“Oh no. We have to do no such thing. That’s all you.”
The man done flipped his lid. I wasn’t being a part of that. No way.
“You’re coming with me.”
“I’m not. No way, Becker. You did this. You tell Britney and Christina.”
“I did this?” he protested with a smile.
“Yes. I was on a date. You’re the one that came into the girl’s bathroom.”
“Don’t ever repeat that. Let’s tell our baby that he was conceived in an enchanted castle, not a bathroom sink.”
I had to laugh. I needed to laugh. I laughed until the tears started again. Hoping this was just a mixture of the changing hormones and everything I had been given that day, I cried in Becker’s arms. He let me, kissing my head and caressing me with his hands. I didn’t know if this was a step forward or a step back, but I sure was glad Becker was there when it all came bubbling out. I’m not sure if I could have done it alone. Becker would never leave me. I was sure of that, but I could leave him. I still refused to be a number. I wouldn’t do it. The cards were in his hands.
Chapter 31
“Where is Jacob?” I asked, sliding into the outside booth at my favorite fish restaurant.
“He’s over at a girl’s house. Just what I need,” Matt said with an eye roll. I smiled.
“Why didn’t you tell me, Matt?”
“I wanted to so many times, Cassie. You might be too young to remember, but I was here on your eighth birthday.”
“I didn’t have a birthday. My dad took me to McDonald’s playland on my eighth birthday.”
“I know. I brought you a present that morning. I wanted to give it to you personally, but your dad wouldn’t let me see you. It was an entire set of some little girls amusement park, or something like that.”
“My County Fair Princess,” I reminded him. It was my only birthday present from my dad, but I guess it wasn’t from my dad after all.
“Yeah, that was it. Luke and I had words for the twentieth time. I didn’t agree with how he was sheltering you, but I understood. He does love you, Cassie.”
“Yeah, I know he does. Tell me about my mom,” I requested, asking for a coke from our waitress.
“Your mother was a spitting image of you. Look in the mirror. That’s who your mother was. She was so bubbly, and scattered brained, just like you,” he laughed.
I laughed, too. That made me happy.
“I was so young, Cassie. We were so young. Your mom got pregnant when she was fifteen. Neither of us knew what the hell to do with a baby. Luke was doing well for himself, and I was sort of the bad boy misfit. He paid to send me away to military school. I promised to stay away from Clarissa in exchange for his money and connections to get me in.
“I’m glad I went. It really did straighten me up. I’m not glad I left you and your mom. You were two before I found out your mom kept you, and my brother had moved in on my life. Your mom asked me to leave her alone, to let her marry my brother and raise you. I still wasn’t eighteen yet, and I thought it was what she wanted, what was best for you. I stayed away until after the shooting. I wasn’t about to let him kill her before Jacob was born. Your mom wouldn’t have wanted that. She was so excited when she found out she was pregnant with him.”
“Wait,” I interrupted. “You just said you stayed away.”
“I did for the most part. She still called me. She called me when you had your firsts. We talked here and there.”
“Did my dad know?”
“No, not for a long time.”
“Did you ever meet her?”
“Are these really the questions you want to know?”
“Yes. Did you secretly see my mom?”
Shifting his eyes to the Coke being placed in front of him, I knew he did.
“Is Jacob your son, too?”
“I don’t know, Cassie. Maybe. He could be.”
“Wow.”
“It’s screwed up, but I couldn’t help it. I loved her so much, and I wished a million times over I hadn’t left her. When I came back here to work with your dad, I promised him I wouldn’t say anything. I tried my best to stay away from you, keep my distance, and not get close.”
“Is that why you were always mean to me?”
“I wasn’t mean to you. I was just trying to stay away from you. Watching you grow up in that dingy office rather than having girlfriends and a life infuriated me, but I was in need of my job. Jacob depended on me. It wasn’t until Luke decided you were going out into the field that I started getting more involved. I thought it was the most absurd thing I had ever heard of. He was trying to make a hero out of you. He wanted you to fill the shoes he couldn’t fill anymore.”
