CHAPTER XL
----Contentious fierce, Ardent, and dire, spring from no petty cause. --ALBION.
The quarrels between man and wife are proverbial; but let not thesehonest folks think that connections of a less permanent nature arefree from similar jars. The frolic of the Duke of Buckingham, and thesubsequent escape of Alice Bridgenorth, had kindled fierce dissension inChiffinch's family, when, on his arrival in town, he learned these twostunning events: "I tell you," he said to his obliging helpmate, whoseemed but little moved by all that he could say on the subject, "thatyour d--d carelessness has ruined the work of years."
"I think it is the twentieth time you have said so," replied the dame;"and without such frequent assurance, I was quite ready to believe thata very trifling matter would overset any scheme of yours, however longthought of."
"How on earth could you have the folly to let the Duke into the housewhen you expected the King?" said the irritated courtier.
"Lord, Chiffinch," answered the lady, "ought not you to ask the porterrather than me, that sort of question?--I was putting on my cap toreceive his Majesty."
"With the address of a madge-howlet," said Chiffinch, "and in themeanwhile you gave the cat the cream to keep."
"Indeed, Chiffinch," said the lady, "these jaunts to the country dorender you excessively vulgar! there is a brutality about your veryboots! nay, your muslin ruffles, being somewhat soiled, give to yourknuckles a sort of rural rusticity, as I may call it."
"It were a good deed," muttered Chiffinch, "to make both boots andknuckles bang the folly and affectation out of thee." Then speakingaloud, he added, like a man who would fain break off an argument, byextorting from his adversary a confession that he has reason on hisside, "I am sure, Kate, you must be sensible that our all depends on hisMajesty's pleasure."
"Leave that to me," said she; "I know how to pleasure his Majesty betterthan you can teach me. Do you think his Majesty is booby enough to crylike a schoolboy because his sparrow has flown away? His Majesty hasbetter taste. I am surprised at you, Chiffinch," she added, drawingherself up, "who were once thought to know the points of a fine woman,that you should have made such a roaring about this country wench. Why,she has not even the country quality of being plump as a barn-door fowl,but is more like a Dunstable lark, that one must crack bones and allif you would make a mouthful of it. What signifies whence she came, orwhere she goes? There will be those behind that are much more worthyof his Majesty's condescending attention, even when the Duchess ofPortsmouth takes the frumps."
"You mean your neighbour, Mistress Nelly," said her worthy helpmate;"but Kate, her date is out. Wit she has, let her keep herself warm withit in worse company, for the cant of a gang of strollers is not languagefor a prince's chamber."[*]
[*] In Evelyn's Memoirs is the following curious passage respecting Nell Gwyn, who is hinted at in the text:--"I walked with him [King Charles II.] through Saint James Park to the garden, where I both saw and heard a very familiar discourse between... [_the King_] and Mrs. Nelly, as they called her, an intimate comedian, she looking out of her garden on a terrace at the top of the wall, and [_the King_] standing on the green walk under it. I was heartily sorry at this scene."--EVELYN'S _Memoirs_, vol. i. p.413.
"It is no matter what I mean, or whom I mean," said Mrs. Chiffinch; "butI tell you, Tom Chiffinch, that you will find your master quite consoledfor loss of the piece of prudish puritanism that you would need saddlehim with; as if the good man were not plagued enough with themin Parliament, but you must, forsooth, bring them into his verybedchamber."
"Well, Kate," said Chiffinch, "if a man were to speak all the sense ofthe seven wise masters, a woman would find nonsense enough to overwhelmhim with; so I shall say no more, but that I would to Heaven I may findthe King in no worse humour than you describe him. I am commanded toattend him down the river to the Tower to-day, where he is to make somesurvey of arms and stores. They are clever fellows who contrive to keepRowley from engaging in business, for, by my word, he has a turn forit."
"I warrant you," said Chiffinch the female, nodding, but rather to herown figure, reflected from a mirror, than to her politic husband,--"Iwarrant you we will find means of occupying him that will sufficientlyfill up his time."
"On my honour, Kate," said the male Chiffinch, "I find you strangelyaltered, and, to speak truth, grown most extremely opinionative. I shallbe happy if you have good reason for your confidence."
The dame smiled superciliously, but deigned no other answer, unless thiswere one,--"I shall order a boat to go upon the Thames to-day with theroyal party."
