I sat on my bathroom floor, afraid to do it. I was on the pill. I couldn’t be pregnant. Standing up, I pulled the pack of pills from my medicine cabinet. Hmmm. I was sort of on the pill. I took fifteen of twenty-eight last month, and seven so far this month. I sucked. I sucked as a private investigator and I sucked at life. Of all times, of all people, now and Becker wasn’t the right time or the right guy. It had to be Becker. Cooper and I only had sex a week ago, and he used a condom. Becker never used a condom. But I wasn’t sick. Shouldn’t I have morning sickness or sore boobs? “Ouch,” I audibly said, squeezing my firmer than normal breasts. Damn.
An hour and a half later, I once again sat on the floor, right in front of the five plus signs. All five of the tests said yes, and I was no doubt with child. Now what? I had to tell my dad, Matt, Justine, and Becker. What would the girls think? They never had sex with Becker until after the ceremony. They were going to hate me. Oh man, oh man, oh man. How could I let this happen?
I’m sure I didn’t sleep one minute. Thoughts flooded my mind the entire night. I couldn’t keep this baby. Yes, I could, I kept a stray cat. How fair would that be? No, I couldn’t compare my baby to Snowball. That was different. Wasn’t it?
My eyes were wide open when I got the text from Matt the next morning.
Matt – Meet me at the office, we’ll do some research on the place in Texas.
Cass – Matt, I have a horrible migraine. Can I come later?
Matt – Sure, hope you feel better.
Cass – Okay, thanks.
Staring up at the ceiling, I thought about the other person I had to tell. Cooper. Great. Dragging myself to the bathroom, I brushed my teeth, trying to convince myself that the queasiness I felt was all in my head. I wasn’t sick before. Was I? Maybe I was a little. Matt’s coffee had been driving me crazy, the beer I tried to drink at the beach house tasted like salt and vinegar, and I swore the Chinese food I ordered a couple nights before was spoiled. I didn’t eat it. Looking at my pale complexion through the mirror, I held my hand over my mouth then turned, diving for the toilet. Toothpaste smelled horrible. I was never brushing my teeth again.
***
I spent the next few days trying to pretend none of it was happening. I dialed Becker’s number several times, but hung up before he answered. I derailed Cooper’s attempts to have sex with me by telling him my periods were all screwed up because of new pills, and I was always on my monthly around him. I needed to just tell him. I needed to tell everyone. UGH.
“Cassie.” My dad snapped his fingers during a briefing.
I pulled my attention from the parking lot back to Matt who going over what we had learned, well, what he learned, anyway. I wasn’t much help.
“So, this is the same guy that his sister called here a few months back?” Marti asked.
“No, that was Christina’s sister, not his,” I reminded her. Shit. Open mouth and insert entire foot.
“Christina?” she questioned. My dad questioned, too… with his eyes.
“She’s one of Becker’s wives,” Matt said, helping me out. “We’re not sure if Becker has anything to do with it. From what I have gathered so far, something happened along the way. I think maybe he and his brother were involved at some point, but not now. There has been zero contact between their father and the two brothers.”
“I’m sure Becker doesn’t have anything to do with it,” I spouted again, only this time Matt kicked me under the table, telling me to shut up with his eyes.
It wasn’t until later in the car that he told me I sucked at a job that I already knew I sucked at, and if I didn’t want my father or the entire office finding out about Becker and me, I needed to let him do the talking.
“Wait here,” he said, leaving me in the car after pulling in to an empty parking spot at the hospital, the one I had watched him pick his nephew up from.
“What are we doing here?” I nosily asked.
“Jacob’s here for therapy. He forgot his lunch money. I need to drop it off so the kid doesn’t have to starve.”
“Can I come?”
“No. Wait here.”
“Why?” I asked, getting midway through my one word question before the door was slammed and Matt was trotting to the hospital entrance.