“What do you mean?” I asked, sucking cold Coke through my straw. We paused for a minute while we both ordered the shrimp and fish platter.
“Your dad stopped going out in the field after your mother’s death. He was too afraid the same thing would happen to you,” Matt continued as soon as our waitress was away from our table.
“Why did it happen, Matt? Do you know who it was?”
Matt nodded. “He’s doing life in prison. Your dad caught him cheating, and after delivering the photos to his wife, she shot herself right in front of him. She was sitting in a circle with the copious amount of cheating pictures lined around her. She shout herself right in front of him when he arrived home. He blamed your dad for ruining his life, leaving him with three kids, and taking his beautiful wife. He wanted to make him pay.”
“I hate him,” I admitted. He took my mother and left three kids to deal with the mess. Life was so cruel sometimes.
“I hate him, too. I hate it that you had to grow up without your mom. She was a very special girl, just like you, Cassie. It’s okay to tell your dad you don’t want to be at the firm anymore.”
“I’m going to. I’m pregnant, Matt. I’m pregnant with Becker Cole’s baby, and I don’t know what is going to happen between us. I am, however, going to have this baby.”
“I’m going to kill him. I told you to stay away from him. What the hell are you doing, Cassie? The guy is a polygamist.”
“I know what he is, and I’ve tried. I’ve tried to stay away from him. I can’t. I love him, Matt. Why didn’t you stay away from my mom while she was married to my dad?”
Matt smiled in realization. “I couldn’t. I loved her,” he admitted.
“Does Jacob know?”
“He knows, only recently, though. He was with me one day when I followed you on a cheating case.”
“Why were you following me?” I asked with the constricted eyes, a McClelland trait I was finding out.
“I already told you. You suck at being a private investigator. I wasn’t about to let you go out and get yourself hurt. You’re quitting?”
“Yes. I want to take pictures or something, something I can do with the baby.”
“Are you planning on being with him?”
“I doubt it. I’m not going to play seconds.”
“That’s my girl. Did you happen to talk to him about the case?”
“Yeah, he wants to talk to you. He’s working on it, too, but not here. He’s going after the club in Texas, the one where the girls are being prostituted out to.”
I really felt like Matt would like Becker given the chance. I didn’t know if he was going to need to. I didn’t know where Becker and I stood, where we would go from here, but I did know I wanted to be around Matt and Jacob. Even though I did have a lot of animosity for my dad, I would never confront him about it. I truly believed he did what he thought was best for me. And no matter how much my mom and Matt were in love, I knew she loved my dad, too, and wouldn’t want me to hurt him anymore than he’d already been hurt. Nothing good would come from that.
Matt hugged me before opening my car door. I liked the way it felt, like he truly did love and care about me. I never felt that with my dad. I did remember him being playful and hugging me before my mom died, but all that changed a
fter she was gone. I think it had been so long, he forgot how to love. He was too busy, wallowing in self-pity to live. I hoped that would someday change, but I wasn’t holding my breath.
I told Becker to stay away for a few days, needing time to clear my head and think. I also told him to break the news to Christina and Britney. I couldn’t wait to call him later on to find out what they said, but first, I had to tell Justine. She would be happy for me. I think.
I felt better about everything, about the baby, and about the past that was now the future. I tidied up my house, waiting for Justine to arrive with the pizza. Dusting the bookshelf, I stopped, studying the spaghetti fork on the Home Shopping Network. Well, that looked neat. All you had to do was push a button and the fork spun in circles, wrapping the spaghetti neatly around the fork. I started to sit and observe it more, but decided to turn off the television instead. I didn’t even know how to make spaghetti. My child was going to starve.