"Take care what you do, Kate; there are none dare presume so far butwomen of the first rank. Duchess of Bolton--of Buckingham--of----"
"Who cares for a list of names? why may not I be as forward as thegreatest B. amongst your string of them?"
"Nay, faith, thou mayest match the greatest B. in Court already,"answered Chiffinch; "so e'en take thy own course of it. But do not letChaubert forget to get some collation ready, and a _souper au petitcouvert_, in case it should be commanded for the evening."
"Ay, there your boasted knowledge of Court matters begins andends.--Chiffinch, Chaubert, and Company;--dissolve that partnership, andyou break Tom Chiffinch for a courtier."
"Amen, Kate," replied Chiffinch; "and let me tell you it is as safeto rely on another person's fingers as on our own wit. But I must giveorders for the water.--If you will take the pinnace, there are thecloth-of-gold cushions in the chapel may serve to cover the benches forthe day. They are never wanted where they lie, so you may make free withthem too."
Madam Chiffinch accordingly mingled with the flotilla which attended theKing on his voyage down the Thames, amongst whom was the Queen,attended by some of the principal ladies of the Court. The little plumpCleopatra, dressed to as much advantage as her taste could devise, andseated upon her embroidered cushions like Venus in her shell, neglectednothing that effrontery and minauderie could perform to draw uponherself some portion of the King's observation; but Charles was not inthe vein, and did not even pay her the slightest passing attention ofany kind, until her boatmen having ventured to approach nearer to theQueen's barge than etiquette permitted, received a peremptory order toback their oars, and fall out of the royal procession. Madam Chiffinchcried for spite, and transgressed Solomon's warning, by cursing the Kingin her heart; but had no better course than to return to Westminster,and direct Chaubert's preparations for the evening.
In the meantime the royal barge paused at the Tower; and, accompaniedby a laughing train of ladies and of courtiers, the gay Monarch made theechoes of the old prison-towers ring with the unwonted sounds of mirthand revelry. As they ascended from the river-side to the centre of thebuilding, where the fine old keep of William the Conqueror, called theWhite Tower, predominates over the exterior defences, Heaven only knowshow many gallant jests, good or bad, were run on the comparison of hisMajesty's state-prison to that of Cupid, and what killing similes weredrawn between the ladies' eyes and the guns of the fortress, which,spoken with a fashionable congee, and listened to with a smile from afair lady, formed the fine conversations of the day.
This gay swarm of flutterers did not, however, attend close on theKing's person, though they had accompanied him upon his party on theriver. Charles, who often formed manly and sensible resolutions, thoughhe was too easily diverted from them by indolence or pleasure, hadsome desire to make himself personally acquainted with the state ofthe military stores, arms, &c. of which the Tower was then, as now, themagazine; and, although he had brought with him the usual number ofhis courtiers, only three or four attended him on the scrutiny which heintended. Whilst, therefore, the rest of the train amused themselvesas they might in other parts of the Tower, the King, accompanied by theDukes of Buckingham, Ormond, and one or two others, walked through thewell-known hall, in which is preserved the most splendid magazine ofarms in the world, and whi
ch, though far from exhibiting its presentextraordinary state of perfection, was even then an arsenal worthy ofthe great nation to which it belonged.
The Duke of Ormond, well known for his services during the Great CivilWar, was, as we have elsewhere noticed, at present rather on cold termswith his Sovereign, who nevertheless asked his advice on many occasions,and who required it on the present amongst others, when it was not alittle feared that the Parliament, in their zeal for the Protestantreligion, might desire to take the magazines of arms and ammunitionunder their own exclusive orders. While Charles sadly hinted at such atermination of the popular jealousies of the period, and discussed withOrmond the means of resisting, or evading it, Buckingham, falling alittle behind, amused himself with ridiculing the antiquated appearanceand embarrassed demeanour of the old warder who attended on theoccasion, and who chanced to be the very same who escorted JulianPeveril to his present place of confinement. The Duke prosecuted hisraillery with the greater activity, that he found the old man, thoughrestrained by the place and presence, was rather upon the whole testy,and disposed to afford what sportsmen call _play_ to his persecutor.The various pieces of ancient armour, with which the wall was covered,afforded the principal source of the Duke's wit, as he insisted uponknowing from the old man, who, he said, could best remember mattersfrom the days of King Arthur downwards at the least, the history of thedifferent warlike weapons, and anecdotes of the battles in which theyhad been wielded. The old man obviously suffered, when he was obliged,by repeated questions, to tell the legends (often sufficiently absurd)which the tradition of the place had assigned to particular relics. Farfrom flourishing his partisan, and augmenting the emphasis of his voice,as was and is the prevailing fashion of these warlike Ciceroni, it wasscarcely possible to extort from him a single word concerning thosetopics on which their information is usually overflowing.
