“Quinn!” I scold her.
“No, Anna, fuck that. I want you to admit to not only me, but yourself, out loud that it’s okay to want to have crazy, premarital sex with a bad-boy.”
“What?” I ask, completely flabbergasted. “Who tells someone to say that kind of stuff?”
She grins as she pulls up to the curb in front of her house. “A best friend, that’s who. Now say it.”
“Quinn—”
“Anna, so help me, if you don’t grow a pair of lady nuggets right now and admit out loud how you really feel, I will ship you back to Uncle Simon tonight.”
“This is so ridiculous,” I huff.
She folds her tan arms across her chest. “Do it, or we are not getting out of this car.”
“You’re relentless.” I pinch the bridge of my nose as I sigh. Might as well just give in. “Fine. I want to have…”
She gestures for me to continue. “Crazy…”
“Crazy, premarital sex with a bad-boy. There, I said it. Happy?”
She shakes her head. “Say it one more time with feeling, and admit that you want that bad-boy to be wrestling’s sex god, X.”
I rub my face. This is freaking painful, but I know she won’t give in until she wins. That’s the thing about Quinn—she never gives up if she believes she’s right.
I take a deep breath and close my eyes. “I want to have sex with Xavier.” The moment those words leave my lips, the mad rush of shame that I know I should feel for thinking such things isn’t there. It’s really quite the opposite. It feels good to finally get that off my chest because for the past couple of days, that’s all that’s been on my mind.
Quinn claps her hands and squeals. “Don’t you feel better?”
I smile. “Yeah, I actually do. I think you need to go back to school and get a psychology degree. How did you know that would help me?”
“I’m a student of human nature. I knew you wanted to let that man into your pants the moment I saw you wrestle to get your purse back from him.”
“Ugh. That! He can be so frustrating. He’s gotten under my skin so quick.”
She laughs as she opens her door. “And that, Anna, is how I know you like him. There’s a fine line between love and hate. They both cause your body to react in a similar fashion. Each of those emotions creates such intense feelings that one can easily be mistaken for the other.”
“I never said I hated him. He just…I don’t know.” I sigh as I get out, and we head into the house together.
“A guy like X is new territory for you. While I highly advise a fun fling with a bad-boy, I don’t recommend catching any feelings for him whatsoever. Look at the mess between Brock and me.”
My pesky curiosity is back in full force. “What did he do to upset you, anyhow?”
She shakes her head as she slides her key into the door. “Let’s not talk about him. Brock and I are history. No need to hash out boring details about something that’s over.”
“Okay,” I agree, allowing her completely off the hook. I should press her like she just pressed me about Xavier, but I have the feeling she isn’t ready to talk about whatever is going on between them yet. So, for now, she gets a pass, but if tension keeps up between them at work then she’s going to have to fill me in. If Brock has done something horrible to her, I want to hate him right alongside her, not keep on delivering messages from him.
The moment we step inside, I hear Aunt Dee call us from the kitchen, “Hey, girls! How was work?”
I toss my purse on the counter as I walk into the kitchen. “It was great. Everyone was really nice.”
Aunt Dee glances up from the pudding she’s making on the stove. “Even Alice?”
“Well…” I grimace. “Everyone but her.”
“Aye, when will that chica ever learn to lighten up? Even evil needs a holiday.”
I laugh. “You sound like Quinn.”
“Ah, correction. You mean Quinn sounds like me.”
Quinn struts into the kitchen in her pajamas, raking her fingers through her long, dark locks. “I sound just like what?”
“Me,” my aunt clarifies.
Quinn pulls some grapes from the fridge and pops one into her mouth. “Definitely not. You won’t catch me making pudding at nearly midnight. You’re a weirdo.”
Aunt Dee chuckles as she pours the pudding into a glass bowl. “A creative mind is always a strange one, honey.”
Quinn pulls herself up on the counter and dangles her long legs as she eats her grapes. “Ma, guess what? I already got Anna to admit she wants to shag Mr. Sexy.”
