Leaning over, Nix opened the drawer of the night stand and dug out a bottle of lube. Noah watched, mouth dry, as Nix knelt between his spread legs. Noah’s cock was hard and throbbing, curved against his stomach. He shivered with lust when Nix coated his fingers with lube and wrapped them around Noah’s shaft.
“Please,” he whispered.
Nix’s big hand felt wonderful wrapped around his cock. Even more so when he began to slide it up and down the rigid length, sending Noah’s arousal through the roof. Noah bucked into his mate’s touch, unable to prevent the ragged moans that escaped his lips. He was almost mindless with need when his mate lifted his rear, parted his ass cheeks, and began to massage the lube into his opening.
“Got to get you ready for me,” Nix said. “Don’t want to hurt you.”
“You’re doing fine.”
“Tell me if I cause you any pain, and I’ll stop.” From his serious expression, he meant every word.
Noah’s heart fluttered. “I promise, but you won’t.”
That was good enough for his mate, who continued to stretch him. One finger, then two. The slight burn became cycles of intense pleasure, and Noah was afraid he’d come from that alone if his man didn’t hurry up. Finally, Nix cupped his bottom, bringing the head of his cock to his opening.
Eyes never leaving Noah’s, he pushed inside. Slowly and carefully, he worked his way deeper, an expression of wonder on his handsome face. Noah knew how he felt. Joining with the one man in the universe truly meant to be his was like nothing he’d ever experienced. The first tendrils of a golden thread began to wind its way between them, and the pleasure was so intense he thought he might pass out.
Thankfully, he didn’t. He kept his focus on the wonderful feeling of his mate filling him, the sight of him pumping into Noah, the muscles of his chest and arms standing out in relief. Nix began to work himself fast, thrusting in and out, heightening the ecstasy to nearly unbearable levels.
Nix lowered him to the bed and covered him with his body, fusing their mouths together. They moved as one, and Noah thought, This is making love. This is what I’ve been missing all my life. Nothing else could ever compare again.
“Oh, God,” Nix breathed. “Baby . . .”
Their desire finally crested and spiraled out of control. Noah turned his head to the side, exposing his neck. “Bite me. Please.”
But Nix only buried his face in the curve of Noah’s neck and shoulder, pumping fast as he took them over the edge. They cried out together, clinging to each other as their orgasms subsided. Noah basked in the wonderful feeling of being thoroughly taken and loved by his mate.
Well, except for the actual bonding part. He tried not to be disappointed that Nix had chosen not to make it official yet, but it still felt like a rejection. And it stung.
Pushing down the hurt, he smiled up at his sated partner. Nix returned it with a grin, then gave him a searing kiss before getting serious.
“I’m sorry I didn’t claim you,” he said, pushing a strand of hair out of Noah’s eyes. “I will, though. I promise. I just need to get my head wrapped around all these changes in my life first, okay?”
There was a whole lot of I in that last sentence, and Noah wasn’t sure that boded well.
But he put a brave face on, and nodded. “Sure, sweetie. Whatever you need. We’ve got plenty of time.”
The relief on the other man’s face was painful to see. “Great. And could you not call me stuff like, you know, ‘sweetie,’ unless we’re alone? I like it, but it’s just . . .”
Noah stared at him, a shard of agony stabbing his guts. “Too faggy for a macho wolf like you?”
“No!” He pulled out and moved off Noah, sitting up, and shoved his long hair out of his face. “You don’t get it.”
Noah sat up and scooted around on the bed to face him. “So you keep saying. Tell me so I do understand. Help me, because I’m flying blind here, and the hot-and-cold routine is really starting to wear me down.”
“I’m sorry.” He fell silent for so long, Noah wasn’t sure he’d continue. But when he finally let it all out, a lot of what had been holding Nix back became clear. “My father was every bit the raging homophobe you described, and so much worse. He made my life hell growing up.”