Dusting the top shelf, I pulled down the cloth covered photo album and smiled. Sitting on the sofa, I ran my fingers over the three generation portrait of my grandmother, my mom, and me with no front teeth. Wishing I had them both in my life now, I opened the cover and flipped through the years of memories, all the way up to six and three-quarters. My mother’s last birthday was the last page. I’m not sure where my dad was, but the three of us sat at a picnic table with hotdogs and cake. That’s when I realized my dad wasn’t in any of the photos. Assuming my grandmother never did like my dad, I closed the book.
Running my hand over the back cover, I stood to put it away. Feeling a crease on the back page, I noticed a white corner sticking out from the pink cloth. I slid the cover off the album, retrieving the folder. It was hidden there, I was sure. I pulled the hand full of photos out first. They were of my mother as a teenager and Matt. She looked so pretty, happy, and in love. Matt did, too. They were both so young.
Unfolding the single sheet of paper, my eyes widened. It was to me.
Cassandra, my beautiful girl. I don’t know what lies in our future. There are things you are too little to understand, people not in your life that I wish could be. Your dad loves you so much, Cassie, but there is also someone else who loves you very much. These are the only photos I have of him. Cassie, this is your father. This is Matt. We were very young when you were conceived. I have always planned to tell you the truth. In the event I never get the chance, I wanted you to know. I wanted you to have these photos and know how much he loved you and wanted to be here for you.
I love you, baby girl.
Love, Mommy.
Wiping the tear trailing down my cheek, I flipped through the photos. I laughed at Matt’s long Justin Bieber hair. Jacob looked a lot like him, and if I had to guess, knowing what I knew then, I would say Matt was indeed his dad, too. I guess I would never know for sure. The next photo was Matt pushing my mother on a swing and the next one was of them kissing. I tucked the photos back in the pocket when I heard Justine walk up the porch.
“I got mushrooms just for you, yuck,” Justine said, carrying in the large box. “Were you crying?” she asked, moving to the table.
“No, not really. You want Pepsi?”
“Got any beer?”
“I think there is a couple. I won’t be drinking beer for a while.”
“Why?” Justine asked, stringing cheesy pizza from her mouth. I gave her a paper plate and her beer.
Sitting across from her, I took out a slice for myself. “I’m going to have a baby.”
She laughed. “When you planning on doing that?”
“Oh, in about seven more months.”
“You’re serious, aren’t you?”
“I am very serious.”
Justine stood with wide open eyes. “Oh my god, Cass. What are you going to do? Did you tell Cooper? I hate him. You can’t have Cooper’s baby.”
“I’m not having Cooper’s baby. I’m having Becker’s baby.”
Justine sat back down. “You had sex with Becker?”
“Yes, many times.”
“Why didn’t I have sex with Mason? He told me they didn’t do that until after the ceremony. That’s not fair.”
“Justine, I just told you I was pregnant and you’re mad because you didn’t get to have sex with Mason,” I stated the obvious.
“Oh, sorry. Did you tell him? What did Becker say?”
“He’s actually very happy about it.”
“Are you going to move to the estate?”
“Nah, we’re going to stay right here. I have plenty of room here, the spare bedroom is more than enough room for a nursery. We’ll be just fine here, and I know Becker will always take care of it,” I explained, placing my hand over my stomach. I was going to have a baby.
“I want you to be happy, Cass. Like I am with Hunter.”
“I will be. We’ll be fine. You want to hear the rest of the things I’ve found out about my life over the past couple days?”
“I’m not sure. You sort of already gave me a heart attack.”
I gave Justine a few more heart attacks before I was finished. She left, getting the hell out of there when Becker rang the doorbell with Christina and Britney. I wanted to get the hell out of there, too. What the hell?
“Hi,” I said to both girls. They both hugged me, happy to see me. I offered them pizza after they both sat on the sofa.
“Sit down, Cass,” Becker ordered, nodding to the footstool. He sat behind me and took my hand. Did they know?
“What’s this all about, Becker?” Christina asked.
“We need to tell you something.”
