“If I get out there and this is some kind of set up where The Master is not there and I am surrounded by your people in some ridiculous attempt to kill me”—they had no idea how futile that would actually be—“I will make it painful when I rip you from the bodies you don’t belong in.”
The woman shook her head. “The Master is out there. I’m not getting in between you and him. If you want to take him on and die, that’s your own business. I’d like to watch.”
I believed her. With a nod as I passed her—it seemed my manners hadn’t left me, even when it came to shadows—I walked out the back door of the house onto the lawn. The Master was indeed outside, wearing my husband’s body.
Malcolm was always the most handsome man I’d ever seen. He wasn’t pretty. His face would never grace the cover of a fashion magazine. He was too rough, too rugged, too scarred … and yet he was beautiful. The Master wearing his body and holding his soul hadn’t changed any of his gorgeousness, but the glow was gone. With my ability to see people’s souls, I could tell Malcolm was losing his battle with the shadow master.
I walked slowly toward him, and The Master turned to look at me. He stood under a tree. Malcolm was nowhere to be seen in his eyes.
“Well, look who it is. Can’t stay away? You should have remained in your other dimension. Or maybe you don’t care whose soul is in this body. Want to fuck me just for wearing him?”
I took a deep breath and forced myself to ignore his taunts. Malcolm was in there. He could hear me, and he was whom I wanted to talk to. “Our baby is fine. The children are safe. They always will be.”
The Master rolled Malcolm’s eyes. “He’s not here to hear you.”
I continued to ignore him. “I love you. I always have. Trust me. Find me. Unless you’re done. I wouldn’t blame you for being done.” I took a step toward him and tried not to flinch when I heard my voice shake. “I love you. It bears repeating. There has never been a time, in any life, when you didn’t shape my world and make it better. Thank you.”
“Isn’t that sweet—”
I lifted my hand and interrupted him. With a flick of my wrist, I’d raised him off the ground. This wasn’t my power—it was the phoenix’s. This was my gift from the Others. I was the bird, and the bird was me. She could give life, and she could take it.
“I couldn’t kill Top Hat when he took Levi’s body. But I wasn’t as mean then. There are lots of things I can do now that I once couldn’t manage. That includes seeing past my own pain, past my own love, to do what I have to do.”
Goosebumps broke out on my skin. I could talk a big game, and I would finish what I started. This would be a special kind of hell for me.
The Master laughed. “What? Lift me from the ground?”
“No, stop your heart.” And like saying it made it happen, I actually stopped Malcolm’s heart. Fear travelled through his vision, and I didn’t know if I saw it from The Master or from Malcolm—the question would likely haunt me for eternity—seconds before he was dead. I still held him in the air, my power flowing through me like a rush of pain, needles of agony assaulting my body. The phoenix was made to rise, not destroy. I didn’t like using this part of my power.
I dropped him on the ground. His shell laid flat on the ground, unseeing eyes staring up at me. The Master’s shadow figure roared into the light, shivering and groaning from the assault of the sun. The shadow people didn’t care for our dimension outside of our bodies. Malcolm was gone. His ghost was nowhere to be seen, which didn’t mean he wasn’t still around; he might be in an in-between situation of some sort.
I couldn’t look at him like that. He wasn’t supposed to be dead without me. I sucked in my breath. Seconds ago, I’d been so brave and filled with bravado. It was amazing how fast my mind could fall back into old habits, could start thinking like the girl I used to be.
I might not die ever. Malcolm had every right to move on.
I stared at the shadow who didn’t look so tough anymore. Behind me, a roar sounded. Top Hat’s people must have started their fight. I could leave. I could go back to the Other dimension and bid adieu to all of this. I could watch the children grow up and die. I could spend eternity alone.
Instead, I raised my arm to the Shadow. There was only one way I was getting rid of the shadows, and that was by getting rid of The Master.
It was time to wrestle with the beast.
“Come on.”
He dove for me, coming inside of my body. Malcolm couldn’t beat him. He wasn’t the phoenix. I was. This was my battle; I would not fail.
* * *
Victoria
I knew it when Malcolm died. Kendall and I had always been more connected than either one of us admitted. She was my best friend, my sister. I’d known her in many lifetimes. The two things I’d always been able to count on in life were Henry’s love for me and Kendall’s loyalty. She and Malcolm loved and fought hard, sometimes at the same time. If he was dead … she was lost.
I held the baby tighter to my chest. He was asleep. This life, where we hid in another dimension and pretended the other world didn’t exist, wasn’t the one I’d planned for him. But then again, most of the plans I’d made lately hadn’t amounted to much.
Ross and Chase were both out cold, brought back from the dead. Annika, Block, and the others fussed over them. There wasn’t much I could do to help them. My powers didn’t speed up the return to life.
Henry entered the room of the small cabin I’d hoped to never see again after we’d left this dimension the first time. I wanted to be human. I wanted to be alive where I was supposed to be, and when it was my time, I wanted to move on.
The powers that be had different plans for me.
“Are you going to go?” Henry’s voice was low as he approached, reaching out to stroke the back of our son’s head.
He knew me so well. “Malcolm is dead. Did you know?”
