Chapter 17: A Study
“Kate,” her dad’s voice came from outside her closed bedroom door. “Kate, come on. I need you to drive.” Katelyn pushed herself up on her elbows and opened her eyes enough to grasp that it was still dark out. She groaned. “Five minutes,” he said, and she heard his feet shuffle away.
Methodically, Katelyn threw her legs over the bed, found her jeans on the floor and threw them on. She pulled herself up off the low mattress and steadied herself. She didn’t want to turn on the light, but she wouldn’t be able to find a decent sweater in her drawer without it. The light blinded the room and she peeked through lowered lids to spot a fleece pullover. She opened another drawer to find a clean bra. Nothing.
The laundry basket across the room held some clean clothes and she lucked out. She grabbed a down vest, too. It was only the first week in December, but the winter freeze was in full force.
After a trudge to the bathroom to clean her face and brush her hair, she made her way to the kitchen. She looked into the living room and saw that Jenny had stayed the night. Her form made a big lump under the comforter on the couch. A smaller form on the floor slowly rose and fell with little girl breathing. Kayla was laid out in a sleeping bag rather than in her bed in Brianna’s room. She wants to be with her mom, Katelyn smiled.
Katelyn trudged into the kitchen where her dad held a Pepsi to his mouth and another one in his hand for her. “Ahhh,” he said after downing his whole can, and he pushed her can toward her.
“Thanks,” she mumbled. She grabbed her bag and jacket. They left the sleeping house, passing the microwave clock that read 6:04 a.m.
Outside, the cold late November air woke her up enough to get her to quicken her step. “Shit, it’s cold,” she said and quickly ducked into the driver’s side of an old Dodge Neon her dad had bought from a used car lot two weeks ago. “Quality cars under $1,000,” the ad had said. The car had been $999, but quality wasn’t the word Katelyn would use to describe it.
She turned on the car and ignored the rattling sounds. After a few minutes, between the full blast setting of the car’s defrost and the wipers acting as a scraper, Katelyn had enough view through the frost on the windshield. Her dad finished his cigarette and hopped in. Katelyn backed up the car and headed down their street.
As they made the last few turns out of town, they spotted the familiar police cruiser parked just past the cemetery. Katelyn checked her speed without worry. The cop had no reason to stop them. That’s why she was dragged out of bed in the first place. Katelyn was glad she hadn’t protested. If her dad was the one behind the wheel, they would have busted him by now. The last thing Katelyn needed was for her dad to get locked up again. Everybody was finally getting along.
After her dad was released from the treatment center, the judge cut him a deal. Brian had to stay clean, participate in a medication study the State was running, and report in with his parole officer every week. Now, for the second week in a row, Katelyn was driving her dad to Des Moines as part of the bargain. He had to physically visit the participating clinic in Des Moines and do some sort of interview. Then, they’d give him a week’s dose of pills and sign a document for his parole officer.
The county revoked his driver’s license, and the local cops laid in waiting for him to try his luck. His truck had been repossessed right when he came home from Utah. So, he bought the used car and let Katelyn drive it as long as she gave him rides to the clinic in Des Moines every week. She had also agreed to play chauffeur to him if he found a job, but that hadn’t happened so far.
Katelyn had taken driver’s ed over the summer and now had a school permit. So, the driving deal with her dad meant freedom for her. She didn’t have to rely on Emily for rides anymore. If Katelyn could find a new job, she could get a work permit, too.
“Those fuckers,” her dad said and he flipped the squad car off after they passed.
Katelyn’s yawn was cut off by a small giggle. “Daaad,” she said and checked her rear view mirror.
As she turned onto the highway and sped up, the wind whistled through the poor seal around the driver’s door. The door lacked an inside panel, so the noise of the wind began to drown out the rattles and loud muffler. Katelyn was fully awake now. The car’s heater barely kept up with the cold air leaking in through the cracks.
She looked over at her dad. He was a bit uneasy in his seat. His hands rubbed his knees and he restlessly looked out to the dark fields. He caught her looking and gave her a smile.