I watched a lady beside me retrieve not one, but two babies from the backseat of her SUV. Placing my hand on my lower abdomen, I wondered how in the world you could take care of two babies at the same time. She did. She was very good at retrieving the stroller, placing one baby in the right side, talking and cooing with her, and then the doing the same to the other baby. I had no idea how old they were by the size of them. I didn’t know how big a baby was supposed to be at any age.
“Okay, so I was thinking,” Matt said, sliding back into the car. “You sick?” he asked, looking at my hand covering my stomach.
“No,” I said moving my hand. “What were you thinking?”
“What if Becker knows other fathers? What if the other girls being brought here are also daughters of polygamist?”
“What if they are?” I questioned, wondering where he was going with this.
“What if I let you talk to him? Undercover? You know, try to get some info.”
“I don’t want to talk to him.” No way. I couldn’t talk to Becker.
“It’s work. Call him and ask him to meet you somewhere. I’ll be close by.”
“I don’t need you to be close by. He would never hurt me,” I said with an eye roll.
“I feel better being there. Call him.”
“No, Matt. I’m not calling Becker. Forget it.”
“Why?”
“I can’t.”
“Why?”
“I just can’t. We’ll figure it out another way.”
“What the hell, Cassie? You throw everything but a tantrum about me insisting you stay away from him, and now when I tell you that you can see him, you won’t? It’s work. Don’t you want to stop this?”
“Yes, but he doesn’t know anything. This is not a job for a couple private investigators. It needs more than us. It’s bigger than us,” I argued, trying to get him to see. I didn’t want to do it. Please don’t make me do it.
“Agreed, that’s why you need to talk to him, find out about other families around where he grew up. Let’s do this, Small Fry. We can stop this—you and me. We’ve got this.”
Well, hell. “I’ll see him, but not on your terms. I’ll do it on my own.”
“No way. I don’t trust him.”
“Matt, I know the guy way better than you think. He’s not going to hurt me. He would never hurt me.”
“I beg to differ. Okay, we’ll do it on your terms, but you wear a wire.”
“Nope. Not happening.”
“You’re more obstinate than your mother. You know that? You are Cassie.”
“You knew my mother?” I asked with a frown. The sudden shift in his expression didn’t go unnoticed. He slipped. He didn’t mean to say that.
“No, I’ve just heard your dad talk about her enough,” he lied, turning down the street, heading to the door where we would sit all day long and probably not see one young girl being brought to Goldman.
“You’re lying. My dad never talks about my mom. Never,” I repeated. “How did you know my mom?”
“I’m not lying. I’ve heard your dad compare you to her lots of times.”
“When?” I asked, calling him out.
“Forget it, would you?”
“No. I don’t want to forget it. I saw a picture of my mother and me, standing right on your front porch. Why, Matt? Why was my mother and I at your house?”
“How the hell am I supposed to know? I’ve only lived there for ten years.”
“Since your mother died? Was that her house before?”
“What? What the hell are you talking about?”
“Why did you move here? Where did you come from, or did you come back from somewhere? What’s your last name, Matt?” All the questions that I
had been trying to keep buried and not think about came pouring out of my mouth.
“Fine, call Becker, but I want to know when and where you’re meeting him.”
“What is your last name?” I asked one more time.
“Cassie, please let this go,” Matt quietly requested, turning his attention to me at the red light. I couldn’t let it go. I was right. I knew it. I was right.
“I can’t. There are too many unanswered questions. My mother didn’t die until six months after what I have been told my entire life. There is a reason I was lied to. Do you know why, Matt?”
“Cass, talk to your dad. Please. I’m going to drop you off at your house. I have a few errands I need to run.”
“Of course you do,” I sadly responded. So much for our stakeout. He wasn’t going to tell me anything. I knew it and he knew it. Would my dad? “Take me back to the office. I want my car,” I countered.
