Read Peter Simple; and, The Three Cutters, Vol. 1-2 Page 37


  Chapter XXXI

  Captain Kearney--The dignity ball.

  The next morning at daylight we exchanged numbers, and saluted the flag,and by eight o'clock they all anchored. Mr Falcon went on board theadmiral's ship with despatches, and to report the death of CaptainSavage. In about half an hour he returned, and we were glad to perceive,with a smile upon his face, from which we argued that he would receivehis acting order as commander, which was a question of some doubt, asthe admiral had the power to give the vacancy to whom he pleased,although it would not have been fair if he had not given it to MrFalcon; not that Mr Falcon would not have received his commission, asCaptain Savage dying when the ship was under no admiral's command, he_made himself_; but still the admiral might have sent him home, and nothave given him a ship. But this he did, the captain of the _Minerve_being appointed to the _Sanglier_, the captain of the _Opossum_ to the_Minerve_, and Captain Falcon taking command of the _Opossum_. Hereceived his commission that evening, and the next day the exchangeswere made. Captain Falcon would have taken me with him, and offered soto do; but I could not leave O'Brien, so I preferred remaining in the_Sanglier_.

  We were all anxious to know what sort of a person our new captain was,whose name was Kearney; but we had no time to ask the midshipmen, exceptwhen they came in charge of the boats which brought his luggage; theyreplied generally, that he was a very good sort of fellow, and there wasno harm in him. But when I had the night watch with Swinburne, he cameup to me, and said, "Well, Mr Simple, so we have a new captain. I sailedwith him for two years in a brig."

  "And pray, Swinburne, what sort of a person is he?"

  "Why, I'll tell you, Mr Simple: he's a good-tempered, kind fellowenough, but--"

  "But what?"

  "Such a _bouncer_!!"

  "How do you mean? He's not a very stout man."

  "Bless you, Mr Simple, why you don't understand English. I mean thathe's the greatest liar that ever walked a deck. Now, Mr Simple, you knowI can spin a yarn occasionally."

  "Yes, that you can, witness the hurricane the other night."

  "Well, Mr Simple, I cannot _hold a candle_ to him. It a'n't that I mightnot stretch now and then, just for fun, as far as he can, but, d----nit, he's always on the stretch. In fact, Mr Simple, he never tells thetruth except _by mistake_. He's as poor as a rat, and has nothing buthis pay; yet to believe him, he is worth at least as much as GreenwichHospital. But you'll soon find him out, and he'll sarve to laugh atbehind his back, you know, Mr Simple, for that's _no go_ before hisface."

  Captain Kearney made his appearance on board the next day. The men weremustered to receive him, and all the officers were on the quarter-deck."You've a fine set of marines here, Captain Falcon," observed he; "thoseI left on board of the _Minerve_ were only fit to be _hung_; and youhave a good show of reefers too--those I left in the _Minerve_ were not_worth hanging_. If you please, I'll read my commission, if you'll orderthe men aft." His commission was read, all hands with their hats offfrom respect to the authority from which it proceeded. "Now, my lads,"said Captain Kearney, addressing the ship's company, "I've but few wordsto say to you. I am appointed to command this ship, and you appear tohave a very good character from your late first lieutenant. All Irequest of you is this: be smart, keep sober, and always _tell thetruth_--that's enough. Pipe down. Gentlemen," continued he, addressingthe officers, "I trust that we shall be good friends; and I see noreason that it should be otherwise." He then turned away with a bow, andcalled his coxswain--"Williams, you'll go on board, and tell my stewardthat I have promised to dine with the governor to-day, and that he mustcome to dress me; and, coxswain, recollect to put the sheepskin mat onthe stern gratings of my gig--not the one I used to have when I was onshore in my _carriage_, but the blue one which was used for the_chariot_--you know which I mean." I happened to look Swinburne in theface, who cocked his eye at me, as much as to say--"There he goes." Weafterwards met the officers of the _Minerve_, who corroborated all thatSwinburne had said, although it was quite unnecessary, as we had thecaptain's own words every minute to satisfy us of the fact.

