Rob was already pacing in the ICU waiting room when Thomas arrived. In silence, they made their way past carts of breakfast trays to the ICU unit main desk. Laura’s door was closed, the shades drawn. A female deputy sat outside in a chair by the door.
The officer, Corporal Dayton, stood when they approached.
“How is she?” Thomas asked.
Dayton shook her head. “Still freaked out. I hate to say this, sir, but you can’t go in there without me. She’s terrified of men. It took the nurses twenty minutes to talk her into letting a male doctor examine her with me in the room.”
“Has she talked?”
“Only to ask a few questions. Her name, where she is, who we are.” She looked at Rob. “I’m sorry, Rob, but she apparently doesn’t remember anything.”
* * * *
A chill settled over Rob as he stared at Dayton. He’d crossed paths with her many times during the course of his duties. “You mean Laura doesn’t remember the attack?”
Dayton shook her head. “Anything. I heard the doctors say she has total amnesia. She didn’t know her own name. The staff had to tell her.” She nodded toward a doctor in blue scrubs and a white coat walking down the hall in their direction. In his hand he carried a chart.
Rob had gotten to know Dr. Singh quite well over the past few days. He was young, but good, based on his reputation.
“How is she?” Rob asked him.
Dr. Singh looked grim. “Fragile. Right now she appears to have total amnesia. We don’t know if it’s related to the physical or emotional trauma of the attack.” He glanced at the deputy. “And thank you for sending a female deputy. That helped.”
“Can I go talk to Laura?” Thomas asked.
Singh pursed his lips. “One at a time. I reserve the right to end it if she reacts badly. She’s overwhelmed right now.”
“Rob, you’d better wait out here,” Thomas said.
Helpless anger rolled through him. “She’s my fiancée!”
“Look,” Thomas said. “All you’re going to do is scare her. I know that’s hard to hear. I have to talk to her. The guy who did this is still out there. I’ll see how she is and we’ll go from there.” He hit below the belt. “If you love her, you’ll listen to me.”
“How dare you—”
“If we’re going to catch who did this, I need to talk to her.”
“He’s right, Rob,” the doctor agreed. “Let him talk to her.”
Heartsick, Rob walked over to the nurses’ station and leaned against it for support. “All right.” He wasn’t used to not being in charge.
Not when it came to Laura.
She was his life, his love.
His heart and soul.
His submissive, and soon to be his slave, once they got married.
Thomas nodded to the deputy. She slowly opened the door and went in ahead of him.
Dr. Singh put his arm around Rob’s shoulders. “Are you okay?”
Rob shook his head. “I thought the end of this nightmare would be when she woke up.”
“You have to focus on her and her needs. You can’t get upset in front of her. She needs as much stability and strength as she can get right now. I don’t want to sound callous, but if you can’t hold it together, you need to stay out here. She’s scared and confused and the last thing she needs is someone stirring things up.”
Rob looked at him. That was a cruel irony. He spent his life focused on Laura and her needs, caring for her. His entire world revolved around her.
Not that he could ever tell any of these people about that aspect of their relationship. “She’s my life. How do I go in there acting like everything’s hunky-dory, when y’all are telling me she doesn’t even know who I am?”
“I’m not saying you pretend everything’s fine. I’m saying you have to be strong and stable right now. She needs to know that you’re someone she can trust.”
“I am.”
“She doesn’t remember that. Right now, she’s terrified of men. She nearly took my head off when she came to.” He pointed at his cheek.
Rob noticed a fresh, deep scratch on the doctor’s face. “She did that?” He couldn’t imagine his Laura attacking anyone.
Not his Laura.
He nodded. “She was freaked out. She woke up disoriented and combative. Fortunately, Nancy and the other nurses were able to get her calmed down so we didn’t have to sedate and restrain her. She was screaming and swinging like she was fighting someone.”
“From the attack?”
“I’m no psychiatrist, but I’d guess yes. Once she fully woke up she calmed down a little. Having a female uniformed deputy in there with her helped. But right now she’s still very fragile.”
* * * *
“Laura?” Corporal Dayton stuck her head through the door.
Laura looked up from her bowl of chicken broth. Her hand went up to her throat. She realized she’d been doing that a lot, like a reflexive gesture, but she didn’t understand why.
It almost felt as if something was missing, something comforting.
“Det. Thomas is here to talk with you. I’m going to come in with him. He has to ask you some questions, okay?”
Laura looked at Nurse Russell, who sat in a chair next to her bed. She patted Laura on the hand. “It’s okay, honey. I’ll stay, too.”
Laura gingerly nodded, pain and fear still in control of her body.
Dayton brought Thomas in and he stood by the door. “Hi, Laura. I’m Det. Thomas from the Charlotte County Sheriff’s Office.” He held up his badge holder so she could see it. “I need to talk with you for a few minutes. About what happened. Okay?”
Laura stiffened, but nodded, even though it hurt her neck to move her head much.
He took a few steps closer and pulled a notebook and pen from his back pocket. “Do you know what day it is?”
“It’s Wednesday.” She hesitated. “The nurses told me. I didn’t know.”