"Do you know, my friend," said the Duke to him at last, "I begin tochange my mind respecting you. I supposed you must have served as aYeoman of the Guard since bluff King Henry's time, and expected to hearsomething from you about the Field of the Cloth of Gold,--and I thoughtof asking you the colour of Anne Bullen's breastknot, which cost thePope three kingdoms; but I am afraid you are but a novice in suchrecollections of love and chivalry. Art sure thou didst not creep intothy warlike office from some dark shop in Tower-Hamlets, and thatthou hast not converted an unlawful measuring-yard into that glorioushalberd?--I warrant thou canst not even tell you whom this piece ofantique panoply pertained to?"
The Duke pointed at random to a cuirass which hung amongst others, butwas rather remarkable from being better cleansed.
"I should know that piece of iron," said the warder bluntly, yet withsome change in his voice; "for I have known a man within side of itwho would not have endured half the impertinence I have heard spokento-day."
The tone of the old man, as well as the words, attracted the attentionof Charles and the Duke of Ormond, who were only two steps before thespeaker. They both stopped, and turned round; the former saying at thesame time,--"how now, sirrah!--what answers are these?--What man do youspeak of?"
"Of one who is none now," said the warder, "whatever he may have been."
"The old man surely speaks of himself," said the Duke of Ormond, closelyexamining the countenance of the warder, which he in vain endeavouredto turn away. "I am sure I remember these features--Are not you my oldfriend, Major Coleby?"
"I wish your Grace's memory had been less accurate," said the old man,colouring deeply, and fixing his eyes on the ground.
The King was greatly shocked.--"Good God!" he said, "the gallant MajorColeby, who joined us with his four sons and a hundred and fifty men atWarrington!--And is this all we could do for an old Worcester friend?"
The tears rushed thick into the old man's eyes as he said in brokenaccents, "Never mind me, sire; I am well enough here--a worn-out soldierrusting among old armour. Where one old Cavalier is better, there aretwenty worse.--I am sorry your Majesty should know anything of it, sinceit grieves you."
With that kindness, which was a redeeming point of his character,Charles, while the old man was speaking, took the partisan from him withhis own hand, and put it into that of Buckingham, saying, "What Coleby'shand has borne, can disgrace neither yours nor mine,--and you owe himthis atonement. Time has been with him, that, for less provocation, hewould have laid it about your ears."
The Duke bowed deeply, but coloured with resentment, and took animmediate opportunity to place the weapon carelessly against a pile ofarms. The King did not observe a contemptuous motion, which, perhaps,would not have pleased him, being at the moment occupied with theveteran, whom he exhorted to lean upon him, as he conveyed him to aseat, permitting no other person to assist him. "Rest there," he said,"my brave old friend; and Charles Stewart must be poor indeed, if youwear that dress an hour longer.--You look very pale, my good Coleby,to have had so much colour a few minutes since. Be not vexed at whatBuckingham says; no one minds his folly.--You look worse and worse.Come, come, you are too much hurried by this meeting. Sit still--do notrise--do not attempt to kneel. I command you to repose yourself till Ihave made the round of these apartments."
The old Cavalier stooped his head in token of acquiescence in thecommand of his Sovereign, but he raised it not again. The tumultuousagitation of the moment had been too much for spirits which had beenlong in a state of depression, and health which was much decayed. Whenthe King and his attendants, after half-an-hour's absence, returnedto the spot where they had left the veteran, they found him dead, andalready cold, in the attitude of one who has fallen easily asleep. TheKing was dreadfully shocked; and it was with a low and faltering voicethat he directed the body, in due time, to be honourably buried in thechapel of the Tower.[*] He was then silent, until he attained the stepsin front of the arsenal, where the party in attendance upon his personbegan to assemble at his approach, along with some other persons ofrespectable appearance, whom curiosity had attracted.
[*] A story of this nature is current in the legends of the Tower. The affecting circumstances are, I believe, recorded in one of the little manuals which are put into the hands of visitors, but are not to be found in the later editions.
