Read Plain Tales from the Hills Page 13


  CONSEQUENCES.

  Rosicrucian subtleties In the Orient had rise; Ye may find their teachers still Under Jacatala's Hill. Seek ye Bombast Paracelsus, Read what Flood the Seeker tells us Of the Dominant that runs Through the cycles of the Suns-- Read my story last and see Luna at her apogee.

  There are yearly appointments, and two-yearly appointments, andfive-yearly appointments at Simla, and there are, or used to be,permanent appointments, whereon you stayed up for the term of yournatural life and secured red cheeks and a nice income. Of course, youcould descend in the cold weather; for Simla is rather dull then.

  Tarrion came from goodness knows where--all away and away in someforsaken part of Central India, where they call Pachmari a "Sanitarium,"and drive behind trotting bullocks, I believe. He belonged to aregiment; but what he really wanted to do was to escape from hisregiment and live in Simla forever and ever. He had no preference foranything in particular, beyond a good horse and a nice partner. Hethought he could do everything well; which is a beautiful belief whenyou hold it with all your heart. He was clever in many ways, and good tolook at, and always made people round him comfortable--even in CentralIndia.

  So he went up to Simla, and, because he was clever and amusing, hegravitated naturally to Mrs. Hauksbee, who could forgive everythingbut stupidity. Once he did her great service by changing the date on aninvitation-card for a big dance which Mrs. Hauksbee wished to attend,but couldn't because she had quarrelled with the A.-D.-C., who tookcare, being a mean man, to invite her to a small dance on the 6thinstead of the big Ball of the 26th. It was a very clever piece offorgery; and when Mrs. Hauksbee showed the A.-D.-C. her invitation-card,and chaffed him mildly for not better managing his vendettas, he reallythought he had made a mistake; and--which was wise--realized that itwas no use to fight with Mrs. Hauksbee. She was grateful to Tarrion andasked what she could do for him. He said simply: "I'm a Freelance uphere on leave, and on the lookout for what I can loot. I haven't asquare inch of interest in all Simla. My name isn't known to any manwith an appointment in his gift, and I want an appointment--a good,sound, pukka one. I believe you can do anything you turn yourself to do.Will you help me?" Mrs. Hauksbee thought for a minute, and passedthe last of her riding-whip through her lips, as was her custom whenthinking. Then her eyes sparkled, and she said:--"I will;" and she shookhands on it. Tarrion, having perfect confidence in this great woman,took no further thought of the business at all. Except to wonder whatsort of an appointment he would win.

  Mrs. Hauksbee began calculating the prices of all the Heads ofDepartments and Members of Council she knew, and the more she thoughtthe more she laughed, because her heart was in the game and it amusedher. Then she took a Civil List and ran over a few of the appointments.There are some beautiful appointments in the Civil List. Eventually, shedecided that, though Tarrion was too good for the Political Department,she had better begin by trying to get him in there. What were her ownplans to this end, does not matter in the least, for Luck or Fate playedinto her hands, and she had nothing to do but to watch the course ofevents and take the credit of them.

  All Viceroys, when they first come out, pass through the "DiplomaticSecrecy" craze. It wears off in time; but they all catch it in thebeginning, because they are new to the country. The particular Viceroywho was suffering from the complaint just then--this was a long timeago, before Lord Dufferin ever came from Canada, or Lord Ripon from thebosom of the English Church--had it very badly; and the result was thatmen who were new to keeping official secrets went about looking unhappy;and the Viceroy plumed himself on the way in which he had instillednotions of reticence into his Staff.

  Now, the Supreme Government have a careless custom of committingwhat they do to printed papers. These papers deal with all sorts ofthings--from the payment of Rs. 200 to a "secret service" native, up torebukes administered to Vakils and Motamids of Native States, and ratherbrusque letters to Native Princes, telling them to put their housesin order, to refrain from kidnapping women, or filling offenders withpounded red pepper, and eccentricities of that kind. Of course, thesethings could never be made public, because Native Princes never errofficially, and their States are, officially, as well administered asOur territories. Also, the private allowances to various queer peopleare not exactly matters to put into newspapers, though they give quaintreading sometimes. When the Supreme Government is at Simla, these papersare prepared there, and go round to the people who ought to see them inoffice-boxes or by post. The principle of secrecy was to that Viceroyquite as important as the practice, and he held that a benevolentdespotism like Ours should never allow even little things, such asappointments of subordinate clerks, to leak out till the proper time. Hewas always remarkable for his principles.