“Do you know what happened to you?”
“I only know what they told me. I don’t remember anything. They said I was attacked.”
Thomas slowly moved a chair over and sat a few feet from the end of her bed. Laura relaxed a little when it was obvious he wasn’t getting any closer.
“Do you know where you live?”
She shook her head.
“Do you know where you are?”
“A hospital.”
“Do you know which one?”
“In Pt. Charlotte. They told me that, too.”
He looked at his notes. “Last Friday night, five days ago, around eleven o’clock, someone attacked you at your condo. Do you remember anything?”
She slowly shook her head. “Did he rape me?”
“No. Whoever it was didn’t have time. You said ‘he’? Do you remember it was a man?”
Laura thought about it. “Not really.” She closed her eyes and let her mind drift, grasping at tenuous thoughts that escaped her. “All I remember is thinking it was a man.”
“Do you have any idea what he looked like?”
Her eyes stayed closed. Eventually, she shook her head again.
“Okay. That’s enough for now. I’m going to have a deputy stay by your door for as long as you’re here. It sometimes might have to be a man though, okay?”
Her eyes opened, considering. She looked at Nurse Russell, who smiled and nodded. Finally, Laura nodded.
* * * *
Thomas looked at Nurse Russell, then back to Laura. “Do you remember anything about your family?” he asked.
She glanced at her left hand, where a pale, narrow strip of flesh circled the finger where she usually wore her engagement ring. When she was brought in, an ER nurse had given it to Rob for safe keeping.
“Am I married?” she asked.
A wave of sadness swept through Thomas. As a widower, he couldn’t imagine having someone who was still alive but didn’t even know you. “No, you’re engaged.”
Laura stiffened. “Did he—”<
br />
“No,” he quickly reassured her. “We already know for certain he wasn’t the one who did this. He’s a paramedic. He was working an accident when this happened.” He paused. “He’s very worried about you and he’d like to see you. May I send him in?”
He watched as Laura studied her hands. She didn’t work her fingers together or rub her thumb over her ring finger like someone recently missing a ring.
She seemingly had no memory of Rob at all. If she was faking it, she was faking it very well.
Unfortunately, he doubted she was faking it.
“Okay,” she finally said.
He nodded. “If you remember anything, please tell the staff immediately, all right? They’ll call me and I’ll come to talk with you again.”
She slowly nodded. He’d seen his fair share of domestic violence victims, victims of assault.
Laura Spaulding looked like a walking ghost.
Thomas stood to go when she stopped him. “Detective?”
He turned. “Yes?”
“What’s his name?”
Chapter Three
Rob stood in the doorway. He hated himself for thinking it was almost worse seeing Laura conscious. The purple bruises and swollen cheekbones looked out of place on someone sitting up and awake.
At least when she was unconscious, he knew she couldn’t feel the horrible beating she’d suffered. The bandage on her forehead had been removed, exposing the twelve stitches closing the ugly gash. Her upper lip still looked puffy and had been split open. The bruises around her neck were starting to fade from deep purple to an ugly brown that looked even worse.
She used to take pride in bruises he left on her ass from a play session.
But this…
He successfully fought back the rising bile in his stomach. “Hi, honey. Laura.”
She looked at Nurse Russell, who still sat by her bed. The nurse smiled and nodded to her, apparently trying to reassure her he was safe.
Laura stared at him. He wanted to hold her in his arms and stroke her long auburn hair, comfort her, tell her how much he loved her. The walk across the room felt like the longest of his life. Laura’s blue-grey gaze nervously followed him the entire way until he stopped at the foot of her bed. She still hadn’t said anything.
He swallowed hard and tried to maintain his composure. “The doctors told me you’re having trouble with your memory because of the—because of what happened. Do you recognize me?”
* * * *
Laura was getting pretty good at shaking and nodding her head without causing too much agony, as long as she did it slowly and deliberately. Quick, sudden movements caused her the most pain.
The man looked familiar, but there was no name to go with the face in her mind’s black void. Rugged, but kind. Light brown hair, soft brown eyes. Kind eyes.
Familiar eyes.
He wasn’t built like a brick outhouse, but he looked like he could easily scoop her into his arms and sweep her away. He wore a casual uniform, a navy T-shirt tucked into black slacks with cargo pockets.
Fireman?
No. Paramedic. That’s what the detective had said.
Safety and warmth were the first feelings to come to mind. Kindness, sincerity, tenderness.
Peace.
Love.
Trust.
Her hand went to her throat again, fingers fluttering helplessly, searching for something not there.
She sensed some sort of a connection with him but he was still a stranger. Det. Thomas had said his name was Rob.
It felt right, but she had no memories attached to it, just those random emotions.
Her memory consisted of a huge abyss where unconnected thoughts and feelings swirled just out of touch like some sort of maniacal carnival ride. There were things in her mind she knew how to do—she could read, and she knew what some of the equipment in her hospital room was used for.
Images floated past her conscious, but weren’t tangible enough for her to grasp and slide home into their proper place.
She felt she had a past with this man, sensed he was an important part of her life. Yet while some of the feelings were there, the knowledge was not.
