"So your friends run around looking down your shirt? And I didn't give you that . . .
thing."
He laughed. "Sure. It was just some girl who shares your name and looks just like you.
And I'd like to see you try to hide this all day. Are you part vampire?"
I started to laugh, then stopped myself. "Look, I didn't do--"
"What? Give me this?" He moved toward me, touching the bruise with one finger.
"Should I refresh your memory?"
"You're not funny," I said, and poked his chest with one finger.
He grabbed it and leaned in, pressing his lips to my neck right below my ear. I felt the warmth of his mouth, a sharp quick nip from his teeth, and then he was grinning at me again.
"Now we match."
I stared at him, my mouth hanging open to somewhere around my knees. His grin faded and that look, the intense one from last night, came back again. The bell rang and he didn't move. The look didn't change. I heard people coming out into the hallways, a wave of sound building toward us.
He kept looking at me. I wasn't sure I was still breathing.
"Miller! Where the heck are those copies?" someone yelled, and I looked over and saw one of the coaches frowning at us.
Will blinked, like he was waking up, and looked over at the coach. I walked away, promising myself I'd figure everything out later.
Chapter thirteen
Instead, I ended up kissing Will again.
Work was boring, and by seven, the mall was pretty much
deserted. Dad went off to buy himself a coffee, and Mom stopped by right after he left.
"You just missed Dad," I said. "Coffee run."
She didn't seem surprised. "So, how are things?"
"Slow. Also, Dad gave Todd fifty bucks for some audition he claims to have, but I bet Todd's just going to--"
"Kate," she said in her warning voice, "aren't you a little old for this?"
"Isn't Todd a little old to be living at home?"
She sighed. "When I asked how things were, I meant with you. You've been so quiet about everything lately. I don't know how your classes are going, or if you're dating anyone--"
"Mom, please. Do I look like the kind of girl guys want to date?"
"Yes," she said, like I'd asked the silliest question in the world, and I looked down at the floor so I wouldn't do something embarrassing like hug her in public.
"School's fine," I muttered. "And no guys."
"What about Anna?"
"I saw her today."
Mom and Dad knew what had happened with Anna, sort of. I'd said we weren't talking as much now that she had a boyfriend. There are some things you just can't tell parents, and "Hey, my best friend thinks I'm a loser" is one of them. They think stuff like that isn't possible, which is sweet, but wrong.
"That's good. I thought I saw that boyfriend of hers the other day, but he was with a redhead so I guess it wasn't him." Her stomach rumbled, and she blushed.
"Hungry, Mom?"
She sighed again. "When I got home tonight, I made dinner, and the first thing Mother--
Grandma--says to me is, 'Darling, you aren't twenty anymore, so don't eat like you are.'
I'd been looking forward to boxed macaroni and cheese all day, and she ruined it for me."
"I'm sorry," I said, and rested my head on her shoulder for a second. Poor Mom.
Grandma was annoying, but she wasn't my mother. "You should find Dad and have coffee with him."
"I can't. I've got an interview." "Interview?"
"Selling cosmetics in the department store Dad's banned from," she said, and gave me a weak grin. "If I get the job, he'll have to sneak in to visit me. Can you see him doing that?"
Sadly, I could. "But why would you want to work there when you already have a . . . Oh.
You're getting a second job. We need money that badly?"
"Well, I guess I don't have to wonder if you've noticed we're having money problems,"
she said.
"Mom, why don't you ask Dad to go back to work?" I said, but she didn't answer, just shook her head, silencing me as Dad called out, "Sharon?" from the end of the corridor that led out into the main part of the mall.
"I have to go," she said, and went to meet Dad. The two of them talked briefly, far enough away so I couldn't hear them, and when Dad got back he told me to take a break.
"Did Mom tell you why she's here? Because it doesn't seem fair that she has to get another job so you can sit here with these stupid . ." I trailed off, shamed by the shock and hurt in his eyes. "Dad, I--"
"Kate, please go take a break," he said, and his smile was so horribly fake I practically ran away from the booth.
