Large wooden bookcases now separated one room from another. The door to Mr. Doyle’s room was a yellow curtain hung between two metal closets. Laura pushed through.
Mr. Doyle wasn’t there. She knew he wouldn’t be. He was sitting at a table in the teacher’s lounge drinking coffee and talking to the other teachers. That’s where he was every morning. She sometimes fantasized about sitting there with him, drinking coffee and talking about interesting and important topics. She thought it sounded very romantic.
In the upper right-hand corner of the blackboard was the word DICTIONARY. Laura felt a pang of terror as she looked at that word. It was the most feared word in Mr. Doyle’s class.
She picked up a piece of chalk and wrote in big letters in the center of the board:
PIGS RULE!
She set down the chalk, then walked back through the school and out the side door. Safe outside, she breathed a huge sigh of relief.
Someone tapped her shoulder.
She spun around.
“Oink, oink,” said Gabriel.
She forced a smile.
Gabriel was a boy in her class. Ever since she started wearing her Pig City cap, he said, “Oink, oink,” to her whenever he saw her.
She wondered if he had seen her come out of the building. She decided it didn’t matter. Gabriel wouldn’t tell on her. He never told on anyone, even though everybody was always telling on him.
Gabriel had copied more dictionary pages than anybody else in Mr. Doyle’s class. That was Mr. Doyle’s unique method of punishment. When kids got in trouble they had to copy a page out of the dictionary. They had to copy everything on the page, including the Latin origins and all the pronunciation symbols.
Laura hated the little upside-down e’s the worst. She had copied fives pages over the year. She figured Gabriel had probably copied a whole dictionary by now.
“Oink, oink,” he said again.
She turned and walked away. Her hair swished around behind her, just missing his face.
Allison and Tiffany came across the blacktop. They raised their fists to their noses. Laura returned the salute.
They tried to decide whom else to ask to join Pig City. They finally settled on Kristin because she was smart. The problem was how to ask her while still keeping the club a secret.
Laura didn’t tell them about her message on the board. She wanted it to be a surprise.
When the bell rang, they lined up and marched into class. Laura heard everybody ahead of her laugh at PIGS RULE! She laughed, too. If she hadn’t, Mr. Doyle would have known she was the one who had written it. That was why he hadn’t erased it yet. She knew how his mind worked. He wanted to see who didn’t laugh.
You have to get up pretty early in the morning to try to outsmart me, Mr. Doyle, she thought.
He would have had to get up very early if he wanted to get up before Laura. Her alarm went off at 5:43. It took her an hour just to shampoo, comb, brush, and blow dry her hair.
“Laura, will you come up here, please,” said Mr. Doyle.
She stood up, lifted her cap, shook her hair back, and put the cap back on. She walked confidently to his desk.
“Do you know anything about this?” he asked.
She had to be careful not to tell a lie. She read aloud from the blackboard. “‘Pigs … Rule …’ What about it?”
“Why don’t you tell me,” said Mr. Doyle.
“How would I know?” she asked.
He smiled. “It’s written on your hat.”
Laura took off her cap and carefully studied the front of it. Then she looked at the board. “My hat doesn’t say ‘Pigs Rule’, Mr. Doyle. It says ‘Pig City.’” She brushed her hair back off her face and put the cap back on.
He stared at her.
She smiled innocently back at him. She thought he was extremely handsome when he was being serious.
He was tall and very thin. He had a pale face with sunken cheeks and very cute, curly brown hair. She thought he looked like he read lots of good books.
“Do you know who wrote it?” he asked.
“It couldn’t have been a pig,” said Laura. “Pigs can’t write.”
“No, but sixth-grade girls can,” he said.
“I know,” said Laura. “We learned how to print in the first grade.”
He told her to go back to her seat.
She turned around, swishing her hair behind her. She smiled at Tiffany and Allison. They were obviously very impressed. She raised her fist to her nose, then quickly lowered it. They did the same.
Her desk was on one side of the room, Tiffany’s was on the other side, and Allison was in the middle at the front. Mr. Doyle had learned at the beginning of the year to keep those three girls separated. She sat down.
“Linzy, will you erase the board, please,” said Mr. Doyle.
Laura felt a little jealous as she watched Linzy erase the board. Linzy sat at the desk closest to Mr. Doyle and was always doing things for him. She was teacher’s pet. She was the only person in the class who hadn’t copied at least one dictionary page.
I wouldn’t want to be teacher’s pet, anyway, thought Laura. That’s sickening. I can be in love with him without having to be his pet.
She put her hands behind her head, leaned back, and smiled contentedly.
4
Kristin
Outside at recess, Allison and Tiffany were all excited. They thought PIGS RULE! was the greatest thing they’d ever seen.
“There’s Kristin,” said Allison.
Kristin was bent over, drinking from the water fountain. They walked up behind her.
“Hey!” Tiffany shouted.
Kristin jumped, and then had to cough out water that went down the wrong way. She turned around to face them.
