CHAPTER XXII
He was a fellow in a peasant's garb; Yet one could censure you a woodcock's carving. Like any courtier at the ordinary. --THE ORDINARY.
The person who appeared at the door of the little inn to receiveGanlesse, as we mentioned in our last chapter, sung, as he came forward,this scrap of an old ballad,--
"Good even to you, Diccon; And how have you sped; Bring you the bonny bride To banquet and bed?"
To which Ganlesse answered, in the same tone and tune,--
"Content thee, kind Robin; He need little care, Who brings home a fat buck Instead of a hare."
"You have missed your blow, then?" said the other, in reply.
"I tell you I have not," answered Ganlesse; "but you will think ofnought but your own thriving occupation--May the plague that belongs toit stick to it! though it hath been the making of thee."
"A man must live, Diccon Ganlesse," said the other.
"Well, well," said Ganlesse, "bid my friend welcome, for my sake. Hastthou got any supper?"
"Reeking like a sacrifice--Chaubert has done his best. That fellow is atreasure! give him a farthing candle, and he will cook a good supperout of it.--Come in, sir. My friend's friend is welcome, as we say in mycountry."
"We must have our horses looked to first," said Peveril, who began tobe considerably uncertain about the character of his companions--"thatdone, I am for you."
Ganlesse gave a second whistle; a groom appeared, who took charge ofboth their horses, and they themselves entered the inn.
The ordinary room of a poor inn seemed to have undergone somealterations, to render it fit for company of a higher description. Therewere a beaufet, a couch, and one or two other pieces of furniture, ofa style inconsistent with the appearance of the place. The tablecloth,which was already laid, was of the finest damask; and the spoons,forks, &c., were of silver. Peveril looked at this apparatus with somesurprise; and again turning his eyes attentively upon his travellingcompanion, Ganlesse, he could not help discovering (by the aid ofimagination, perhaps), that though insignificant in person, plain infeatures, and dressed like one in indigence, there lurked still abouthis person and manners, that indefinable ease of manner which belongsonly to men of birth and quality, or to those who are in the constanthabit of frequenting the best company. His companion, whom he calledWill Smith, although tall and rather good-looking, besides beingmuch better dressed, had not, nevertheless, exactly the same ease ofdemeanour; and was obliged to make up for the want, by an additionalproportion of assurance. Who these two persons could be, Peveril couldnot attempt even to form a guess. There was nothing for it but to watchtheir manner and conversation.
After speaking a moment in whispers, Smith said to his companion, "Wemust go look after our nags for ten minutes, and allow Chaubert to dohis office."
"Will not he appear, and minister before us, then?" said Ganlesse.
"What! he?--he shift a trencher--he hand a cup?--No, you forget whomyou speak of. Such an order were enough to make him fall on his ownsword--he is already on the borders of despair, because no craw-fish areto be had."
"Alack-a day!" replied Ganlesse. "Heaven forbid I should add to sucha calamity! To stable, then, and see we how our steeds eat theirprovender, while ours is getting ready."
They adjourned to the stable accordingly, which, though a poor one, hadbeen hastily supplied with whatever was necessary for the accommodationof four excellent horses; one of which, that from which Ganlesse wasjust dismounted, the groom we have mentioned was cleaning and dressingby the light of a huge wax-candle.
"I am still so far Catholic," said Ganlesse, laughing, as he saw thatPeveril noticed this piece of extravagance. "My horse is my saint, and Idedicate a candle to him."
"Without asking so great a favour for mine, which I see standing behindyonder old hen-coop," replied Peveril, "I will at least relieve him ofhis saddle and bridle."
"Leave him to the lad of the inn," said Smith; "he is not worthy of anyother person's handling; and I promise you, if you slip a single buckle,you will so flavour of that stable duty, that you might as well eatroast-beef as ragouts, for any relish you will have of them."
"I love roast-beef as well as ragouts, at any time," said Peveril,adjusting himself to a task which every young man should know how toperform when need is; "and my horse, though it be but a sorry jade, willchamp better on hay and corn, than on an iron bit."
