BLACK ROCK!!!!!!!
Forgetting my Dead Dark Aunts (and my manners) for the moment, I kicked over my chair and dove under the table, scrabbling with my bare hands in the dirt. It took only a minute…then suddenly I was breaking through, I was falling, I was floating, I was SWIMMING in a fountain of majestic, mysterious, magnificent, miraculous, molten black rock.
Oh the lovely lovely black rock!
MY black rock this time.
And I can tell the difference.
It’s the same stuff…yet subtly tuned to ME, subject to MY control, in a way that Aunt Emma’s and Aunt Lily’s black rock was not. I knew as soon as I touched it. Though I’ve been doing a lot more than just touching it, you better believe that! The rock and I truly became one. It’s so much more than just a tool, like the black rock I’ve played around with before was. This stuff is more like the essence of my true self, like a pure source of ultimate ME-ness.
Not that I was thinking anything like this at the time. I was in a place beyond thought. Beyond emotion. A state of…amplified existence, if that makes any sense. It was like I became more MYSELF than I’d ever been. And as my Self expanded, my body dissolved, and I became the black rock, which itself expanded until it—until I—filled the Dark Girl tunnels to their fullest. Yeah! That was ME filling the tunnels from one end to another. What a wild feeling to be so big, to be made of a million gallons of molten rock, to take the shape of the Dark Girl symbol—and, in a truer way than I ever have before, finally BE a Dark Girl.
And then something very interesting happened.
I felt my liquid self growing, building up pressure on the walls of the tunnels. But it didn’t feel dangerous; it felt like exactly what I was supposed to do. The pressure grew, the walls groaned, and then kaplo-ooieee! Several new sections of tunnel were blasted into existence under the force of Liquid Me.
Making a brand-new shape in the Dark Girl tunnels.
Making a brand-new, fully evolved Dark Girl symbol.
Eventually I became aware of something BENEATH me…
Below the Boardroom, where the black rock had first broken through.
A place that called powerfully to me.
So I contracted my huge liquid self toward that spot and rushed downward through the earth, chasing my own source.
And I knew where I was! I’d been here before—only not in Seasidetown but in Blackrock. Under Aunt Emma’s house—her house that later disappeared. It was the same winding staircase where I’d first encountered black rock. What a difference between Aunt Emma’s black rock and mine, though—between swimming in it and DISSOLVING in it.
Still in the shape of a flood of black rock, I cascaded madly down the stairwell, swirling past closed rooms that I knew were mine to explore someday. Down and down I went; I don’t know how far…but at some point it became far enough. I started to rise again. I began to remember myself, my body. And as I got nearer and nearer to the top of the staircase, I started to coalesce again, so that it wasn’t a fountain of black rock that came up into the Boardroom but regular, human-shaped Me.
There were the cats, lounging in the Boardroom where I’d left them. The Dark Aunts had disappeared. I said a heartfelt “THANK YOU!!!” to any aunt who might still be listening, and then we all scrambled back up to the kiosk—where we are now. Because I knew then what my black-rock-fueled talent was—and I needed so bad to get into a lab and start unleashing that talent!
LET THE MAD INVENTING BEGIN!!!!!!!
Later
Ohhhh globbulets of joy! I looooooove puttering around in my portable laboratory by night!!!!!
Have been working under severe conditions here. My portable lab is about the size of a briefcase—one Bunsen burner, a soldering iron, a rudimentary particle accelerator…the basics.
Gotta be honest, though—I am really just complaining for the fun of complaining. None of that really matters. I seriously think that with my newly black-rockified talents, I could create cooler inventions than ever, with no lab at all! I still love all the physical trappings—the scent of the haptoglobin, the sting of the otocytes, the buzzing of the retinoids—but that’s all just gravy. Nostalgia value, really. I don’t need all those SUPPLIES now that I’ve got black rock running through my veins. (So to speak. Have performed a quick test with a needle and confirmed—I do still bleed blood.)
Anyway. Have been working for a few hours now and I’m starting to get the hang of what my black rock does.
And I haven’t found any limits yet on what it can do:
Take any shape…
Synthesize any substance…
Activate any reaction…
And in short, make reality out of my every idea…
Later
Finally got my fill of weird science—for tonight, anyway. I know there will be many more wondrous lab sessions in the future!!! Now we’re just relaxing after a truly epic night. The cats are frolicking in the field, where the black plants have only grown taller, healthier, and inkier. Raven is here, too—she stopped by for a visit. She and I are sitting in the doorway, soaking up the last moments of our last night in Seasidetown and spending some quality master-golem time together before she and Ümlaut begin their beautiful journEAAYUKAHCHKphlepphuh. Flambax, was grossing myself out just by writing that!!!!
* * *
Me
So, Raven. How long has this thing between you and Ümlaut been going on?
Raven
Uh…iono, since Blackrock?
* * *
Sheesh—this is what I get for bringing a golem to a town where their whole deal is Revolution, Freedom, and Independence!!!!! (Even if those are mostly just catchwords used to sell future-garbage.) Am still kind of amazed she is throwing me over for that guy. For A guy! On one hand, it’s a blow—I may need to hire a full-time Sherpa. On the other hand, it’s a relief. I am tired of being a dictator, not to mention constantly bailing that golem out of trouble. Let her be Ümlaut’s problem for a while!