Overlaying all of this, fear.
Fear of whoever did this to her, fear that they might come back…
Fear she might never recover who she was and what that would mean for her future.
* * * *
Rob wanted to kiss her, comfort her. He felt around in his pocket and pulled out her engagement ring, a diamond solitaire he’d saved six months to buy. They already had the wedding bands picked out, hers a ring with diamonds and rubies that slipped around her solitaire and highlighted it.
In another pocket he carried her leather play collar, the one she normally wore when they were alone. He knew he couldn’t just whip it out and show her now, but he’d carried it with him, a talisman.
A comfort.
A prayer, even though he wasn’t religious, that she would come back to him so they could forge the life together that they’d envisioned.
Still missing, and likely taken by her attacker, the silver necklace with the heart-shaped charm on it, her day collar, although he hadn’t called it such when reporting it to the investigators.
She always wore it, even in the shower, unless she had her play collar on. Only when out diving did she take it off.
He moved closer and held the ring out to her. She followed his hand with her eyes, but made no move to take the ring.
“They gave it to me in the ER,” he eventually said. “You never take it off. The only time you did, you were going to wash Doogie and you couldn’t remember where you put it. You called me in a panic and we looked for an hour before we finally found it. You swore you’d never take it off again.”
At the mention of her black Lab, she reacted a little. “Doogie?”
“He’s your puppy.” He stopped. “Well, that’s not exactly correct. He’s five months old, and he’s as big as a moose. You still call him your puppy.”
Her brow furrowed. “They didn’t tell me about a dog. Where is he? Is he okay? Was he hurt?”
“He’s okay. He wasn’t there. I picked him up from the vet yesterday. You’d dropped him off to be neutered Friday morning. We were supposed to pick him up Saturday morning.” Rob still held the ring out to her.
She reached for it, drawing back quickly once she had it. Turning the ring over in her hands, she finally slipped it on her left ring finger and stared at it.
“Does it bring anything back?” he asked hopefully.
Laura didn’t take her eyes off it. “I don’t know. I have snippets, like pieces of sentences, little pictures that are gone before I can put a name or place to them. How long have we been together?”
He struggled to keep his voice steady. She didn’t even sound like the same woman. Her voice sounded different, and not just from being strangled. The whole cadence of her speech had changed.
“We’ve known each other a little over two years, dated most of that. I proposed to you last Thanksgiving.”
Another nurse came in with a wheelchair. “They’re ready for her in radiology.”
Nurse Russell stood. “Okay.” She turned to Rob. “I’m sorry, but you’ll have to leave now. Neurology wants to evaluate her. We’ll probably be moving her, depending on the MRI results, to a private room later today.”
Rob tried to get Laura to meet his gaze and she couldn’t—or wouldn’t. “Can I come back later, Laura?”
She finally looked up, as if getting used to her own name. “Oh, yes. I guess so. If they say it’s okay.”
He paused, wanted to say something else, then turned to go before he started crying in front of her.
“Thank you, Rob,” Laura said as he reached the door.
He turned and smiled before leaving. He found Thomas and Dr. Singh waiting for him in the hall.
“Well?” Thomas asked. “Anything?”
He walked over to the nurses’ station and once again h
eld on for support. It felt like his soul had been ripped from his body. “She doesn’t know me at all. It’s like she’s never seen me before in her life.”
Rob couldn’t bear looking at Thomas’ expression of pity. He turned to Dr. Singh. “When can I come back to see her?”
“Wait until this afternoon,” Dr. Singh told him. “Let her have a chance to absorb everything. She’s overwhelmed right now, and the neurologist needs to evaluate her.”
“Will she get her memory back? Is this temporary?”
“We don’t know. I’m sorry, but I don’t have a better answer for you right now.”
“Is there anything I can do?”
“Bring photo albums, pictures, mementos she might have a strong attachment to. They might trigger something.”
Rob’s hand drifted down to touch the play collar through his slacks. He slowly nodded before turning to Thomas again. “They finished with her place?” He’d been allowed to walk through Laura’s condo with Thomas only once, the next day, to help them verify if anything else had been taken besides Laura’s necklace.
Thomas nodded. “They’re finished with it.” He cleared his throat. “I’m sorry, Rob. About this morning. I just needed to talk to her first.”
He looked at the detective. “You’re not a fraction as sorry as that fucker will be if I find him before you do.”
Chapter Four
When Nancy Russell’s shift ended, Laura relaxed a little after the nurse took the time to introduce her daytime counterpart before leaving Laura in her care for the MRI series.
The nurse stayed with Laura throughout her MRI, while the deputy sat in the control room with the technicians. When they’d first mentioned leaving Laura in there alone, she’d started to panic until a nursing supervisor okayed it.
Laura found the machine loud and confining, and she wondered if she’d ever been in one before.
It doesn’t feel familiar.
They had placed her head in a brace to hold it still for the MRI series. She closed her eyes and asked them to turn up the music to help drown out the hammering sound a little. It was a soft rock station, and during one of the commercial breaks she found herself humming along with their station jingle.