While he was unsaddling his horse, and shaking down some litter for thepoor wearied animal, he heard Smith observe to Ganlesse,--"By my faith,Dick, thou hast fallen into poor Slender's blunder; missed Anne Page,and brought us a great lubberly post-master's boy."
"Hush, he will hear thee," answered Ganlesse; "there are reasons for allthings--it is well as it is. But, prithee, tell thy fellow to help theyoungster."
"What!" replied Smith, "d'ye think I am mad?--Ask Tom Beacon--Tom ofNewmarket--Tom of ten thousand, to touch such a four-legged brute asthat?--Why, he would turn me away on the spot--discard me, i'faith. Itwas all he would do to take in hand your own, my good friend; and if youconsider him not the better, you are like to stand groom to him yourselfto-morrow."
"Well, Will," answered Ganlesse, "I will say that for thee, thou hast aset of the most useless, scoundrelly, insolent vermin about thee, thatever ate up a poor gentleman's revenues."
"Useless? I deny it," replied Smith. "Every one of my fellows doessomething or other so exquisitely, that it were sin to make him doanything else--it is your jacks-of-all-trades who are masters ofnone.--But hark to Chaubert's signal. The coxcomb is twangling it on thelute, to the tune of _Eveillez-vous, belle endormie_.--Come, Master Whatd'ye call (addressing Peveril),--get ye some water, and wash this filthywitness from your hand, as Betterton says in the play; for Chaubert'scookery is like Friar Bacon's Head--time is--time was--time will soon beno more."
So saying, and scarce allowing Julian time to dip his hands in a bucket,and dry them on a horse-cloth, he hurried him from the stable back tothe supper-chamber.
Here all was prepared for their meal, with an epicurean delicacy, whichrather belonged to the saloon of a palace, than the cabin in which itwas displayed. Four dishes of silver, with covers of the same metal,smoked on the table; and three seats were placed for the company.Beside the lower end of the board, was a small side-table, to answerthe purpose of what is now called a dumb waiter; on which several flasksreared their tall, stately, and swan-like crests, above glasses andrummers. Clean covers were also placed within reach; and a smalltravelling-case of morocco, hooped with silver, displayed a number ofbottles, containing the most approved sauces that culinary ingenuity hadthen invented.
Smith, who occupied the lower seat, and seemed to act as president ofthe feast, motioned the two travellers to take their places and begin."I would not stay a grace-time," he said, "to save a whole nation fromperdition. We could bring no chauffettes with any convenience; and evenChaubert is nothing, unless his dishes are tasted in the very momentof projection. Come, uncover, and let us see what he has done forus.--Hum!--ha!--ay--squab-pigeons--wildfowl--young chickens--venisoncutlets--and a space in the centre, wet, alas! by a gentle tear fromChaubert's eye, where should have been the _soupe aux ecrevisses_.The zeal of that poor fellow is ill repaid by his paltry ten louis permonth."
"A mere trifle," said Ganlesse; "but, like yourself, Will, he serves agenerous master."
The repast now commenced; and Julian, though he had seen his youngfriend the Earl of Derby, and other gallants, affect a considerabledegree of interest and skill in the science of the kitchen, and was nothimself either an enemy or a stranger to the pleasures of a good table,found that, on the present occasion, he was a mere novice. Both hiscompanions, but Smith in especial, seemed to consider that they were nowengaged in the only true business of life; and weighed all its minutiaewith a proportional degree of accuracy. To carve the morsel in the mostdelicate manner--and to apportion the prope
r seasoning with the accuracyof the chemist,--to be aware, exactly, of the order in which one dishshould succeed another, and to do plentiful justice to all--was aminuteness of science to which Julian had hitherto been a stranger.Smith accordingly treated him as a mere novice in epicurism, cautioninghim to eat his soup before the bouilli, and to forget the Manx customof bolting the boiled meat before the broth, as if Cutlar MacCulloch andall his whingers were at the door. Peveril took the hint in good part,and the entertainment proceeded with animation.
At length Ganlesse paused, and declared the supper exquisite. "But, myfriend Smith," he added, "are your wines curious? When you brought allthat trash of plates and trumpery into Derbyshire, I hope you did notleave us at the mercy of the strong ale of the shire, as thick and muddyas the squires who drink it?"
