Chapter 8: Grounded
Grounded. Katelyn lay on her bed with her stereo blaring heavy rock music. Brianna had already been the messenger once. “Mom says to turn that crap down.” Katelyn had turned it down a few notches, only after slamming the door in Brianna’s face. She wanted it loud. It was her protest against her punishment, a month grounded—no friends over and no staying at friends’ houses. Katelyn had to be home at 5 p.m. everyday, allowing for after school study hour, which she never attended anyways. There was no loss in not having friends stay. She never brought them home anyway.
Now she truly was imprisoned.
The song pounded through the room. The singer ripped into the scream of the chorus. She was tempted to scream along. She knew it was late, past 10 p.m. She was told to do her homework and clean her room. This, of course, was demanded after her mom ripped into her about her behavior with Gorman.
I can’t believe Gorman made an issue about getting cussed at, she thought. What a baby. She could understand his reporting her walking out and the office referral from Teacher Woman, but to make a big deal about being told to F-off was wimpy, not to mention called attention to his action of grabbing her arm. Katelyn smiled wickedly when she remembered her dad saying he’d call him. Katelyn wished she could see Gorman’s face when her dad let loose on him.
She wasn’t quite sure which part her mom was most upset about. “Disrespect” had been a high frequency word in her mom’s sermon. She did, however, throw in guilt about all the problems Katelyn was creating for herself and everyone else. Her mom had almost started crying after she said, “What’s happened to you? Why are you acting this way?”
Katelyn laid on her bed and wondered about that question herself. Something was burning inside her, like there was an animal clawing its way out. So many things seemed to be going wrong.
Katelyn didn’t get the things the teachers were talking about. They were so boring. Katelyn couldn’t care less about the periodical table, and when she tried to memorize any of the symbols, her mind just couldn’t hold on to them. Her tests were a disaster; she would spend most of the exam chewing on her nails as her she stared at the words in front of her. Science was the worst, but she was also failing PE and English. PE was the first class of her day and being late all the time didn’t help. Plus, she was not athletic.
Katelyn had failed math in eighth grade, the first class she had ever failed. She didn’t do most of the homework. Then, the work just grew harder, and she bombed the tests. Still, the F was a shock, a punch in the gut.
Failing came easier now. Last quarter she had failed two classes. Now, she was targeted for Study Café and her schedule had been automatically changed to switch her to an easier math class..
Katelyn sighed. She could try harder. Science was a lost cause, but she could do some PE make up sessions. She wasn’t that far behind in English, either. She needed to turn in an essay, a poem, and about a million grammar worksheets. The Romeo & Juliet journal was worth 100 points in itself and they had just started that. Katelyn perked up. I could do a couple entries tonight, she thought.
She turned to look at her dresser where she usually put her books if she brought them home. Nothing. That’s right, she remembered. She left her few school supplies in Gorman’s secretary’s office. They still had her phone, too.
Katelyn reached into her hoodie pocket and took out the phone battery. She went over to the dresser and put it on top with the loose change. Her phone charger sat uselessly.
What was Tim thinking? she wondered. He never received her last message, so that left him without an answer to how she felt about him. Katelyn flared again. Finally, a boy liked her and now it was all messed up.
She flopped back on to the bed, face down buried into the pillow, and held her breath. The world was still and her ears began to ring with lack of oxygen. She arched up and took a deep breath, turning her head to lie sideways. She caught her reflection in the mirror and instantly became self conscious. The look on her face was hard, ugly even.
Katelyn released her face and examined her reflection. A white line was exposed above her nose where the skin had previously been pinched. So, that’s where mom’s wrinkles come from, she thought.
Katelyn massaged her face muscles and looked again. Better. She practiced a smile, but it looked cheesy in the mirror. Yet, her dimples, which everyone used to make such a big deal about, took over in her cheeks. They always made people say, “She’s so cute.” She never heard “beautiful.” She shook her hair forward, its blonde length falling forward in one clump. She ran her fingers through it and it instantly flowed better as she swayed back and forth.
Am I attractive? she wondered. She tried to see what she must look like to Tim. Even in the two occasions that they’d spent together, she could pull from memory now how he would look at her. At first Katelyn had been uneasy about his confidence and had to look away from his direct look, but when she looked back up at him, he’d be watching her still and welcome back her gaze with a soft smile.
The CD had ended with one of its softer songs, a ballad on pain. Katelyn noticed the quiet now. She went to her pocket automatically to check her mobile for the time before she remembered again that she didn’t have it. That was priority number one tomorrow, she thought. Get the phone back! She rolled over to the other side of the bed and unearthed an alarm clock on a night table barely distinguishable from all the wrappers, empty soda cans and glasses, and other strewn about objects. It’s time to clean the room, she thought. The clock read 11:34 in digital red numbers, but then she remembered it was set 15 minutes fast, a trick intended to help her get up in the morning. It didn’t work.
Katelyn should sleep, but she couldn’t. She was tired, but her mind was restless.
Katelyn grabbed all the wrappers and old papers and stuffed them in the small garbage bin by her door. She picked up the cans and empty glasses and carefully maneuvered her way to the door, oddly turning the knob with the sides of her hands, which were cradling her load. The door released and she nudged it open with her knee. She paused and listened for sounds of her parents. The TV was on in the living room. A laugh track came in steady doses from a sitcom. She didn’t hear her mom.
