CHAPTER LXX.
Then must I plunge again into the crowd, And follow all that peacedisdains to seek.--Byron.
In the quiet of my retreat I remained for eight days--during which timeI never looked once at a newspaper--imagine how great was my philosophy!On the ninth, I began to think it high time I should hear from Dawton;and finding that I had eaten two rolls for breakfast, and that myuntimely wrinkle began to assume a more mitigated appearance, Ibethought me once more of the "Beauties of Babylon."
While I was in this kindly mood towards the great city and itsinhabitants, my landlady put two letters in my hand--one was from mymother, the other from Guloseton. I opened the latter first; it ranthus:
"Dear Pelham,
"I was very sorry to hear you had left town--and so unexpectedly too. Iobtained your address from Mivart's, and hasten to avail myself ofit. Pray come to town immediately, I have received some chevreuil asa present, and long for your opinion; it is too nice to keep: for allthings nice were made but to grow bad when nicest; as Moore, I believe,says of flowers, substituting sweet and fleetest, for bad and nicest;so, you see, you must come without loss of time.
"But you, my friend--how can you possibly have been spending your time?I was kept awake all last night, by thinking what you could have fordinner. Fish is out of the question in the country; chickens die of thepip every where but in London; game is out of season; it is impossibleto send to Gibblet's for meat; it is equally impossible to get it anywhere else; and as for the only two natural productions of the country,vegetables and eggs, I need no extraordinary penetration, to be certain,that your cook cannot transmute the latter into an omelette aux huitres,on the former into legumes a la creme.
"Thus, you see, by a series of undeniable demonstrations, you mustabsolutely be in a state of starvation. At this thought, the tears rushinto my eyes: for heaven's sake, for my sake, for your own sake, butabove all, for the sake of the chevreuil, hasten to London. I figure youto myself in the last stage of atrophy--airy as a trifle, thin as theghost of a greyhound.
"I need say no more on the subject. I may rely on your own discretion,to procure me the immediate pleasure of your company. Indeed, were I todwell longer on your melancholy situation, my feelings would overcomeme--Mais, revenons a nos moutons--(a most pertinent phrase, by theby--oh! the French excel us in every thing, from the paramount scienceof cookery, to the little art of conversation.)
"You must tell me your candid, your unbiased, your deliberate opinionof chevreuil. For my part, I should not wonder at the mythology ofthe northern heathen nations, which places hunting among the chiefenjoyments of their heaven, were chevreuil the object of their chace;but nihil est omni parte beatum, it wants fat, my dear Pelham, it wantsfat: nor do I see how to remedy this defect; for were we by art tosupply the fat, we should deprive ourselves of the flavour bestowedby nature; and this, my dear Pelham, was always my great argument forliberty. Cooped, chained, and confined in cities, and slavery, allthings lose the fresh and generous tastes, which it is the peculiarblessing of freedom and the country to afford.
"Tell me, my friend, what has been the late subject of your reflections?My thoughts have dwelt much, and seriously, on the 'terra incognita,'the undiscovered tracts in the pays culinaire, which the profoundestinvestigators have left untouched and unexplored in veal. But more ofthis hereafter;--the lightness of a letter, is ill suited to the depthsof philosophical research.
"Lord Dawton sounded me upon my votes yesterday. 'A thousand pitiestoo,' said he, 'that you never speak in the House of Lords.' 'Oratorfit,' said I--orators are subject to apoplexy.
"Adieu, my dear friend, for friend you are, if the philosopher was rightin defining true friendship to consist in liking and disliking the samethings. [Seneca.] You hate parsnips au naturel--so do I; you love patesdu foie gras, et moi aussi--nous voila les meilleurs amis du monde.
"Guloseton."
So much for my friend, thought I--and now for my mother, opening thematernal epistle, which I herewith transcribe:
"My dear Henry,
"Lose no time in coming to town. Every day the ministers are filling upthe minor places, and it requires a great stretch of recollection in apolitician, to remember the absent. Mr. V--, said yesterday, at adinner party, where I was present, that Lord Dawton had promised him theBorough of--. Now you know, my dear Henry, that was the very borough hepromised to you: you must see further into this; Lord Dawton, is a goodsort of man enough, but refused once to fight a duel; therefore, if hehas disregarded his honour in one instance, he may do so in another: atall events, you have no time to lose.
"The young Duke of--gives a ball tomorrow evening: Mrs.--pays all theexpenses, and I know for a certainty that she will marry him in a week;this as yet is a secret. There will be a great mixture, but the ballwill be worth going to: I have a card for you.
"Lady Huffemall and I think that we shall not patronize the futureduchess; but have not yet made up our minds. Lady Roseville, however,speaks of the intended match with great respect, and says that since weadmit convenance, as the chief rule in matrimony, she never remembers aninstance in which it has been more consulted.