“Oh yeah, I didn’t pick you up this morning,” Matt laughed, trying to smooth over his screw up. I didn’t laugh back. My life was a mystery, innocent girls were being sold into slavery, and I was carrying Becker’s baby. I didn’t have a whole hell of a lot to laugh about.
I wanted to tell Justine, but she made it impossible. Listening to her go on and on about how in love with Hunter she was, I refrained. She wanted me to feel the same way about Cooper, but I just didn’t. I tried to pay attention, wanting her to be happy, but once again, I couldn’t. I had too much on my plate. I lied and told her that Cooper was beeping. Of course, she let me go without a complaint. She had it all figured out, seeing the big picture and the double wedding. I was sure that would never happen. Especially after I broke the news to Cooper when he showed up later. He would never talk to me again.
Stopping by my dad’s first, I entered the room where I found nothing. Everything was gone from the closet. Not one box. Moving to the rest of the house, I searched for a clue, anything to tell me what the hell everyone knew that I didn’t. Who else would know? Who else would know about my family, someone that would tell me? Marti was the only one in the office that had been there for as long as I could remember. She probably knew, but would she tell me?
Hmmm...Since when did my father have a safe? This was never here before. I was sure the safe behind the desk in the corner of the living room contained the information that I wanted. Sighing, I gave up. I had bigger fish to fry right now anyway. I’d figure it out. I would. I was an investigator, it was in my blood, and I would solve it. Just not yet.
Chapter 29
I ate first, knowing if I didn’t, I would feel too sick to do it. Maybe I should have waited. The frozen pizza in my belly turned flips, waiting for me to hear his voice and not hang up.
“Hi,” Becker answered on half a ring.
“Hey, Beck.” I smiled.
“How are you?”
“I could be better. How are you?”
“What’s wrong? How can I make it better?”
“Can we meet somewhere? We need to talk?”
“Is something wrong?”
“Possibly.”
“I’ll be over in an hour. Is that okay?”
“Yeah, sure.”
The pizza didn’t stay down. I was sure it was due to the nerves more so than the little creature growing inside me. How the hell was I supposed to say this? What did I even say? I swear he was next door the whole time. There was no way that was a full hour. My heart stopped, my breathing ceased, and my body froze at the sound of the doorbell.
“Cassie?” Becker called, knocking on the door. Move feet. Move.
“Hi.” I smiled, trying to calm the nerves. I was going to get sick—again. I could feel it.
“Hey, what’s going on?”
“Come in.” I waved a hand toward the sofa and tried to smile.
“Cassie, for god sake, tell me what the hell is going on.”
Taking a deep breath of courage, I blurted it out, “I’m pregnant.”
“You’re, you’re—”
“Pregnant. Yes.”
Dropping to the ottoman, Becker’s face fell, his eyes widened and I was sure he was suddenly the one trying to remember to breathe. He may have even been about to get sick. Trying to read his shocked face, I waited for the words after the reaction.
“You’re sure?”
“Five times, sure.”
“How far?”
“I’m thinking about six weeks. Our baby was conceived in a public restroom.” At least that got a smile. Sort of.
Coming to his feet, Becker took me in his arms. “By golly, we may have just found something you’re good at,” he decided, taking my face in his hands and planting a loud kiss to my lips.
“Beck, are you crazy? This is not good news.”
“It’s fabulous news. You can never be out of my life now. You’ll always be here.”
“I never said I was keeping it.”
“Of course you are.”
“We have to talk about it. I don’t know what to do.”
“You’re going to quit that ridiculous job, let me take care of you, and have our baby. That’s what you’re going to do.”
“I’m not letting you take care of me. I could never be that girl.”
“What girl’s that? The one that will get more child support from me in one month than she does in an entire year at her ridiculous job?”
Pulling away from him, I tried to figure out how to say to him what I was trying to say. Whatever that was. I didn’t know, myself. All I knew was how messed up this was.
