~ Ron L. Smith
My eye twitched as Shante and Caitlin jumped out of their seats again to dance to the music filling the theater. Shante began to twirl so she could look at her skirt as it spun. I caught her before she fell onto the people in front of us. I was tempted to ask Melanie if it was five yet, but I'd already asked three times and I didn't want to press my luck.
"What's that? What's happening?" Caitlin asked, pointing out into the crowd. We were seated on the first tier in the middle of the auditorium with a perfect view of the clowns. The lights were still up, there wasn't a spot light, yet two clowns, the woman in a baggy purple tuxedo and the man in rainbow tights and short puffy skirt that looked like the sky, were playing with the audience. I was glad the clowns didn’t have painted faces and orange wigs, those clowns freaked me out.
Shante laughed and sat down, her dress bunching up behind her in the seat. "They're clowns. Look, he sat in that man’s lap."
Caitlin sat giggling as the female clown began going through the man's pockets and running off when she got his wallet.
I relaxed and watched the clowns, blushing as they embarrassed and teased people. "I'm glad we're not down there," I said as one woman’s shoes were tried on by the male clown.
"I wish they would come up here," Shante said.
The music changed to a thumping drum as the lights dimmed. The clowns rushed to the stage trying to look busy, as if they’d been there the whole time. Philip came out, his salt and pepper mohawk gelled into a spiky arch over his head and dusted with glitter. His face was painted half black and half white like a Harlequin doll and his suit was a dark blue and silver patchwork of different types of fabric.
"Welcome everyone to the annual San Francisco Center for the Circus Arts Winter Performance." The audience clapped and cheered, and cameras and video recorders were held up ready to capture the show. "I must ask that no one take flash photography, some of the acts can be dangerous and all require focused concentration. Please, no flash."
Another clown ran up on the stage in a large tan trench coat 'flashing' the audience. When his coat opened light burst from it, blinding us for a moment.
"See," Philip said with a smirk. "No one likes to get flashed. Now on to the fun."
The music changed into something that seemed to flow and swirl. The lights dimmed, focusing on a tiny spot, a glimmer of silver and then a man walked towards us inside a large wheel.
Shante tugged on my sleeve. "What's that called?"
I opened the program. "German Wheel."
"Oh," she said.
The man spun inside the wheel around the stage, poised like Vitruvian Man, holding onto rungs placed between the two large wheels. He somehow tipped it over and moved the wheel like a dropped coin. Pulling himself and the wheel back up, he flipped in and out of spaces between the two circles while still rolling around the stage.
It was mesmerizing, even Shante and Caitlin were silent and still as he performed. I hadn't thought how difficult sitting in an enclosed space with so many people would be. Thankfully, they all seemed to feel the same thing as me, so the wonder and awe that swept over me matched my own. I breathed slowly and tried my best to strengthen my flimsy bubble.
"Can you do that?" Shante asked as we all clapped.
"No," I answered as a length of pale blue silk fluttered down from the ceiling.
"Shush," Shante hissed at me as she settled back into her seat.
I rolled my eyes and watched as a man walked out onto the stage. Each step fell slow and perfectly timed to the rhythm of the classical guitar music. I gasped as he came into the light. Taliesin stood on the stage wearing skin tight white pants and makeup which made him look like an ice prince.
He backed up to the edge of the stage, the pale blue fabric fluttering in front of him. Then running, he leapt into the air and soared around the stage supported only by his grip on the silks.
Landing, he climbed up the fabric hand over hand, stretching out one hand to his side and bringing it up to the silk pulled himself up, then the other hand would do the same slow movement. His body held hard as a board and his legs perfectly straight and not helping him as he climbed. I held my breath, my heart pounding. Shante grabbed my arm and held it tight.
I watched in awe as Taliesin wrapped himself in the silk in a complicated pattern, then dropped. The silk tightened before he hit the floor. I gasped and clapped with the rest of the audience as he unwound himself.
Taliesin continued to climb, twist, slide, and wrap himself with the silk, showing his strength and flexibility. I was amazed and envious, and if he wasn’t such a jerk, I would ask him to teach me how to do silks. Oh, well, maybe Gavin or Anali could help me. When he finished and bowed low, the audience got to their feet clapping for him. Taliesin waved and walked off the stage as a group of clowns ran out to entertain us.
"Having fun, Little Sister?" Kayin asked slipping into the empty seat next to me.
"Yes, it's wonderful. I had no idea it would be this beautiful. Are you performing?"
"No, I'm not good enough yet. But if I practice enough I should be by this summer."