I felt bad for making him upset, but I was mad too. I didn't ask for him to fall in love with stupid vitamins. I didn't ask to work in the mall. I didn't ask to have things get so screwed up that Grandma had to come out.
For once, I wished he and Mom were the kind of parents who yelled at each other. But Dad was incapable of getting mad, and any time Mom did get upset with him, they always talked about it in private, and worse, acted like everything was fine in front of me and Todd.
I went down to the food court but didn't feel like sitting there surrounded by people with shopping bags and sodas who were having fun at the mall. It just made me think about how the mall was the last place I wanted to be anymore.
I went outside, the food court's neon glow casting bright shadows, and saw Will. He was in his Sports Shack uniform, wolfing down a burger like he hadn't eaten all day. There was a little bit of mustard right above his upper lip, and when he saw me, he licked it away, swallowing his last bite, and then looked at me, the food court lights shading his face strange colors.
The way he was looking at me made me think about earlier, and I put a hand to my neck. His mouth hadn't left a mark, but I swear I still felt it.
He grinned at me then, like he knew what I was thinking, and I don't know what it was about his smile, but when I saw it, school and my parents and Anna and vitamins and everything else didn't matter. I couldn't even think about any of it.
And I liked that feeling. I liked it a lot.
I wanted to feel it again, in fact, and when he said "Hey," just like he had that morning, I said, "I gotta go back to work, but I'll be at our storage locker behind Toy World in about ten minutes."
He looked at me, his eyes impossible to read, but from the way he'd stilled, I knew I'd surprised him.
That made two of us.
I couldn't believe what I'd just said. I never did stuff like this, not ever. Anna was the one who had ideas and who was never afraid to say what she thought. Anna was the one who dared to do stuff, who talked me into getting my ears pierced even though I was afraid, who'd turned herself into someone new. I just followed her lead, happy to go where she wanted. And then she was gone and I had turned quieter, pulled into myself. I guess that one kiss with Will had destroyed part of my brain.
Or, deep down, I really wanted another moment like the one I'd had last night. I wanted to kiss him again.
But when I got back into the mall, the momentary surge of whatever it was that had made me talk to him like that faded, and after several minutes of standing in the corridor that led toward our storage space, I leaned against the wall and sighed.
I couldn't do it. It was a mistake, and I knew it. I had to go back to work.
Besides, what were the odds he'd even show up?
Low. Nonexistent, even, because when Dad sent me to grab a few bottles of Garlic Gels for a display he wanted a couple of minutes after I got back to the booth, Will wasn't there.
Disappointment washed over me, and I told myself I was being stupid, that I knew he wouldn't have shown.
I still felt disappointed anyway.
I looked at the shelves Dad had stacked full of vitamins, and started digging around for the Garlic Gels. I found a box of them wedged in the back and pulled them out, blowing out a breath at the weight.
; I heard a noise, looked over my shoulder, and then almost dropped the box. Will was standing a little ways behind me, leaning against the wall, like he was trying to look relaxed but couldn't quite get there. He watched me wrestle the box onto another already overcrowded shelf without offering to help, and the overwhelming urge I'd felt to kiss him started to seem a lot less overwhelming.
"Don't worry, I'm fine," I said.
"Like you'd have let me help you," he said, taking a step toward me. "Besides, right now I'm supposed to be counting shoelaces in our storage overspill. Guess now I'll have to stay late to do it."
"I didn't ask you to do that."
"I didn't say you did." He took another step toward me.
"Good," I said, but my voice came out all wobbly and cracked.
Then he kissed me. He touched the sides of my face, my neck, and then rested his hands on the small of my back, pulling me closer, and my whole body burned. He tasted like cinnamon, which surprised me because I'd just seen him eating a burger, and then I realized he must have eaten a mint or something and it just . . . melted me.