“Cassie, this happened for a reason. This is fate, our destiny,” Becker explained, pulling me back to his strong chest. Damnit. Why did he have to feel like this?
“It’s not fate. It’s lack of responsibility.”
“Lack of responsibility is fate.” Becker smiled, lifting my chin with his hand. Kissing Becker shouldn’t feel like this. Cooper should have felt like this. Maybe if Cooper’s lips felt this smooth and natural, I wouldn’t be telling Becker at all. Maybe I could have gotten an abortion and been happy with Cooper. Shit! Cooper!
I pushed away from Becker again, but this time he saw the jolt on my face and let me go with a puzzled look.
“What are you doing?”
“Cooper. He’s supposed to be coming here. I forgot.”
“You’re not seeing that guy anymore.”
“Don’t do that, Beck,” I said with a frown and a point with my phone. Of all things, a controlling Becker wasn’t what I needed right then. “Do you really think he is going to want to see me after I tell him?” I asked, texting Cooper the bad news of how I had picked up a virus around the office and he should stay away. I added the extra lie of it only being a twenty-four hour thing and I should be able to see him the next day.
“What are you saying to him?” Becker asked.
“Becker, I have to tell him what is going on.”
“Did you sleep with him, Cass?”
“You’re not allowed to do that, either. You’re sleeping with three women. You can’t tell me who I can sleep with.”
“Two.”
“Huh?”
“Two. I’m only sleeping with two. Alana left over a month ago.”
“What do you mean she left?” I asked concerned. Alana loved Becker. Why would she leave? “You let her leave?”
“I don’t own her. She deserves to be happy and if I wasn’t fulfilling that need for her then I owe it to her to let her look elsewhere. We do have to tell Christina and Britney about the baby, though.”
“Oh no. Uh-uh. That’s all you. I’m not touching that one.”
“I want you to move to the estate with me. I want to be able to look after you through this.”
“I’m not doing that, either. Becker, I just found out I’m pregnant, too. This is a shock to me, too, and I need time to figure things out. If I keep this baby, I am still not going to be with you, not like this.”
“Like what?”
“You know what. I’m not sharing. As much
as I love Christina and Britney, I’m not sharing.”
Becker dropped back to the ottoman and ran his fingers through his hair with a frustrated groan. I didn’t care. I wasn’t doing it. I wasn’t even thinking about it. Nope, not doing it.
“Will you think ab—”
“No, Becker, I won’t. There is nothing to think about. I’m not moving there with your two other wives. You’ll be lucky to walk after my dad and Matt find out, anyway.”
“I’m not worried about your dad or Matt McClelland. I’m sure they’ll get over it.”
“What did you say?” I asked, feeling the dry lump form instantly in my throat.
“What?” Becker asked puzzled.
“You said Matt McClelland. That’s my last name.”
“Okay,” he questioned with his eyes.
“How did you know that?”
“Know what, Cass? You’re not making any sense.”
“How do you know what Matt’s last name is?”
“I had you investigated, remember? What did you think his last name was?”
“M.”
“M?”
“Becker, I need to be alone right now. Can I call you later?”
“You need to be alone? Why? I don’t want you to be alone.”
“Please, Becker,” I begged.
I was going to be sick again, my head suddenly felt like it was going to explode and I had an abrupt realization. A realization that I didn’t know what it meant, but it was something. Something my family had been hiding from me for years. Why? And who the hell was Matt? Was he my uncle, too? Was he my mom’s brother? No. If that was the case he would have Benson for a last name, not McClelland. My dad’s brother? But that couldn’t be. If he was my dad’s brother and he was Jacob’s uncle that would make my dad…
“Cassie? Are you okay?”
“No, I have to go somewhere. I’ll call you later,” I said, sliding on my shiny silver flip-flops. Ignoring the response from Cooper and a call from Justine, I walked out with Becker following me.
“Let me drive you. I don’t know what the hell you’re doing, Cass. Where are you going?”