"Ssshhhhh," Shante said, glaring at us.
"Sorry," I said, holding in my laughter at her angry look.
Hula Hoopers, rope-jumpers, clowns, and a group of contortionists all kept our attention fully focused on the stage.
"Shin's group is next," Kayin whispered, careful not to anger Shante-the-Fierce again.
Eight people walked onto the stage. Their costumes looked like someone wrapped them in silver, white and light-blue ribbons. Four of them carried tall wooden poles which they secured into the floor, then climbed the poles. Their feet kicked out, one at a time making it look like they were dancing. Once they reached the top the second group climbed up the same way.
It took a moment to find Shin, as the performers never stopped moving. They went from climbing to using their legs and arms to hang from the poles in intricate poses, then sliding down the poles, sometimes head first.
A sharp cold wave of fear hit my shield, I’m guessing from the parents of performers. Their honest fear felt stronger than the pleasant anxiety most people experienced.
Two performers went to the poles and began to pull themselves up using only their arms, their bodies about a foot away from the pole. As they went up, they spun around the pole. Reaching the top, they paused for a moment, and I finally saw Shin. He smiled as they began to go down the pole in the same way.
To end the performance, they all got on the poles. As a group, they leapt from one pole to another in unison. One guy almost slipped, and I grabbed Kayin's hand at the same time Shante grabbed mine. I didn't breathe until they were all on the ground and safe.
The crowd erupted into applause and cheers. They bowed, removed the poles, and walked off stage.
A juggler came out, moving to the Latin music as he juggled five balls. For a while he did tricks in the air, then switched to juggling with the balls hitting the floor.
"He's reverse juggling," Kayin whispered. "I just started to learn how to do that."
He never stopped moving to the music even while he juggled eight balls.
We clapped for the juggler as deep notes from a cello pulsed through the hall. Gavin and Anali glided onto the stage. His leggings looked like someone painted fire on his legs. Anali's sleeveless leotard also looked like painted fire.
Gavin stood at the front of the stage and placed his hand palms up on top of his shoulders. Anali's dark hands slid into his and then he lifted her up over his head. Her silver eye shadow was so thick it glowed in the spotlight, making her look alien. Inch by inch, she moved into a hand stand. I couldn't breathe as bit by bit they moved so Anali's shoulders were balanced on Gavin's, then he began to turn in a circle, somehow Anali stayed statue still as they moved.
I grabbed Kayin's hand again as a wave of amazement and worry swept over me from the audience. He chuckled and gave it a squeeze.
Th
ey glided from one pose to another, finishing their routine with Gavin's feet on the ground. He leaned back and he balanced parallel to the floor, holding Anali's hand as she balanced on the one hand upside down.
I sucked in a deep breath and clapped as they bowed low. The music became light and playful as everyone came out on the stage bowing and waving to the audience.
"Thank you for coming," Philip said. "There are refreshments in the lobby and in a few minutes the performers will meet you out there to say hi."
"That was the bestest ever!" Shante said. "Melanie, can we meet them?"
"Maybe they'll sign our programs," Caitlin said, waving hers in the air and almost hitting Melanie in the eye.
"We can stay for a while, but if you want to have time to make cookies tonight, we'll have to go soon," Melanie said not glancing up from her phone.
Shante and Caitlin looked at each other and smiled. "We'll be super-fast."
Kayin smiled as Shante and Caitlin ended the two hours of silence by describing each and every thing we all just saw.
"Sorry, they're very excited," I said holding their hands so they wouldn't get lost.
Kayin chuckled, but I felt sadness flow from him. "It is fine, I have little sisters. I'm sure they would be acting like this."
"You must miss them."
"Yes, and my little brother. When I changed, my mom threw me out of the hut I was born in and held my siblings back as she made me leave the village. She has a very superstitious nature."
"Oh, Kayin, that is awful. I'm so sorry."
Kayin shrugged. "It might have been different if my dad had been there, but he was off leading a safari."
"Hurry," said Caitlin, pulling on my arm.
Shante joined her. "Yes, what if they run out of cookies? Come on."
"Don't worry, Gavin took care of refreshments, I don't think we will ever run out of cookies," Kayin said, smiling at the girls even though I could feel his sadness. I wish we could go somewhere quiet so we could talk, but for tonight the conversation was over.
Laughing children covered in cookie crumbs filled the lobby, running around and rushing to talk to the performers. The girls let go of my hands and grabbed my legs.
"They look kind of scary," Shante said.
"It's make-up," I said, putting my hands on their shoulders. "They're people in costumes."