“No, but, in my soul where your heart lives, I felt you jolt. Kendall needs you. You’ll go.” It wasn’t a question even though he’d first phrased it as such. Kendall needed me. So I would go.
I rose, careful not to jostle the baby. “I don’t have to. I could stay.”
“No, you can’t.” He took the baby from me and readjusted him onto his chest. “If Malcolm is truly gone—and not returning—than he took all the hope with him.”
I shook my head. “Sweet Henry, there’s always hope. Even in the dark times. I have to remember who I am, who I was meant to be.”
His smile moved through me. “The greatest witch. The kind of person who could rip Kendall out of a Shadow Dimension, conjure the Others, and destroy a ghost without breaking a sweat?”
I pressed my head onto his arm. “I did more than break a sweat. I broke. But I think I’m put back together now.”
“You were never broken, love. You just had to figure that out yourself.”
How had the universe given me such a wonderful man? “I’ll go tonight.”
“Yes.”
* * *
Kendall stared at The Master. He was handsome, which I hated. In my mind, I could actually see him. I’d wanted him to be ugly, but I knew enough to understand that a person’s outside didn’t always match the inner soul. Beautiful people could be the worst souls around.
He was taller than me. I’d put him on par with Malcolm in terms of his height. He had light brown hair and blue eyes. His cheekbones were high and his body muscular. Beyond that, it struck me that he was human.
I looked him up and down. “What did you do to end up in the Shadow Dimension?”
“Something a very long time ago that you wouldn’t know anything about.”
“Despite my upbringing in a van, I had a very good education. I know a lot about a lot of things.” My lack of articulation didn’t actually represent my knowledge base right at that moment.
He stepped toward me. “The decisions I made, which were judged evil by whomever decides these things, were from a time humanity has long forgotten.
It isn’t in the history books. I’m not going to illuminate it for you. Time to fight?”
“That would be easy for you, wouldn’t it? Want to hurt me? Go ahead and try.” I stepped back and widened my arms. He could take his best shot.
The Master raised his eyebrows and then shot a burst of dark energy through his fingertips that took me to the ground. Coldness swept through my body. I closed my eyes and let it move through me. This was what the shadows did. This was what had shocked me, over and over, when I’d lived in the Shadow Dimension. The pain of the universe pressed down on my chest. It would have killed most people.
I wasn’t most people.
When the feeling passed, I leaned back on my elbows. “Been a little while since I felt that. Thanks for the reminder. It’s always good to know I’ve improved over time. There was a time that had all but destroyed me.”
The shadow’s mouth fell open. “You should be dead or near to it. Malcolm stayed on death’s door the whole time.”
I rose to my feet. “I’m the phoenix. You’ve been looking for it. You almost thought you had it. You never did. Because it’s me. Now here we are. The question, shadow man, is do you have me or do I have you?”
I wasn’t really sure. Maybe we had each other. I knew he wasn’t in control of my body. Anyone staring at whatever was going on outside of my mind would simply see me lying on the ground. Every once in a while I could see something of the world. A glimpse of the sun. The way two shadows fought in the garden.
The world continued to spin even as the shadow and I possessed each other.
“It can take a little while for a possession to settle.”
I smiled. “Do you feel it settling?”
“Well, if I can’t hurt you, I’ll give you another choice.”
I rocked back on my heels. “What would that be?”
“There are so many destinies, Kendall. So many ways our lives could have turned out. You know the theories. Turn right and life goes one way; turn left and it’s another path.”
I laughed, which I knew was deranged. “What are you? Some kind of philosopher now?”
“Tell me. In all the time you spent in the Shadow Dimension, did you learn anything? Talk to the elders? Learn what they knew?”
I didn’t recall any so-called elders. “I was too busy killing every imbecile that made the mistake of getting near me and coming back from the dead.”
“I spent my time quite differently. My first thousand years, I learned as much as I could, and one thing I discovered is that there are multiple paths for all of us. Would you like a different one?”
I didn’t get a chance to answer. He touched the side of my face, and the world spun. I grabbed his arm. For a few moments, we struggled. He held on, his eyes glowing. I had no earthly idea what he was doing. Colors passed in front of my eyes before everything went black.
“Kendall, are you okay?” I opened my eyes to look up at Levi. He knelt down, his face a mix of concern and disbelief. “What are you doing on the floor?”
We were in the kitchen of the house we’d lived in together with the kids. I hadn’t seen it in a long time. After the shadows came, we had to live with Victoria …
I grabbed Levi’s arm. “What’s going on?”
“That’s my question. Why are you on the floor? Did you fall? Faint? Thank God the kids are at school.”
His words made no sense. “How are they in school? What are we doing here? Why did you leave the Other dimension?”
He opened and closed his mouth. “How hard did you hit your head?”
Levi helped me off the floor. “Levi, what is going on? Where is everyone else?”
He let out a loud breath. “We’re going to the ER. Now.”
The Master’s words filled my mind. I could have a different life. What had the son-of-a-bitch done? Shoved me into some alternate version where I was with Levi?