“He must have, to fuck with your head to the point where you can’t accept who you are,” Noah said softly.
“You have no idea. My mother left us when I was about four or five. I don’t remember much except begging her not to go. Then there was just me and my father—he was never a dad. A dad loves his family. Not this bastard. He was a mean sack of shit, and nothing I did ever pleased him. Maybe it’s because he knew what I was.”
Noah waited. Nix needed to say it on his own, without interference. It was clearly tough for him to admit out loud.
“I’m gay, Noah,” he said quietly, staring at the bed covers. “Always knew it, and I’m sure he did, too. But I also knew he’d kill me for admitting it, and so I did my best to be the athletic, butch son he could be proud of. I played sports, fucked girls, drove a cool car. I messed around with a boy or two, but I was careful as hell not to let anyone find out in case it got back to my father. When I graduated high school, I joined the Navy faster than you can say sign on the dotted line because it got me away from that asshole.”
“I get all of that. But, you were gone at that point. You could do what you want, right?” As soon as the words left his mouth and he saw Nix’s sad smile, he realized how stupid they sounded.
“Wouldn’t it be nice if life worked that way? It doesn’t. ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ was still the rule in the military back then. Yeah, I had a couple of hookups with guys when I was on leave and that’s when I really knew I was gay, you know? That was my first real chance away from home and that bastard to find out about myself. But anything permanent? No. I don’t have to tell you how badly that would’ve been received, especially while I was with the SEALs. That part of my life was on hold.”
“And even if it hadn’t been, there was your dad’s influence hovering, always in the background,” Noah guessed.
“You’re exactly right. My old man’s warped beliefs, his hatred of anyone different, have been a cancer on my soul for as long as I can remember. I’m not ashamed of being gay at all. I want you to know that. But before I left home, he told me something that terrified me, and I’ve never forgotten it.”
Noah took his mate’s hand in silent encouragement as Nix went on.
“He said that if he ever got word that I’d given in to my ‘unnatural’ urges, he’d hunt me down and also kill my partner. He said he’d take us out in the woods somewhere and make me watch while he skinned and gutted the guy, then he might put a bullet in his brain to put him out of his misery. If he begged.”
“My God! What an evil son of a bitch! I’m sorry, but . . .”
“No, I couldn’t agree more. Then he said he’d let me go so I’d have to live for the rest of my life with the knowledge of what I’d done. What I’d done! Me!” He gave a bitter laugh, shaking his head.
“Nix, are you sure your father is still alive? You’ve been away from home for a decade.” Any hope that the evil bastard might’ve passed away in the years since vanished at his mate’s next words.
“He’s still alive. I keep tabs on him. After our SEAL team was ambushed by the werewolves in Afghanistan seven years ago and turned, he was told I was dead—that’s what all our families were told. But my father has always been the suspicious type. Without my actual body, he’s asked a lot of questions, and the fewer answers he’s received the more curious he’s gotten.”
“That’s fucking scary, if you don’t mind my saying.”
“You’re telling me.” He squeezed Noah’s hand, staring deeply into his eyes, expression earnest. “Now do you understand why I’ve been so messed up about coming out? About claiming you openly, and a
bout public displays of affection? I’m not afraid of loving you, Noah. I’m afraid of the consequences should that mangy excuse of a human being ever learn about you. He’d make good on every threat and not bat an eyelash in sympathy. I can’t let anything happen to you.”
“Nothing’s going to happen to me. Not only do I have you to protect me, but both of us have an entire Pack of wolf shifters, plus a Sorcerer and a Fae prince at our backs.” He grinned. “What could one human man possibly hope to accomplish against an army like that?”
“Well, when you put it like that, it sort of makes my fears sound stupid.” He shot Noah a wry smile.
“Not stupid at all. Caution is healthy, but when fear is allowed to take over your life? That’s a problem, my mate.”
