It was with my two siblings—“Sleeve” and “Leonard,” as I call them, and have since I was a child—on my mind that I wrote Perfect Escape. Because if any two people know as much about being a sibling as I do, and about all that it can encompass—the love, the tears, the forgiveness, the hardship, the prayers, the grudges, the name-calling, the hugs, and the road trips—it’s those two people.
We have hung out in each other’s shadows, and at times those shadows have felt cold and lonely and impenetrable. At times the shadows have felt isolating and impossible. And at times they have been dark, dark shadows full of secrets none of us would probably care to share. But over the years we’ve hung out in those shadows long enough and resolutely enough that I dare to say we’ve gotten comfortable with them. We expect them and we wait it out, and as Kendra points out in Perfect Escape, sometimes that’s all that’s needed to let someone know that you love them.
Like Kendra and Grayson, my siblings and I are not perfect people. We are not perfect siblings.
But also like Kendra and Grayson, we’ve got each other’s backs, and we know we don’t have to be perfect to be… there. And in the end, “there” is really all that matters.
A CONVERSATION WITH
JENNIFER BROWN
What inspired you to write this book?
The idea for Perfect Escape came to me, as story ideas so often do, pretty much out of nowhere. One day the first sentence—“I was six the first time we found Grayson at the quarry”—popped into my head, and I envisioned this little boy hunkered down against a pile of rocks, miserable. That vision stuck with me, and I mulled it over for several months before finally sitting down to write this story. I wanted to pinpoint exactly what I was trying to say with this novel. Was it really about a boy with OCD? About a girl who cheats? Or was it about their relationship? In the end it was the complexity of the relationship between two siblings, one with a mental illness, and the complexity of sibling relationships in general that really drew me to this story.
I have long wanted to write a story exploring the relationship between siblings. In Hate List, Valerie has Frankie, and the two of them enjoy a solid, rich friendship, one where each can be honest but where love is the overall feeling. In Bitter End, Alex has Celia and Shannin, and her relationship with her siblings is almost the polar opposite of Valerie’s relationship with Frankie. Alex and her sisters share nothing, they don’t understand one another, and their relationship is rife with conflict. In both stories, I briefly shone a light on sibling relationships, but neither enjoyed the spotlight that I truly believe sibling relationships can and should endure. I wanted to write a story that was all up under that spotlight.
Why did you choose OCD for Grayson’s “difficulties”?
I chose OCD because it is estimated that two million to three million adults in the United States have it. That’s a lot of people! But I also chose it because OCD is an anxiety-based disorder, and I think a great many people—especially teens!—are struggling with, and can relate to, anxiety. OCD is repeated and unwanted thoughts (obsessions) causing severe anxiety. Often, the person experiencing these thoughts will perform “rituals” (compulsions) to make them go away. Everyone has some unwanted thoughts and rituals, but OCD is defined by how much those thoughts and rituals interfere with their daily lives.
But the thing about OCD is that while it can be a struggle, it can also be overcome. People with OCD who work to get control of it can live totally happy, healthy, productive lives. And I wanted Grayson to see this. He is so wrapped up in and freaked out about his mental illness—I wanted him to see that even pretty severe OCD is something he can get past. I wanted Kendra to see this, too. I wanted her to understand that her brother isn’t perfect, and never will be, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t worth having a relationship with.
But truth be told, what makes his shadow loom so large in Kendra’s life wasn’t as important to me as the fact that they get past it and see that each of them has shadows for different reasons. Kendra always felt like she was stuck under the shadow of Grayson’s problems, but Grayson felt like he was stuck under the shadow of her perfection. And this was the important message to me. We all have something to live under or live up to when it comes to our families, friends, schoolmates, whatever, but we can all get past that and be the really great people we were meant to be.
Do you do a lot of research before writing your novels?