She wore big red glasses that covered almost half of her mousy little face.
She was cute, but everyone thought she’d be cuter if she didn’t have to wear glasses. Everyone was wrong. It was the glasses that made her look so cute. Everyone also thought she was very intelligent. That wasn’t true, either. It was her glasses that made her look smart.
Tiffany, Laura, and Allison formed a semicircle around her. She stood with her back against the brick wall, next to the water fountain just outside the library.
“We have a question to ask you,” said Tiffany.
“Okay,” said Kristin.
“Only we can’t ask you the question,” said Allison, “until we know your answer.”
“How can I answer until I know the question?” Kristin asked.
“You just have to answer yes or no,” Allison said.
“But you can’t change your mind,” said Tiffany.
“So what is it?” Laura demanded. “Yes or no?”
“What?” asked Kristin.
“Yes or no?” asked Tiffany.
“I have to know the question,” Kristin insisted.
“Only if your answer is yes,” said Allison. “If your answer is no, then you’ll never know the question.”
“Yes or no?” asked Tiffany.
“I don’t know!”
“That’s the same as no,” said Laura.
“But I really don’t know,” said Kristin.
“Then it’s no,” Tiffany said coldly.
Kristin sighed.
The three girls turned their back on her and started to walk away.
“Wait,” said Kristin.
They turned around.
“Okay, yes.”
“Good,” said Laura. “Come to my house after school.”
“But what’s the question?” asked Kristin.
“We’ll tell you at my house,” said Laura. “Oh, and bring an extra pair of underpants with you.”
Kristin had no choice. She had already said yes.
Gabriel was standing inside the library. He had to stay in during recess and help put books away because he had goofed off the day before during library period. He could see out through the tinted windows, but nobody on the o
utside could see in.
He could see Laura, Tiffany, Allison, and Kristin. He could hear everything they said. He watched Kristin walk away.
“Whew,” said Tiffany.
“I thought she was going to say no for sure,” said Allison.
Laura smiled. “Pig City must be kept secret,” she said. “That’s the most important thing.”
They brought their fists to their noses.
So did Gabriel.
5
Gabriel
Mr. Doyle was in the middle of teaching the class the difference between adjectives and adverbs. Gabriel understood the difference the first time it was explained.
He usually understood things the first time they were explained. That was one reason why he was always getting into trouble. He would get bored and have to find something else to do.
What is Pig City? he wondered. Why does Kristin have to bring an extra pair of underpants?
He looked at Laura. She sat three desks to the left of him. Her Pig City cap was pulled down tight over her long brown hair. He thought she had beautiful hair. He knew the story behind it, how she never told a lie. It made it even prettier to him. She was staring intently at Mr. Doyle, hanging on every word he said. Gabriel wished she would look at him like that someday.
If she asked me to answer yes or no, I’d say yes right away, he thought. I don’t even care what the question is.
The problem was that whenever he tried to talk to her, his mind would go blank on him. He could never think of anything to say except for “Oink oink.” It was stupid. He knew it was stupid, yet he said it, anyway.
He opened his desk and took out a piece of paper and a pencil.
Dear Laura, he wrote.
He chewed his eraser, then continued.
I know all about Pig City. Don’t worry, I promise not to tell anybody.
He smiled. He hoped it would trick her into telling him what Pig City was. Plus, she’d like him for not telling anybody. They could share the secret together.
You have very pretty hair.
Love,
Gabriel
He read it over.
Dear Laura,
I know all about Pig City. Don’t worry, I promise not to tell anybody. You have very pretty hair.
Love,
Gabriel
It was terrible. I practically told her I loved her! he thought.
The eraser on his pencil was chewed and wet, so he got a clean eraser from his desk.
First, he erased Dear. His father called his mother “dear.” It was like calling her “darling” or “sweetiepie.” He wrote Hey in place of Dear. He erased the words very pretty and love, too.
He tried to think of what to write instead of love. He thought about “sincerely” or “yours truly,” but didn’t like either of those.
He wrote Your humble servant. He had seen it in a book once and thought it was funny. Laura will think it’s funny, too, he thought. It will show her how clever I am.
He read it again.
Hey Laura,
I know all about Pig City. Don’t worry, I promise not to tell anybody. You have a lot of hair.
Your humble servant,
Gabriel
Much better.
He folded it into quarters and wrote Laura’s name on the outside.
He waited until after school, until after Laura left the room, then put it in her desk.
6
Sheila
Sheila sat behind Gabriel. She watched him write the note, although she couldn’t see what it said. She watched him put it in Laura’s desk.
She had guessed it would be for Laura. Gabriel was always staring at Laura. It made her sick.
She hated Laura. She hated her hair. She thought Laura was very conceited the way she swished it around when she walked, like she was a queen. She didn’t believe that stuff about Laura never telling a lie, either.
Sheila had frizzy hair. She often lay awake at night and dreamed about setting Laura’s hair on fire or sneaking into Laura’s house and putting hair remover into her bottle of shampoo.