  There was a very important batch of papers in preparation at that time.It had to travel from one end of Simla to the other by hand. It was notput into an official envelope, but a large, square, pale-pink one; thematter being in MS. on soft crinkley paper. It was addressed to "TheHead Clerk, etc., etc." Now, between "The Head Clerk, etc., etc.,"and "Mrs. Hauksbee" and a flourish, is no very great difference if theaddress be written in a very bad hand, as this was. The chaprassi whotook the envelope was not more of an idiot than most chaprassis. Hemerely forgot where this most unofficial cover was to be delivered, andso asked the first Englishman he met, who happened to be a man ridingdown to Annandale in a great hurry. The Englishman hardly looked, said:"Hauksbee Sahib ki Mem," and went on. So did the chaprasss, because thatletter was the last in stock and he wanted to get his work over. Therewas no book to sign; he thrust the letter into Mrs. Hauksbee's bearer'shands and went off to smoke with a friend. Mrs. Hauksbee was expectingsome cut-out pattern things in flimsy paper from a friend. As soonas she got the big square packet, therefore, she said, "Oh, theDEAR creature!" and tore it open with a paper-knife, and all the MS.enclosures tumbled out on the floor.

  Mrs. Hauksbee began reading. I have said the batch was ratherimportant. That is quite enough for you to know. It referred to somecorrespondence, two measures, a peremptory order to a native chief andtwo dozen other things. Mrs. Hauksbee gasped as she read, for the firstglimpse of the naked machinery of the Great Indian Government, strippedof its casings, and lacquer, and paint, and guard-rails, impresses eventhe most stupid man. And Mrs. Hauksbee was a clever woman. She wasa little afraid at first, and felt as if she had laid hold of alightning-flash by the tail, and did not quite know what to do with it.There were remarks and initials at the side of the papers; and someof the remarks were rather more severe than the papers. The initialsbelonged to men who are all dead or gone now; but they were great intheir day. Mrs. Hauksbee read on and thought calmly as she read. Thenthe value of her trove struck her, and she cast about for the bestmethod of using it. Then Tarrion dropped in, and they read through allthe papers together, and Tarrion, not knowing how she had come bythem, vowed that Mrs. Hauksbee was the greatest woman on earth. Which Ibelieve was true, or nearly so.

  "The honest course is always the best," said Tarrion after an hour and ahalf of study and conversation. "All things considered, the IntelligenceBranch is about my form. Either that or the Foreign Office. I go to laysiege to the High Gods in their Temples."

  He did not seek a little man, or a little big man, or a weak Head of astrong Department, but he called on the biggest and strongest man thatthe Government owned, and explained that he wanted an appointment atSimla on a good salary. The compound insolence of this amused the StrongMan, and, as he had nothing to do for the moment, he listened to theproposals of the audacious Tarrion. "You have, I presume, some specialqualifications, besides the gift of self-assertion, for the claims youput forwards?" said the Strong Man. "That, Sir," said Tarrion, "is foryou to judge." Then he began, for he had a good memory, quoting a few ofthe more important notes in the papers--slowly and one by one as aman drops chlorodyne into a glass. When he had reached the peremptoryorder--and it WAS a peremptory order--the Strong Man was troubled.
r />   Tarrion wound up:--"And I fancy that special knowledge of this kind isat least as valuable for, let us say, a berth in the Foreign Office, asthe fact of being the nephew of a distinguished officer's wife." That hitthe Strong Man hard, for the last appointment to the Foreign Office hadbeen by black favor, and he knew it. "I'll see what I can do for you,"said the Strong Man. "Many thanks," said Tarrion. Then he left, and theStrong Man departed to see how the appointment was to be blocked.

  . . . . . . . . .

  Followed a pause of eleven days; with thunders and lightnings and muchtelegraphing. The appointment was not a very important one, carryingonly between Rs. 500 and Rs. 700 a month; but, as the Viceroy said, itwas the principle of diplomatic secrecy that had to be maintained,and it was more than likely that a boy so well supplied with specialinformation would be worth translating. So they translated him. Theymust have suspected him, though he protested that his information wasdue to singular talents of his own. Now, much of this story, includingthe after-history of the missing envelope, you must fill in foryourself, because there are reasons why it cannot be written. If you donot know about things Up Above, you won't understand how to fill it in,and you will say it is impossible.

  What the Viceroy said when Tarrion was introduced to him was:--"So, thisis the boy who 'rushed' the Government of India, is it? Recollect, Sir,that is not done TWICE." So he must have known something.

  What Tarrion said when he saw his appointment gazetted was:--"If Mrs.Hauksbee were twenty years younger, and I her husband, I should beViceroy of India in twenty years."

  What Mrs. Hauksbee said, when Tarrion thanked her, almost with tearsin his eyes, was first:--"I told you so!" and next, to herself:--"Whatfools men are!"