  Dinner parties were now very numerous, and the hospitality of the islandis but too well known. The invitations extended to the midshipmen, andmany was the good dinner and kind reception which I had during my stay.There was, however, one thing I had heard so much of, that I was anxiousto witness it, which was a _dignity ball_. But I must enter a littleinto explanation, or my readers will not understand me. The colouredpeople of Barbadoes, for reasons best known to themselves, areimmoderately proud, and look upon all the negroes who are born on otherislands as _niggers_; they have also an extraordinary idea of their ownbravery, although I never heard that it has ever been put to the proof.The free Barbadians are, most of them, very rich, and hold up theirheads as they walk with an air quite ridiculous. They ape the manners ofthe Europeans, at the same time that they appear to consider them asalmost their inferiors. Now, a _dignity_ ball is a ball given by themost consequential of their coloured people, and from the amusement andvarious other reasons, is generally well attended by the officers bothon shore and afloat. The price of the tickets of admission was high--Ithink they were half a joe, or eight dollars each.

  The governor sent out cards for a grand ball and supper for the ensuingweek, and Miss Betsy Austin, a quadroon woman, ascertaining the fact,sent out her cards for the same evening. This was not altogether in_rivalry_, but for another reason, which was, that she was aware thatmost of the officers and midshipmen of the ships would obtain permissionto go to the governor's ball, and, preferring hers, would slip away andjoin the party, by which means she ensured a full attendance.

  On the day of invitation our captain came on board, and told our newfirst lieutenant (of whom I shall say more hereafter) that the governorinsisted that all _his_ officers should go--that he would take nodenial, and, therefore, he presumed, go they must; that the fact was,that the governor was a _relation_ of his wife, and under some triflingobligations to him in obtaining for him his present command. Hecertainly had spoken to the _prime minister_, and he thought it notimpossible, considering the intimate terms which the minister and he hadbeen on from childhood, that his solicitation might have had someeffect; at all events, it was pleasant to find that there was somelittle gratitude left in this world. After this, of course, everyofficer went, with the exception of the master, who said that he'd assoon have two round turns in his hawse as go to see people kick theirlegs about like fools, and that he'd take care of the ship.

  The governor's ball was very splendid, but the ladies were rathersallow, from the effects of the climate. However, there were exceptions,and on the whole it was a very gay affair; but we were all anxious to goto the _dignity_ ball of Miss Betsy Austin. I slipped away with threeother midshipmen, and we soon arrived there. A crowd of negroes wereoutside of the house; but the ball had not yet commenced, from the wantof gentlemen, the ball being very correct, nothing under mulatto incolour being admitted. Perhaps I ought to say here, that the progeny ofa white and a negro is a mulatto, or half and half--of a white andmulatto, a _quadroon_, or one-quarter black, and of this class thecompany were chiefly composed. I believe a quadroon and white make the_mustee_ or one-eighth black, and the mustee and white the mustafina, orone-sixteenth black. After that, they are _whitewashed_, and consideredas Europeans. The pride of colour is very great in the West Indies, andthey have as many quarterings as a German prince in his coat of arms; aquadroon looks down upon a mulatto, while a mulatto looks down upon a_sambo_, that is, half mulatto half negro, while a sambo in his turnlooks down upon a _nigger_. The quadroons are certainly the handsomestrace of the whole, some of the women are really beautiful; their hair islong and perfectly straight, their eyes large and black, their figuresperfection, and you can see the colour mantle in their cheeks quite asplainly, and with as much effect, as in those of a European. We foundthe door of Miss Austin's house open, and ornamented with orangebranches, and on our presenting ourselves were accosted by a mulattogentleman, wh
o was, we presumed, "usher of the black rod." His head waswell powdered, he was dressed in white jean trousers, a waistcoat notsix inches long, and a half-worn post-captain's coat on, as a livery,With a low bow, he "took de liberty to trouble de gentlemen for de cardfor de ball," which being produced, we were ushered on by him to theball-room, at the door of which Miss Austin was waiting to receive hercompany. She made us a low courtesy, observing, "She really happy to seede _gentlemen_ of de ship, but hoped to see de _officers_ also at her_dignity_."