The girls didn't move.
"How about some cookies first?" Kayin suggested.
"Cookies," they yelled and ran for the nearest table.
"Sara," said Melanie. "I'm going to sit on the couch by the front door. Watch the girls."
"Sure thing." I took Kayin's hand so I wouldn't lose him in the crowd, although he stood taller than most of the people here. If I was watching the two terrors, I wanted help.
They stood at the table, cheeks bulging with chocolate chip cookies, looking at the pitchers of juice trying to figure out how to get some.
"Let me help," I said pouring them each a bit of apple juice into a cup. “Would you like to meet some of the performers? Kayin and I know a few of them, we can introduce you to."
"Yes, please," Shante said.
Victory. I guided them away from the sugar. Scanning the crowd, I spotted Gavin's red hair. We made our way through hyper children and tired but indulgent adults to where Gavin and Anali stood.
"Sara, did you enjoy the show?" Anali asked.
"It was amazing. It's hard to believe that what I'm learning now could someday become something so beautiful."
Anali smiled. "Thank you. And who do you have here?"
"This is Shante and Caitlin. They live with me at the group home. Guys, this is Anali. She’s one of the teachers at the circus camp I've been going to." And my aunt, I added in my head.
"It's a pleasure to meet you," Anali said.
Caitlin's face scrunched up for a moment before she blurted out, "Will you sign my program?"
"I would be happy to, but I don't have a pen. Do you have one?"
Caitlin shook her head her blond hair flying around her.
"I have one." I held out the pen I'd gotten from Melanie.
Anali took the pen, flipped through the glossy program until she found her picture and signed a little message and her name.
"Me too, me too," Shante squealed, holding out her program.
"Of course," Anali said.
"What's going on over here? Sounds like too much fun to me," Gavin teased.
Caitlin held out her program, her lips pressed together in determination to get his signature, but fearful of the tall man with red paint on his cheeks, lips, and around his eyes.
"Gavin, these are my house mates, Caitlin and Shante. Guys, this is Gavin. He’s another teacher at my camp. The girls are hoping to get everyone to sign their program," I said.
Gavin smiled, but it looked a little creepy with the make-up. "Of course, do you have a pen?"
"I'm just about done with it," Anali said finishing Shante's program.
Gavin took the pen and knelt down on one knee. "You're Caitlin right?" He asked as he looked for his picture.
"Yes," she said. "You’re so strong."
Gavin laughed. "I have the easy job, Anali's the one who’s super strong."
"He lies," Anali said running her fingers through Gavin's hair. "He is very strong."
Shante arched a tiny eyebrow as she handed over her program to get signed. "Like a super hero?"
"No, I'm not that strong," Gavin said as he signed her program.
"That's what a super hero would say," Caitlin whispered loudly to Shante. "They have to keep up their secret identities."
Gavin shook his head. "Are you having fun?"
"Yes," they both said.
"When we go home, we get to make cookies," Shante said.
"Sara said she'd help us 'cause were making them from scratch,” Caitlin said. "Melanie can only make cookies from the tubes."
Anali frowned. "Tubes?"
"Pre-made dough, they come in tubes," I explained. "Shall we go and see the others? I'm sure there are other kids who want a turn."
"Bye, and Merry Christmas," the girls said before running off.
"Merry Christmas," Gavin said.
"Merry Christmas," I said quickly, following the girls so I didn't have to feel Gavin's swirling emotions.
After asking several performers for their autographs, the girls lost their shyness and began running around the theater scaring people as they jumped up waving their programs and demanded signatures.
"Calm down," Shin said with a chuckle. "Do these belong to you?"
"Yes," I said as I caught up.
"Will you sign, my program?" Shante asked.
"Me too?" Caitlin added waving hers as high as she could.
"Sure," Shin took their programs. "I've never had anyone want my signature before."
"You were awesome," Caitlin squealed.
"Like a lemur," Shante said with a nod.
Shin's mouth twitched. I also tried to hide my laughter knowing Shante would pout for a very long time if we laughed at her.
"I agree," said Kayin. "They were very good."
"Thank you," Shin said passing the programs back to the girls who slid over to the Chinese pole artist. "Did you two enjoy the show?"
"Very much," I answered. "The amount of discipline needed to become so good seems overwhelming."
Shin shrugged. "It takes a lot of work to get from beginner to performer, but you can do it if you feel passionate about your art. It doesn't feel like discipline when you are doing what you love."
I smiled, that sounded like something from my mom's journal.