I could have kissed him forever, I think, but once again vitamins messed up my life. The corridor door creaked open and Dad yelled, "Kate, did you find those Garlic Gels yet?"
I jumped like he was right next to us and Will touched my shoulder, whispering, "Your dad, right?"
"Yeah, I gotta go." I tried to pretend I didn't notice that him whispering in my ear had given me goose bumps, and walked off before he could notice. Or say anything.
I could say I don't know why I walked away like that again, but that would be a lie. I walked away so I would be the one who left, and I left so I wouldn't have to see him do it first.
"Hand 'em over," Dad said when I reached him, and I blinked at him before remembering I was supposed to be bringing back vitamins.
"How come you're not at the booth?" I said, hoping to change the subject. "I mean, didn't you tell me someone always has to be there during mall hours?"
Dad blushed. "Well, it gets sort of boring out there sometimes, and you were gone for a while." He looked at me. "You weren't able to find them, were you?"
I shook my head, and he went and got the vitamins. I sat in the booth and wondered what the hell had just happened. I'd basically asked Will to make out with me. Why had I done that? What had I been thinking?
I hadn't. That was the problem.
I couldn't face going to school, afraid that Will might say something and equally afraid that he wouldn't, and in the morning I tried to convince Mom I was sick. I got up when she said Grandma would stay at home with me, though, and before I knew it, I was walking into first period, dreading what was going to happen.
Only nothing did.
I walked into class and Will was talking to Jennifer M. smiling and nodding and not noticing me at all. I wanted to smack her. And him. And then go home and spend the day eating ice cream.
It was a really distressing feeling.
"Did you understand the reading?" Jennifer S. asked when I sat down. I looked at her, totally not caring that Will was still talking to Jennifer M. In fact, I hoped they hooked up. Her insanely jealous boyfriend, who played football and had a neck the size of my leg, would break Will in half.
"Sort of," I said, and Will looked over his shoulder at me then, clicking the pen he was holding over and over really fast. For a second, I thought he looked nervous.
"So . . . about last night," he said, and as soon as he did, I knew what was coming. The
"Look, last night I was drunk/in a really bad place/etc, and I just don't see you that way"
speech. I'd heard Todd make it about a million times, and that was always how he started it.
I didn't want to hear it now, especially not in front of everyone.
"I don't care about it, just quit clicking your pen, okay?" I said, and looked back at Jennifer S. "Did you understand the reading?"
"All I remember is that when people get certain kinds of anemia they end up eating stuff like paint."
"And dirt," Will said, butting in just like always. He looked at me again. "You don't care?"
He almost sounded hurt.
"Yes. I don't care, so please spare me the speech."
"Speech?"
"What are you, an echo?"
He stared at me for a moment, and then grinned just like he had last night. "What kind of speech am I supposed to make?"
Flustered, I looked at my desk, and kept looking at it until class started. Of course, it ended up being group day. And guess who was in my group?
That's right. Jennifer M., who I was still having residual feelings of irrational hatred for; Kim, who actually thought being student council treasurer meant something and spent all his time discussing ancient movies from the 1980s; and Will.
"But there aren't killer robots around now, Kim," Jennifer said when he finally paused to take a breath mid-rant about some movie no one but him and a bunch of ancient people had ever seen. She turned to me. "Let's focus on the reading. Kate, what did you think about the section on blood typing?"
I'd read it last night, while worrying about what had happened with Will, and remembered nothing about it. "I thought it was . . . well, it was interesting. What do you think?"
Jennifer sighed. "You didn't do the reading, did you? Will, please tell me you did the reading. Never mind, I know you did. What did you think about the blood typing stuff?"
I could practically hear her eyelashes fluttering. I reminded myself that I'd hung out with her, and that aside from a tendency to pit Jennifer S. and T. against each other, she wasn't so bad. And who'd want Will, anyway?
I ignored the little voice inside me that said, "Me!"