"There are to be several promotions in the peerage. Lord H--'s friendswish to give out that he will have a dukedom; Mais j'en doute. However,he has well deserved it; for he not only gives the best dinners in town,but the best account of them, in the Morning Post, afterwards; which Ithink is very properly upholding the dignity of our order.
"I hope most earnestly that you do not (in your country retreat) neglectyour health; nor, I may add, your mind; and that you take an opportunityevery other day of practising waltzing, which you can very well do, withthe help of an arm-chair. I would send you down (did I not expect youhere so soon) Lord Mount E--'s Musical Reminiscences; not only becauseit is a very entertaining book; but because I wish you to pay muchgreater attention to music than you seem inclined to do. T. H--who isnever very refined in his bon mots, says, that Lord M. seems to haveconsidered the world a concert, in which the best performer playsfirst fiddle. It is, indeed, quite delightful to see the venerationour musical friend has for the orchestra and its occupants. I wish toheaven, my dear Henry, he could instil into you a little of his ardour.I am quite mortified at times by your ignorance of tunes and operas:nothing tells better in conversation, than a knowledge of music, as youwill one day or other discover.
"God bless you, my dearest Henry. Fully expecting you, I have sent toengage your former rooms at Mivart's; do not let me be disappointed.
"Yours,
"F. P."
I read the above letter twice over, and felt my cheek glow and my heartswell as I passed the passage relative to Lord Dawton and the borough.The new minister had certainly, for some weeks since, been playing adouble part with me; it would long ago have been easy to procure me asubordinate situation--still easier to place me in parliament; yet hehad contented himself with doubtful promises and idle civilities. What,however, seemed to me most unaccountable was, his motive in breakingor paltering with his engagement; he knew that I had served him and hisparty better than half his corps; he professed, not only to me, butto society, the highest opinion of my abilities, knowledge, andapplication. He saw, consequently, how serviceable I could be as afriend; and from the same qualities, joined to the rank of my birthand connections, and the high and resentful temper of my mind, he mightreadily augur that I could be equally influential as a foe.
With this reflection, I stilled the beating of my heart, and the feverof my pulse. I crushed the obnoxious letter in my hand, walked thriceup and down my room, paused at the bell--rung it violently--ordered posthorses instantly, and in less than an hour was on the road to London.
How different is the human mind, according to the difference of place.In our passions, as in our creeds, we are the mere dependents ofgeographical situation. Nay, the trifling variation of a single milewill revolutionize the whole tides and torrents of our hearts. The manwho is meek, generous, benevolent, and kind in the count
ry, enters thescene of contest, and becomes forthwith fiery or mean, selfish or stern,just as if the virtues were only for solitude, and the vices for thecity. I have ill expressed the above reflection; n'importe--so much thebetter shall I explain my feelings at the time I speak of--for I wasthen too eager and engrossed to attend to the niceties of words. On myarrival at Mivart's, I scarcely allowed myself time to change my dressbefore I set out to Lord Dawton. He shall afford me an explanation,I thought, or a recompence, or a revenge. I knocked at the door--theminister was out. "Give him this card," said I, haughtily, to theporter, "and say I shall call to-morrow at three."
I walked to Brookes's--there I met Mr. V--. My acquaintance with him wassmall, but he was a man of talent, and, what was more to my purpose, ofopen manners. I went up to him, and we entered into conversation. "Is ittrue," said I; "that I am to congratulate you upon the certainty of yourreturn for Lord Dawton's borough of--?"
"I believe so," replied V--. "Lord Dawton engaged it to me last week,and Mr. H--, the present member, has accepted the Chiltern Hundreds. Youknow all our family support Lord Dawton warmly on the present crisis,and my return for this borough was materially insisted upon. Suchthings are, you see, Mr. Pelham, even in these virtuous days ofparliamentary purity."
"True," said I, dissembling my chagrin, "yourself and Dawton have madean admirable exchange. Think you the ministry can be said to be fairlyseated?"
"By no means; every thing depends upon the motion of--, brought on nextweek. Dawton looks to that as to the decisive battle for this session."
Lord Gavelton now joined us, and I sauntered away with the utmost(seeming) indifference. At the top of St. James's-street, LadyRoseville's well known carriage passed me--she stopped for a moment. "Weshall meet at the Duke of--'s to-night," said she, "shall we not?"
"If you go--certainly," I replied.
I went home to my solitary apartment, and if I suffered somewhat of thetorments of baffled hope and foiled ambition, the pang is not for thespectator. My lighter moments are for the world--my deeper for myself;and, like the Spartan boy, I would keep, even in the pangs of death, amantle over the teeth and fangs which are fastening upon my breast.