  This remark touched our _dignity_, and one of my companions replied,"That we midshipmen considered ourselves officers, and no _small_ oneseither, and that if she waited for the lieutenants she must wait untilthey were tired of the governor's ball, we having given the preferenceto hers." This remark set all to rights; sangaree was handed about, andI looked around at the company. I must acknowledge, at the risk oflosing the good opinion of my fair countrywomen, that I never saw beforeso many pretty figures and faces. The _officers_ not having yet arrived,we received all the attention, and I was successively presented to MissEurydice, Miss Minerva, Miss Sylvia, Miss Aspasia, Miss Euterpe, andmany others, evidently borrowed from the different men-of-war which hadbeen on the station. All these young ladies gave themselves all the airsof Almack's. Their dresses I cannot pretend to describe--jewels of valuewere not wanting, but their drapery was slight; they appeared neither towear nor to require stays, and on the whole, their figures were soperfect that they could only be ill dressed by having on too much dress.A few more midshipmen and some lieutenants (O'Brien among the number)having made their appearance, Miss Austin directed that the ball shouldcommence. I requested the honour of Miss Eurydice's hand in a cotillon,which was to open the ball. At this moment stepped forth the premierviolin, master of the ceremonies and ballet-master, Massa Johnson,really a very smart man, who gave lessons in dancing to all the "'Badianladies." He was a dark quadroon, his hair slightly powdered, dressed ina light blue coat thrown well back, to show his lily-white waistcoat,only one button of which he could afford to button to make full room forthe pride of his heart, the frill of his shirt, which really was _unJabot superb_, four inches wide, and extending from his collar to thewaistband of his nankeen tights, which were finished off at his kneeswith huge bunches of ribbon; his legs were encased in silk stockings,which, however, was not very good taste on his part, as they showed themanifest advantage which an European has over a coloured man in theformation of the leg: instead of being straight, his shins curved like acheese-knife, and, moreover, his leg was planted into his foot like thehandle into a broom or scrubbing-brush, there being quite as much of thefoot on the heel side as on the toe side. Such was the appearance of MrApollo Johnson, whom the ladies considered as the _ne plus ultra _offashion, and the _arbiter elegantiarum_. His _bow-tick_, orfiddle-stick, was his wand, whose magic rap on the fiddle producedimmediate obedience to his mandates. "Ladies and gentle, take yourseats." All started up. "Miss Eurydice, you open de ball."

  Miss Eurydice had but a sorry partner, but she undertook to instruct me.O'Brien was our _vis-a-vis_ with Miss Euterpe. The other gentlemen wereofficers from the ships, and we stood up twelve, checkered brown andwhite, like a chess-board. All eyes were fixed upon Mr Apollo Johnson,who first looked at the couples, then at his fiddle, and lastly, at theother musicians, to see if all was right, and then with a wave of his_bow-tick_ the music began. "Massa lieutenant," cried Apollo to O'Brien,"cross over to opposite lady, right hand and left, den figure to MissEurydice--dat right; now four hand round. You lilly midshipman, set yourpartner, sir; den twist her round; dat do; now stop. First figure allover."

  At this time I thought I might venture to talk a little with my partner,and I ventured a remark; to my surprise she answered very sharply, "Icome here for dance, sar, and not for chatter; look, Massa Johnson, hetap um bow-tick."

  The second figure commenced, and I made a sad bungle; so I did of thethird, and fourth, and fifth, for I never had danced a cotillon. When Ihanded my partner to her place, who certainly was the prettiest girl inthe room, she looked rather contemptuously at me, and observed to aneighbour, "I really pity de gentleman as come from England dat no knowhow to dance nor nothing at all, until em hab instruction at Barbadoes."