My ex, who didn’t seem to know what the hell I was talking about, maneuvered me out to the garage where he put me in the car and buckled me in like I was some kind of child. I huffed. This was frustration on a whole new level.
I pushed at my mind. Whatever this was, it was something The Master was doing to me. I wasn’t going to play.
“Get out of my mind, you piece of shit.”
Electricity flowed through me, and suddenly The Master was there, just the two of us again. “Only you would scoff at having everything you want.”
I shoved him backwards until he couldn’t touch me. “What makes you think I want that? I’m not going to live in some world you create for me while you use my body to do who knows what. No thank you.”
“But it’s not some world. It could be the real world for you. One of the names I held before I died was, for lack of a better term, a wizard. I can send you back, Kendall. You’ll leave here. You’ll have a second chance at life. Right then? That night? That was the evening you went to the PTA meeting and the ghost came. Changed your existence. But Levi thinks you hit your head. You won’t go to the PTA meeting. Or if you somehow did, he’d tell all those bitches who ruined your life in this world that you had a head injury. You’d never have to tell him. You could go back to being Kendall and Levi. You could have your ideal life back.”
The fact he even suggested reclaiming my mundane existence showed how little he understood me at all. “First of all, I’d only be able to hide it from Levi for such a small amount of time. Dex is two seconds away from starting his powers.”
“You’d figure that out, too. With just enough foreknowledge, you could have everything, Kendall. Didn’t you like your life? Didn’t you love being half of ‘Kendall and Levi?’”
I nodded. “I did. I truly loved it. And then it ended. I’m not going to sit around being ‘Kendall and Levi’ while the world ends.”
“We won’t be there. We’re here. Different life, different choices.”
I touched my chest. “I love Malcolm now. You took him from me. He and I have a daughter together. I would never trade her. I would never trade him. Yes, I loved Levi and probably always will in the back of my heart. But knowing he couldn’t be there for me when I needed him then? That was important information. I lied to him for years. Dishonest relationships don’t work, not in the long run. I choose truth. I choose pain. I will see this out. That’s how this is going to work.”
I slammed him with my power, and he fell backwards. He jumped to his feet, lashing out at me with a full blast of his darkness. Once again the agony of the universe moved through me. I didn’t flinch even though I wanted to howl. Pain was pain, no matter how used to it I got.
He jumped at me, and we both hit the floor, hard. My head spun. The fact that all of this was taking place within my own mind was not lost on me. But my body thought this was real and reacted like I’d been hit. My muscles pained me, and I thought maybe my left ribs had cracked. This really sucked.
I kicked him hard in the side. He cried out, and I used that second to knee him in the balls. The Master was a man. I knew that would hurt him.
Seconds later, his eyes widened as he was ripped from my body. The real world rushed into my vision, and I found myself lying on the ground of the garden, a very pissed off Victoria staring down at me. She grabbed my arm and hauled me upward.
“Come on. I don’t know how long until he comes back and pushes his way back in you. I don’t want to be here.”
I shook my head. “No. I told him to come inside.”
She stopped moving and put her hands on her hips. “Suddenly suicidal?”
“Even if I were, I can’t die. But, no. Not suicidal. What are you doing here?” I looked around. I needed The Master back. We had a fight to engage in. “I have to beat him.”
She put her hand on my arm. “You killed Malcolm. I felt it when you did it. I know I told you to do it. But you need to take a break and acknowledge the hugeness of this.”
“He can’t kill me, Victoria. That means I take him inside of me and I beat on him until it is over. Then it’s ov
er.” I hugged her to me. “I know that you think you’re helping me. This was the gift the Others gave me. It’s why I’m the phoenix. Every time he kills me, I come back.” My hands were shaking. Why were they doing that? I didn’t have time to care. “He kills me. I come back. Then eventually I kill him and he’s gone. Then I can deal with the fact that my husband is dead and nowhere to be found. Then I can focus on how I am the worst mother there ever was. Then I can …”
She squeezed me tighter. “Stop it. Your children know their mother is fighting a battle for all of us. They get this. Levi has been picking up the slack. And what would you do if Malcolm did show up right now? You can’t bring him back while you battle The Master. You need to take a break, Kendall. You need it. Trust me.”
“I …” I had a rush of words I wanted to say. Instead, I didn’t speak at all. I let Victoria hold me. She was right. I needed … a break.
“I know, Kendall.” I didn’t know what she knew, but I was glad she knew it. “I’d take you back to the Other dimension, but you need to stay here to bring Malcolm back when he comes to you. You have to be here. There are shadows fighting in the house. Where is your hotel? Point in the general direction.”
Chapter Eleven
I sat in the hotel room listening to Victoria enthuse about her favorite store in the Domain. I was pretty sure she talked to fill the silence. Where was Malcolm? Had I killed him permanently? Had he moved on? Without me?
My head pounded. Victoria got up from where she lay next to me on the bed and walked into the bathroom. She returned carrying a glass of water, which she shoved in my face. I took it from her and drank the liquid down fast. The water did help my headache.
“Are you reading my mind?”
She shook her head. “No, your body language. You’re totally dehydrated. When was the last time you even ate something?”
“I …” Actually, I couldn’t remember. “I could eat something.”