"Did I not know that _you_ were to meet me, Dick Ganlesse?" answeredtheir host. "And can you suspect me of such an omission? It is true,you must make champagne and claret serve, for my burgundy would not beartravelling. But if you have a fancy for sherry, or Vin de Cahors, Ihave a notion Chaubert and Tom Beacon have brought some for their owndrinking."
"Perhaps the gentlemen would not care to impart," said Ganlesse.
"Oh, fie!--anything in the way of civility," replied Smith. "They are,in truth, the best-natured lads alive, when treated respectfully; sothat if you would prefer----"
"By no means," said Ganlesse--"a glass of champagne will serve in ascarcity of better."
"The cork shall start obsequious to my thumb."
said Smith; and as he spoke, he untwisted the wire, and the cork struckthe roof of the cabin. Each guest took a large rummer glass of thesparkling beverage, which Peveril had judgment and experience enough topronounce exquisite.
"Give me your hand, sir," said Smith; "it is the first word of sense youhave spoken this evening."
"Wisdom, sir," replied Peveril, "is like the best ware in the pedlar'spack, which he never produces till he knows his customer."
"Sharp as mustard," returned the _bon vivant_; "but be wise, most noblepedlar, and take another rummer of this same flask, which you see Ihave held in an oblique position for your service--not permitting itto retrograde to the perpendicular. Nay, take it off before the bubblebursts on the rim, and the zest is gone."
"You do me honour, sir," said Peveril, taking the second glass. "I wishyou a better office than that of my cup-bearer."
"You cannot wish Will Smith one more congenial to his nature," saidGanlesse. "Others have a selfish delight in the objects of sense, Willthrives, and is happy by imparting them to his friends."
"Better help men to pleasures than to pains, Master Ganlesse," answeredSmith, somewhat angrily.
"Nay, wrath thee not, Will," said Ganlesse; "and speak no words inhaste, lest you may have cause to repent at leisure. Do I blame thysocial concern for the pleasures of others? Why, man, thou dost thereinmost philosophically multiply thine own. A man has but one throat, andcan but eat, with his best efforts, some five or six times a day; butthou dinest with every friend that cuts a capon, and art quaffing winein other men's gullets, from morning to night--_et sic de caeteris_."
"Friend Ganlesse," returned Smith, "I prithee beware--thou knowest I cancut gullets as well as tickle them."
"Ay, Will," answered Ganlesse carelessly; "I think I have seen thee wavethy whinyard at the throat of a Hogan-Mogan--a Netherlandishweasand, which expanded only on thy natural and mortal objects ofaversion,--Dutch cheese, rye-bread, pickled herring, onion, and Geneva."
"For pity's sake, forbear the description!" said Smith; "thy wordsoverpower the perfumes, and flavour the apartment like a dish ofsalmagundi!"
"But for an epiglottis like mine," continued Ganlesse, "down which themost delicate morsels are washed by such claret as thou art now pouringout, thou couldst not, in thy bitterest mood, wish a worse fate than tobe necklaced somewhat tight by a pair of white arms."
"By a tenpenny cord," answered Smith; "but not till you were dead; thatthereafter you be presently embowelled, you being yet alive; thatyour head be then severed from your body, and your body divided intoquarters, to be disposed of at his Majesty's pleasure.--How like youthat, Master Richard Ganlesse?"
"E'en as you like the thoughts of dining on bran-bread andmilk-porridge--an extremity which you trust never to be reduced to.But all this shall not prevent me from pledging you in a cup of soundclaret."
As the claret circulated, the glee of the company increased; and Smithplacing the dishes which had been made use of upon the side-table,stamped with his foot on the floor, and the table sinking down a trap,again rose, loaded with olives, sliced neat's tongue, caviare, and otherprovocatives for the circulation of the bottle.
"Why, Will," said Ganlesse, "thou art a more complete mechanist than Isuspected; thou hast brought thy scene-shifting inventions to Derbyshirein marvellously short time."
"A rope and pullies can be easily come by," answered Will; "and with asaw and a plane, I can manage that business in half a day. I love theknack of clean and secret conveyance--thou knowest it was the foundationof my fortunes."