  A country dance was now called for, which was more acceptable to allparties, as none of Mr Apollo Johnson's pupils were very perfect intheir cotillon, and none of the officers, except O'Brien, knew anythingabout them. O'Brien's superior education on this point, added to hislieutenant's epaulet and handsome person, made him much courted; but hetook up with Miss Eurydice after I had left her, and remained with herthe whole evening; thereby exciting the jealousy of Mr Apollo Johnson,who, it appears, was amorous in that direction. Our party increasedevery minute; all the officers of the garrison, and, finally, as soon asthey could get away, the governor's aid-de-camps, all dressed in _mufti_(i.e., plain clothes). The dancing continued until three o'clock in themorning, when it was quite a squeeze, from the constant arrival of freshrecruits from all the houses of Barbadoes. I must say, that a fewbottles of eau de Cologne thrown about the room would have improved theatmosphere. By this time the heat was terrible, and the _mopping_ of theladies' faces everlasting. I would recommend a DIGNITY ball to all stoutgentlemen who wish to be reduced a stone or two. Supper was nowannounced, and having danced the last country dance with Miss Minerva, Iof course had the pleasure of handing her into the supper-room. It wasmy fate to sit opposite to a fine turkey, and I asked my partner if Ishould have the pleasure of helping her to a piece of the breast. Shelooked at me very indignantly, and said, "Curse your impudence, sar, Iwonder where you larn manners. Sar, I take a lilly turkey _bosom_, ifyou please. Talk of _breast_ to a lady, sar;--really quite _horrid_." Imade two or three more barbarous mistakes before the supper wasfinished. At last the eating was over, and I must say a better supper Inever sat down to. "Silence, gentlemen and ladies," cried Mr ApolloJohnson. "Wid the permission of our amiable hostess, I will propose atoast. Gentlemen and ladies--You all know, and if be so you don't, I saythat there no place in the world like Barbadoes. All de world fightagainst England, but England nebber fear; King George nebber fear, while_Barbadoes 'tand 'tiff_. 'Badian fight for King George to last drop ofhim blood. Nebber see the day 'Badian run away; you all know demFrenchmans at San Lucee, give up Morne Fortunee, when he hear de 'Badianvolunteer come against him. I hope no 'fence present company, but umsorry to say English come here too jealous of 'Badians. Gentlemen andlady--Barbadian born ab only one fault--he _really too brave_. I proposehealth of 'Island of Barbadoes.'" Acclamations from all quartersfollowed this truly modest speech, and the toast was drunk with rapture;the ladies were delighted with Mr Apollo's eloquence, and the lead whichhe took in the company.

  O'Brien then rose and addressed the company as follows:--

  "Ladies and gentlemen--Mr Poll has spoken better than the best parrot Iever met with in this country, but as he has thought proper to drink the'Island of Barbadoes,' I mean to be a little more particular. I wish,with him, all good health to the island; but there is a charm withoutwhich the island would be a desert--that is, the society of the lovelygirls which now surround us, and take our hearts by storm--" (hereO'Brien put his arm gently round Miss Eurydice's waist, and Mr Apolloground his teeth so as to be heard at the furthest end of the room)"--therefore, gentlemen, with your permission, I will propose the health ofthe ''Badian Ladies.'" This speech of O'Brien's was declared, by thefemales at least, to be infinitely superior to Mr Apollo Johnson's. MissEurydice was even more gracious, and the other ladies were more envious.

  Many other toasts and much more wine was drunk, until the male part ofthe company appeared to be rather riotous. Mr Apollo, however, had toregain his superiority, and after some hems and hahs, begged permissionto give a sentiment. "Gentlemen and ladies, I beg then to say--

  "Here's to de cock who make lub to de hen, Crow till he hoarse and make lub again."

  This _sentiment_ was received with rapture; and after silence
wasobtained, Miss Betsy Austin rose and said--"Unaccustomed as she was topublic 'peaking, she must not sit 'till and not tank de gentleman forhis very fine toast, and in de name of de ladies she begged to proposeanother sentimen', which was--

  "Here to de hen what nebber refuses, Let cock pay compliment whenebber he chooses."