She waited for Gabriel to leave, then opened Laura’s desk and removed the note.
Hey Laura,
I know all about Pig City. Don’t worry, I promise not to tell anybody. You have a lot of hair.
Your humble servant,
Gabriel
Sheila’s blood boiled. It was so obvious he was in love with Laura.
She was about to rip up the note, then stopped. She smiled. She looked through Laura’s desk for a pencil with a good eraser. She thought a moment, then erased the whole second sentence. In its place she wrote:
If you don’t kiss me I will tell the whole school.
She laughed. She erased a lot of and wrote ugly. When she finished, the note looked like this:
Hey Laura,
I know all about Pig City. If you don’t kiss me I will tell the whole school. You have ugly hair.
Your humble servant,
Gabriel
She folded it back along the original folds and returned it to Laura’s desk. Then she broke Laura’s pencil.
7
Insurance
Laura, Allison, and Tiffany sat on the front step of Laura’s house, sucking root beer popsicles while they waited for Kristin.
“She should get contacts,” said Allison. “She’s cute, especially for a smart girl, but she’d look a lot better without those huge glasses of hers.”
Tiffany agreed.
Laura didn’t say anything. She had accidentally bitten off a large chunk of her popsicle, and it was freezing the roof of her mouth. She suffered in silent agony as she waited for the chunk to melt down small enough to swallow. For the moment, it was all she cared about. Her eyes watered.
Kristin pedaled her blue ten-speed bicycle to a stop on the sidewalk in front of them. She was out of breath.
Laura swallowed what was left of her frozen chunk of root beer. Her mouth slowly warmed. “Did you bring it?” she asked.
Kristin nodded. “In my backpack.”
Tiffany looked around for a place to throw her popsicle stick, then finally stuck it in her shirt pocket. She walked behind Kristin and reached into her backpack with her sticky fingers. “Why’d you bring so many books?” she asked.
“Oh, you know Kristin,” said Allison, “always reading.”
Kristin hated to read. She brought the books because she needed something to cover up her underpants.
“Got ’em!” Tiffany exclaimed. She triumphantly held Kristin’s underpants high in the air. They were white with a pink waistband.
“You don’t have to show the whole world,” said Kristin. Her face was almost as red as her glasses.
“Take them to the clubhouse,” said Laura.
The four girls went through the gate to the backyard and on into the Dog House. There, Laura told Kristin the question that she had already answered: “Do you want to join Pig City?” She taught her the secret salute.
Kristin was greatly impressed.
“You can’t tell anybody,” Allison warned, “even if they torture you or threaten to kill you.”
“I won’t,” Kristin promised.
“Your underpants are your insurance,” said Laura. “If you tell anybody anything about Pig City, anything at all, we will take your underpants to school and show them to all the boys.”
Kristin gasped. “I won’t ever tell, never!” She would rather have been tortured and killed than have her underpants shown to all the boys.
Tiffany got the treasure chest out from under the bed. Allison added Kristin’s name to the list.
PIG CITY
Laura — President
Tiffany — Vice-President
Allison — Secretary
Kristin — underpants
Allison put the list and Kristin’s underwear into the treasure chest, then Tiffany shoved it back under the bed.
They didn’t show Kristin what they had each given as insurance. She wasn??
?t allowed to know. There was a good reason for that. If Kristin broke her vow of secrecy, and they showed her underpants to the whole school, she might try to get revenge by telling everybody that Laura was in love with Mr. Doyle or Tiffany was ticklish or Allison liked to pose in the nude.
The four girls solemnly raised their fists to their noses.
“Welcome to Pig City,” said Laura.
8
Debbie
Debbie was hanging upside-down on the monkey bars. Laura, Allison, Tiffany, and Kristin looked upside-down to her.
There were still ten minutes before school started. There was going to be a math test first thing. Debbie always hung upside-down before tests. She said that all her blood went to her head and helped her think better.
They gave her the same choice they had given Kristin. “Yes or no?” asked Tiffany.
“Yes,” Debbie answered right away. She was good at making quick decisions, especially when all her blood was in her head.
They told her to come to Laura’s after school. “You forgot to tell her to bring an extra pair of underpants,” said Kristin as they walked away.
“Everybody has to have a different kind of insurance,” Laura explained.
“What will Debbie’s be?” Kristin asked.
“You’re not allowed to know,” said Tiffany. “That’s why everybody’s has to be different.”
“Don’t worry,” said Allison. “Laura will think of something good for Debbie.”
Laura lifted her cap, shook her hair back, and put it back on.
The class lined up, then filed into Mr. Doyle’s room. Everyone laughed. On the blackboard were the words:
PIGS ARE BEST!
Laura had sneaked in early again.
Mr. Doyle erased her message. He walked over to the side of the board and began to write something under the word DICTIONARY.
Immediately, everyone became very quiet. They waited to see whose name he’d put there. Whoever it was would have to stay after school and copy a dictionary page.
Laura wasn’t worried. He can’t possibly know it’s me, not for sure.