Anyway. She’s agreed to help me for the rest of my stay here in Seasidetown, which is nice of her. And for the future, she’s promised me frequent visits for sparring, band practice, and heavy lifting.
Also…I should be completely honest here and mention that I am not exactly sad about having someone to keep an eye on the 13th Shady Uncle for me.
OK—the sun is rising and my eyelids are drooping. To bed with us!
May 25
Meekness: Uncommon patience in planning a revenge that is worthwhile.
—Ambrose Bierce
Middle of the day. >Yawn.< >Squint.<
Waiting for Vivi and Dottie (and NannyGuard, of course) to pick me up. They are going over to Attikol’s hotel to interview him for Dottie’s movie. (And, I believe, arrest him as well.) Am not pleased to be awake in the daytime but am VERY pleased that I was invited along. Am happy all over again that I have my TranscriptoSpies and can capture every nuance of Attikol’s defeat without handwriting everything!
Later
Have to handwrite everything, because the first thing the mayor said was to remind me that it’s illegal to record people without their permission. I am so busted! I have agreed to reveal all my surveillance installation locations so my equipment can be removed. Man, Mayor Vivi seems quite well-informed of what goes on in her town. Wonder if there’s a little Bright Girl talent at work there, or if she’s just really really good at her job?
Later
We are in the mayor’s town car on the way to the hotel. Mayor Ebenezer is up in front with the driver. Dottie and I and NannyGuard are crammed in the back with a lot of film equipment. (Although I suppose I should start calling NannyGuard by her new title, CameraNanny. Her guarding skills are much less in demand now that Dottie is so very high-minded.)
Dottie asked me if I’d made any progress finding my black rock, and I did not hesitate for a moment—I lied my cheeks off, telling her sadly that I hadn’t managed to summon it yet.
DOTTIE:
Too bad.
So, any ideas what will get your flow started?
BOTH OF US:
[Snorting hilariously.]
ME:
Maybe a little prayer? Are you there, black rock? It’s me, Emily.
D:
Oh, I saw the after-school special on this one. You get your black rock, save the town from something or other, and end up running for mayor when my mother announces her resignation.
ME:
I most certainly do NOT run for mayor! My pet ZombieAlienNinjaYetiSpiderVampireMonkey-Dragon runs for mayor. AND wins.
D:
And mounts a heroic campaign to uncover decades of corruption in City Hall.
ME:
Thereby making way for Seasidetown’s very first all-night restaurant and exclusively nonrainbow zombie disco…which then becomes the setting for an interspecies monster massacre of insane proportions.
D:
What??? C’mon, is this gonna be an incisive exploration of the issues facing today’s politically active teen…or some kind of surreal, tongue-in-cheek splatter-flick?
ME:
I think you know my answer to that.
D:
We probably shouldn’t collaborate, huh?
ME:
Couldn’t agree more.
Later
The archenemy is neutralized!!!!
Here’s how it all went down:
Mayor Ebenezer’s limousine pulled up to the hotel just behind a fleet of police cars. There were officers everywhere. I made sure my slingshot was well tucked away. The sight of it tends to enrage even the most genial of cops.
The first stop was Jakey’s room. Backed by her police force, Mayor Ebenezer told Ivac and Sharpie to get lost; then she personally apologized to Jakey for having overlooked his imprisonment, however temporarily…and then she informed him he was freed.
He burst into tears and ran into her arms for a hug, while Dottie watched ecstatically, mouthing a silent “Are you getting this?” to CameraNanny. As for me, I pretended to be extremely busy picking spiderwebs out of my socks. I mean, I think my cousin has every right to act like a nine-year-old now and then…but I really doubt he wants me witnessing it.
Once Jakey’s tears were dried and dignity restored, it was time for us all to confront Attikol. Mayor Ebenezer entered Attikol’s room first, followed by Dottie and CameraNanny. Jakey and I came in behind them and took strategic positions near the door, where Attikol could see us enjoying the spectacle.
ATTIKOL:
My lovely Vivi! And Dottie dear! How wonderful to see—
MAYOR EBENEZER:
Shut it, Attikol.
OFFICER WINTERS:
[Entering the room.] Right behind you, Mayor.
ME:
Arrest this man.
A:
But…why?
ME:
For your criminal treatment of a certain nine-year-old psychic.
A:
But Vivi! Surely we don’t need to involve the police in a little dispute over child-labor laws? After all, I believe there’s an exception for children working in theater?
ME:
There certainly is, Attikol. There’s also a law about PAYING children who work in theater.
A:
Oh, well, I’ve been…holding his pay for him. He’s so young, and…
ME:
And I hear he’s been trying to leave the medicine show for some years now?
A:
Yes, well, he doesn’t know what’s good for him, that’s all—
ME:
Attikol, do you know the legal term for what you’re doing?
A:
Uh…creative profit management?
ME:
SLAVERY.
A:
Uh-oh.
ME:
Yes, well, the upside of all this is that I’m going to prosecute your case myself.