My mouth instantly drops open, and Quinn winks at me before she pops another grape into her mouth. I’m never going to get used to how open she is with Aunt Dee.
“Oh, good choice Anna. I peeked outside when he dropped you off last night. He’s a handsome one, that one is.” Aunt Dee licks the spoon before tossing it into the sink. “When are you seeing him again?”
My shoulders sag. “I don’t know. He came into Larry’s today, but things didn’t go so well.”
She tilts her head and pokes out her bottom lip. “I’m sorry, baby. Maybe it’ll all work out. If he’s smart, he’ll see what a catch you are and come to his senses.”
“That’s the thing. I’m pretty sure that’s all he wants—to catch me.”
Aunt Dee walks across the kitchen and stops in front of me. Her dainty hand pats my cheek. “I wouldn’t be so sure. A man like him doesn’t have to work hard for women. He sees something special in you, or else he wouldn’t have put in this much effort.”
I give her a sad smile. “He told me he doesn’t get serious with women.”
“Maybe he’s not ready to allow himself to have feelings for you, but if he gets to know you, he’ll feel different. You’re impossible not to love.” She kisses my cheek, and for the first time in a long time, I feel unconditionally loved. There’s no judgment from her when I tell her about my issue with Xavier. Instead, she encourages me to hold on to hope. “Anna, please at least think about calling your father. He misses you.”
I nod even though I have no intentions of speaking to him yet. “Okay.”
She pats my cheek. “Goodnight, girls.”
The moment my aunt locks herself in her room, the unmistakable sound of a motorcycle rumbles to a stop outside.
Quinn grins. “One guess who that is?”
I suck in my bottom lip, trying to hide my grin as I dash to the front door and pull it open just as Xavier steps onto the concrete stoop. “Hi.”
His blue eyes flash in surprise. I’m sure the way we left things earlier has him wondering why I’m suddenly so happy to see him. It’s amazing what a little soul searching and a shove from your family can accomplish.
“Hey, Anna. I…um…shit.”
Xavier rubs the back of his neck and looks away as if he needs a moment to regain his composure before his eyes are able to meet mine again. “I had fifty different speeches prepared for you. I practiced on the way over, but none of them sounded like good enough apologies. Nothing I can say will make what I said any less shitty, but I am sorry. I just thought you should know.”
For some reason I’m getting the impression that this is a huge step for Xavier. It’s good to know he’s at least recognized that there’s enough of a connection between us for it to matter that he’s hurt my feelings. I’m sure the word “sorry” isn’t one that he says a lot.
The sudden need to comfort him overwhelms me and I reach out and touch the warm skin on his bulging forearm. “I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have pushed you.”
His lips pull into a tight line. “Don’t do that.”
“What?” I ask, completely surprised and immediately jerk my hand away. This isn’t exactly the reaction I imagined when I apologized in return.
Xavier’s eyes soften. “You were right to say what you said. I know I use women, and I’m sure that’s probably what you think I want to do with you, so don’t apologize for standing up for yourself. Ne
ver allow yourself to be used, or be forced into something you don’t really want. Don’t apologize for asking for respect. You deserve it.”
I stand a little taller. “Okay. I’ll remember that for next time.”
His mouth pulls into a one-sided sexy grin. “Next time? Are you saying we’re still friends?”
I laugh and roll my eyes. “Yes, as long as our friendship rules still apply.”
“Good.” He grabs my hand without warning or apology, and pulls me toward his bike. “Then we’re going for a ride.”
I pull the door closed behind me and follow him down the path.
This is crazy.
I’ve never known anyone to have a friendship like this. I shouldn’t let this go on, because I know he’s going to end up breaking my heart. If he keeps being so sweet to me, I will fall for him. No question. I know myself well enough to know that if this continues it will end badly for me, but I don’t have the willpower to turn him away. I want to be near him, even if it’ll never mean as much to him as it does to me.