“You’re taking Alana’s place,” Britney stated with a bit too much attitude for my liking. I was going to kill Becker.
“I hope so,” Becker responded.
“No,” I said, standing, assuring all three of them that wasn’t happening. Giving Becker a dirty look, I walked over to my table and sipped my can of Pepsi, wishing it was spiked with something very strong.
“We’re going to add a baby to the family,” Becker blurted out like some idiot. Who the hell did he think he was, coming into my house with his wives to announce this private news?
“You know, Becker, you’re an ass. What the hell?”
“I just think we should tell them together, you know, as a family.”
“I’m not your family!” I assured him, raising my voice.
“Cass?”
“Oh my god, Becker. I can’t believe you did this.”
“And neither can I,” Britney said, standing. “Alana was right. You’re never going to look at any of us the way you look at her,” she accused, pointing at me like I wasn’t right there in the same room.
“Brit?” Becker countered with a puzzled look.
“She’s right, Becker. You had sex with her? She’s not one of us. That’s your rule, not ours. You never touched us until after we agreed to be one of your wives. Why is that?” Christina offered her own opinion.
“It’s not like that. I love both of you, you know that. I’m also in love with Cass, very much in love with her,” Becker sincerely spoke in my direction. I couldn’t speak. I had nothing to say, and I wanted them all out of my house.
“Yeah, I can’t do this anymore. I can’t, Becker. I appreciate all that you’ve done for me, for getting me to this point, but I can’t play second fiddle anymore. I’ll forever be grateful for everything you’ve done, but please understand that this isn’t me.” Britney didn’t sound mad, just honest.
“It’s not you either, Becker,” Christina said, standing and joining Britney. “I don’t think it’s ever been you. I think you were trying to be someone you’re not meant to be. I think you wanted so badly to be better at it than your own father that you were too busy to realize you didn’t have to follow in his shoes at all. It’s okay to love only one woman. And, I really think that is the case. You do love only one woman, and you deserve her. You deserve to be happy, Becker. This is your out. Have your family with Cass and be happy.
r /> I wasn’t sure if Christina was coming toward me to rip my hair out or what. I stood frozen as she took the few steps to me. Smiling, she took both my hands. “You’re going to have a little Becker. I’m so happy for you.” I didn’t understand what was happening. Was I winning? Were they both stepping out of the picture? I couldn’t let that happen. It wasn’t fair, it wasn’t right. I would never be able to sleep at night.
“Christina, it’ll be fine. We can work this out. I know we can.” Shut the hell up, Cass. Let them go! The voice in my head was loud. Extremely loud.
“It’s time, Cass. Becker hasn’t been the same since he met you. You should see the way he’s been moping around. We’re not dumb. He’s been sick, because of you. Because he needs you in his life. Don’t worry about us. Becker’s made sure we’ll always be okay. He’s taught us how to be the best we can possibly be, and with that, we’ll be fine.”
“He loves you, both of you,” I said, looking over Christina’s shoulder to Britney.
Britney walked over to us with the same warm smile. “He does, we know that, but we’ve also known for a long time that he loves you harder. It’s okay. We’ve all discussed it. Let us go, Becker. Have your family with Cass. You deserve it.”
“This isn’t what I planned. I didn’t bring you girls here for this. I want you to be a part of it with me, a part of the baby’s life. I don’t want to let you go,” Becker all but begged with a confused tone.
“What do you want, Becker?” Christina asked. You’re going to lose Cass if you choose Britney and me. Which one can you live without, us or her?”
Becker didn’t have to answer. It was written all over his face when he looked at me. Becker was choosing me. I was ecstatic that he was choosing me. That wasn’t the problem. The problem was, I felt rejected. Maybe it was the hormones, but I felt like it shouldn’t have taken Christina and Britney to point it out. Why couldn’t he figure it out for himself? Was he really choosing me on his own, or was someone else making the decision for him?
Chapter 32