A:
[Gasping in relief.] Thank you!
ME:
[Shaking her head in disgust.] Not to let you off! I’m going to see to it that you serve the maximum sentence.
A:
No! Vivi, I implore you! Think of our friendship!—At least…think of my money!
ME:
[Warmly.] Attikol, most of your money is going to be awarded to this young man in damages when I’m through with you.
Attikol’s grand takedown! YEAH!!!!!
And with those noble words, she escorted Jakey out of the hotel into freedom…while her police force escorted a handcuffed Attikol OUT of freedom.
Am very glad now that I had Dottie leave Attikol with some of his Shady Uncle knowledge. To make eye contact with him one last time and see the shock…the recognition of all he had lost…the destruction of all his hopes for black rock…
Oh what a glorious feeling that was!
Later
Am now hanging out in Jakey’s trailer, helping him pack up his things. Am somewhat cranky with all this sunlight exposure. Am NOT as sleep deprived as I normally would be, though—black rock is great for that! Have summoned doses as needed to keep me going.
Despite said crankiness, am really really really glad that my cousin is finally out of Attikol’s clutches. Have apologized sincerely for making him wait so long to get rescued.
JAKEY:
That’s OK, man. It was worth the wait, cuz you took Attikol down as well!
ME:
Not to mention bringing on Dottie’s civic pride. Nothing like killing three birds…errrr, sorry, Lily.
LILY:
SQUAWK! THAT’S OK, MAN! THAT’S OK!
Later
Phony macaroni!
I am a silly.
I bet I know where those Dark Aunt diaries are!
Gotta go check out my theory…more later…
Later
AHHAHHAHHAHHHAH I have the Dark Aunt diaries!!!!!!!!
Here’s what I realized: The LIBRARY is actually a MAP of the Dark Girl tunnels! And, as well, a map to the REAL secret book vault, the one where Emma hid the diaries, down in said tunnels.
So the cats and I made one more trip underground. Made our way to the spot corresponding to the secret vault in the library. Of course, there were no bookshelves down in the tunnels…just a pile of lumber, arranged to look like it was holding up some loose dirt.
This time, though, I saw what I’d overlooked last time.
Three days ago, when I searched the Shady Uncle tunnels for black rock, I pushed a beam about ten feet into the dirt of the tunnel walls. I mean, I assumed that’s what I was doing. Now I realize I was pushing it right into the Dark Girl tunnels! They must be only a few feet away from each other at this point.
That beam didn’t catch my eye when I was down here earlier. It blended in with the other lumber piled up against the wall. But that time, I wasn’t looking at this spot as location of the secret book vault, either! With a more critical eye, I quickly saw that A) this beam is perpendicular to the other ones, B) it’s dirtier than the other ones, and C) it looks like it may have knocked some of the other lumber off the pile when it pushed through.
Well, that was enough to get me looking closer. I pulled the lumber out of the way and THERE, oh flamjoozles of joy, was a panel—easily removed—concealing a small chamber—quickly perused—full of DIARIES!
Now here’s the kicker.
I fully expected to find Aunt Emma’s diary. And there it was. Hoped to find Aunt Lily’s. Hooray—that was there, too. Wasn’t sure about Aunt Millie’s—that paper would be terribly ancient by now—but I got that as well!
What I NEVER expected to find, sitting right there on top, with a signed note and everything, was the diary of Uncle Riordan!
Ümlaut and Attikol’s Shady Uncle Riordan, that is.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well. Maybe this doesn’t actually warrant all sixty-six of those exclamation points. After all, Aunt Amelia did say that there would be noble Shady Uncles!
Here’s the
note that was attached to the diary:
* * *
For the 13th Dark Girl:
Please forgive my intrusion into your tunnels. I have tried to respect their integrity and damage them as little as possible. I felt it essential that my diary find its way to you. Unlike some of my relations, I am of the belief that our families are fated somehow to make peace and to use the treasure of the black rock together. After all, we share a common ancestor. Surely mere conflict and quarrel cannot be our mutual destiny!
I have done what little I can. My meager powers of fortunetelling show me that the son of my nephew Abelard is destined to be the 13th Shady Uncle. But a boy raised with this knowledge risks arrogance and conceit—in short, he risks becoming the kind of Shady Uncle who will destroy any chance of peace between our families.
Thus, I have planted certain seeds in my nephew Damien’s mind. He now believes HIS son shall be the next Shady Uncle.
I hope I have helped.
May Darkness and Shade reunite! May our families make their peace!
Uncle Riordan
The 12th Shady Uncle
* * *
WOW! WOwoowoWOoOoowoow.
Have flipped through Uncle Riordan’s diary. Some other mysteries have been cleared up—e.g., why Aunt Lily’s house was over the Shady Uncle tunnels (Uncle Riordan’s doing), why there were Shady Uncle tunnels in the first place (same reason there were Dark Girl tunnels—we’re just a tunneling couple of families), why the lot over our tunnels was vacant (Uncle Riordan purchased it and left it in his will to Abelard, and thus to Ümlaut, with stipulations that it never be developed—stipulations that Damien tried to steamroll by building the ill-fated souvenir kiosk).