  If the first toast was received with applause, this was with enthusiasm;but we received a damper after it was subsided, by the lady of the housegetting up and saying--"Now, gentlemen and ladies, me tink it right tosay dat it time to go home; I nebber allow people get drunk or kick upbobbery in my house, so now I tink we better take parting-glass, andvery much obliged to you for your company."

  As O'Brien said, this was a broad hint to be off, so we all now took ourparting-glass, in compliance with her request, and our own wishes, andproceeded to escort our partners on their way home. While I wasassisting Miss Minerva to her red crape shawl, a storm was brewing inanother quarter, to wit, between Mr Apollo Johnson and O'Brien. O'Brienwas assiduously attending to Miss Eurydice, whispering what he calledsoft blarney in her ear, when Mr Apollo, who was above spirit-boilingheat with jealousy, came up, and told Miss Eurydice that he would havethe honour of escorting her home.

  "You may save yourself the trouble, you dingy gut-scraper," repliedO'Brien; "the lady is under my protection, so take your ugly black faceout of the way, or I'll show you how I treat a ''Badian who is reallytoo brave.'"

  "So 'elp me Gad, Massa Lieutenant, 'pose you put finger on me, I showyou what 'Badian can do."

  Apollo then attempted to insert himself between O'Brien and his lady,upon which O'Brien shoved him back with great violence, and continuedhis course towards the door. They were in the passage when I came up,for hearing O'Brien's voice in anger, I left Miss Minerva to shift forherself.

  Miss Eurydice had now left O'Brien's arm, at his request, and he and MrApollo were standing in the passage, O'Brien close to the door, whichwas shut, and Apollo swaggering up to him. O'Brien, who knew the tenderpart of a black, saluted Apollo with a kick on the shins which wouldhave broken my leg. Massa Johnson roared with pain, and recoiled two orthree paces, parting the crowd away behind him. The blacks never fightwith fists, but butt with their heads like rams, and with quite as muchforce. When Mr Apollo had retreated, he gave his shin one more rub,uttered a loud yell, and started at O'Brien, with his head aimed atO'Brien's chest, like a battering-ram. O'Brien, who was aware of thisplan of fighting, stepped dexterously on one side, and allowed Mr Apolloto pass by him, which he did with such force, that his head went cleanthrough the panel of the door behind O'Brien, and there he stuck as fastas if in a pillory, squeaking like a pig for assistance, and foamingwith rage. After some difficulty he was released, and presented a verymelancholy figure. His face was much cut, and his superb _Jabot_ all intatters; he appeared, however, to have had quite enough of it, as heretreated to the supper-room, followed by some of his admirers, withoutasking or looking after O'Brien.

  But if Mr Apollo had had enough of it, his friends were too indignant toallow us to go off scot free. A large mob was collected in the street,vowing vengeance on us for our treatment of their flash man, and a rowwas to be expected. Miss Eurydice had escaped, so that O'Brien had hishands free. "Cam out, you hangman tiefs, cam out; only wish had rockstones, to mash your heads with," cried the mob of negroes. The officersnow sallied out in a body, and were saluted with every variety ofmissile, such as rotten oranges, cabbage-stalks, mud, and cocoa-nutshells. We fought our way manfully, but as we neared the beach the mobincreased to hundreds, and at last we could proceed no further, beingcompletely jammed up by the niggers, upon whose heads we could make nomore impression than upon blocks of marble. "We must draw our swords,"observed an officer. "No, no," replied O'Brien, "that will not do; ifonce we shed blood, they will never let us get on board with our lives.The boat's crew by this time must be aware that there is a row." O'Brienwas right. He had hardly spoken, before a lane was observed to be madethrough the crowd in the distance, which in two minutes was open to us.Swinburne appeared in the middle of it, followed by the rest of theboat's crew, armed with the boat's stretchers, which they did not aim atthe _heads_ of the blacks, but swept them like scythes against their_shins_. This they continued to do, right and left of us, as we walkedthrough and went down to the boats, the seamen closing up the rear withtheir stretchers, with which they ever and anon made a sweep at theblack fellows if they approached too near. It was now broad daylight,and in a few minutes we were again safely on board the frigate. Thusended the first and last dignity ball that I attended.