Xavier hops on the bike and stands it up between his powerful thighs, stretching his hand out to me with a huge grin on his face. “Hop on, beautiful.”
And just like that, I’m a goner.
I’m in so much trouble.
Lots and lots of trouble.
Riding through the streets on the back of Xavier’s bike is unbelievably freeing. The wind rushes across my skin, and I close my eyes, resting my cheek against his back. The muscles in his back work under his shirt with every turn of his wrist, and the smell of his spicy cologne mixed with soap lingers on his skin. When I’m close to him like this, it makes me forget every reason why I should stop this thing between us before it gets too complicated. Distance gives me clarity—the ability to see that I should stay away. There’s just one problem.
I don’t want to.
I could stay like this forever, which is bad, but I don’t care.
Xavier turns into the parking lot of the same diner he took me to last night. The streetlights illuminate the area, and the neon in the restaurant’s window gleams “Open 24/7,” inviting hungry people in at all times of the day.
Xavier flicks the kickstand down with his boot and then slides his sunglasses onto the top of his head. “I hope you’re hungry.”
I take his hand and swing my leg off the bike, the muscles in my thighs still tingling from having such a powerful machine vibrating between them. “Starving, actually. My nerves were too on edge to eat at Larry’s during my lunch. Besides, I didn’t have any money.”
He furrows his brow. “You moved to a new city with no money?”
“I have money…just not a lot of it. I knew I could wait until I got to Aunt Dee’s to eat, so it really wasn’t a big deal,” I say, trying to make light of the situation.
“No, Anna. Not eating is a very big deal. You’re a tiny thing. If you don’t eat, you could faint and hurt yourself. From now on, you eat.” The authoritative tone in his voice is impossible to miss. “And if you don’t have money, you call me. Understood?”
My lips twist as I try to figure out why this is such an issue for him. So I skipped a meal—no big deal. “You’re being a touch ridiculous, don’t you think? I don’t understand why you’re turning this into a ‘thing.’”
Xavier shoves himself off the bike, and I can’t help but notice how delicious he looks in the blue jeans he’s wearing. “Let’s just say I know what it’s like to be hungry and do whatever you have to in order to eat. Someone like you should never have to experience that. Rough living can make you a hard person.”
My eyes roam over his sculpted shoulders and travel down the length of his torso. It’s hard to imagine this well-fed man ever being hungry, but the words from his lips indicate that he’s had to struggle.
“That must’ve been tough. Did your family—”
I cut myself off before my curious mind steps in and asks for answers that are none of my business. Heat rises up my neck and into my cheeks, surely creating a blush at the thought of my own brazen attitude. “Sorry. It’s none of my business.”
When I attempt to look away, Xavier slides his index finger under my chin. “You can ask me anything, beautiful. I can’t promise I’ll always answer, but you can ask all you want. I like knowing that you’re curious about me. Your questions allow me inside that mind of yours. But you should know up front that I don’t talk about my family.”
I open my mouth to ask him why, but think better of it. It’s probably smarter to honor his wishes because I, of all people, know that sometimes families suck. Maybe he’s trying to forget his past just like I am?
“I understand.”
He gives me a sad smile and takes my hand, pulling me toward the entrance of the restaurant. “Hope it’s okay that we came here again. It’s the one place I can relax when I’m in town. It’s like—”
“Home,” I say, filling in the answer for him after remembering how at ease he was there last night.
After a moment of contemplation, he nods. “Yeah…something like that.”
The moment we step inside I notice the place is empty. Nettie glances up from the broom she’s using to sweep the floor and a huge smile warms her face. “Boy, two days in a row! How did I get so lucky?” She leans the broom against the counter before she makes her way over to us. After a quick embrace with Xavier, Nettie turns her attention back to me. “I think this is a record. Carl, you seein’ this?”
