheldLord Dartmore, of Rocher de Cancale memory. I returned his greeting withthe same cordiality with which it was given: and I was forthwith saddledwith Dartmore's arm, and dragged up Bond-street, into that borough ofall noisy, riotous, unrefined, good fellows--yclept--'s Hotel.
Here we were soon plunged into a small, low apartment, which Dartmoreinformed me was his room. It was crowded with a score of masculinelooking youths, at whose very appearance my gentler frame shuddered fromhead to foot. However, I put as good a face on the matter as I possiblycould, and affected a freedom and frankness of manner, correspondentwith the unsophisticated tempers with which I was so unexpectedlybrought into contact.
Dartmore was still gloriously redolent of Oxford: his companions wereall extracts from Christchurch; and his favourite occupations wereboxing and hunting--scenes at the Fives' Court--nights in the CiderCellar--and mornings at Bowstreet. Figure to yourself a fitter companionfor the hero and writer of these adventures! The table was covered withboxing gloves, single sticks, two ponderous pair of dumb bells, a largepewter pot of porter, and four foils; one snapped in the middle.
"Well," cried Dartmore, to two strapping youths, with their coats off,"which was the conqueror?"
"Oh, it is not yet decided," was the answer; and forthwith the biggerone hit the lesser a blow, with his boxing glove, heavy enough to havefelled Ulysses, who, if I recollect aright, was rather 'a game blood' insuch encounters.
This slight salute was forthwith the prelude to an encounter, which thewhole train crowded round to witness. I, among the rest, pretending anequal ardour, and an equal interest, and hiding, like many persons ina similar predicament, a most trembling spirit beneath a most valorousexterior.
When the match (which terminated in favour of the lesser champion) wasover, "Come, Pelham," said Dartmore, "let me take up the gloves withyou?"
"You are too good!" said I, for the first time using my drawing-roomdrawl. A wink and a grin went round the room.
"Well, then, will you fence with Staunton, or play at single sticks withme?" said the short, thick, bullying, impudent, vulgar Earl of Calton.
"Why," answered I, "I am a poor hand at the foils, and a still worseat the sticks; but I have no objection to exchange a cut or two at thelatter with Lord Calton."
"No, no!" said the good-natured Dartmore;--"no, Calton is the beststick-player I ever knew;" and then, whispering me, he added, "and thehardest hitter--and he never spares, either."
"Really," said I aloud, in my most affected tone, "it is a great pity,for I am excessively delicate; but as I said I would engage him, I don'tlike to retract. Pray let me look at the hilt: I hope the basket isstrong: I would not have my knuckles rapped for the world--now for it.I'm in a deuced fright, Dartmore;" and so saying, and inwardly chucklingat the universal pleasure depicted in the countenances of Calton andthe by-standers, who were all rejoiced at the idea of the "dandy beingdrubbed," I took the stick, and pretended great awkwardness, and lack ofgrace in the position I chose.
Calton placed himself in the most scientific attitude, assuming at thesame time an air of hauteur and nonchalance, which seemed to call forthe admiration it met.
"Do we make hard hitting?" said I.
"Oh! by all means," answered Calton, eagerly.
"Well," said I, settling on my own chapeau, "had not you better put onyour hat?"
"Oh, no," answered Calton, imperiously; "I can take pretty good care ofmy head;" and with these words we commenced.
I remained at first nearly upright, not availing myself in the leastof my superiority in height, and only acting on the defensive. Caltonplayed well enough for a gentleman; but he was no match for one who had,at the age of thirteen, beat the Life Guardsmen at Angelo's. Suddenly,when I had excited a general laugh at the clumsy success with which Iwarded off a most rapid attack of Calton's, I changed my position, andkeeping Calton at arm's length till I had driven him towards a corner,I took advantage of a haughty imprudence on his part, and by a commonenough move in the game, drew back from a stroke aimed at my limbs, andsuffered the whole weight of my weapon to fall so heavily upon his head,that I felled him to the ground in an instant.
I was sorry for the severity of the stroke, the moment after it wasinflicted; but never was punishment more deserved. We picked up thediscomfited hero, and placed him on a chair to recover his senses;meanwhile I received the congratulations of the conclave with a frankalteration of manner which delighted them; and I found it impossible toget away, till I had promised to dine with Dartmore, and spend the restof the evening in the society of his friends.