"Discipline is a great strength to cultivate in yourself. Have the discipline to eat healthy, get enough sleep, get your homework done on time, or whatever it is you want or need to have in your life. However, don't overdo the discipline. When you love something, when it brings you joy, the act of discipline should support you and your passions, not force you to live in a way that is stifling. Se
lf-discipline should help you reach your goals and commitments, not force you to live in a way others think is important or good."
Kayin tugged on my sleeve. "The girls are gone."
"Crap. Bye, Shin. See you Monday."
"Merry Christmas," he said.
"Merry Christmas." I headed for the refreshment table and found Shante and Catlin with red and green frosting covering their chins as they ate cupcakes.
"Did you get everyone's signature?" I asked.
The girls flipped through their programs. "Everyone but him."
Taliesin stared up from the page looking like a winter prince. "Okay, I'll see if I can find him while you finish your cupcake."
I looked around but wasn't tall enough to look over the crowd. "Kayin, do you see Taliesin?"
Kayin pointed to the other side of the room. "He's over there, by the staircase."
I wiped as much of the frosting off the girls as I could and then followed them through the crowd. Being smaller, and oblivious to proper social behavior, the girls wove in-between people and quickly got ahead of us. By the time I caught up, they were being cooed over by Taliesin's mom while he signed their programs, his cheeks pink.
"Did you two lovely girls like the show?" Cordelia asked.
"Oh, yes, very much," said Shante.
"Do you know him?" Caitlin asked pointing to Taliesin. "He was good."
She smiled. "Yes, he's my son. Are you here with your moms?"
"Melanie and Sara brought us." Shante looked behind her.
"You two are supposed to stay with me," I said. "Hi, Ms. Gadarn. How are you?"
"Hello Sara," she said hugging me. "I'm well, did you enjoy the show?"
"It was awesome, these two stayed quiet for the entire time." I pointed at the girls who were currently talking at Taliesin.
Her face lit up as she looked at her son. My heart clenched, as it always did, when seeing a parent’s love for their child. "I'm going to miss him so much when he travels with the circus. I guess I'll have to get a hobby."
Somehow I doubted Ms. Gadarn lacked in things to keep her busy.
"We're done," said Caitlin.
"Can we go make cookies now?" asked Shante.
"Yes, we can go. You were great Taliesin, I've never seen silks before."
Taliesin tipped his head forward, his white braid sliding over his shoulder a smile curving his normally frowning mouth. "Thank you."
"Have a lovely holiday, girls,” Ms. Gadarn said.
"Thank you, happy holidays," we said and headed to where Melanie waited for us.
Her thumbs flew as she typed on her phone. Without looking up she asked, "Are you ready?"
"Yes," Caitlin and Shante said, telling Melanie all about their adventure.
"Good night, Big Brother, have a great holiday," I said turning to Kayin.
"You too, Little Sister."
I walked out of the theater with my group home family, leaving my real, but still secret, family behind.
The wind whipped around me. My nose and ears were cold before we’d even walked to the end of the block. Thankfully, the car wasn’t far.
“Who’s that?” Shante said holding my hand tighter.
“I don’t know, a homeless person.” I glanced at the poor man curled up in the doorway of a shop. “Wait, Carlos?”
Dull brown eyes looked up at me. A livid bruise marked his check and his dry ashy skin was dotted with blemishes. “Hey, Sara.”
“What the hell?” I snapped.
“Sara!” Melanie said looking up from her phone. “Carlos? What are you doing here? You look like crap.”
Carlos stood up and moved away from us. “Hey, Melanie. I’m fine. My mom’s working and needed the apartment empty for a while.”
Melanie’s eyes narrowed. “It’s Christmas Eve, you shouldn’t be out on the street. How did you get that bruise?”
Carlos’ face went blank. “I tripped and fell.”
“Well, that’s original. You should come back with us. We’ll call and get you somewhere safe and warm.”
Carlos shook his head.
“Please,” I said he turned and looked at me. “Please, Carlos, this isn’t right. Let us help you.”
“Yes, come home with us,” said Shante.
Caitlin stepped forward. “Please, Carlos, we’re going to make cookies. You can help.”
Carlos’ smiled, the sadness in it made my heart ache. “Sorry, I have plans for tomorrow. See you around.”
Turning, he ran down the street.
“Police please,” said Melanie into her phone as she walked to the car. “Yes, I’ve seen a runaway child.”
Carlos disappeared around the corner. I doubted they would find him, but Melanie needed to try. “Merry Christmas, take care of yourself Carlos,” I whispered.