Carl turns around from the grill that he’s scrubbing. “I see it, woman. I ain’t blind.”
Nettie tsks at Carl. “No one asked for your lip. Go back to cleaning.”
I chuckle at the banter between them. “Are you two an item?”
Nettie raises her eyebrows and slides her eyes toward Xavier and then back to me. “Who? Me and Carl? That old fool wishes!”
Xavier shakes his head. “Come on, Nettie, I know when this place is dead you two have a little alone time back in the storage closet.”
Nettie throws her hands on her hips. “Xavier Cold, I have the mind to take you out back and tan your hide for talking to me like that.”
He tips his head back and a deep laugh rumbles out of him. “It’s not as big of a secret as you think, Nettie. Everyone knows you and Carl are a thing.”
She folds her smooth brown arms over her chest. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Sure you don’t.”
I don’t miss the wink Xavier throws her way before pulling me toward the same corner booth as last night. I slide into the seat across from him. “Why do they hide being together?”
Xavier shrugs. “Who knows. They’re both crazy as hell, but together they work. I don’t know why they hide it. I’ve known for years.”
I rest my head in my hand as I lean in. “How exactly do you know them?”
“I used to work here.”
I glance around at the ripped booth seats and worn checkered floor and try to imagine Xavier working here. I can’t imagine him as anything other than a powerful wrestling icon, so it’s hard to picture him scrubbing floors and serving meals. “How long ago was that?”
“When I was seventeen, Nettie and Carl offered me a job,” he answers right before Nettie sets two glasses of water down.
“You two want the same thing as last night?” she asks.
“Yeah, I do. Beautiful?” Xavier asks and I nod. “Same as last night, Nettie.”
“Will do, but this time don’t be leaving no heap of money. We don’t want you wasting your money on us.” She swats his shoulder.
“Speak for yourself!” Carl calls from the stove. “He can leave me all the cheddar he wants.”
Nettie whips her head in his direction. “You’re going to get it if you don’t stop!”
Carl swirls a white towel around. “Hot damn! Just what I like to hear.”
Nettie rolls her eyes and Xavier laughs. “You two kill me.”
“I’ll bring your food out as soon as it’s done,” she
says shaking her head and marching toward Carl, who she promptly smacks in the back of the head.
“They’re great,” I say.
Xavier’s eyes turn almost nostalgic. “They really are. I’m lucky to have them.”
While I find it endearing that he loves his old co-workers so much, it also breaks my heart. How evil must his own family be for him to be closer to strangers?
“So you’ve known them for eleven years?” I ask, still curious about his relationship with them.
He lifts his right eyebrow. “And how would you know that?”
Heat floods my cheeks. Busted. “It’s simple mathematics. You said you worked here when you were seventeen, and I know you’re twenty-eight…so I figured it out.”
“I suspect you learned my age from the Internet stalking you and Quinn did.” His lips twist.
I roll my eyes and fire back, “Just like you learned where I was staying when you dropped me off last night. I didn’t give you the address.”
He shrugs. “I always look into things I’m interested in.”
I take a sip of water to quench my suddenly dry throat. “Are you saying that you’re interested in me?”
He stares directly into my eyes. “You know I am. But I can never be involved with you, so for that reason, we’re friends. And that’s all we’ll ever be.”
I can’t help asking, “Why is that?”
He licks his lips before he grazes his top teeth over his bottom one. “I know that the kind of relationship I like to have with women will never fly with you. I can’t just use you, Anna. I respect you too much for that.”
My heart races in my chest as I think about the desire building inside me. Desire for Xavier. I know I haven’t known him long, but I feel like we’ve spent a lot of time together already. The thought of never getting to find out what a night with him would be like scares me, almost to the point where I’m willing to bend my own morals just to find out.
“What if I wanted to have a relationship like that with you?”
Xavier shakes his head. “You say that now, but I know you’d regret it later. Girls like you—you’re the long-term commitment type. That’s something I can’t promise.”