Katelyn crept down the hall in her bare feet, the carpet muffling her approach. She could see into the living room where the glow from the TV flickered over the floor where Kayla had fallen asleep on her favorite blanket. She crept around the corner, peeking to see the dining room table vacant and the adjoining kitchen just as empty. She put the cans in the garbage and stacked the glasses in the dishwasher.
She hadn’t eaten any supper, so she opened up the fridge to see what she could get. The top shelf held the remains of a weekend pizza in its cardboard box. The few slices looked petrified. A lower shelf had her mom’s assortment of the latest diet plan shakes. She tried the freezer only to find more frozen “lean” meals and some frozen pizzas. But, barely visible was a package of ice cream cookie sandwiches, the non-diet kind. Mom’s stash, Katelyn thought. She grabbed one from the already open box and pushed the box back into its hiding place.
While she ate, she went to the living room and looked at Kayla. The TV remote stuck out from under her leg. Katelyn moved it and grabbed a light blanket from the couch. She should put her bed, she thought, but that would run the risk of waking Brianna, who may not even be asleep. More than likely, Brianna was in her room instant messaging or chatting on her web page. The second computer used to be in Katelyn’s room, but her mom moved it as one of her previous punishments for her failing mid-term grades. Now, if Katelyn wanted to check her page or email, she had to sign on in the living room computer where she had no privacy.
She looked over to the computer now. Its screensaver image bounced from side to side. She could check to see if Tim had maybe looked her up. But, before she could get up, she heard the side door op
en and her dad’s voice following her mom’s stomping feet.
“Are you happy now?” he said. They were in the kitchen, still divided off from where Katelyn stood frozen. “Is there any other place you want to search? Jesus, Karen, what do I have to do? What’s going to make you happy?”
Katelyn realized her mistake. She had thought that her mom was in bed and her dad gone, but it was too early for her mom to be asleep. Her parents must have been outside. She could guess what her mom was searching for. Now Katelyn was trapped in the living room, caught if they came far enough into the dining room or into the living room itself. Katelyn wouldn’t be in trouble, but she’d be dragged into their fight. Plus, she didn’t want to see either of them yet in case they decided she hadn’t had enough “talking to” earlier.
“You’re not right,” she heard her mom say in a tired, firm voice.
“You’ve got nothin’,” her dad snapped. “You’re just full of ideas, full of things to make me out to be some sort of fuckin’ criminal. Get off your high horse, Karen.”
Katelyn heard them take a few steps and then her mom’s voice came closer, but turned while she talked, back into the kitchen. “You disappeared for four days only two weeks ago and then you don’t come home last night!? What am I supposed to think?” she paused. “What are your kids supposed to think?” There was momentary silence, but Katelyn could hear her dad sigh. She wondered what if he was thinking about her after that.
“I checked the account today, Brian,” her mom accused. “Where did a thousand bucks go since last week?”
“There you go. It’s my money too, right?”
“Yeah? Where do your paychecks come from, Brian? Where is ‘your money’?” Even Katelyn cringed after this low blow. Her dad had been laid off as a construction foreman before Christmas. Since then he had to take odd site jobs, either by himself or assemble a crew for the few bids that were rarely accepted.
Her dad didn’t respond, but she heard the sound of a lighter. Fresh tobacco smoke filled the air. She didn’t know if it was his or her mom’s cigarette.
“There’s enough shit going on around here. There’s bills stacking up,” her mom said. “The bank's coming for the truck.”
“I’ll get the money.”
“The baby costs a lot, his formula, diapers. Katelyn’s birthday’s in three weeks.”
“I said I’ll get the money.”
“How? By spending it on drugs?” her mom hissed. “Or on some whore?” The volume level of her mom’s voice was rising.
“That’s bullshit!” Her dad yelled back. “Don’t go getting started on that again. You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“I know it wasn’t you who answered your phone last week and you don’t have no secretary. I know you’ve been high. Look at you, all shaking and washed out. I know there are bills to pay and I’m the only one paying them!”
Katelyn didn’t need to see her mom to know how mean her face looked right then. She heard something hit the counter hard and then heard keys as they were swiped up from the top of the microwave.
“So pay them,” her dad said simply, and then the door swung open and shut. Chevy barked a few objections in the backyard.
Katelyn exhaled from her frozen pose and watched out the thin curtain as the truck revved to life and headlights swung into the street. The motor roared with the anger of her dad’s escape.
Katelyn scooped up the sleeping Kayla, who moaned lightly but cuddled into her body. Katelyn rounded the corner. She paused as she passed the dining room, looking back over to the kitchen. Her mom stood with both arms extended on the counter support herself. She turned her downcast head to meet Katelyn’s eyes. There were no words exchanged, just an understanding. Katelyn did not judge her mom, and her mom didn’t expect anything from Katelyn. She just registered that Katelyn heard the argument. Katelyn held the look until her mom turned away, returning to an empty stare at some unknown answer between her and the countertop.
Katelyn went down the hall and put Kayla in her small bed. Brianna was on her bed turned toward the wall, but Katelyn could tell she wasn’t sleeping. Then, Katelyn retreated to her own room again.