"This is dreadful," said the King. "We must find some means of relievingthe distresses, and rewarding the fidelity of our suffering followers,or posterity will cry fie upon our memory."
"Your Majesty has had often such plans agitated in your Council," saidBuckingham.
"True, George," said the King. "I can safely say it is not my fault. Ihave thought of it for years."
"It cannot be too well considered," said Buckingham; "besides, everyyear makes the task of relief easier."
"True," said the Duke of Ormond, "by diminishing the number ofsufferers. Here is poor old Coleby will no longer be a burden to theCrown."
"You are too severe, my Lord of Ormond," said the King, "and shouldrespect the feelings you trespass on. You cannot suppose that we wouldhave permitted this poor man to hold such a situation, had we known ofthe circumstances?"
"For God's sake, then, sire," said the Duke of Ormond, "turn youreyes, which have just rested on the corpse of one old friend, upon thedistresses of others. Here is the valiant old Sir Geoffrey Peveril ofthe Peak, who fought through the whole war, wherever blows weregoing, and was the last man, I believe, in England, who laid down hisarms--Here is his son, of whom I have the highest accounts, as a gallantof spirit, accomplishments, and courage--Here is the unfortunate Houseof Derby--for pity's sake, interfere in behalf of these victims, whomthe folds of this hydra-plot have entangled, in order to crush them todeath--rebuke the fiends that are seeking to devour their lives, anddisappoint the harpies that are gaping for their property. This very dayseven-night the unfortunate family, father and son, are to be broughtupon trial for crimes of which they are as guiltless, I boldlypronounce, as any who stand in this presence. For God's sake, sire, letus hope that, should the prejudices of the people condemn them, as ithas done others, y
ou will at last step in between the blood-hunters andtheir prey."
The King looked, as he really was, exceedingly perplexed.
Buckingham, between whom and Ormond there existed a constant and almostmortal quarrel, interfered to effect a diversion in Charles's favour."Your Majesty's royal benevolence," he said, "needs never want exercise,while the Duke of Ormond is near your person. He has his sleeve cutin the old and ample fashion, that he may always have store of ruinedcavaliers stowed in it to produce at demand, rare old raw-boned boys,with Malmsey noses, bald heads, spindle shanks, and merciless historiesof Edgehill and Naseby."
"My sleeve is, I dare say, of an antique cut," said Ormond, looking fullat the Duke; "but I pin neither bravoes nor ruffians upon it, my Lord ofBuckingham, as I see fastened to coats of the new mode."
"That is a little too sharp for our presence, my lord," said the King.
"Not if I make my words good," said Ormond.--"My Lord of Buckingham,will you name the man you spoke to as you left the boat?"
"I spoke to no one," said the Duke hastily--"nay, I mistake, I remembera fellow whispered in my ear, that one, who I thought had left Londonwas still lingering in town. A person whom I had business with."
"Was yon the messenger?" said Ormond, singling out from the crowd whostood in the court-yard a tall dark-looking man, muffled in a largecloak, wearing a broad shadowy black beaver hat, with a long sword ofthe Spanish fashion--the very Colonel, in short, whom Buckingham haddespatched in quest of Christian, with the intention of detaining him inthe country.
When Buckingham's eyes had followed the direction of Ormond's finger, hecould not help blushing so deeply as to attract the King's attention.
"What new frolic is this, George?" he said. "Gentlemen, bring thatfellow forward. On my life, a truculent-looking caitiff--Hark ye,friend, who are you? If an honest man, Nature has forgot to label itupon your countenance.--Does none here know him?
'With every symptom of a knave complete, If he be honest, he's a devilish cheat.'"
"He is well known to many, sire," replied Ormond; "and that he walks inthis area with his neck safe, and his limbs unshackled, is an instance,amongst many, that we live under the sway of the most merciful Prince ofEurope."
"Oddsfish! who is the man, my Lord Duke?" said the King. "Your Gracetalks mysteries--Buckingham blushes--and the rogue himself is dumb."
"That honest gentleman, please your Majesty," replied the Duke ofOrmond, "whose modesty makes him mute, though it cannot make him blush,is the notorious Colonel Blood, as he calls himself, whose attempt topossess himself of your Majesty's royal crown took place at no verydistant date, in this very Tower of London."
"That exploit is not easily forgotten," said the King; "but that thefellow lives, shows your Grace's clemency as well as mine."