“Yeah, well, that fear has had a lifetime to become a problem,” Nix said in disgust. Then he shook his head. “I don’t want to think about my old man anymore. In fact, we both need to get our minds off unpleasant stuff for a while.”
“I thought we just did?” Noah smirked.
“You know what I mean, you sex fiend.”
“Yeah, I do.” Cocking his head, Noah had an idea. “Say, why don’t we go for a walk before dinner? You can let your wolf out for a run and I can tag along, get some exercise.”
“Sounds fun, but are you sure you’re up to it?”
“Positive. Let’s go!”
“All right, but not for too long. I don’t want you to wear yourself out when you’re supposed to be recovering.”
“Hey, if I get worn out it’ll be for only the best of reasons.” His wink was met with a genuine laugh as they slid from the bed and got dressed.
All the way outside, it was all he could do to watch where he was walking when all he wanted to do was ogle Nix.
Now he understood his man so much better. His heart wept for what Nix had been through growing up with such a horrible father, and how it was hurting him even now. Well, Noah was going to do his best to change that. To help his mate get over his fears, show him how awesome life could be with the right person.
* * *
Nix decided to take his mate to the spot by the stream where he’d run the day before. Perhaps this time he wouldn’t need to perform solo. The idea had a smile forming on his face.
Me and a guy. Bondmates. And not just any guy, but Noah. A hot little number who’s as sweet as he is sexy. Who would’ve thought?
Sure, like he’d told Noah, he’d been with a few men. He’d known the very first time he’d given in to temptation why being with women had never quite done it for him. But those had been one-night stands. Furtive and fleeting, so no one—especially his father—would ever find out. He never expected to have a real relationship, out in the open, much less something permanent. Could he actually take that final step, sinking his teeth into his mate and binding them forever?
The knowledge of what his father would do if he found out chilled him to the bone. Every word he’d said to his mate was true—his father would take great pleasure in torturing Noah slowly before he granted him death.
Shaking himself, he pushed that image away and forced himself to focus on the positive. Noah filled a space inside Nix that he hadn’t even realized was desolate until they’d met. As much as he tried to rationalize his feelings as sheer lust, what they’d just done wasn’t fucking.
They’d made love.
Never had he experienced such deep satisfaction with another person. He could only imagine how much greater the gratification would be once they were true Bondmates.
Happiness was right there, his for the taking. Just a little longer, and he’d beat the fears that had dogged him since his adolescence. If only Noah would be patient a while longer.
As they crossed the expanse of lawn on the compound, before they reached the edge of the forest, Nix took his mate’s hand twining their fingers together. Weird, holding a man’s hand . . . but nice. Nix knew this was a big step for him, and from the look of surprise Noah shot him, his face flushing with pleasure, he knew it too. Such a small thing, and yet everything.
For the first time, it really hit Nix that sex and intimacy were two completely different things. Holding hands, showing Noah he cared, was more intimate than a base sexual act.
He made a mental note to get better at the small things. Noah deserved happiness.
On the end of that thought, he realized he knew little of Noah’s background. “What about you?” he asked as they headed into the forest and down the trail. “What were your growing-up years like?”
“A little lonely,” he answered wistfully, sadness flitting across his face. “Pretty stereotypical for a gay kid in a small, conservative town. My parents weren’t like your dad, at least not to that extreme. They didn’t push me to do sports or anything; they were fine with my being the brainiac nerd type, winning blue ribbons for my science fair projects—as long as I ended up being a doctor, married to an equally successful woman, and producing several little Noahs to carry on the family name.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah. Imagine their surprise when their future doctor decided to be a nurse, and they came home early one day to find him doing his best to get Jay Thompson pregnant?”
Nix couldn’t help it—he laughed out loud. “Oh, shit!”