"It may be the wreck of them too, Will," replied his friend.
"True, Diccon," answered Will; "but, _dum vivimus, vivamus_,--that is mymotto; and therewith I present you a brimmer to the health of the fairlady you wot of."
"Let it come, Will," replied his friend; and the flask circulatedbriskly from hand to hand.
Julian did not think it prudent to seem a check on their festivity, ashe hoped in its progress something might occur to enable him to judgeof the character and purposes of his companions. But he watched themin vain. Their conversation was animated and lively, and often borereference to the literature of the period, in which the elder seemedparticularly well skilled. They also talked freely of the Court, and ofthat numerous class of gallants who were then described as "men ofwit and pleasure about town;" and to which it seemed probable theythemselves appertained.
At length the universal topic of the Popish Plot was started; uponwhich Ganlesse and Smith seemed to entertain the most opposite opinions.Ganlesse, if he did not maintain the authority of Oates in its utmostextent, contended, that at least it was confirmed in a great measureby the murder of Sir Edmondsbury Godfrey, and the letters written byColeman to the confessor of the French King.
With much more noise, and less power of reasoning, Will Smith hesitatednot to ridicule and run down the whole discovery, as one of the wildestand most causeless alarms which had ever been sounded in the ears of acredulous public. "I shall never forget," he said, "Sir Godfrey'smost original funeral. Two bouncing parsons, well armed with sword andpistol, mounted the pulpit, to secure the third fellow who preached frombeing murdered in the face of the congregation. Three parsons in onepulpit--three suns in one hemisphere--no wonder men stood aghast at sucha prodigy."
"What then, Will," answered his companion, "you are one of those whothink the good knight murdered himself, in order to give credit to thePlot?"
"By my faith, not I," said the other; "but some true blue Protestantmight do the job for him, in order to give the thing a better colour.--Iwill be judged by our silent friend, whether that be not the mostfeasible solution of the whole."
"I pray you, pardon me, gentlemen," said Julian; "I am but just landedin England, and am a stranger to the particular circumstances which havethrown the nation into such a ferment. It would be the highest degreeof assurance in me to give my opinion betwixt gentlemen who argue thematter so ably; besides, to say truth, I confess weariness--your wine ismore potent than I expected, or I have drunk more of it than I meant todo."
"Nay, if an hour's nap will refresh you," said the elder of thestrangers, "make no ceremony with us. Your bed--all we can offer assuch--is that old-fashioned Dutch-built sofa, as the last new phrasecalls it. We shall be early stirrers tomorrow morning."
"And that we may be so," said Smith, "I propose that we do sit up allthis night--I hate lying rough, and detest a pallet-bed. So have atanother flask, and the newest
lampoon to help it out--
'Now a plague of their votes Upon Papists and Plots, And be d--d Doctor Oates. Tol de rol.'"
"Nay, but our Puritanic host," said Ganlesse.
"I have him in my pocket, man--his eyes, ears, nose, and tongue,"answered his boon companion, "are all in my possession."
"In that case, when you give him back his eyes and nose, I pray you keephis ears and tongue," answered Ganlesse. "Seeing and smelling are organssufficient for such a knave--to hear and tell are things he should haveno manner of pretensions to."
"I grant you it were well done," answered Smith; "but it were a robbingof the hangman and the pillory; and I am an honest fellow, who wouldgive Dun[*] and the devil his due. So,
'All joy to great Caesar, Long life, love, and pleasure; May the King live for ever, 'Tis no matter for us, boys.'"
[*] Dun was the hangman of the day at Tyburn. He was successor of Gregory Brunden, who was by many believed to be the same who dropped the axe upon Charles I., though others were suspected of being the actual regicide.
While this Bacchanalian scene proceeded, Julian had wrapt himselfclosely in his cloak, and stretched himself on the couch which they hadshown him. He looked towards the table he had left--the tapers seemed tobecome hazy and dim as he gazed--he heard the sound of voices, butthey ceased to convey any impression to his understanding; and in a fewminutes, he was faster asleep than he had ever been in the whole courseof his life.