"I cannot deny that I was in his hands, sire," said Ormond, "and hadcertainly been murdered by him, had he chosen to take my life on thespot, instead of destining me--I thank him for the honour--to be hangedat Tyburn. I had certainly been sped, if he had thought me worth knifeor pistol, or anything short of the cord.--Look at him sire! If therascal dared, he would say at this moment, like Caliban in the play,'Ho, ho, I would I had done it!'"
"Why, oddsfish!" answered the King, "he hath a villainous sneer, mylord, which seems to say as much; but, my Lord Duke, we have pardonedhim, and so has your Grace."
"It would ill have become me," said the Duke of Ormond, "to have beensevere in prosecuting an attempt on my poor life, when your Majestywas pleased to remit his more outrageous and insolent attempt upon yourroyal crown. But I must conceive it as a piece of supreme insolence onthe part of this bloodthirsty bully, by whomsoever he may be now backed,to appear in the Tower, which was the theatre of one of his villainies,or before me, who was well-nigh the victim of another."
"It shall be amended in future," said the King.--"Hark ye, sirrah Blood,if you again presume to thrust yourself in the way you have donebut now, I will have the hangman's knife and your knavish ears madeacquainted."
Blood bowed, and with a coolness of impudence which did his nervesgreat honour, he said he had only come to the Tower accidentally, tocommunicate with a particular friend on business of importance. "My LordDuke of Buckingham," he said, "knew he had no other intentions."
"Get you gone, you scoundrelly cut-throat," said the Duke, as muchimpatient of Colonel Blood's claim of acquaintance, as a town-rake ofthe low and blackguard companions of his midnight rambles, when theyaccost him in daylight amidst better company; "if you dare to quote myname again, I will have you thrown into the Thames."
Blood, thus repulsed, turned round with the most insolent composure,and walked away down from the parade, all men looking at him, as at somestrange and monstrous prodigy, so much was he renowned for daring anddesperate villainy. Some even followed him, to have a better survey ofthe notorious Colonel Blood, like the smaller tribe of birds which keepfluttering round an owl when he appears in the light of the sun. But as,in the latter case, these thoughtless flutterers are careful to keep outof reach of the beak and claws of the bird of Minerva, so none of thosewho followed and gazed on Blood as something ominous, cared to bandylooks with him, or to endure and return the lowering and deadly glances,which he shot from time to time on those who pressed nearest to him. Hestalked on in this manner, like a daunted, yet sullen wolf, afraid tostop, yet unwilling to fly, until he reached the Traitor's Gate, andgetting on board a sculler which waited for him, he disappeared fromtheir eyes.
Charles would fain have obliterated all recollection of his appearance,by the observation, "It were a shame that such a reprobate scoundrelshould be the subject of discord between two noblemen of distinction;"and he recommended to the Dukes of Buckingham and Ormond to join hands,and forget a misunderstanding which rose on so unworthy a subject.
Buckingham answered carelessly, "That the Duke of Ormond's honouredwhite hairs were a sufficient apology for his making the first overturesto a reconciliation," and he held out his hand accordingly. But Ormondonly bowed in return, and said, "The King had no cause to expect thatthe Court would be disturbed by his personal resentments, since timewould not yield him back twenty years, nor the grave restore his gallantson Ossory. As to the ruffian who had intruded himself there, he wasobliged to him, since, by showing that his Majesty's clemency extendedeven to the very worst of criminals, he strengthened his hopes ofobtaining the King's favour for such of his innocent friends as were nowin prison, and in danger, from the odious charges brought against themon the score of the Popish Plot."
The King made no other answer to this insinuation, than by directingthat the company should embark for their return to Whitehall; and thustook leave of the officers of the Tower who were in attendance, with oneof those well-turned compliments to their discharge of duty, which noman knew better how to express; and issued at the same time strict andanxious orders for protection and defence of the important fortressconfided to them, and all which it contained.
Before he parted with Ormond on their arrival at Whitehall, he turnedround to him, as one who has made up his resolution, and said, "Besatisfied, my Lord Duke--our friends' case shall be looked to."
In the same evening the Attorney-General, and North, Lord Chief Justiceof the Common Pleas, had orders with all secrecy, to meet his Majestythat evening on especial matters of state, at the apartments ofChiffinch, the centre of all affairs, whether of gallantry or business.