Depends on the novel, but overall, yes. For Perfect Escape, not only did I do a lot of research on OCD, but I also had to research other things. I researched rocks so I could make Grayson’s obsession with them seem real. I also had to research the Hayward Fault, the Great Salt Lake Desert, Cal Memorial Stadium, riddles and jokes from the 1800s, rattlesnakes, dehydration in infants, the Green River, and even jackalopes! I wrote with Google Maps pulled up on my laptop next to my desktop and with an atlas in front of me the entire time. Kendra and Grayson’s route is mapped out in Sharpie on my atlas, with stars here and circles there, hours between stops notated, the whole thing a mess of lines and stops.
But honestly, the most important “research” behind my novels is life lived. I do tend to write what I know, and I know what it’s like to be trapped in a car for hours on end with a sibling you may or may not be getting along with. I know what it’s like to feel the need to be perfect. I know what it’s like to feel that your sibling gets all the attention. I know what it’s like to meet new people and make new friends. And I know what Kendra’s stubbornness is like, too. That stubbornness has gotten me into a lot of trouble over the years… and has also gotten me to some really good places… such as writing novels about stubborn, perfectionist girls!
RESOURCES
Living with a mentally ill sibling can be stressful, painful, unpredictable, confusing, and at times frightening. Sometimes you can feel like your needs always come last, like your sibling gets all the attention, and like you can never predict what’s going to happen next. You may feel like everyone in the house is sad, nervous, or anxious all the time, and like others are judging your family. You may also be embarrassed by your sibling sometimes, or feel overprotective of your sibling. You may even feel guilty for all your conflicting feelings and have a profound sense of wishing your life was just “normal.” You are not alone. Here are some resources, current as of the date this book was written, to help you learn to cope with living with a mentally ill brother or sister.
WEBSITES
National Alliance on Mental Illness
www.nami.org
NAMI Information Helpline: 1-800-950-6264
“Coping Tips for Siblings and Adult Children of Persons with Mental Illness”: www.nami.org/Content/ContentGroups/Helpline1/Coping_Tips_for_Siblings_and_Adult_Children_of_Persons_with_Mental_Illness.htm
National Institute of Mental Health
www.nimh.nih.gov
Sibling Support Project
www.siblingsupport.org
BOOKS
Being the Other One: Growing Up with a Brother or Sister Who Has Special Needs, by Kate Strohm (Shambhala, 2005)
Mad House: Growing Up in the Shadow of Mentally Ill Siblings, by Clea Simon (Doubleday, 1997)
My Sister’s Keeper: Learning to Cope with a Sibling’s Mental Illness, by Margaret Moorman (W.W. Norton & Company, 2002)
The Normal One: Life With a Difficult or Damaged Sibling, by Jeanne Safer (Free Press, 2002)
The Sibling Slam Book: What It’s Really Like to Have a Brother or Sister with Special Needs, by Don Meyer (Woodbine House, 2005)
Contents
Welcome
Dedication
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen<
br />
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-One
Chapter Twenty-Two
Chapter Twenty-Three
Chapter Twenty-Four
Chapter Twenty-Five
Chapter Twenty-Six
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Chapter Thirty
Chapter Thirty-One
Chapter Thirty-Two
Chapter Thirty-Three
Chapter Thirty-Four
Chapter Thirty-Five
Chapter Thirty-Six
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Chapter Forty
Acknowledgments
Author’s Note
A Conversation with Jennifer Brown
Copyright
Copyright
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons, living or dead, is coincidental.
Copyright © 2012 by Jennifer Brown
All rights reserved. In accordance with the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976, the scanning, uploading, and electronic sharing of any part of this book without the permission of the publisher constitute unlawful piracy and theft of the author’s intellectual property. If you would like to use material from the book (other than for review purposes), prior written permission must be obtained by contacting the publisher at
[email protected]. Thank you for your support of the author’s rights.
Little, Brown and Company
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First e-book edition: July 2012
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ISBN 978-0-316-20196-4
Jennifer Brown, Perfect Escape
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