Science was finally over and Katelyn made her way to lunch. Just outside the cafeteria, Gorman stood guard and grabbed a few students who had Study Café duty. At least Katelyn hadn’t suffered that humiliation yet this school year. As she passed Murray, he directed his monkey grin toward her.
“Miss Wells,” he greeted.
“Mr. Gorman,” she mocked his tone and passed him. Katelyn made her way to the back table where she usually sat and was grateful to see JT and his gang already there. JT was a friend of her cousin who lived in a nearby town. JT was practically a cousin himself.
Katelyn sat a few seats away. “Hey,” she said and opened up her notebook to her math homework.
“Hey, Katelyn,” JT greeted her and then went back to talking about his kills in an online game with the other boys at the table. JT and his friends didn’t usually include her in their conversations unless they needed an outside opinion. But they didn’t mind her sitting with them. Emily had the same lunch this semester, but she sat with Maci and other girls who Katelyn couldn’t stand. Plus, sitting with the boys turned out to help her grades. Katelyn had started off occupying herself by pretending to do homework. That way, she didn’t have to meet the eyes of other people who might have noticed her sitting alone. Sometimes her math homework was done by the end of lunch.
Today Katelyn was too tired to focus on the algebra assignment. She was hungry, but didn’t have any money for lunch. She doubted her mom put any into her lunch account. She’d eat when she went home. She just had to make it through English. She looked in her bag for a piece of gum, but couldn’t find one.
Katelyn checked her phone in the front pocket. No messages. Katelyn ran through her past messages. There wasn’t many to sort through in the past month besides stuff from her mom, Jenny, and a few from kids at school. She found Tim’s messages from after the Des Moines disaster, after she broke up with him. The messages bounced between “Luv u” and “I’m so sorry” to hurtful lines: “I never loved u” and “betraying bitch,”
“Leave me alone” she had responded and, when Tim sent “U r worthless”, she couldn’t resist. “That makes 2 of us” she bit back. She thought about getting a new phone or showing her mom the messages, but she didn’t want interference. Katelyn didn’t want to give her mom a reason to get overprotective or keep her in lock down.
Katelyn did call Tim after she received one text where he threatened to kill himself. He didn’t actually say he’d kill himself, just that life wasn’t worth living without her. The conversation was pretty much the same as the texts. He said how sorry he was and he didn’t mean to leave her alone that night. It was just the drugs that made him act that way. He had never shot ice before, just snorted or smoked it. He’d never do it again. “You’re the only girl I ever loved,” he pleaded. “You’re the only one who understands me.”
Without intending to, Katelyn sighed loudly, and JT and his friends stopped for a moment to look at her. Katelyn blushed and tucked her phone back into her bag.
Her moments now felt empty. Katelyn couldn’t get through a day without thinking about Tim. While making dinner, she’d remember their food fight while making spaghetti—noodles all over each other, the walls, the floor. Or, in her room, a song would play that he used to sing to her while he strummed her leg like a guitar. Watching any movie with a romantic scene was out of the question. They only made her remember how she felt when Tim kissed her.
It’s just the drug. Without it, he is Tim. I still love him. Katelyn’s thoughts were briefly interrupted as JT’s voice rose above the others in argument.
“Man, you just have to give it a second chance,” JT said. “It totally blows Grand Theft off the radar. You don’t know what you’re missing.” He ended his plea for his new game and got up to clear his lunch tray.
Katelyn went back to studying her phone. She knew too clearly what she was missing. She hit new message and auto complete finished filling in Tim’s number. “How r u?” She hovered over the send button. Second chances sometimes work out. Katelyn took the chance. “Message sent” flashed and also disappeared.
Katelyn chewed on her thumb. Her knee began to tap. She looked around at the students in the cafeteria. They were all busy talking to each other. The food was gone, mouths were empty, and people yelled to get heard over the rest of the talking. The lunch supervisors had started blocking the halls to prevent kids from breaking out before the bell.
Katelyn’s pocket vibrated under her hand. She lifted the phone out and held her breath.
“Better now. I miss u.”
“Me too. R u clean?”
Within seconds she saw what she knew he’d reply. “Yep.”