"I think it's really complex," Will said. "There's a lot of stuff going on, you know?"
"Absolutely," Jennifer said. "You mean how blood types were discovered, right?"
"That's it. The evolution of it all," Will said. Okay how come she didn't get that he clearly hadn't done the reading either? I cleared my throat, and he looked at me, grinning again, and then glanced at Jennifer.
"Wow, are these your notes? You've even highlighted--yep, this is exactly what I was thinking. You've got to mention all of this when we get called on."
"Really? You think it's okay?" Jennifer said, and looked over at Jennifer T., who was talking to Jennifer S.
While she was distracted, Will leaned toward me. "You need to work on your bullshit skills," he whispered.
"Oh, please. If I had dimples and pretended everything she said was interesting, she'd be all over me too," I whispered back.
He laughed. "So you're saying you're immune to the Will Miller charm?"
"I'm definitely immune to anything you call the Will Miller charm, you loser."
Will stretched, still grinning. His shirt rode up, showing a little bit of his stomach, and I watched Jennifer turn back toward us and stare at that little patch of skin like she'd been hypnotized. Honestly, it was so sad the way some girls got totally stupid over--
Will tugged his shirt down, and I looked up to see him looking at me, grinning a slow smile that made me want to smack him. And then make out with him.
I glared at him. He winked at me and I slumped back into my chair. Stupid Will.
Stupid me.
Chapter fourteen
Work was fine, I stayed in our booth the whole
time, even eating dinner there. Dad said he admired my dedication and asked if I wanted to straighten up our storage space.
"After all, you've gotten a good look at it now, right?" he said, and I said, "Sure," trying not to blush.
Back in the corridor by the shelves that held box after box of Perfect You vitamins, I tried to put them into some kind of order and didn't think about Will. I didn't wonder if he was at work. I didn't wonder what he was thinking about, and if he was thinking about me.
Not much, anyway.
In the morning, I woke up before my alarm went off because Mom and Grandma were arguing.
I got up and opened my door a little, peeking out at them. Mom was standing by the bathroom door, which was open just enough for me to see that Grandma was inside fixing her hair.
"So what you're saying is that I'm on my own like always," Mom said. Her voice was quiet, just above a whisper. At first I thought it was because she didn't want me or Todd to hear, but then she wiped a hand across her eyes and I realized she was trying not to cry.
"Darling, I'm not even going to respond to that. I'm here, aren't I? I want to help you."
Grandma picked up my hairspray made a face at it, and then picked up her own.
"And how are you going to do that? I told you what we needed last night, you said you'd have to think about it, and now you've told me 'no'?"
"That's not what I said. I said I'll help you."
"What does that mean?"
"It means it's not my job to save you from your husband's choices. You chose to stay with him, you live with what he does. Does that sound familiar, darling?"
"So, this is really about Daddy and something I said to you before I went to college? You can't seriously be comparing Steve to him, Mother, and I sure as hell hope you aren't saying I'm like you."
"No, you made that quite clear before you left. And then you didn't say a word to me or your father until you graduated with no job and a mountain of student loans."
Mom flinched. "That's not fair. I came home because I read that Daddy was ill, not because I wanted money. I've never asked you for anything, but the life Steve and I have built . . . we're in danger of losing it."
"Not if he gets a job."
"He has a job."
"Oh, Sharon, please. You married a child and frankly, it's time he grows up. I'll help you, but I'm certainly not going to support Steve's absurd fantasy."
"You have no idea what you're talking about. Steve's amazing. He's actually capable of emotion, and he would do anything for me or the kids."
"Would he?" Grandma said, and I saw Mom look at the floor, her face turning a dark, shamed red. "As I was saying, if I did what you asked, it would only delay the inevitable.
Steve's little dream is just that, darling, a dream, and putting off his wake-up call for a few months or even a year won't change a thing. I will help you, though, and all I ask is that you think about what I said. A marriage isn't supposed to be--"