Katelyn smiled and turned back to the road.
“Thanks for the ride, kiddo. Sorry about the hour, but this time you shouldn’t be late to school. We’ll be the first ones there when it opens at 7. No waiting today.” He sounded optimistic. Katelyn knew the drive must be humiliating on some level for him. But, at least he wasn’t in jail.
She didn’t know how to talk to him about the drugs. Plus, she didn’t know if she wanted to give him any room for excuses. He had left their family in a bad situation once again.
His apology at the treatment center stuck out in her mind. At the time, Katelyn had been sort of uncomfortable and wanted the whole thing to end, but now she wished they could have that honesty and peace all the time. If Mom wouldn’t yell at him, maybe things would be better. Katelyn thought through the solution. Maybe all Dad needs is someone to have faith in him.
Katelyn slowed on the highway when she came up on the Interstate exchange and took I35 South. Even though she had made this trip the previous week and had driven this route before with Tim, her shoulders tightened with the higher speed as she joined early commuters and long haul truckers.
“Might snow soon,” her dad said.
“I hope not.” Katelyn tensed even more at the thought of driving in snow and ice.
Her dad tried another avenue of conversation. “Mom says you’re doing better at school.”
She didn’t really want to talk about that either, but she played along. It was a chance to have her dad to herself while he was in a good mood. “Yeah. I didn’t fail any courses first quarter and I got a B in Math.”
“That’s great, Kate. That’s great.”
“Yeah.” She didn’t have anything else to say about it. She could tell him what classes she was in and about how she really liked Mrs. Strait, her new English teacher this year. Katelyn had written two essays so far that she was pretty proud of. But, her dad never remembered about school stuff. Why bother tell him?
The lack of conversation gnawed at her, so she switched the topic to him. “Any luck on a job?”
She heard his sigh over the noise of the car. “Not you too?” She looked at him and he was shaking his head in defeat.
“Sorry, Dad. I didn’t mean anything by it. I just,” she gave up, “hope you find something. You must be bored.”
He shrugged. “Oh, I’m keeping plenty busy.” He gestured toward the interstate in front of them. “Besides, your mom will have me practically building a new house by the time I’m done with her fix up list.”
She laughed, and secretly wondered what he had fixed so far. Hopefully he’d get to patching the drywall in the bathroom. The door handle had punched through the wall from someone in the house again.
It was silent for a few miles and they passed a sign announcing Des Moines 12 miles ahead. Katelyn thought about their destination again.
“So, is this working, Dad?”
He didn’t answer right away, but she knew he understood.
“It has to, doesn’t it?” He shifted in his seat, leaning his head back on the headrest. “Yeah, I don’t know what med they have me on. It could be the placebo, the fake one, ya know. But, I feel different.”
He didn’t go on. “Like, how?” Katelyn asked.
He shrugged slightly. “I don’t know. I guess I feel
kind of live, more energetic, less edgy, ya know?”
She didn’t know. Katelyn had only ever smoked some weed, nothing more. She took a chance at humor. “Not really, Dad.”
He laughed one chuckle. “I hope not.” He shifted again, this time more upright. His hands joined in the conversation. “You don’t know and I hope you’ll never know, but it’s nasty how bad I used to want the stuff. I had no power over myself. It’s like I was obeying something really strong that hid in me. Scares the shit out of me that some pill might be the only strength I have against that urge right now, but I’ll take it.”
Katelyn didn’t say anything. She wasn’t willing to give her dad her forgiveness or any sign of it. If she forgave him, he might think he was in the clear. Her mind had switched, though, to thinking of Tim instead of her dad’s situation. She’d dumped him right after the Des Moines incident. He called for two days straight trying every possible way to say he was sorry. “Why’d you ever start, Dad?”
He considered his thoughts before he answered. “I could tell you it was someone else’s fault, Kate, someone gave it to me or something. But, the truth is, I wanted to feel good. I needed a pick-me-up.” He sounded done, but then added, lower, “Still do.”