His mate snorted. “Right? The image kind of bleaches your brain, doesn’t it? Anyway, my parents were the type whose love was conditional. I’ll love you if only you live your life exactly as I envision it, and follow my dreams. When they found me with Jay, I was just starting nursing school. That was the final blow, and they threw me out and disowned me. I haven’t seen them since. Don’t know if they’re alive, don’t care.”
Something in his tone said he did care but didn’t want to. Nix didn’t push. Instead, he asked, “How did you manage?”
“I went to live with Jay’s family, finished school. He and I never went beyond friends with benefits, but he and his folks got me through a rough time. I’m grateful to them for that, though I didn’t keep in touch with any of them.”
Nix was selfishly glad his mate wasn’t still talking to his old fuck buddy. His wolf might have to rip out the man’s throat. “Then you ended up here?”
“Not quite. I got a job working at a big hospital in Atlanta. That’s actually where I met Melina.”
“You’re kidding?” They’d started walking again, still holding hands, and Nix shot him a look of surprise. “I had no idea you two knew each other before.”
“Yeah. She was really supportive when I took some shit at work for being gay. Then she left to come here, and things got really bad. I had her cell phone number and she told me to call if I ever needed her, but I was determined to stick things out in Atlanta.”
“Were these coworkers who were hassling you?” Nix scowled. “Sorry to stereotype, but you couldn’t have been the first gay male nurse they’d worked with!”
“You’d think, wouldn’t you? I mean, I’ve never hidden who I am. Not since my folks tossed me out like garbage. Since that day, I swore I’d never be anyone but myself, and fuck anybody who wanted me to be different.”
Except me, Nix thought with shame. Just the other day, he offered to change, for me.
“Don’t ever change,” he reiterated. “Not for me, or anybody. Be yourself.”
Noah’s smile was like a ray of sunlight. “I will.”
“So, how exactly did you end up here, at the compound?”
“Things in Atlanta came to a head when two guys were waiting for me late one night when I got off work. They assaulted me beside my car, beat me up, and left me there.”
“What?” Nix’s fangs dropped and his claws sprouted from his fingertips. “I’ll fucking kill both of them.”
“No, sweetie,” he placated, squeezing Nix’s hand. “They went to jail. They forgot that the staff parking garage has security cameras, and there just
wasn’t any defense against what they did when it was all caught on video. The police were very professional, so that part was handled well. But I’d had enough of the city, and placed that call to Melina.”
“And the rest is history.”
“Pretty much.” Noah shivered visibly. “I’ll never forget the day the team rescued you and brought you in. After all those months missing and held captive, you were such a mess, but you hadn’t lost your fighting spirit.”
Stopping, Nix pulled his mate tight against his chest. “I took one look at you, and sticking around suddenly seemed real important. For what it’s worth, I’m glad I did.”
Tears sprang to Noah’s big blue eyes. “That’s the greatest thing anyone’s ever said to me.” A tear escaped to roll down his cheek.
Nix wiped it away with his finger. “Don’t cry, beautiful. I can’t stand it.”
“They’re happy tears.”
Unable to resist, Nix cupped Noah’s face and kissed him tenderly. Why had he ever hesitated? He would never get enough of those lips, of his mate’s heady taste. His wolf growled in pleasure, demanding they take him again. Soon.
Pulling back, Nix tugged his companion down the trail a bit further to a spot that was good for leaving his clothes so he could shift. “Right here, baby. You ready to play with your wolf?”
“Yes!”
Quickly, Nix stripped and placed his clothing on a fallen log. Then he let the change overtake him. His wolf was freed and loped eagerly to his mate, barking happily and dancing around as Noah laughed.
Enough talk. Time for some fun.
4
Nix could’ve run all afternoon, playing with his mate, tackling him to the ground and wrestling, listening to him laugh in delight.
One by one, several of the guys had paired off with their Bondmates, and Nix had to admit had hadn’t understood what was so special about being tied to a partner. Some of the toughest baddasses he’d ever known had been laid low by the love bug, and Nix had actually regarded them with amusement.